If you haven't yet...
Hey, I just want to get an idea as to how many folks read this blog here.. so if you don't mind, e-mail me at will@pugsandkellylive.com ... funny thing is when I was using my hotmail account I would actually get a ton of mail from people about the blog but ever since I got my super bad ass sweet Pugs and Kelly Official E-mail Account *PAKOEA* I don't get anything... so, humor me folks!

*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 11:11*

It's Friday, it's around the time the show normally comes on the air, and all is well with the world... do you know what that means? That's right!!! Kelly attempts to run down the weekend line up. Pugs finds it ironic that Dr. Schwartz wants to be training buddies with him. Kelly calls him nuts because liposuction is so much easier than working out. Pugs misses laying in bed watching Seinfield for an hour in a half because now he works out from 5:30-7 PM. Kelly says hi to Chase's dad.... Tyson, find this Chase's dad fellow and snap his spine into splinters. It's Kelly birthday, actually it's Sunday but since the world only exist when they're on the air... let's celebrate today. Kelly warns everyone not to make a big deal out of this day because she is upset by it. The studio is decorated courtesy of Sybil, Cody, and Eric.... Kelly knows that Sybil is the brain behind this one though. *Beatles' Music* Kelly is getting a surprise and Sybil assures her that she'll love... "him".... Kelly tells us that she was talking to her Dad and he asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She told him yoga gear but she really wanted to tell him to come down for her birthday because she misses him. Pugs finds Kelly's Dad to be one of the cool old people, like Bruce X. Pugs announces that the divorce part at Stratos tonight is now also Kelly's birthday celebration. Kelly warns everybody that it isn't... Pugs whispers that it is. I think I'll skip this one out of fear of being kicked in the face for wishing a happy birthday and ridiculed for not wishing a happy birthday. Pugs had a moment of clarity while thinking about the divorce party, he's going to hook up with divorced people now. He believes that divorced folks should stick together because "never beens" don't understand the ups and downs of a relationship.... "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT NOISE?".... Pugs informs us that the thing we love so much.. you know, I'm going to have to quote this directly... "You know that beautiful sweet innocent creature that lays next to you and makes that sweet little cooing noise all night long that you find just so beautiful and so soothing, that that wonderful girl that is going to be with you for the rest of your life? We know that in a few years that sweet cooing is going to make you want to put a pillow over her head until she stops breathing and that infernal noise finally stops.".... Kelly confirms that the thing you love the most about the person is the thing that will drive you insane. Pugs thinks that divorced chicks know which topics are worth arguing over. He warns us to not let the wife know how big of a tool you think her brother is because she'll spit acid in your face.

11:26
*break*
11:36

Pugs lets us know that he is getting dressed up for the divorced party tonight and Kelly is wearing a dress too. Pugs brags that, as a divorced man, he knows the finer workings of a relationship that a "never been" couldn't possibly know. Kelly thinks that people are too near sighted when it comes to marriage. She feels that people romanticize the day of marriage instead of the days after and.... "OH MY GOD IT'S BRAD SHAM!!!!".... Kelly completely loses her focus. *Beatles' music* Brad Sham, your voice of the Dallas Cowboys, just stopped by real quick to wish Kelly a happy birthday... GRAB HIM! Hehe, now he has to stick around for divorce talk.... Pugs ills Brad in on the "what's goings on". Brad thinks that Pugs might just be forgetting that what those divorced folks know, may not be something good to know. Brad believes there is something to be said about untarnished optimism. Brad also tells Pugs that he should date 30 year olds but Pugs doesn't want to. Brad has been married "this time"for 21 years. His first marriage lasted 5 years. Pugs reminds us about his "training marriage" theory and Brad disagrees. Brad compares that theory to amputating your arm just so you can appreciate the left one more. Brad thinks that not everyone that goes through a divorce learns how to be in a relationship. He finally realizes that he got tricked to be on the air for a while and decides to leave.

11:45
*break*
11:54

Kelly threatens to not do anything for Eric's birthday if he does something for his. Sara calls in and only says hello to Kelly. Sara claims that bad behavior doesn't change after marriage. Everyone agrees. Pugs says that once that ring is on the finger, game over, if you marry a drunken party girl then she'll always be a drunken party girl. Dan calls in to teach us that communication is key in a relationship. Women speak in a more roundabout kind of way and men are more direct. The day that the communication between you two gets cut off, is the day that person begins to seek out someone to talk to. Kelly warns that when you begin to unload your problems onto others, it's too late.... IE the understanding guy "friend".... Pugs tells us that your wife's friends are never on your side. DON'T EVER GO TO HER FRIENDS WITH PROBLEMS! Pugs points out that when you are dating someone and lounging around watching TV, you put on sweats. When you're married, you're in your underwear. Brad, who I thought disappeared, is outraged by that notion. Pugs tells Brad that he's so old that he can't remember being single. Eric confirms that when he's alone he's in his underwear but when Melissa is around, it's clothes time. He also knows that if he was to get married he'd probably be back in the underwear. Brad says that there is nothing magical about divorce that fills you with the knowledge of the world. Pugs can't see himself getting divorced again which is why he is so picky about who is going to be with. Brad tells us to think back to how you felt back when you got married... fast foward to how you felt when you got divorced it should make you realize that answering a question like "does it make you less likely to get divorced" is idiotic because you know nothing! Brad reminds us that there is nothing better than a good marriage and nothing more dreadful than a bad one. Pugs had both. Sara calls in to inform everyone that the people that think that money issues aren't a big deal are horribly wrong. When you start sharing bills it becomes a highly stressful situation. Pugs calls her brilliant. Kelly warns that a man should not question a wife that buy a third pair of black shoes. Pugs reveals that he and his wife had a plan that they'd hope to clear about 10-15 grand from their wedding. At about a $100 per person, with 200 people invited... oh math, why am I the only bad Asian math type guy?.... That set them up for the first year, that was the best year for them. After the funds ran out, it all went downhill. Christopher calls in to let everyone know that bringing children into a bad marriage situation does not repair anything. Pugs and his wife bought a dog to solidify the relationship. The dog ate the crapper.. how symbolic.... Pugs has a list of things that divorced men know that "never beens" haven't a clue about...

1. Every once in a while you have to give up a day of watching football to go to the mall and be with her. She won't understand how important that three hours of sports is to you so, bite the bullet and be a man... look at linens with her.

2. Whenever she puts something on, tell her how good she looks even if she looks awful. Her friends are the ones that should ride her for looking bad. She doesn't respect your taste anyway so, just be overly nice to her.
Kelly disagrees but after Pugs clarifies that this means clothes she already owns, she understands. Pugs tells us that clothes at a store is when you can get picky with her because that is heading it off at the pass.

3. Make a mental note of when she gets her hair done because if you don't notice the subtle changes in her appearance then that hatred will fester and explode.
Kelly says that you better not say different, you better say better or worse.. and it better be better because she didn't just shell out 200 dollars to look worse... bitch... OK, she didn't say bitch but I thought she was going to.... Pugs teaches us that if we aren't sure if she did anything to periodically walk up to her and ask if she did something. .. My father told me to do this. If she says no you just tell her "wow... I'm sorry then but you just look extra special beautiful today"

4. Never your wife's taste in home decor. Mom will criticize home decor. YOU BETTER SAY YOU LOVE IT! If she asks you to pick something out you say, "you know what honey, you pick it out because you have such good taste".
Kelly says it's familiar to talking to children. "to avoid arguments with your children about wardrobe, give them a choice of two different outfits you've already picked out" Never ask a man what he wants for dinner too because they never know.

5. HER HOT FRIENDS DO NOT EXIST! If the subject of one of her hot friends come up, bad mouth her. "What's up with her hair... you should tell her".

6. Ugly weird friends.. love them. They are snipers. They can be your best allies or your worse enemies. "You have the best friends... Marlene, sure she could drop 150 lbs but she has such a good personality, she has a beautiful soul... we should set her up with one of my studly friends from work.

7. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, criticize her father.
She will start a month long fight with you over this. Pick on the mom though because Mom has criticized her all her life and it's nice to have someone else recognize that. You don't have to get along with Dad but don't verbalize any problem you have with him.
Eventually she'll be faced with this situation... you and dad will be hanging off a cliff and she'll pull him up and let you die... Kelly disagrees... Tyson and Dad are hanging off a cliff both pleading "Baby please save me!"... Kelly says that her dad is older and that he can't pull himself up on his own. Tyson works out for a living, you're younger and stronger... tough it out big guy. Pugs says that he'd pull his mom up over a girl he loves because that's his mommy. Kelly points out that the scenario changes if you have kids with the woman hanging off the cliff.

8. They will leave if you continue to "ef" up. SHE WILL! YOU KNOW SHE WILL!

12:23
*break*
12:35

It's Kelly birth... oh wait, don't say that... she's still a little upset. Kelly teaches us that she was born on the exact day that Eisenhower died. Jason e-mails in to say that he told his girlfriend that he hair looked good. She replies, "SO! Do you think it looked bad before?" Pugs calls he a combative psycho and Kelly thinks there might be something wrong with her. Pugs believes that is the sign of a relationship rookie. Kelly's advice for the ladies....

1. He is not going to want to talk about the relationship as much as you do. If there is an issue that is important, choose your time wisely and get to the point.
Pugs says to not come to him in the ninth inning of a baseball game that he's watched all day long. Kelly suggest talking over dinner. Pugs says do it via E-mail... it's awkward for men to sit down and be emotionally vulnerable about a relationship. He'll write you a beautiful E-mail back. Kelly thinks E-mail is good because it gets to the point.

2. Understand that you are just babbling so if they are zoning out and not listening... stop being offended.
Kelly reminds us that they don't really want helpful advice. She thinks that they just want to vent.

3. In the 1000 years that women have evolved from apes... pay some attention to your looks, don't let it go completely. Work out, wear a little make up, and maybe dial back the eating a bit.
On that same note, men... don't get pissed off that she spent $150 at the make up counter or if she wants to go to work out at a gym.

Jennifer calls in to wonder about the kids that went through a divorce, "don't you think that they'd be more likely to not want to get divorced?" Pugs reminds her of his great divorced product theory... understand that if you marry a woman that is a child of a divorce then she knows it is an option. She knows that there is life after divorce. Pugs doesn't come from a family that has divorce so, it was never an option to him.... Kelly learned that 78 % of marriages end in divorce in Oklahoma and wonders why anybody bothers to get married there. It's time for the Cowboy cheerleader give away... CALLER TEN WINS!

12:47
*break*
12:51

Chris wins with "stunning". *Jetson's Bell* During the break, Pugs was in the bathroom and Sybil stuck her head in to talk to him. Eric confirms that Sybil always does that and they find it uncomfortable. *Jetson's Bell* "geez hold on mystery guest" *Jetson's Bell* "Mystery guest is getting a little annoying" Kelly doesn't recognize the voice. She guess Dr. Drew... SHE'S RIGHT! She is so smitten with Dr. Drew. Pugs tells Dr. Drew about his divorced chick theory. Dr. Drew thinks that is a very healthy theory because you should be dating your peers. You are not in the same phase of life because you can't relate with each other. Kelly wonders if there is an age when somebody can become unmarryable. Dr. Drew admits that he wonders about that from time to time but the answer is no. Pugs is still at the age where he can date somebody his age and still find them beautiful. Kelly is 35 and beautiful and he would have no problem dating somebody that looked like her. Pugs finds himself drawn to 25-27 year olds and admits that there are times when they have nothing to talk about because they are not his peers. Dr. Drew says that you have to realize that you can date 25 year olds but you will not meet on a lot of things. Kelly and Pugs find other people their age old. Pugs thinks that a man feels old when sports stars that retire. They get considered "veterans" and that drives him nuts. Pugs brings up that he is old enough to be Lebraun James' father. Pugs always believed that if he was getting married to someone that they shouldn't be the product of divorce. Dr. Drew tells him that kids that are the product of a divorced family tend to have intimacy issues and also seem to have a higher rate of divorce. Pugs points out that there are a lot of young kids getting married her in Texas, 19-22 year olds, and wonders what the optimal age to get married is. Dr. Drew thinks 28-32 is the right age to get married but he doesn't look down upon people that choose to get married young though. Kelly asks him how he feels about a 14 year old dating a 19 year old.. WELL DOCUMENTED IN THIS BLOG HERE.... Dr. Drew finds that horrible. Loveline 10-12.. weekdays on 105.3 FM

1:03
*break*
1:08

They plug my blog. They plug it big time. They all decided that the blog is funnier than the actual show. Pugs says that he was reading the piece on him explaining to his ex-wife about bunnies and chickens and just laughing insanely. He thinks that if the actually segment was a quarter as funny as I present it then, they're awesome. Ever since I started writing the blog, Kelly will laugh out loud for no reason because the phrase, " Pugs and Kelly once again reveal their desire to become heroin addicts at age 70". Pugs decides to read the piece he read the night before.... you know, I've never really gone back and read anything I wrote on this blog and I got to say... I'm funny. It's easy though when you have such great material to work with. The show is hilarious and I want to thank you guys for giving me the opportunity to recap the show with my spin on it.... Pugs says that he likes to go home and read the blogs because they forget everything they say on the show 15 minutes after they leave. Kelly actually remembers the "Jeffersons comment" and Pugs tells her that he doesn't actually listen to her. OK, skank whores in Fort Worth talk.... Kelly hates these people that make you feel bad for them and then you find out that they were lying about the whole thing. Pugs tells us about the story. Two trashy chicks in Fort Worth got locked in a trunk and used a cell phone to get help. They later admitted that they lied about how it happened and then changed the story again. Pugs would like to tell all of the little league kidnappers out there that you should frisk your victims for a cell phone. The women, Nicole and Bree... Pugs calls Bree a skanky name. Pugs wonders if the name Bree or Brittany is breathing down the Crystals of the world for skank superstardom. The girls said that the statement was false but that the abduction was real. Pugs wants to figure out the details of this case... does that mean it's Law and Order time again?... Pugs reminds us that most of us aren't going to be in a situation where we have to lie about how we got locked in a trunk. They play the clip of the girls... *both wearing trashy wife beaters/guido tees and they are covered in the worse jail house tattoos, "It's not a hoax... I don't really care about what people think"*.... Kelly points out that possible hints to the reason behind their abduction lay in the bottom of the story. Nicole is a topless dancer and Bree is a waitress at the same bar. Blood test on the two reveal the use of speed, marijuana, and prescription pain killers. Pugs calls that the breakfast of champions for strippers. Eric says that they want speed, over blow, because it last longer and hits more intensely. Casey calls in and tells us that he went to high school with Nicole. His buddy dated her for about 20 minutes and lets us know that she's not attractive at all. He called her a complete nut and that this wouldn't be out of character for her. They play the clip again so that Kelly could look at it with a magnifying glass. Jackie calls in and she has some theories. She thinks they did it for attention on their own. Pugs thinks that these girls look like prostitutes and that maybe their pimp locked them in the trunk because they were holding money out on them. Kelly tells Pugs that he can't judge a book by it's cover but Pugs informs her you can because books do in fact do have covers. ROLEPLAY TIME!.. Pugs and Kelly are locked in the trunk of the car... who do they call? Kelly says Eric but Pugs wants to call Sybil. Kelly reminds us that this sounds like a job for Eric. Pugs realizes that Sybil would demand to know what messed up thing they did to get into this situation and that Eric wouldn't ask because he's probably seen his fair share of car trunks. The cops are going to want to know why they are in there so what do they tell them? Kelly says to just call it a radio bit. Pugs points out they know who put them in the trunk of a car but they're so afraid that they won't say. He wonders if they blamed a black guy and Kelly points out that the cops will believe that. Pugs gets an E-mail from Patrick that wonders if these two girls take away from the credibility from the folks that called in the day before about how Fort Worth was smarter than Dallas. Mike calls in to point out that if you're going to have Sybil or Eric to get you from the trunk, how would you know where you are? Pugs wants to know what they talked about while they were locked in the trunk. Jay calls in with his hypothesis. He thinks that those two girls are probably so dumb that they wanted to see if the light went out when the lid closes.

1:35
*break*
1:41

Pugs invites us all out to Stratos. He wants to drink champagne, eat greek food, and hit on divorced women. It's Kelly's birthday!!! *Beatles' Music* Pugs is about to tell Kelly other interesting people she shares her birthday with... HA! It's the wrong day. Her birthday is Sunday not Friday. Kelly doesn't think there are anybody good people born on her birthday. Pugs looks it up... yeah, nobody. Pugs starts naming people. Kelly isn't impressed with these people that aren't more famous than her. In 1990, Jordan scored 69 points. In Libya, it's evacuatation day.. hahahahaha!.... Pugs is getting into something that he thinks all men should know about but it's a topic they should be careful with in the present climate of broadcasting. Pugs is going to tip toe around all of this.. so follow along. Pugs got this from Redbook magazine. Kelly thinks the funniest part of all of this was when Pugs asked her, "did you see this in Redbook Magazine?" and her reply was, "No, I'm not a 50 year old woman, and neither are you for that matter." Pugs claims it was sent to him from someone. OK... remember, try to understand this riddle... Mommy and Daddy love each other very much and God blesses them by giving them a baby. Sometimes Daddy is very tired and even though he loves Mommy very much, he might be too tired to show Mommy just how much he loves her. Mommy understands this so sometimes Mommy has to get on her knees and help out Daddy so that he can show how much he loves her. Hopefully when Mommy does this, Daddy will be renergized. After all of this is done, Mommy has a decision to make. Some Daddys like it when Mommy can talk immediately afterwards and some Daddys like for Mommy to go to the bathroom and brush her teeth first. There is a new study that suggest that Mommy being able to talk afterwards may give Mommy some health benefits.

1:52
*break*
1:59

Back to talking afterwards... Kelly knows that talking afterward is a common subject amongst women. Pugs reads the story. Some Doctor lady explains that recent studies have shown that consumption of "naval personal" can actually have some wonderful health benefits. Regular consumption of "naval personal" have shown severe reduction in ovarian cancer, lowered depression and, lessened acne symptoms. They suggest 4-5 times a week. Eric says, "yeah!"... I found that a little creepy.... Pugs informs us that now we have reasons to give women if they get weird about... talking afterwards.

2:07
*break*
2:12

Everyone is eating Greek food from Stratos. Pugs loves Greek food and Greek women. Kelly wanted to wait till afterward to do her booger eating story. Kelly reads that some Austrian doctor dude explains that picking your nose is good because your finger can get far deep inside removing those hard to reach places. Eating those dried remains improves the immune system. Kelly finds that just gross. Pugs knows that everyone picks their nose when their alone. *Jetson's Bell* It's Jaret from Bowling For Soup! *BEATLES MUSIC* Jaret says that he was a healthy kid and he ate his boogers... not really. Kelly reminds us that Jaret is having a big day too because Scooby Doo 2. Bowling For Soup is being billed in the commercials as part of the soundtrack. Jaret says that he isn't going to make a lot of money off of this one because he's doing a cover song. Kelly is disturbed because Jaret always says, "no no, we aren't making the money on THIS one," Jaret thought he was doing a good job managing the band until now. Jaret is at the Nissan house looking at an Armada. Pugs loves how anti-rockstar the guys from Bowling For Soup is. They aren't out wrecking Porshes. Jaret reminds us that you can never know when it's all going to end so you have to spend conservatively. Pugs is upset that Jaret didn't invite him to the show at UTD. Jaret says he didn't invite anyone because there wasn't any alcohol there. Jaret brings up the Carson's Live party and Pugs thanks him for inviting them backstage. Every time the beer tub or a bottle of vodka went empty there was another there before they could pour another drink. Pugs calls backstage at a Bowling for Soup show "parents night at a frat house". Pugs reveals that Jaret was cool with Pugs using his backstage status to troll for chicks. Jaret lets us know that he does in fact sign boobs in front of the wife.

2:26
*break*
2:28

Welcome to Club P & K hosted by Stratos! Pugs has a mouth full of food. Kelly wonders why people don't normally think about Greek food around here. In Chicago they have one of the best Greek towns around so they grew up with Greek food. Pugs wonders why the Greek food hasn't caught on down here. Nick, from Stratos, explains that Greek food is the best because it has a lot of flavor. Nick lets us know that it is reasonably priced. They're drinking uzo... Pugs got a kick in the ass and it made Eric start dancing. Pugs wants to get down to it. He came from a Greek neighborhood no wait, he came from an Irish neighborhood that bordered a Greek neighborhood. Kelly thought he came from a black neighborhood and Pugs informs him that it turned black in the 80s. A lot of his life long friends are Greek. He loves the food and the homeland is one of the most beautiful places in the world. Dr. Schwartz asked Pugs to go to Greece with him and Kelly finds that kind of gay. "Dr. Schwartz asked you to go Greek?" Pugs is considering it because Greek women are the sexiest women on the planet. He thinks it has to do with the Greek mindset, much like that Japanese, they are into pleasing the man but behind closed doors they're kicking your ass. Pugs is upset because his big fat Irish ass will never get a Greek woman.

2:40
*break*
2:47

Jay calls in.. Pugs tells him to make it fast chop chop... Jay reveals that he is Jay Lucas the dude that is giving the free legal advice tonight at Stratos... www.lucaslawfirm.com *Jetson's Bell* It's a little scared timid voice... It's Sean Rouse, the number one Pugs and Kelly comic. They like to think that they knew Sean when he was nothing! Sean is now headlining the Improv. Kelly draws the name of the Cowboys' Cheerleader contest thing... It's MONDAY HENDERSON! she means... whatever... it's Monday Henderson.

Sybil has a cake for Kelly and we're taken out with a show rendition of Happy Birthday...

*"Happy Birthday" @ 2:57*


I Heard It Dude (IHID)
Sybil Giggle- 26
Bell Dings- 8
Buzzer- 3

My apologies again for the lateness of this blog... it's been hell.


comments? E-mail Will at Will@pugsandkellylive.com

Hey, I just want to get an idea as to how many folks read this blog here.. so if you don't mind, e-mail me at will@pugsandkellylive.com ... funny thing is when I was using my hotmail account I would actually get a ton of mail from people about the blog but ever since I got my super bad ass sweet Pugs and Kelly Official E-mail Account *PAKOEA* I don't get anything... so, humor me folks!


*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 11:17*

Kelly informs us that she is great but tired. she was up till 1 AM because her daughter, McKenna, had a fever of 100.3. She was afraid that it might be menigitititititis but Tyson kept telling her that it probably wasn't. Kelly accuses Pugs of sitting in his car for over a hour before the show. Pugs tells her that he was just in the kitchen peeling eggs. He is now taking supplements in the morning and eating hard boiled eggs for breakfast at the station.. ewwww, imagine what that could smell like... I'm so glad I work on this thing from home. Kelly and Sybil are going to do the grapefruit diet something with Fox 4 if they get approval from management. Pugs went to visit Sybil at the Down Under Pub and Grub last night, where she bartends part time, and demands that Sybil inform everyone what he had for dinner. She tells us, grilled chicken and veggies washed down with a club soda. Pugs finds that if he doesn't drink at a bar he only sticks around for about 45 minutes. Kelly thinks it is a good thing that Pugs doesn't menstruate because he would then have deeper sugar cravings. Kelly confesses that she's been craving Apple Pucker and Sybil informs Pugs that Apple Pucker does in fact contain alcohol. Pugs made up his own diet because he won't follow something he doesn't want to. Kelly and Eric admit to sneaking work outs in between their official sessions. Pugs jogs now and is embarrassed that he jogs so slowly that his dog just walks behind him. In contrast, his roommate Adam takes the dog jogging and when they come back the dog hides under the couch because she is exhausted, she's a sled dog so that's pretty amazing. Pugs wonders about these militant smokers. He thinks that the majority of the world don't find smoking sexy and it is his belief that smokers refuse to stop because they're being rebels. Kelly gave up smoking for her boyfriend and Pugs finds that a noble sacrifice that is a sign of truly caring for the person you're with. Charlie, an idiot, calls in to inform Pugs that people that smoke has nothing to do with Pugs.. wha? huh? dude, are you even paying attention?.... Charlie tells us that he's been smoking since he was 12 and he's 45. He won't stop smoking until the day he dies... Kelly prophisizes 47... hehe, Kelly, you smart ass, I love you.... Joanne calls in to admit that she smokes to rebel against her parents. Pugs thinks that girl cigarettes are gross. Another guy calls in to accuse Pugs of trying to be a location Nazi with smoking. Pugs clarifies that he believes that you should be able to smoke in a bar. A guy calls in to clear up the Dallas smoking ban confusion. He says that if alcohol counts for at least 70 % if your sales then you can smoke inside the bar... IE Home Bar.... Kelly says that the catch 22 is that it is difficult to obtain a liquor license.

11:42
*break*
11:59

They plug the event out at Stratos later this Friday (SEE BELOW)... Pugs loves match.com and admits to being on it a lot. He wonders if it is wrong when girls put in their profile that they are looking for men that make at least $120,000 a year. Kelly wonders if it is wrong for guys to put in their profile that they are only looking for hot chicks. Pugs predicts that these young chicks will one day wake up and be divorced 40 year old Plano dwellers drowning the sorrows of the world in a glass at the Down Under Pub and Grub. Pugs finally reads the story behind the cigarette talk... Santa Monica has outlawed smoking on the beach. Pugs initial thoughts on this was that it was good. He thinks it is disgusting to find cigarettes floating in the water or see cigarette butts thrown about the sand knowing that somebody had them in their mouths. He also realizes that beer bottles and pop tops at the beach are equally as gross. Last night, some chick started smoking next to Pugs at the Down Under Pub and Grub and noticed that Pugs was eating. She immediately moved her cigarette and began to apologize to Pugs. Impressed with her courtesy, Pugs told her to not worry about it. In reference to everyone that complains that smoking offends them, Kelly tells everyone to stop bitching. She is offended by body odor and loud music but she doesn't think that those people should just disappear. Pugs accuses Kelly of being a militant smoker that doesn't smoke. Kelly reminds us that we have freedoms and those freedoms go hand in hand with risks. We realize that when we go to a bar that we will smell like smoke the next day. We realize that when we smoke their is a high level of health risk. Pugs wants to know why smokers throw their butts everywhere because it's gross. Kelly thinks that people should put more ashtrays out. Pugs thinks that we are all in aggreance that cigarette smokers should clean up their act when it comes to littering. A guy calls in and says that he disgusted by the people that dump their ash trays from their car windows at red lights. Kelly thinks that is ridiculous because it's not like they can't stop at a gas station and use the trash can there. Pugs wonders who is the new group of anti-smokers. He hypothesizes that it is the new generation because his generation grew up with smoking everywhere. Kelly hates people smoking around her for two reasons... she hates the smell and it makes her want to do it.

12:19
*break*
12:29

WHOA! That was the best damn piece of production ever. Harold calls in to say his problem with smokers is that he has horrible smoke allergies. Kelly calls him "Harold in a bubble"... I think he was lost on that reference.... Pugs thinks that Harold has to just live with that handicap because it's unfair for the rest of the world to change for him just because he can't handle a little bit of smoke. He does say that if you explain to most people that you do have an allergic reaction to smoke that they'd understand. Pugs wonders if you own a private business can you make it a no smoking building... yes Pugs you can, buddy.... John calls in to say that courtesy should be a two way street. If you come at him nicely then fine he'll show you the respect back however, if you come at him like a hack hole, he'll smoke just to spite him. Pugs mentions how rebellious that is. Kelly says that the smoking rules are becoming out of hand. "This is a legal activity, if you want to make it illegal then just do it" Rene, a smoker who grew up a half a mile away from the beaches in Southern California, says that it's disgusting at how much butts get left on the beach. Kelly thinks the people leaving the butts should be fined because it is littering. She also goes on to call "you Californians" wack jobs. Pugs thinks that Californians would be up in arms about his because they are a liberal society but he recognizes that Californians are Nazis when it comes to this thing. Pugs asks if the cigarette butts are more disgusting than the dead rotting fish washing up on shore or the homeless guy stewing in his own feces in the sand. Pugs reminds us that Santa Monica pier is skanky. Pugs says that one of the reasons the city is saying that the water at Santa Monica is so polluted is because of the mixture of the cigarette butts being washed into the storm drains. He believes that the reason why the water is so polluted is because of the things the city doesn't want to end, like corporate pollution. Kelly thinks its like Laura Miller. She doesn't want to do anything about the crime rate in Greenville or Deep Ellum but she's making sure that the homeless can't take the shopping carts from Target. Pugs thinks that if you walk up to someone and rub your anti-smoking beliefs onto somebody, you're just asking to get smoke blown in your face. Kelly informs us that at least 75 percent of all smokers are not rude. Isha calls in to say that at the mortgage company she worked at they banned them from smoking them in their own cars. Joit? calls in... tells us that he knew this guy that had a picture of taken of him throwing a butt out a window and got a ticket for littering. Chick calls in to proclaim that the anti-smokers won because she now has to chew the nicorette in bars. Pugs wonders if that works because part of the addiction is the oral fixation. Kelly teaches us that it is a two part addiction. The actual "fix" and the physical/mentalness. Guy calls in to say that the place he works at doesn't hire smokers because the company pays for the insurance. Kelly finds that ridiculous because then they could not hire anybody for health reasons. Eric says that by that logic, the company can say that they don't hire black people because they are known for having sickle cell.

12:45
*break*
12:55

It's give away time.... Caller 10 wins baby!!!! Michael calls in... "STAR!" MICHAEL WINS... THAT'S SO MONEY, SO MONEY HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT! Pugs "axe" him a question... would Michael choose a hot chick or a buttah face with talent... Michael claims he'd pick the chick with the talent... he admits that he's married. Pugs disagrees because these are the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Kelly, who gets to sit really close to the cheerleaders at the games... bragger...., informs us that you can't even tell what the cheerleaders look like. Eric thinks the Titans' cheerleaders are... well... yikes! Pugs says that we need to watch out for the Raiderettes because they are closing in on the Cowboys' title of hotness. He explains that while the Cowboys' cheerleaders are Playboy: girl next door, the Raiderettes are Hustler: hot lesbian threesome action. Eric likes the Mavs' girls while Pugs proclaims his love for the Knick City dancers. He loves how dirty they dance, humping each other, "scrubbing the ground", and generally moving slutty. Kelly questions the creepy aspects of Pugs stalking cheerleaders. Pugs worked at a station that aired the Bulls games, when they were kings of the world, so he got to be around the Bulls' dancers a lot. He lets us know that they were scugly. We now move on to flip off talk. Apparently, Sybil flips people off all the time... I knew I loved her for some reason... I have a confession to make. I, Will (super bad ass blogger cat) loves to flip people off... if I've been around you for more than twenty minutes then, I've flipped you off three times already. It's an empty gesture I use, it's funny and fun... and fun... and funny. I don't mean to offend with it. Sybil, let's run around the metroplex randomly flipping people out and screaming "REBEL... NARF!" No?... fine. Kelly says that Sybil flips off retards. Sybil suffers from horrible road rage and flips people off at least once a day. Eric confirms this. He's been on the phone with Sybil while she has been driving and lets us know that it is scary. Kelly tells us that this rage is similar to when people are late for appointments with her. Sybil doesn't care who you are, if you're late than she's going to chew your ass. Kelly flipped that blonde lady and apologized for it already. Tim calls in to say that he always thinks twice before flipping people off because when he was in high school there was this dude that was missing both of his middle fingers. The reason he was missing his middle fingers is because... get this, it's good... he flipped somebody off and a guy chased him down and cut those fingers off with a cigar clipper. *Sopranos Music* Pugs thinks that Tim's comrade may have flipped off the wrong guy. He calls this a very Sopranos-esque type action. We're all familiar with what's going on with the FCC so with that... Simon, from American Idol, made a little hidden gesture to Paula Abdul, he lifted his middle finger while his hands were resting on his face, and now everyone is having a S*** fit. Pugs thinks that Simon makes American Idol. Nobody cares about Paula or Randy, according to Pugs. Kelly wonders if Simon feels the need to be an A-hole now. Kelly points out that they are discussing a show even though they both have never seen it. Pugs admits that he is watching this year... haha.... to understand the phenom behind it. He totally gets it now. Kelly lets Pugs know that nobody in the room watches American Idol because they're all over 21... I don't watch it either.. no really.... Pugs loves the pre-produced packages. He "looooooves" George. George is a weird looking skinny black guy that sounds just like Otis Redding. Pugs reads the story. The image came close to being cut. Kelly would have loved to been at the meeting because she knows that they had to have legal teams in there discussing whether or not this gesture should be aired. Pugs thinks that you can't restrict innuendos. You can't prove that Simon intentionally flipped off Paula. Kelly finds it so ridiculous because even if he did flip her off, it's no more offensive than Fox's other shows "Hi I Want to Marry a Midget". Pugs keeps flipping off Kelly... three inches from her face. Kelly is torn because "yay.. FCC is busy" but at the same time "come on". Pugs thinks that that the gesture is rude but so is SNL. Pugs finds it offensive that our government is attacking people for innuendo. Melanie lets us know that George made it last night. Pugs wonders if somebody has charged somebody while waving the finger at somebody. Kelly wants to know if they've stop using the finger because they got older and more classy or because the finger has just fallen out of favor with society.

12:45
*break*
12:55

Pugs has noticed that he has saved so much money now that he doesn't frequent the fast food joints. Kelly says that it is cheaper for her, as a mother, to go with the fast food. We switch our focus back to the Simon bird flipping talk. Pugs receives an E-mail that explains the history of the middle finger.. hehehe, I bet this is what I think it is... HAHAHAH IT IS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA!... and Pugs believes it... hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! ... ok... "At the Battle of Agincourt, The French, who were overwhelmingly favored to win the battle, threatened to cut a certain body part off of all captured English soldiers so that they could never fight again. The English won in a major upset and waved the body part in question at the French in defiance" <---- www.snopes.com The weapon of the English was the longbow which specifcally used the middle finger in its firing. "plucking yew" or "pluck you"... after the battle the English waved their middle fingers at the French and proclaimed "see? we can still pluck you".... hmmm.... Kelly questions the validity of that story. A guy calls in to let Pugs know that it is a well known urban myth. Pugs doesn't care though because he likes the story and he;s going to tell everyone it. Eric looked up some mroe Urban Myths on the origin of the middle finger on www.urbanlegends.com and reads that the ancent Greeks called the gesture digitus impudicus... that's latin not greek and as a nerd that knows too much Latin than he'd like to admit, I'd like to tell everyone that it means obsecne finger/digit.... Kelly wonders if Eric can get away with saying that on the air. Kelly laughs at Pugs for running with the "pluck yew" story because she looked it up on snope.com and read this... "The piece quoted above is silly, and so obviously a joke that shouldn't need any debunking"... Some chick, that works with sign language kids or something, calls in to talk about how goombas us a lot of getures and taht the constitution doesn't state that there is anything wrong with gestures... the consititution also doesn't say it's not OK to write Stupid Baby with a Magnum Marker on the back of your babies ass.... Kelly recieves an E-mail that tells her that using your middle finger is a class B misdemeanor. Kelly blames all of the cry baby mothers ofr the state of the wrold. Pugs blames that Tipper Gore chick even though they all admit that in retrospect, the ratings on the music was a good idea. Krysta, super duper sister of the super duper producer Sybil, calls in to say that when she was 4/5 years old her family lived on the Texas/Mexico border and her mother was stopped at a red light. A dude took off from the middle of the intersection at the same time as her even though she had the right of way. She leaned on the horn and gave him the finger. The next thing you know, the cops were knocking on the door giving a citations out because mom apparently flipped off the chief of police. The strange thing is that he was in plain clothes. Kelly thinks that it is unfair to envoke cop rules when you're in plain clothes. Krysta informs us that the beef was that the he had his child in the car. Kelly thinks that somebody is driving with their kids in their car, don't flip them off.

1:52
*breal*
2:01

It's the best damn intro ever and... MR. SKIN IS IN! Kelly heard of a poll from some Christian thing that claimed that people want more family friendly movies. The proof in that is that they do better in the box office. Skin thinks that's crap because the reason that g/pg rated movies do so well is because when you slap an R rating on something you elimionate 60 percent of the audience. Skin reminds us that the G audience isn't the money making demographic so... adult oriented films win.

1. The Lady Killers... Coen Brothers movie with Tom Hanks. No nudity like most of the Coen Brothers movies. Sybil and Pugs both love Tom Hanks but they aren't sure about this character for him. Kelly says that when she first saw the trailers she hated it but after each time she sees the trailers she thinks "hey, this looks kind of good".

2. Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed... no nudity. Skin wonders what happened to Sara Michelle Gellar. She was in Buffy and Cruel Intentions (bad ass kiss with Selma Blair)... but now, what the hell? PUgs wants to know if there is any good nudity in Cruel Intentions, he finds it unwatchable. Skin tells us that the DVD special features has the deleted scene with Alisha Klass topless.... you can see her in many different postions in Seymour Butts....

3. Dogville... no nudity. Nicole Kidman gets raped a lot but no nudity. Skin suggest sexy Nicole rape nudity in Dead Calm... cause it was almost like she was into it but it was a still a rape. Nicole Kidman is a hall of fame nudist so Skin forgives her for not getting nude in Dogville.

4. Jersey Girl.. no nudity... IT SUCKS! Pugs and Kelly feel bad that it's going to be bad because they like Kevin Smith and they like Ben Affleck. There is a Liv Tyler bra scene. Pugs thinks that Kevin Smith tried to go mainstream before he was ready. He needs to be the edgy, cutting edge, and witty movies. He compares this movie to John Hughes making "She's Having a Baby".

6. Taking Lives... NUDITY! Angelina Jolie is topless in a sex scene with Ethan Hawke. This is the tenth time that sh'es been nude in a film, she's only 28. Pound for Pound Skin's hottest babe is Angelina.

David wants to know about Markie Post. She's never been nude. David claims that she was nude as an extra in Police Academy. They prove this to not be true.

7. 20th anniversary of Splash. Important movie for Ron Howard and Tom Hanks. This was rated PG but had tons of nudity. Daryl Hannah scene walking completely naked away from the camera that will go down as one of the best butt cheeks in movie history.

Pugs asks about the remake of Bewitched that Nicole Kidman is going to be in. She is Samantha, Will Ferrel is her husband. They love the casting in this movie.

2:22
*break*
2:32

We recieve an E-mail from somebody congratulating Pugs on his new healthy lifestyle choice. Kelly thinks they need a trainer because it's always good to go to someone. Kelly has been watching the bowflex commercials and now wants a bowflex body without buying a bowflex. Pugs recieves an E-mail from someboy that is convinced he is gay. Pugs reminds us that he is not gay. He was raised by women and occasionally that shadows his maleness. Dude points out that Pugs uses body spray... but Pugs uses men's body spray. Dude points out that Pugs uses a personal shopper... Pugs uses a cute girl that picks out hetero clothes. Dudes point out that he watches American Idol... Pugs admits that's gay. It's the new Sybil news intro, made be your's truly by the way... Pugs tells us that there has been a lot of request for this and defies everyone to not smile while it's being played. He calls it the Sybil Giggle Theme... actually it's called the Sybil Giggle Jam (remix)... just so you know.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!!!!

hahaha no time for a story

2:40
*break*
2:45

The show figured out the math on how many hours are in a work week... they estimated 24 up to 25... divided by 5... minus 4... plus 24? HUH? PUgs calls them idiots and that the better show is during the breaks.

1. Sante Fe, New Mexico's city council wants to enforce a law that requires pets to wear doggie seat belts.
Everyone hates when they see dogs in the back of pick up trucks. Pugs rides around with his dog. He has leather seats and she has nails. She'll start out in the passenger seat on the floor then jump to the back seat... she'll crawl back to the front seat into his lap.. back to the back seat... then when she is in the passenger seat he slams the brakes and hits the glass.

2. Plain English Campaign, this group that gives awards for proper English usage or something... where is my friggin' award?... Has made a list of irratiing cliches.
24/7, absolutely, address the issue, at this moment in time, constant us of the word "like", with all due respect, at the end of the day.

3. Dude in Rhode Island killed his girlfriend and dismembered her. He got pulled over and the cops found her head in his seat.... that's really messed up man... little piece about English words then a massive jump to this dismembered chick story, you'd think I'd be used to Sybil's bi-polar style of news giving but damn... that's messed up.

4. In Florida, 2 year old girl fell three stories off a hotel balcony and a man caught her.

5. Richard Simmons is accused of slapping a man when he said, "hey it's Richard Simmons, drop you luggage everyone and dance like the fifties"

6. Christina Aguilera maybe getting engaged.

7. Sting's wife admits to her and Sting being swingers.

8. Eminem's ex-wife is back in jail for using cocaine while on probation.

*"I'm Coming Home" @ 2:56*


I Heard It Dude (IHID)

Sybil Giggle- 55
Bell Dings- 4
Buzzer- 4


FRIDAY MARCH 26th, 2004
Stratos - 2907 W Northwest Highway
7p - 9p
Join Pugs and Kelly at Stratos this Friday they will have draft day tickets for the big event April 24 at Gilley's -A Dallas Cowboys Draft Day Party Live Broadcast


Comments? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com

*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 11:10*

Pugs calls Eric stupid while Kelly runs down the line up. Pugs is mad at Eric for "dropping the ball" on something. They tease the Cowboys' word contest giveaway thing. Pugs thinks dodgeball is getting too big... it has.. what? 250 teams? Jesus, how the hell does Sybil organize all of this? That's insane... I swear she is a robot... 10101010010010010101010010101010101? yeah..... Kelly brings up the controversy behind whether or not people under 21 can play... yeah, I mean come on! Pugs explains that Dukes turns 21 only at 9 and Kelly suggest that people under 21 play early then flake out on your team later. Pugs may have mentioned something about fake ID's.. maybe he did... maybe he didn't.... Everyone is completely psyched for dodgeball. Pugs and Kelly are both going shopping for their dodgeball uniform this weekend and Sybil informs them to just buy shoes and shorts. Kelly wonders if that means that they're going to play topless again. Chris, the guy that interviewed RVD a few weeks back... read the blog for the wackiness.... calls in to explain that the WB news did a piece on dodgeball. Pugs is upset because the WB is right across the street from the station and they didn't bother to even talk to them about it. Kelly is in training. She is going to buy balls to throw at her garage door. She explains that the ball doesn't actually hurt when you get hit in the face but you must get over the fear of being hit in the face. So Kelly is going to get balls thrown at her face. Pugs noticed that a lot of the friendzy people are signing up as singles and Sybil wants to remind everyone that it is 100 % FREE!

Didn't get the time
*break*
11:30

They plug the divorce party at Stratos... see the bottom of this page. OK scenario time.. let's say Pugs and Kelly are divorced... Ok scratch that nobody would ever believe that... Is it sluttier to go home with an ex-boyfriend or a complete stranger with the intent of a one night stand? Kelly thinks that it is less slutty to go home with the ex. You can still get off but avoid increasing your "count". Sybil agrees with her. Stupid Eric, Pugs is calling Eric stupid all day, thinks its sluttier to go home with the boyfriend and Pugs dings him. Pugs explains that if you go home with a stranger there is a chance that it might bloom into a relationship but if you go home with someone that you have a failed relationship then you know that it's not going to work out. Kelly says that if you bang a stranger in a bar, you can't expect anything to come out of that and girls are only lying to themselves if they believe otherwise. Kelly admits that you may accidentally want a relationship with a girl you bang on the first night but that is rare. Pugs and Kelly agree that they would make the worse couple ever. They'd be fun to be around because they would constantly bicker but they would raise the most unhealthy children. Kelly would constantly threaten to go to law school everytime they would come close to breaking up.

11:49
*break*
11:56

Patrick E-mails Pugs to accuse him of ruining the sex with exes thing. Kelly gets an E-mail that explains that if you go home with the ex that you maybe able to keep your number on two hands. Pugs and Kelly have a fake argument about her relationship with Bill.... KELLY WINS! Pugs explains that girls don't want to be sluts because their girly parts are special. You should only give your girly parts away to a special man. They have trouble defining a slut. Pugs says that it has nothing to do with the number of people you sleep with. Kelly gives the definition of a slut as somebody that sleeps around with no intention of attachment. Jennifer calls in and proclaims that either way you slice, whether you go home with the ex or the stranger, you're a slut. Pugs wants to clarify that he is all for the sluts. Kelly wonders if you feel more comfortable with having kids and marriage with a girl that slept with one guy or a girl that slept with 15. Pugs sees the argument both ways. He attempts to get Kelly to reveal her "number". Kelly refuses. Pugs wonders if Eric knows his number... "No.......yeah, 14". Pugs had three before his wife... his wife made four... and then he moved here... hehe..... Pugs asks Kelly who her best is and she refuses to answer that. Pugs thinks her refusal is an admission that it isn't Tyson. Eric's best was a chick named Jennifer. Pugs has his number now... since coming to Dallas he's only been with two girls that he actually liked and the others don't count cause he didn't like them... so, 6.. Pugs has only been with 6 people. Eric takes Jennifer back as his best and says that Catalina Para in Venezeula was the best. Pugs would like to say that there is nothing wrong with women going home with strangers because he is going to the Down Under Pub and Grub (where Sybil is working tonight) and would like to maybe go home with a stranger. Kelly wonders what Pugs would think if her number was 70... Pugs says "duh". Kelly thinks that people that sleep around a lot form some sort of unhealthy mental... thing.

12:23
*break*
12:33

They discuss what "Walking Tall" is all about. Pugs explains the premise of the original movie. He calls it Die Hard before it was Die Hard... Buford Pusser was this dude that came back to town and freed it from the bad guys using a 2 X 4. Eric found the movie to be too action cliche and Pugs says that he likes movies like that. Pugs recently watch "Swat" on DVD and he really liked it. Pugs give his seal of approval for "Swat" if you like movies where stuff blows up. They discuss Perry Farrell. In regards to Dave Navarro(Jane's Addiction guitarist), Perry calls him "an angel from another dimension who's come her to set the record straight. In regards to Peter DiStefano (Porno for Pyros guitarist), Perry says that he use to go ghost hunting with him in Malibu... he used a stuff animal as a torch. Perry has a belief that people who don't like marijuana are going to heaven but not the heaven he wants to go to. We can't tell those other people about our heaven because then they might try to crash it. Sybil walks into the studio and begins to write something down and Pugs tells her to just say it out loud. She has the run down on the cast of "Walking Tall"...

The Rock .... Chris Vaughn
Neal McDonough .... Jay Hamilton, Jr.
Johnny Knoxville .... Ray Templeton

10th caller wins the Cowboy prize pack and a chance at winning tickets to the first home game and the opportunity to judge the cowboys cheerleader tryouts.

12:40
*break*
12:47

Michele calls in with... POM POM!!! MICHELLE WINS!!! Kelly reminds us that the real word is pom pon and not pom pom. There is a problem within the ranks of the Pugs and Kelly show. We receive an E-mail from Cody. His sister went to Cancun for spring break and brought pictures to school. In one of the pictures she was holding a beer and somebody stole one of the pictures, blew it up, and gave it to the principal. She has been suspended from school and told that she can't participate in cheerleading. Cody can't figure out why. Kelly's first thought is "why is Cody's parents allowing their teenage daughter to go to Cancun on spring break?" Pugs first thought is "why is Cody's parents allowing their teenage daughter to go to Cancun on spring break?" Kelly says that there was no way in hell that her parents would have let her go on a trip that wasn't watched over. April calls in to explain that you sign a contract in high school cheerleading programs stating that if you get caught drinking, you get suspended from games. Kelly reveals that Cody has tried to dumbustify things. He said that if you look at the picture her hand is kind of covering the label and you can't tell she's drinking a beer.... even though Cody isn't there it almost sounds like Kelly is going to hit him... RUN CODY RUN!!!!.... Kelly understands why she has been kicked off of cheerleading but that she doesn't understand why she has been suspended from school. Pugs does understand.. here we go... bringing in pictures of her breaking the law rubbing it in other people's faces is a bad influence on kids. Stuart calls in to say that the legal drinking age is 18 so what's the problem? Pugs reminds him that she was flaunting her drinking here. Kelly says that she may not be breaking the laws but she is breaking the school rules. Pugs wonders if that is what we want? "Don't we want teachers that care about the well being of our children?".... Eric suggest counseling for her substance abuse... Pugs tells him that just cause she has a beer in Mexico doesn't mean that she has a drinking problem. Pugs says that she must be made an example of because you can't just have everyone breaking the contracts. LT calls in to say that she should be off the cheerleading squad but that she shouldn't be suspended from school. She legally took part in activities outside of this country and pictures of those activities doesn't mean she can get crap for it here. Pugs, the king of flippantausity, says that he agrees with LT, she shouldn't have been suspended from school. Kelly points it out... and Pugs thinks that she should be in ISS. Leslie, the go to negro, calls in to point out Pugs' flippantausity. Leslie says that while she should be kicked off the cheerleading squad, the school should butt out of parental business. She doesn't think that the school should have the jurisdiction to suspend any student for illegal activity. Pugs... THE KING OF ALL THAT IS FLIPPANT... disagrees with Leslie... wow. He thinks the school has every right to get involved with the child's private life. WOW... now Kelly is saying that suspension is the right thing to do... wait wait wait... I expect Pugs to switch sides every thirty seconds but not Kelly. Kelly is the anchor to the crazy train... oh man my head is swimming.. I think Leslie wants to choke Pugs through the phone. Pugs says that he was a product of private schools and private schools care what their alumni go on to do. They get involved in the lives of their students because they care. Chad calls in to say that he thinks the schools need to remind more people the difference between a privilege and a right. "you mess up, you're out" Alex calls in to say that... "you don't bring in a picture of you drinking to school!" Pugs calls her a really smart 20 year old... I'm a smart 20 year old.... call me smart damn you! Kelly points out how Cody keeps trying to use technicalities to get out. Kelly thinks that people need to face the consequences of their actions and stop justifying their monstrous behavior. Cody doesn't call in even though they wanted him to. Greg calls in to say that holding a beer does not constitute drinking... PUGS IS OUTRAGED AT HIS STUPID ARGUMENT!Pugs thinks that is the problem with America, people that make excuses.

1:17
*break*
1:31

Kelly teases the cheese segment. Pugs has received an E-mail from Mark from Duke's about dodgeball. He clarifies that you must be 21 to be in the dodgeball tournament. Francis is the head-ref.. Which is funny cause he is almost blind. Sybil is the commissioner and Aaron is going to ref. Pugs loves the wackiness of the gorilla escaping. They play the 911 tape*operator is quite helpful* Kelly gives kudos to the Dallas dispatch chick for recognizing that it was an emergency unlike the Las Vegas dispatch chick... who was a stupid bitch.... Pugs reads the story. The gorilla threw a kid against the wall. the officers are now being criticized for shooting the gorilla dead. Glenn White, president of the Dallas patrolmen association, is on the phone. He says that the officers are heros and that they did what was right at the time. Pugs suggest shooting whoever made the cages. Glenn admits that in 25 years he's never been trained to take on a gorilla. He wants to know where were the people that had the keys to the tranq guns? They obviously weren't there because the police has to get involved. Kelly thinks that if the Zoo was to get upset then you would think that they would have the precautions in place to prevent stuff like this. Glenn tells us that when faced with this type of opposition you must stop the threat... that means shoot to kill. Pugs reminds us that the Dallas Zoo has been having a lot of budget problems. The zoo is blaming the escape on teenagers taunting the gorilla... everyone taunts the gorillas. Kelly reads that the gorilla was within 15 feet of the tactical officers before they fired. Pugs would like to thank the two officers and if anybody has a problem with that to come see us. Pugs and Kelly would like to clarify that they don't hate gorillas. Glenn says goodbye and we get a call from Chris. Chris blames the zoo for what happened. He claims that he has seen the gorillas throwing up all over the place because of the enclosure. He says that gorillas and chimps are our evolutionary brothers and you can only imagine what that would do to your psyche. Kelly reminds us that you can't tell if a gorilla will listen to reasoning. Pugs teaches us that a gorilla is a giant severely retarded person. Pugs wants guard towers at the zoos with snipers. Pugs was at the Zoo one time when a Gorilla was sitting on a tire swing... and suddenly he fell off the tire and fell to the ground... didn't move. It looked like he smashed his head behind the rocks but they couldn't see where he went. Then... alarms going off... *PLEASE EXIT THE PRIMATE HOUSE*.... Pugs finds out later that night that the gorilla died of old age right in front of them. Chick calls in that was at the zoo when this was happening. The Dallas Zoo gift shop locked her out of the store when this all went down and refused to let her and her daughter in. Susan calls in to say that the police were idiots for shooting the gorilla. Pugs is surprised that she could feel that way and reminds us that the gorilla threw a kid against the wall. Pugs tells her that the the tranq option was explored but wasn't quick enough to stop the rampaging.

1:57
*break*
2:02

*Jetson's Bell* It's Johnny Knoxville on the phone. Johnny was suppose to be in the studio but I guess he got lost or something. He says he is in Dallas in front of a TV station... watch it be The WB.. HAHA.... They wonder if Johnny watched the original Walking Tall movies. He says that he watched the first one but not the sequels. Johnny informs us that jackass was on the air for 9 months, the decided to make a movie, and then they quit. Johnny tells us that he was discovered when he was writing for a magazine. His editor told him to video tape his articles and that turned heads. Johnny has been married for 8 years... CONGRATS JOHNNY! Johnny just shot a film with the Farrely brothers in Austin. "The Ringer"... Johnny has to pay for a person's surgery so his uncle convinces him to pretend to be mentally challenged and enter the special Olympics.... John asks Johnny about him being in CKY but not doing anything. He explains that it was a east coast/west coast skate board video thing and that CKY was completely independent of each other. Dante calls in and Johnny asks him what he's wearing... creepy man... Dante asks him how long he was a skater. Johhny explains that he was never a skater he only did skate board videos. Pugs wonders how old Johnny is... 33. Jason asks Johnny about Dick House. Dick House is the production company of Spike Jonez and Johnny. He also asks about his cousin the hillbilly singer. Johnny explains that that his cousin sings songs like "butt ugly slut" and that Stern loved him.

2:13
*break*
2:25

Pugs has it on good authority that Johnny was right across the street in front of the WB.. HAHAHA!!!! Kelly reads us a story about Dallas being the dumbest city in America. Pugs clarifies that this was out of the major metropolitan areas. In second place, Louisville, Kentucky. Other states/cities outraged are... West Virginia is mad at Ambercrobie and Fitch for seeling a shirt that reads, "It's all relative in West Virginia" Pugs teaches us that West Virginia is actually second rated in incest and Tennessee is actually in first place. A guy calls in to ask if Fort Worth was included in the stupid thing because "When somebody in Dallas moves to Fort Worth, the IQ in both cities increase" .... Philadelphia has been deemed the most unstylish and ugly city. A guy calls in and bashes Dallas over Fort Worth. Kelly notices that nobody is calling in about this and comes clean. SHE MADE IT UP PEOPLE!!! She made it up to see if people would get outraged and she seems outraged that nobody is outraged. She wants everyone to just point out how silly it is for us to get upset over stupid polls. A guy calls in to say that the girls in Dallas makes Dallas stupid. Pugs reminds us that Dallas is a tech city and that means there has to be smart people around. He points his finer at Pittsburgh... I chuckle. Ethan calls in to point out that everyone keeps saying stupidest. Harley calls in to say that Dallas and Fort Worth are two separate places. Pugs loves Fort Worth. If it wasn't 90 minutes away from him he'd be hanging out in Fort Worth as often as possible because he fins the women in Fort Worth easier to deal with. A caller says that the reason that the chicks in Fort Worth are so nice to Pugs is because they want out of that city.... as a Fort Worth resident.... DIE ALL YOU DALLAS BITCHES!!!

2:38
*break*
2:47

oooo They play a little production done by Will!.... It's called the Sybil Giggle Jam (remix)... and it rocks hard. Pugs ribs Eric even more for not being more like Will... now it's time for the news "Up Yours Will"

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!!!!

1.. hehe... According toe the Underground Reports Weekly, here are the top ten dumbest cities in America

10. Miami
9. Pittsburgh
8. Oklahoma City
7. Trenton
6. Mobile
5. Tibideux
4. Charlotte
3. Las Vegas
2. Louisville
1. Dallas

Kelly reminds us that she wants to start a letter writing campaign... Use spell check people.

2. A White 93 camry was driven into a Discount Din....
Pugs wonder if it is an old man... hahaa... SYBIL SAYS IT'S AN ASIAN!!!...some Korean name... Pugs wonders if Godzilla was chasing him. And Sybil does her Long Duck Dong Impression, "Rake... big Rake.." DONG? WHERE IS MY AUTOMOBILE?..... AUTOMOBILE?.. vroom.. shhhhh crash... splash... hahahahahaha... rake..... hahahaha.... they all start doing Sixteen Candle quote.

3. Sybil's dumbest father of the year award goes to Cecil Cole III He used his 8 year old daughter's identity to get his phone service from Verizon.

4. Busta Rhymes allegedly abused one of the girls at one of his shows. He pleaded no contest and has probation.


5. Stephen King is writing a book on the Red Sox
Pugs wonders if he was involved with Field of Dreams because he knows King writes a lot of books under synonymous / pseudonyms

6. David Lee Roth will be making a cameo appearance in the Sopranos this week... ROCK ON!

*"I'm Coming Home" @ 2:57*


I Heard It Dude (IHID)

Sybil Giggle- 29
Bell Dings- 19
Buzzer- 2


FRIDAY MARCH 26th, 2004
Stratos - 2907 W Northwest Highway
7p - 9p
Join Pugs and Kelly at Stratos this Friday they will have draft day tickets for the big event April 24 at Gilley's -A Dallas Cowboys Draft Day Party Live Broadcast



I apologize for the tardiness of this entry.... my DSL is still down and I'm going through hell now to get this stuff up.


comments? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com

*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 11:23*

I am the blogger of the year! That's right... me.... the best.. the best ever... better than everyone else.. me, the winner.. I win... you all lose.. I win... I'm better than you.. I rock harder than you... I would like to thank god, for letting me kick so much ass in a bloggitary fashion... One love to all my homies! Kelly reminds us about the Cowboy Cheerleader contest thing but Pugs cuts her off to explain the rest. We cut the small talk and go straight to the heavy... A kid in Fort Worth was shot on a road rage incident yesterday. Pugs says that he understands road rage. He is so quick with the bird and the "a-hole". Kelly informs us that riding in a car with Pugs is like riding with your granpa. He goes the speed limit and everyone that goes a little bit faster than him is an "A-hole" Pugs tells us about a road rage incident he was involved in back when he was delivering pizzas, 22/23 years old. This dude starts flooring it towards Pugs. Pugs hits his brakes and the dude swerves around him. Pugs screams "A-hole!" and the dude stops his car in the middle of the intersection. Pugs reaches in his back seat looking for something to smite him with and starts to cry like a bitch. The dude slams Pugs' car door on his leg and Pugs continues to cry like a bitch. The guy leaves him be in his own pathetic bitch crying state. You'd think Pugs would learn from that incident but he admits that he still screams obscenities at people. Pugs reads the story about the kid in Fort Worth that took a bullet in the leg from some crazy dude with road rage. Kelly thinks the shooter was "nutty buckets". The shooter fired once in the air before shooting at the car and Kelly wonders what happens to the bullets that get fired into the air. A caller questions the shadey look of the father of the child. Pugs didn't want to point that out but he thinks the dad looks like the type of cat that would egg someone on. Greg calls in and says that he had heard that the dad was exchanging fingers with the other driver so he isn't that innocent. Kelly doesn't think that justifies a shooting. Pugs reminds us that having your child and your woman in the car with you makes a person a bit more defensive than they normally would be. To think that he didn't egg him on is silly but he didn't have to shoot at him.

11:40
*break*
11:54

They tease a crushing bunnies segment.. I wonder, is this some sort of rock band?... Kelly wonders about the colonoscopy party that some chick is running in Plano and Pugs reminds her about their idea to have a serious interview while they get colonics. Switching focus back to road rage talk... Pugs thinks that people grow balls in a car because we feel that we have the ability to flee. Lance calls in and says the he, his roommate, ad his roommate's brother cut a guy off trying to get to chick-fil-a and the dude stops his car and reaches in his jacket as if he had a gun. Pugs thinks that Lance has every right to run that man over if he has a gun. Pugs thinks that he does that some place... my eyes start to burn and I didn't record this segment so I miss this... something about popping in front of old ladies with cell phones and trucks? Kelly wonders if truckers have road rage. A caller named Alan got run off the road by some dude that refused to yield and hit a traffic sign. Being the pinnacle of laidbackenness... Alan decides to rear end him. His wife was in the car behind Alan and was screaming for him to stop. Kelly asks Alan if he's in anger management now and Alan's explains that his wife talked to him about that. This dude calls in to say that if you play the road rage game, be a Dirty Harry. He explains that these two guys he knew got cut off... so they cut him off and flipped him the bird. The guy followed them home and unloaded on them with 2, 45s, one is dead and the other is paralyzed now. Kelly complains that it's always some bitch that traps you in those long clogged lines. She flipped some bitch off the other day and she felt bad about it. Pugs sees the 105.3 stickers always cutting him off and calls the listeners "A-holes"... "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? YOU PROBABLY LISTEN TO ME!!!" Travis calls in and says that he grew up around that part of town that the kid was shot in. He claims that he would gladly pay the deductible on his insurance to take the guy out. Pugs thinks the police should handle it... so, I tell my rag tag band of misfit vigilantes to chill cause Radio Superstar DJ Pugs told us to.... Pugs wonders what the charges will be for this guy and Kelly suspects attempted murder. Tyson and Kelly got into a huge argument over the HOV lane. he thinks you are suppose to go faster in it and Kelly thinks it's just a reward system for those that car pool. A truck driver calls in to explain that truck drivers do in fact suffer from road rage. Some jack hole calls in to say that he keeps D batteries in his car for people on the road so that if you mess with him you get a broken window... jack hole.... Pugs doesn't think that old people should be allowed to drive and reminds us of his tube idea... think those bad ass vacuum tubes at the drive thru bank thing but with people... yeah... He thinks the tubes only need to go to the bank and to walgreens.

12:23
*break*
12:35

"It's a prize... it's a really great prize!" This is the way Kelly describes the prize in the Cowboy's giveaway thing. "Toxic" by Brittany Spears is playing and Kelly is mad that this song is now going to be stuck in her head. Pugs is now a 14 year old girl because he not only likes the way Brittany looks but now he likes her songs too. Pugs has received an E-mail from a gentleman named Victor that bashes his love for Brittany. Victor doesn't think that Brittany is that hot. Pugs explains that Brittany can be super Pam Anderson-esque hot one second... and then be super cute girl-next-door hot the next girl... that's quite the lethal combination. Kelly thinks that Brittany can occasionally look like trailer trash.... they play the clip of Brittany boo-hooing on to Diane Sawyer... I make a comment in the chatroom about what age would Dr. Drew would say she was molested at (using his voice technique)... and then, Eric makes a comment about what age would Dr. Drew say she was molested at... I look over my shoulder to make sure I don't have a flamboyant bi-curious producer watching me... creepy man... creepy.... Pugs wants to be the fatherly figure that takes care of Brittany... and then screw her brains out... creepy man... creepy.... This dude calls in to say that she looks bad in Us Weekly and Pugs calls him a fag. This of course leads to Dr. Moon talk. Pugs calls Dr. Moon a kick ass doctor and informs us that Dr. Moon gave him a perception for Sonata, to help with his sleepless nights. He plays a clip of what it sounds like in his head... *a kick ass warm up for some Carnivale/Mardi Gras band thing... I wonder, how did Pugs fit that microphone in his head?* He took it last night and started to drift asleep. He was watching ET and was shocked to find out that Mickey Mouse and Brittany Spears were now dating. He explains that he started to present a coherent argument in his head as to why Brittany should not date a 75 year old rodent. He woke up the next day relieved that it was just a drug induced haze.... I've had my share of nights like that.... you degenerate!

12:48
*break*
12:56

Brett wins the Cowboys prize pack and the chance for the Cheerleader voting judge thingy at the end of the week thing with the word... talent. Good job Brett. Kelly asks Brett if you had to choose between a hot chick and a plain girl with a lot of talent, which would he choose? Brett goes with the hot one and Pugs gives him a ding. *Jetson's Bell* Evan Marriott, the original Joe Millionaire. Evan was just in Dallas and would like to say at how impressed he was by the hot Dallas ladies. He thinks that the chicks in Dallas are by far hotter than any other place. Pugs confirms the hotness of the locals but tells Evan that they're horrible human beings. They ask Evan about that Zora chick and he says that the last time he saw her was at the VH-1 awards. Evan says that all the girls on the show were nice but wished that the producers would have at least given him a girl with a half way decent ass. Evan admits to liking girls with a little something extra on them, 15 pounds extra, and says that his favorite playboys are the ones with voluptuous chicks. Pugs asks Evan if that one chick really did go down on him. Evan explains that they took some time from the castle because he was getting claustrophobic. The producers told him to make it a bit more steamy but he had a hard time doing that, knowing that his mother would be watching. The producers blacked out the screen and dubbed in sound. Pugs and Kelly both proclaim their dislike for the second season, because of all of the damn foreigners, and Evan reminds us that that sequels are never good. Bob calls in but gets dumped. Evan isn't really doing anything but the game show now. He admits that before this time he was so busy that he wasn't able to hit a gym in a year. He claims that he tried to climb a flight of stairs earlier and almost "sucked a lung"... massive chaos and confusion... apparently people were worried he may have said something bad.... Evan explains the premise of his new show Fake-A-Date... On "Fake-a-Date," a contestant will date two singles, one looking for love and the other who's hoping to win a luxury trip with his or her significant other, the Game Show Network said Wednesday. The contestant will decide who is sincere.... Evan admits to never watching Reality TV and even says that he's never watched his own Joe Millionaire. Evan assures us that he didn't get any play from the girls on the show. Kelly is reluctant to ask him how he managed to "take care of himself"... Evan explains that he would run off away from the cameras and the crew long enough to get the job done... That's Fake-A-Date... every Wednesday at 9 PM on the Game Show Network.

1:12
*break*
1:21

They tease the bunny crunching segment again. Pugs has received an E-mail from somebody that may shed some light on what happens to what happens to bullets fired in the air."stray bullet injures KKK member"... hahahahahahahaaahahahahahaha!!!!!!.... Pugs says that the clan is good because they include the kids! Kelly thinks its good to include the kids cause while mom and dad are at the rally, the kids could be home watching the Jeffersons or something. Pugs reads the rest of the story... The KKK members tied this dude up in a noose, blind folded him, and fired paint balls at him while another shot a gun into the air... Eric calls them idiots and Pugs points out that this sounds very frat boyish. Pugs wonders how this is suppose to prepare you for the upcoming race war and Kelly explains that the threshold of pain you can endure reflects on your hatred of coloreds. So, the bullet fell down and hit the guy... haha.... A caller claims that on the official KKK website there is a link entitled "For Kids". Pugs searches for the KKK website but can't find the real one. Kelly is disturbed when she notices Cody signing on because Cody is well... let's just say Cody is probably your most typical Texas good ol' boy. Ok switching focus to the bunny crunching story... In Plant City... Pugs thinks that Plant City sounds like a Lubys for bunnies but warns us that the town's name is just a front for the horrible bunny crushing ways. Pugs tells us how he explained to his wife about how bunnies and chickens became involved with Easter. You see... After Jesus died on the cross, Jesus contacted all of the bunnies and chickens in the area to come help him escape from his tomb, like he was Jesus Doolittle or something. The bunnies came and together they pushed the rock away. The chickens laid eggs for Jesus to eat. The reason why we search for the eggs is because Jesus had to search for them. His disciples were leaving food out for Jesus because they knew he was coming back but the Jews kept taking the food. So Jesus had the chickens lay eggs and hide them so that he could eat.... I DO BELIEVE WE'RE OFF TOPIC AGAIN!.... Kelly told one of her friends that the reason that nobody went skiing in Lake Michigan is because there was sharks in there and her friend believed her. Some chick calls in to explain the real reason we have Easter with rabbits and eggs.. blah blah blah... something about pagans and sex.. and blah blah blah.. I choose to adopt Pugs' belief system.

1:43
*break*
1:51

Cameron E-mails the show and wants to know how peeps play into the situation. Kelly reminds us that peeps are just small marshmallow versions of rabbits and chickens. Pugs explains that when the evil Jews found out that the rabbits and the chickens were helping out Christ.. they had their evil warlocks turn all of the helpful cute animals into little marshmallow treats. Kelly wants to know how the Cadberry bunny lays chocolate eggs with yoke and everything. Pugs tells her that is an example of one of God's miracles. OK... bunny crunching now... Pugs reads the story.... In Plant City, an agriculture teacher used a shovel to bash in the heads of one day old sickly, rejected bunny rabbits. Some kid threw up and started crying. Kelly wonders what type of people would be interested in an agriculture class... Kelly, as somebody that went to a high school that offered an Ag. class I can tell you this, the same people that tie each other up in nooses and shoot paint balls while another dude fires rounds into the air before they fall down and injure someone, yeah, those people..... Kelly says that they could have taken the bunnies to the vet and Pugs seems some what outraged by that idea. Pugs says that it is merciful to put an animal out of it's misery. He thinks it was in bad taste to do it in front of a class but it was still the right thing to do. Kelly doesn't feel bad for the animals, she just feels bad for the kids that had to watch it. Pugs and Kelly's idea of agriculture is "Little House on the Prarie". William calls in and explains that in high school they use to.. wait... oh my god... put a fish hook under the necks of turtles... bastard... and then sever their head to disect them... SON OF A BITCH!!!! I am the proud father to four turtles... they are sweet.. and beautiful creatures.. sure they bite me from time to time and they seem almost retarded... but damn you.. I love the silly bastards... they may be "Nature's D student"... but they kick ass..... I hate this William dude.... I hope he sucks on a car exhaust..... Some farm raised chick released these bunnies they kept around to eat accidentally on a coyote sanctuary. Kelly wonders what Pugs would do if he were to come home to find his son choking an animal... hehehe, like a chicken?... I'm sorry I'm such a kid.... Pugs would ask him "what the hell?" Doug calls in to admit to castrating pigs in agriculture class. Pugs says that when hamsters start to suffer a slow death they are loud... Pugs blesses us with the best damn dying hamster impression I've ever heard.... Chris calls in to wonder what the difference is between suffocating rabbits and suffocating a fish. Kelly says that fish are freaky. Barry McGockinan calls in to claim that his cousin was in that class and that they were skipping out on the most important fact on that story. When the rabbits popped out it was all crazy like Rosemary's baby.... I don't think Barry McGockinan was for real.

DIDN'T GET THE TIME... SUCKAH!
*break*
2:17

Metro Aaron asked Pugs for a favor... That's Metro Limos... 972.699.8193 and he has a car available for this weekend. Last night Aaron was watching Fear Factor and became enamored with this lady named Heidi from Dallas. So Heidi... and friends of Heidi... if you're out there, call, E-mail, whatever... Average Joe Talk is now! Kelly loved last night's show because it was more interesting than the first one. Adam sent away the hot chicks that the fat dudes picked out. Pugs says that while it seemed a bit contrived, it will make Adam look even better in the eyes of America. They play a clip... *It's Adam breaking the "fourth wall" talking to the producers about getting rid of the hot chicks* Kelly thinks Jennifer is the ugliest chick on the show. Pugs is still a big fan of Jennifer Lipshitz but.. oh wait.. Pugs has now learned that her name is not Jennifer Lipshitz, that it is in fact Jennifer Lifshitz... OK, I can stop typing it wrong now. They play a clip *its Jennifer with the typically sad piano music explaining about how she has never had a boyfriend and ranting on and on about how she isn't as pretty as the other girls and that her parents told her that she was only going to get hurt by being on the show*... Kelly feels so bad for her and Pugs says that this clip reminded him of the idiot ranting on "Hot or Not".. *Clip of the dude from Hot or Not*.. *Clip of Jennifer* *Clip of the dude from Hot or Not*.. *Clip of Jennifer*... Kelly is outraged by Pugs' comparison. They play a clip... *one of the other chicks saying that while Jennifer is.. umm.. well unattractive.... she has the best personality ever* Pugs thinks that Jennifer needs to jump ship over to "Extreme Makeover". A caller points out that one of the "hot" girls was a former play boy playmate and that a chick like that would never be interested in Adam. A chick calls in to share with us the distaste she had for Adam for dissing the single mom. They play a clip.. *it's the single mom chick complaining that some guys don't understand what it is like being a single independent mother.. or something.. I refuse to listen to her because she's a single mom...* Pugs and Eric believe it's a fine reason to get rid of a person. A guy calls in to point out that Jennifer looks like Squidworth from Sponge Bob Sqaure pants... see the home page for a comparison... Heidi's fiancee calls in and Pugs asks him what's up... He works for his family *BUZZER*... He's in school *BUZZER*... "Do you have any money?"... no answer... *BUZZER*... Pugs warns him to keep a tight lid on his woman because "people are asking"

2:36
*break*
2:48

Pugs wants to play something before the news... he has the 911 calls of the guy that called in about the sniper being in Vegas... he calls three times and gets hung up on all three times... how ridiculous is that?

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. In Miami Florida a five year old kid brought a bag of marijuana to school. At lunch he started to sprinkle pot onto another kid's lasagna before he got busted.
Kelly explains that 5 year olds don't understand what "illegal" means.. to them getting a cookie before dinner is illegal.

2. In Michigan, some 51 year old dude was watching "The Triplets of Belleville" and shushed a younger guy.. the young dude started punching the dude in the face and threw him down the stairs. He's been charged with a felony assualt.
Kelly says that this is an example of "show rage".

3. Aretha Franklin is in the hospital for unknown reasons.
Kelly reminds us that it might be because Aretha is a horribly overweight diabetic.


*"I'm Coming Home" @ 2:56*





I Heard It Dude (IHID)

Sybil Giggle- 4... I am disturbed by the low number of giggles today
Bell Dings- 8
Buzzer- 5





comments/ suggestions/ complaints/ a hot lap top? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com

*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 11:46*

Welcome to the Show!!! It's 9 days till dodgeball and everyone is excited! Kelly wonders if it would be better to charge a five dollar fee and then get T-shirts for everyone.... no, no it won't.... Pugs wonders who is going o play on their team since Sybil isn't going to to play. Eric, Kelly, Pugs, maybe Tyson (Pugs thinks it would be funny if Tyson's career ends because of dodgeball) and of course Pugs' significant other Metro-Aaron. The interns want to play and Pugs thinks they should form their own team... even though there are only three of them. Pugs bought coffee for Super Girl and was afraid that Kelly might call him gay. They had fun at Cuba Libre Friday night and Pugs starts to list off everyone that went... I bet he loses interest or gets distracted.... Tyson, Eric, Sybil... Sybil wasn't feeling well because she may be pushing herself too hard. Kelly has real granola... the real stuff!! Pugs is going to Dr. Moon today for crap like bloodwork or something. Kelly suggest the yoga.. again, It almost seems like she gets a discount for getting more members to join... sly fox.... Kelly's instructor talks about the chi of the class and Pugs hates that . The workout makes Tyson sweat a lot but Kelly admits that Tyson sweats a lot when the room is at 70. Pugs wants to get into shape for "yoda". Trish, a yoga instructor, calls in and thinks Pugs should do it because it reduces body fat and lengthens you. Some guy calls in to express his fear of Tyson playing dodgeball but Pugs assures us that big and slow guys are bad for dodgeball.

11:57
*break*
12:06

It almost sound like Pugs says the word of the day... sssssssssss. "win a pair of tickets to the cowboy's first homo-game"... Pugs seems to be stumbling with his words a lot today.... Kelly reads off that we got Keyshawn Johnson and the muppet guy. Pugs' NCAA brackets are all crapped because of his 1 and 2 losing. Cody is on the phone with the show scores. Pugs' final four was Gonzaga, Winconsin, Illinois, and Stanford.... only one of them are still in the tourney. Eric is doing "pretty good OK". Pugs took many wicked hits and Kelly finds that wicked retarded. Kelly has a gift for Pugs... " I see Paris, I see France, I see Kelly's thong!".... It's diet cherry chocolate fudge drink!!!! Pugs is happy. Kelly wants to tell all you fast food joints something. You all claim to be Atkins friendly but when it come to drinks... only one diet choice.. what up with that? Kelly just wants one more spicket for diet drinks. Pugs suggest diet strawberry orange fanta. Kelly had a good weekend but since she knows that the weekend talk segment is always about Pugs, she hands the torch to him. Pugs had Aaron work on his brakes and then had dinner at Jasper's. After dinner his crew ran over to the Down Under Pub and Grub. Pugs met with this girl who claimed that her boyfriend won an Olympic Medal in wrestling. She has never seen the medal or any memerobrillia. They just kept laughing at her and then tore apart the story. They think they convinced her that he was lying about the whole thing. He must have been lying for years and got stuck in a hole that was too deep. Pugs remembers the guy that use to come around to their events that claimed to be a pro-football players despite the fact that he didn't have the build for it. Kelly just thinks he's a sociopath. Pugs thinks that women don't question it too much because it's a way for them to think that their boyfriend is special. Kelly says that if it is some dude at a bar that she will only talk to for that night... then "I'll play champ!".... Kelly still finds wrestlers gay and Pugs admits that while it looks gay, when you get in there one on one... fighting for leverage.. sprawling out... head tucked down... scrapping.. sweating.. rubbing... that it is not actually gay. Some dude calls in and tells us about this dude that claimed to be a wrestler, claimed that he owned a restaurant, and then lied about having cancer.

12:25
*break*
12:35

More gullible women talk. Pugs would love to lie to women but he doesn't think that women are that gullible. Kelly constantly tries to bust people lying. Pugs wonders if girls lie to guys and Kelly reminds him of the "ummm I've only had 3 partners" line. Terri is an orthopedic surgeon and she had a guy walk up to her at a restaurant claiming he was an orthopedic surgeon. She let him go on and on and on. He claimed that he worked at the same place she did for 5 years. When he was done with his story, he asked her what she did and she told him... HAHA! Brian got told by a woman that she was a Victoria's Secret model but she wasn't hot enough. Pugs says that when he notices a woman lie he thinks two things... 1) She really digs me and is trying to impress me... 2) She isn't into him and is just messing with him for giggles. Eric calls in and tells us that he use to say that his Uncle was Tom Hicks, he has the same lat name. He say it was a way to weed through the girls that were only into him for money. Kristin was in Scotland and some dude claimed to be Rod Stewart's cousin. Rebecca was at a bar in west Fort Worth and this dude was dressed like some royal dude claiming to be a duke. She recognized him as a bar tender from west Fort Worth. Steven pretended to be deaf one time but forgot after he had one too many drinks. Pugs pretends to be deaf around homeless people. Phil, a navy dude, claimed to be a Navy pilot to girls. Kelly wonders if Phil could get in trouble for lying about the navy his response, "heh.. not to girls". The tenth caller with the cowboys' cheerleaders word of the day wins a Cowboys prize pack and a chance to go to the judge cheerleader tryouts and tickets to the first home game.

12:52
*break*
1:03

Nathan wins with "sexy". It's Sopranos recap time. Kelly needs Sopranos' flash cards because they're all too Italian looking for her. Pugs liked the show yesterday and it is mostly because Dr. Melfi wasn't in it. Pugs thinks that Feech is going to be a problem. He started to try to get back into the game, he was in prison for a long time, by taking out the local landscaping guy and placing his nephew there... They play a clip... *Feech kicks the landscaper in the nuts, starts pound his fist into his face, pulls him by the nuts over to the curb, and curbs his arm... Buscemi's character says, "Hey, we're on parole!"* Pugs thinks that Paulie is going to be killed off this season and reminds us that it can happen, "Big Pussy was killed off in the first season".... actually Pugs it was the second season, Jimmy, one of the Capos, was killed in the first season. Christopher doesn't know how to shut up and Johnny Sacks was yelling at him... they play a clip *Tony yelling at Christopher in the car after he started talking during a meeting with Johnny Sacks*... Pugs predicts that a lot of the regulars might be killed off this season... Adriana is an FBI informant now, Christopher is talking too much, and Paulie is being.. well prickish.... Kelly's favorite part was Junior watching "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and thinking that he was Larry David. Pugs thinks that the Junior being crazy thing is a scam by Junior. Janis, the bitch, got into it with Tony... they play a clip... *Tony talking about her days of dropping acid and blowing roadies, in front of Bobby, start brawling* Pugs hate Janis but would hate it if they got rid of her. She's as evil as Livia but puts on the act of "holier than thou". Lean brings up how Janis is tormenting Bobby Jr... IE the taking away of the chocolate milk and bringing up that Bobby Jr. wets the bed when it wasn't necessary. Pugs says that it is so bad that they would rather go with their dad to "collect" than stay at home with her. Kelly wonders if you have to tell cops your name when they ask you.

1:23
*break*
1:32

Kurtis calls in to answer Kelly's question. He was arrested for failure to identify and admits that he might be a shadey guy. He's been arrested a lot and has done a good amount of time in the Texas prison system. Pugs accuses Kelly of being nice to scumbags. A police officer named Matt calls in to explain that you have to give your name, date of birth, and address when you get detained. Chris, another officer, calls in to explain that you have to give your name, date of birth, and address when you get detained... you know, just in case you didn't hear it the first time.... Kelly is very much against all of this and reminds us that this country is suppose to be free and not Nazi Germany... LET FREEDOM RING SISTER!!!!.... This dude calls in to complain about the Garland police pushing their power over the limits on people. He claims that he rides his bike around and gets stopped and searched for no reason. Kelly wonders if the police have nothing better to do than harass random people.

1:44
*break*
1:56

Average Joe is on tonight and Pugs yells, "I LOVE JENNIFER LIPSCHITZ!" Pugs thinks she would be cute if she got a nose job. WEEKEND DEBRIS!!!! YOU DRUNKARDS!... We are welcomed to weekend debris with Kelly quoting things that Pugs is saying to Super Girl on Friday night... "I don't have short relationships, I tend to drop anchor"... Pugs is upset that Kelly did that and proclaims, "If telling the truth is bad, then I'm a bad guy," We get a bong hit, an order from Whataburger, a guy wanting a little piece of Eric, some guy in Chicago claiming that he can feel the aura of Pugs and Kelly around him., and... Pugs talk again... Pugs asked for a breath strip from Super Girl because he has the horrible Atkin's breath... another guy wanting Eric's ass again, some dude claiming to be busted with a lot of weed and then gives out his number, more Pugs.. "This is the place where I learned how to do blow off a girl's ass"... Kelly says that at least she didn't call in with "Yeah, I'm from the same Ireland that U2 are from!"... Pugs also told a story about accidentally hitting on a ten year old. Aaron and Pugs were walking through the mall Friday checking out the possibly underage ladies. They were discussing this one girl that might be underage and Aaron says, "she probably didn't get enough of daddy's love" to which Pugs replied, "I'll show her daddy's love!!" at that time two ten year old girls that turn around and looked at them wide eyed. Pugs reached out to tell them that it was OK.. Pugs talks a lot with his hands you know... and they ran off screaming. Pugs and Aaron hid in a fabric store while their mother looked for them. ... degenerates!!!!

2:09
*break*
2:19

Pugs is E-mailing Super Girl and she says that all his talk was cool. Pugs wonders if that means that the damage was already done before all of this happened. Pugs threatens to take notes of Kelly talking to Tyson in the future. Kelly reminds Pugs that he already does that. Kelly's birthday is coming up and she is none too excited about it. She proposes that they just have on dinner a month from now on.... and in July have two to accommodate Pugs' lavish birthday needs. Sybil looks a little down and claims it is because she is a little overworked. Kelly wants to blame Drago... again, I offer my services as Sybil's snuggle bunny.... but I know I shall be rejected.... more stuff too but I have a feeling I'll be censored.... yeah.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. Today is national goof off day!
Sybil wonders what corporation came up with this one. Pugs questions the legitimacy of this day. Does the president announce things with a fake nose and glasses? Does he shake hands with dignitaries with a buzzer?

2. This dude in the US tried to plane with a severed seal's head in a cooler. He is a college Biology professor but is now facing charges under the marine animal protection act of '72.

3. Bonneville, Kentucky chick died in 99, she was well known for wearing a ton of jewelry. She was interred in a mausoleum and 5 people ripped off he jewelry from her body.
Pugs doesn't think that "interred" is a word and demands that Sybil stop saying it.

4. BOX OFFICE!
5. Secret Window
4. Startsky and Hutch
3. Taking lives
2. The Passion of the Christ
1. Dawn of the Dead

Pugs claims victory over Christ and rings the buzzer a billion times. This goes to prove that Jesus can get beat by a lot of dead mutant zombies.

didn't get no time
*break*
2:40

Pugs and Kelly realize that they are talking poorly today.

5. Brittany Spears, who is on tour...
Pugs and Sybil LOVE the new song "Toxic". Sybil find Brittany soooo sexy now. The play the single... Pugs doesn't like this type of music but loves this. Sybil is dancing and Kelly points out how nasally she is. Kelly points out that Pugs walks around the office singing the song and gets stuck in her head. Pugs thinks that Brittany is nice but thinks Tara Reid isn't nice... According to his observations of the E! True Hollywood Story.... She is such a party slut and Remember how Urlacher was dating Paris? She stole that from Tara Reid who was dating Tom Brady...
"Syb what else?"... Sybil tries to finish the story...
Thursday in Moline, Illinois hurt her knee to "Boom Boom", went backstage, came back on stage with a bathrobe and apologizes...
Kelly thinks that she is such a little baby... Like Jennifer Lopez not being a bitch and... Pugs interrupts, Pugs says that Brittany is just blowing off a little steam and Kelly says she is just doing blow off a toilet. Pugs brings up Tara Reid again and about how her family says she partys hard because she never went to college.
"Syb what else?" Sybil tries to finish the story...
She cancelled that performance and the next show in Chicago... finished?.... SHE FINISHED!!!!

6. Paris Hilton was thrown off her horse and kicked in the stomach.. wasn't really hurt.
Kelly thinks that God doesn't like her. Pugs thinks that Paris probably just fell off the horse and fell into the leg. If she was to get kicked by a horse she'd die. Pugs explains the premise of the Simple Life 2... Kelly says that Jessica Simpson had to apologize to Paris Hilton for making fun of her on SNL...

7.Paul Ruebens (Pee Wee Herman), had his child porn charges dropped. Probation for 3 years, one year of counseling, and he must be registered as a sex offender.
Kelly says, "No more copin' a fee''.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... what nobody got that? huh?.. oh wait.. I don't get it either... Kelly tries to explain it, something about an Asian kid...umm, lets just go to the close.

Thanks and Plugs
*"I'm Coming Home" @ 2:54*


I Heard It Dude (IHID)

Sybil Giggle- 55
Bell Dings- 10
Buzzer- 40


comments/suggestions/ pictures of china babies? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com