*"El Distorto de Melodica" @ 11:55*

We're live from Duke's Original Roadhouse... again.. I'm here too.... Kent is putting the pictures from Dodgeball this week up on the site and Kelly wants to plug stuff that isn't on the site. It's going to be a beautiful weekend which is good because Pugs is a boat person. Kelly asks Pugs if he remembers what today is and he explains that it is the day after tax day. Kelly asks Pugs how his taxes went and Pugs says that he has to ask his mom about that. Kelly announces that today is... kick-a-thon money pledge day! Kelly reminds us that Pugs doesn't want colored kids to learn karate Pugs clarifies that his fear is that poor people will learn how to rob him easier. Pugs is going to pledge a nickel a kick... NO!... Pugs is going to pledge a dime a kick because he's "cool Uncle Pugs". Kelly is going to sign up her parents and then let them know that they owe her money. We discuss the new movies out today. Kill Bill volume 2.... Kelly really needs to see Kill Bill volume 1. Pugs loved how gorey and bad ass Kill Bill is and checks on the reviews on both movies. Volume 1 received 3.5 stars out of 4 and Volume 2 received 3.5 out of 4... good for them. Pugs wonders if the last name Liu is to chinamen that the last name Smith is to normalmen. Sybil starts to look over at the table Francis and I are seated at... we seem to be the only Asian representation around. Pugs likes Jennifer Garner and is looking forward to "13 to 30". Pugs compares it to "Big" and Kelly calls him on what he said earlier. "That is so hot... a 13 year old mind in a 30 year old body..." Cody gives a thumbs up on the idea that Pugs has floating in his head. Kelly warns all of the ladies out there that if a guy wants to take you to see this movie, he is not thinking of it as a chick flick. He's not being sensitive to your needs. He's just creepy. Now, on to the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen movie.. "Almost Legal"... wait, "A New York Minute" Kelly is still outraged by the towel tease that's in the promo of this movie. Pugs lets her know that his desire to see this movie is purely wholesome. He thinks it looks like "Ferris Beuler". Pugs is still defending his stance on the idea of a 13 year old in a 30 year old body. If he could find a retard with the body of Jennifer Garner then that would be awesome. Kelly brags that she got an awesome smoothie from Java Juice... and I jsut spilt tea everywhere while scrambling for the time.

12:10
*break*
12:24

Kelly thinks it's awesome outside at Duke's today and... some yuppie bitches are being loud from the other side of the bar and I can't hear anything right now. Kelly always thinks of her dad as taller than he really is, 5'10" as does Pugs. Pugs thinks her dad is quite intimidating. Kelly's dad has never said anything bad about anybody she's ever dated... loud... yuppies... make.... Will... angry.... oh well, that's why I came out to a live remote..... We got an E-mail that tells a story about some mom making her sons, 10-12, wear lingerie at a starbucks... I really hope this isn't some kind of weird acid trip I'm getting from sleep depravity.... Pugs and his group of friends all thought it was funny and Kelly claims that there are better ways to punish children than making wear bras. Pugs doesn't have a problem with it but doesn't think he'd ever do that to his kids. Kelly reminds us that there is such thing as cruel and unusual punishment in this country. She believes that these kids are going to get called gay for the rest of their school lives. Mike calls in to say that those kids are probably going to need years and years of therapy. Pugs thinks that they'll get over it and if anybody calls them gay they should get popped in the face. Pugs hypothesizes that these kids are probably being raised homophobic because their mother is utilizing the womanization of them as punishment. Kelly doesn't like to spank her kids because it's too easy of a way to get off. She use to pick spankings over any other type of punishment as a kid because it was over quickly. Kelly tends to not pick punishments for her children that makes them walk around with the stigma of being a bra wearing kid for the rest of their life. Pugs took a number 2 in a pool once and Kelly reminds him that he wasn't forced to do that. A caller lets us know that back in seventies, you use to just get your ass kicked and nobody needed counseling. One time Kelly caught Declan looking under dressing room stalls and bopped him on his head. She got really panicked and immediately left the store. She thought she was going to get stopped by mall security or something. Pugs thinks that she should have been busted because Declan's a predator from an abusive family. Pugs use to get whacked in the face with a purse when he acted up at shopping malls. Sybil use to get spanked by her mother but never her father. When she was 3 she was going to get a spanking from her mom but she went to the bathroom and stuffed her bloomers with toilet paper... that's cute.... Pugs reminds us that bows cross dress all the time and Kelly lets him know that he's wrong... off mic... Tyson says that Pugs likes to cross dress and suck D***.... Kelly doesn't remember her brothers ever doing that and Pugs tells her to back off because he never had a dad. Felicia has 2 boys and 2 girls and she doesn't see how the stuff she makes them do now will affect them later in life... really? seriously? I mean... what the hell lady..... Pugs is outraged because everyone needs counseling these days. He calls everyone pussies.... that gets a round of applause from some noon time drunk at the bar.... Pugs had a friend that died when he was young and he didn't need long therapy. He was sad for about a week and then moved on.

12:46
*break*
Bruce X walks in, minds his own business, barely orders a coke, and gets forced to join in for a segment.
12:58

We're back with Bruce X. Pugs says that Duke's is on midwad road... ? There is a shake up in the porno industry and Kelly warns us that we should all run out to planet X and stock up. Pugs reads the story. Two porn stars, Darren James and Lara Roxx, have tested positive for HIV. The two performer are believed to have worked with 13 known women since they originally contracted the virus..... being the best damn blogger ever, I've taken it upon myself to get the list, Courtesy of uselessjunk.com

These women are: Jocelyn (3/19/2004); Dynasty (3/25/2004), Annie Cruz (3/29/2004); Banesca, Persia, Miss Arroyo (3/30/2004); Kayla Marie, Jessica Dee (4/07/2004); Lara Roxx (3/24/2004), Skyler Banks, Patrice Petite, Candy Ray, Deserie Clark, and Kayla Marie again (4/08/2004). Maxxx Black, Darren James, Mark Anthony, (3/24/2004) Tyler Knight (3/25/2004).

Second-Generation Contact: The following are on the second-generation list: John Strong, Carlos Mendes, Mark Anthony, T.T. Boy, Sean Michaels, Julian St. Jox, Mark Davis, Jason Zupalo, Mark Ashley, Duane Cummings, Judy Starr, Marco T., Brock, Dominico, Mark, Sledge Hammer, Brian Pumper, Steven St. Croix, Alex Sanders, Tony Sexton, Brian Surewood, Rhiannon Bray, Alberto Ray, Kelli Starr, Jean Val Jean, Mark Anthony and L.T. Turner. Rayveness and Eva Lux.

It is believed that Darren James caught the virus while visiting Brazil. He gets tested every three weeks and a test last week concluded that he had the virus that causes AIDS. An additional test confirmed this on Monday and several porn companies are under a 60 day production suspension.; Pugs wonders what porn stars do in their free time and Kelly thinks that they probably just have sex. Bruce tells us that Vivid, who is top dog in the porn industry, requires condom use and testing 30 days before a shoot. They bring up Mary Carey for some reason... I'm still having a hard time listening... and Kelly says that she isn't that hot. Bruce explains that the industry uses two different kind of test for HIV/STDs. Apparently, Mary Carey said that the system isn't working. Bruce points out that within a day of this story breaking, the entire industry is down. Kelly wonders if people would rather be with a really hot woman with HIV or an "OK" woman without it. Bruce lets us know that there are very strict regulations in the major companies but some of the more renegade companies are more lax. Bruce calls Darren James a well known and pretty nice guy.... Oh, Francis just got a key like pie and it looks really good.... Kelly knows that these companies make a lot of movies in a short amount of time and so it becomes a giant HIV networking type thing. Chad calls in to ask who is not working right now and Bruce tells him that pretty much everybody that is mainstream. Kelly asks how big of a hit the industry is going to take on this and Bruce assures her that the main body of the industry will ride the wave out fine.... but you should still stock up on porn from Planet X... DO IT!

1:19
*break*
1:33

The last time that this happened was in 98/99 and Kelly reminds us that more people are infected at the World Trade then in the porno industry. Bruce explains that when you consider how many people are working and how many films are being produced compared to the number of infection breakouts, it's actually a damn good system. In the 99 case, the dude got 4 other performers infected but it was still shut down failry quickly. Bruce assures that if somebody comes down with any type of STD in the business these days, you can not continue to work because nobody will hire you. Bowling for Soup is here but it's also time for the Apprentice talk segment. Kelly wants to combine the two together.

1:42
*break*
1:46

Jaret and Gary from Bowling for Soup join the show.... OK, for the first time ever, I've actually written something that I cannot read at all.... Jaret says something about leaving the skin on and Kelly wonders why you would bother to fry it if the skins on it. Jaret admits that sometimes when they're on the road, they don't even know what city they're in. One time, Jaret told an audience that he was happy to be in Kansas City, Kansas even though he was in Missouri. They are going to be performing tonight at the Main Street Arts festival in Fort Worth and it's free to everyone. The Fry Street Fair will be tomorrow but it will be in Dallas and not Denton. They didn't bring their guitars so they won't get to play any music. We're going to hit them with sticks instead.

1:56
*break*
2:01

Kelly tells them how she has "girl all the bad guys want" for her ringer for Eric. Sybil is going to be on the new Bowling for Soup album... hmmm, maybe they'll get her singing a cover of a Timex Social Club song... Pugs demands that Bowling for Soup clear up their schedule now because he wants them to play for him on his birthday. It's going to be P & K vs G & J in whack-a-stick today. Kelly wants to be hit so Pugs says screw the team thing. Jaret reminds Tyson that they need to play later tonight so he should take it easy on them. LET THE WHACKING BEGIN!

round 1
Kelly- right!
Pugs- wrong! Tyson goes to whack him but Pugs moves out of the way and Tyson hits Gary instead. Pugs finally accepts his punishment and OH GOD... Tyson killed him. I can see the welt build up already. Good god, I knew that this game was never a "bit" but I didn't know that they got hit that hard. It's Gary's turn next but Kelly reminds us that Gary already got hit so he doesn't have to get hit again. Pugs tells him to stop being a puss and take it like a man
Gary- wrong! Tyson kills Gary
Jaret- wrong! Tyson... oh my god... Tyson broke the stick over Jaret's arm. Jaret lifts his arms up in celebration because he is the man of steel. He confirms that it does indeed hurt like the Dickens.

well... the whack-a-stick is dead.

2:10
*break*
2:17

Last night the conclusion of the apprentice was on and Bill won. Hey, that means that the entire show was right for change. Pugs believes that Kwamie's flaw was that he was not a stand-up take-charge type of guy. Kelly that while Kwamie did seem a little detached from the situation, whenever there was problem, he solved it. Pugs and Kelly remind us that Omarosa really is a bitch and that she wasn't a plant like they suspected. Stuart, Pugs and Kelly's window to the youth of America, calls in to say that he expected her to be a plant... go to school Stuart.... Kelly thinks tht Omarosa was not hammered enough for the shadey things that she did. Pugs thinks that Omarosa has probably convinced herself that Erica said the N word. They both agree that the more they see her, the crazier she seems. Kelly is still confused as to why Kwamie picked Omarosa to be on his team. Donald Trump was getting upset with Kwamie because all he wanted to do was to meet Jessica Simpson and neither one of them could be found. Kwamie was trying to find Omarosa but she never answered her phone. She was up in Jessica Simpson's dressing room trying on hats. Pugs thinks that Kwamie should have fired her and believes that he was just too intimidated by her. .... I can't hear again and I manage to pick up Kelly saying something about a hot dog down the street. Pugs is excited by the new season of The restaurant.

2:39
*break*
2:50
Pugs has received an E-mail from Steve Noviela...

"Hey Pugs...

Allow me to share with you an exceprt from an E-mail from Kelly.

"The diet... hmm.. well, on the upside I get to swallow free pulls. That's about all I can say about the product. I did find a good fat burner pull though and I've been exercising my ass off though unfortunately, not literally. I suspect that the product is... what's the technical term?... "crapola?" I haven't mentioned it on the air though."

What she HAS mention on the air (perhaps without realizing) is malted milkballs... and Duke's onion rings. Are our girls holding up their end of the bargain? Somehow I have images of grapefruit pills in one hand and a Duke's maragarita in the other...

I say we bust her! he he he he he he he he he he he....."

END E-MAIL

I would like to say.... I'm the official show recap blog type dude and I know this... Kelly hasn't mentioned that she is eating onion rings from Duke's on the air. If you go back to Wednesday's show you will see that Kelly was drooling over Leslie's (the go to negro) onion rings but didn't actually have any. Of course, in that same show she admitted to eating malted milkballs from grabmynuts.com

Kelly lets us know that she is taking the pill and only had nuts on one day. She was at the gym twice yesterday.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. In Florida, Todd Carter, his brother, and two friends hailed a taxi. The driver and a young female passenger were drinking and then she started stripping. She also bragged about how she help up a convenient store.

*"Coming Home Baby" @ 2:56*

now... Somebody stole my notes and wrote out...

"RAMSEY IS KEWL!" Now I wonder who did that... I know it wasn't me, I would never spell "cool" like that.

I Heard It Dude (IHID)

Sybil Giggle- 51
Bell Dings- 6
Buzzer- 3



comments? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com

*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 12:13*

Pugs is froggy from last night at dodgeball. Last night people were complaining to Kelly about certain teams getting into the consultation rounds and Kelly explains that they got to play i n those rounds because they were nice to her. Pugs demands a trade to a better team. Eric wonders why Smith sucks so hard on their team and Pugs think that the task that they want Smith to accomplish isn't that hard... just get all 6 people out on the other team. Kelly calls the New You Show a bunch of fags for not showing up to Dodgeball last night. Pugs sings a George Michael song...

12:19
*break*
12:29

There was a brawl last night at the Dodgeball event between Kidz and Jesus Christler Supercar. Kelly lets us know that those two teams had a grudge before that fight even broke out. It's time for the Pugs and Kelly institute for Human Growth and Development... Adam wants to know if he should stay or go if he went over to a woman's house and she pulled out a giant box of condoms. Pugs claims that he is OK about it but thinks that it means something about her. Kelly thinks that it means that she is a smart consumer that buys in bulk. She reminds us that sometimes you get into relationships and buy a giant box of condoms. When that relationship ends you have this big stash of rubbers. Eric thinks that a girl with a giant box of condoms is good because that means that she is safe. Kelly reminds us that sometimes people give out giant boxes of condoms as gag gifts. Chris calls in to say that you can't know for sure what she's done with the condoms in that box. She could be poking holes in them to make sure she's going to get pregnant. Pugs wants to give him a prize for his observation but he hangs up. Rob calls in to say that you can pass off the big box on a frugal woman but if she pulls out a ring sizer and several different sizes, then that would be a big problem. Eric explains that a woman that owns a big box of condoms is comfortable with her sexuality and Pugs reminds us that he only likes insecure women. Pugs is going to hell anyway and doesn't want to go to hell for sex. He imagines sex hell is very painful and probably not a good time. A guy calls in to say that he feels silly bringing a condom around with him. Pugs will carry one around with him from time to time but feels a little silly doing it. Kelly would be annoyed if a guy she was with on a date was carrying a condom. AJ calls in to claim that his problem is that the condoms are always too small. Kelly tells him to jus throw his phone number out and Pugs thinks that AJ's other problem is that he's just too good looking. Pugs brings up how embarrassing it is to run to 7-11 at midnight to pick up a condom. The clerk looks into your car to check out your partner and for some reason you hope that he approves. James calls in to let everyone know that he loves the show... well, alright. So, around the board... Sybil, Kelly, Eric are OK with a girl with a box of condoms and Pugs thinks that she is a dirty whore.

12:56
*1:04

the rest of this day is on tape... I'm going to be working on Friday's show and then I'll jump back to this one. (taped parts of the show always give me a harder time)

Just got back from dodgeball and boy are my arms tired... (not really... I hate you people)

It was a beautiful night of dodgeball and everything seemed to fall into place beautifully. Perfect weather, great atmosphere, beautiful people, and a slow witted show blog guy running around with a pen, paper, bad digital camera, a heart full of dreams, and a belief that dodgeball rocks the body that rocks the party. I had a blast, as always, and I suggest that everyone from everywhere come out to dodgeball. If you don't come then a kitty cat will die... that's right, die. Can you live with yourself after that? Huh bastard? That's right... you come out to dodgeball.. you freak.



Pugs and Kelly Show team... well, they got trampled, badly. They got swept in two and I swear that each game couldn't have lasted more than forty seconds each. Everyone's favorite lanky intern Cody was the last one in both times though... good for you Cody! IN the first game.. hahahaha... I can't stop laughing... hahaha..... Kelly threw a ball and hit James in the back. James seemed a little startled and in the split second he got beaned. I"m sorry but that was funnier than Drunk Guy getting hit in the nuts.

This weeks winners are.... Duke's!!! Congratulations Duke's! you win a hundred dollar bar tab to... DUKE'S!!! They had a complete war with the Rad Pack in the final. I thought our reigning champs were going to be dethroned for a minute... but as usual, I was wrong... and stupid... and ugly... and I have low self esteem... yeah. I want to also give a big hand to Jabari's Revenge for having a great week again. Those guys are exciting to watch and are quickly becoming my favorite out there.... in a straight way... seriously.


Will's Amazing Player (WAP) of the week is.... SMITH! Smith is a veteran dodgeball player and a complete bad ass. First game he was in he threw the ball so hard that he knocked one of the ads of the fence... this is completely strange but I swear to god that the velocity that ball hit could have crushed a skull. He is a master of the fake throw. He looks left... and throws right... Sometimes He looks left, starts to throw right and then throws left. AND SOMETIMES... he looks left, starts to throw right, fakes left, throws down the middle. Smith, this dodgeball fan salutes you.

*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 11:59*

We're live from Duke's Original Roadhouse... and by we I mean WE. I'm here too! Kelly heard that Don & Mike were bitching about the late time slot they had. Would you rather have a day off of work or a day off where you could eat whatever you wanted and not gain weight? Pugs would rather just have a day off and Kelly wants to eat whatever she wants. Sybil had a bag of malted balls from grabmynuts.com that melted in her car. She didn't want them anymore and offered them to Kelly. Kelly accepted of course because those malted balls rock. They froze together and made one giant ball. Pugs thinks it looks like poo... it does in fact look like poo. God reminds us that we are going to be at Duke's tonight for dodgeball. Pugs heard that Tyson was putting a team together but Kelly tells him that Tyson still isn't going to play. Kelly is fascinated by how athletes interact with one another. Pugs teaches us that athletes are just babies in muscled up bodies. Pugs teases whack a stick with the Trivial Pursuit Pop Culture edition. Pugs is outraged b trivia games that have the wrong answers. He was being drilled by Tyson before the show and found a card with a wrong answer. He invites the listeners to play and the one that can correctly answer the question will receive the X-box game Breakdown. The question is, what actress graced the cover of Matthew Sweet's 1992 album Girl Friend? While we wait for calls Sybil tells us her get away story. She was driving home from Houston when she had a blow out. She pulls over and these two guys pull over right behind her. While her boyfriend was changing the tire, the two dudes stayed there. She wondered what they were doing there as they drove up. She later realized that her hubcap flew off and hit their car. Sybil would like to have those two gentlemen E-mail her so that she can give them her information... that's sybil@pugsandkellylive.com... Bruce calls in with Tuesday Weld and he's right. Kelly reminds us that everybody agrees that Friday is the favorite day in the week and wonders why there aren't that many people named Friday. It's the second anniversary celebration at Duke's tonight. Pugs and Kelly watched the president speak last night and Kelly was amused by his answering techniques. Pugs compares him to an athlete after a big game and also calls him an alpha-male. Kelly was entertained that MSNBC didn't know the names of any of the reporters from any other news agency. She also wonders when Bush started taking on characteristics common with Billy Bob Thorton. Kelly compares the plan for Iraq as somebody somebody who just took off the training wheels but with someone still holding on to the back.

12:20
*break*
12:35

They play a crank call from Jim Florentine's album... it's the horney priest thing.... this is hilarious. We're still live from Duke's. Pugs brags that he took Jim to Duke's and Kelly calls Jim a celbrafriend. *JETSON'S BELL*... IT'S JIM FLORENTINE! Jim is surprised that they could get away with playing that track on the air these days. Kim is plugging his Craig Kilburne tonight. He claims that it started out badly because he said that he had no chance with any of these women and some chick tells him that he does. She tells him that she's 15 and he tells her that she's too old. Jim still doesn't feel like he's cool and admits that he wore a Black Sabbath T-shirt on the show. Kelly wants to see Jim on Queer Eye for the straight guy. Jim is coming back to perform in August but he might be opening for a damaged plan...(pantera lite).... Pugs thinks that sucks because those fans don't want to see the funny man. Pugs thinks that Jim should wear a giant Special Ed costume and Kelly strongly disagrees. Pugs still believes that Jim hates the puppet and Kelly reminds us that this is a disillusioned thought that Pugs made up. JIm lets us know that he has no ill feeling torward the puppet. Pugs likes how comics can be in the most horrible room and could not care one bit and Kelly thinks that Jim is only doing it to get into the concert. Jim tells us that he only got paid a grand for the appearance and CBS doesn't pay for a hotel. Jim broke about even after the whole show. Pugs wants a video tape of Jim at the concert arena and Kelly reminds him that he could just go. Jim says that it's all about being fearless and facing new challenges and Kelly thinks he sounds like he's in therapy. Jim brings up how he heard about the mystery girl/Kevin the trainer stuff... oh no.... Pugs wants to know how he found out about that but Jim seems timid to say. Pugs and Kelly thinks its the Tyson to Opie to Jim connection but... it was SYBIL! Pugs lets Jim in on all the details and Jim had a similar situation happen to him when he was living in Florida years ago. He came home one night to hear his girlfriend getting it on with his roommate. Jim exploded because she was moaning louder than she ever did with him. Pugs' problem with his situation was that Kevin constantly lied in his face even after Mystery Girl admitted to it. jimflorentine.com The new album is Terrorizing Telemarketers: Vol. 4

12:58
*break*
1:07

Kelly has been mad dogging Leslie's onion rings. Pugs believes that people are for the most part born bad and Kelly strongly disagrees. Pugs thinks that people are closer to animals then we would like to admit. Our natural instincts are to be selfish. A kid with a toy must be taught to share that toy. Pugs also thinks that a kid must be taught that he can't suck on a bottle all day... he must get out and get a job.. ya bum.... Kelly thinks that a lot of people that experience love want to show love in return. Pugs wonders who in their right mind would save a kid from a bus... dude, I would.... Kelly believes that there are such things as bad seeds and Pugs thinks that we invented terms like insanity for these bad seeds. He believes that whether you're crazy or not, if you violate the rules of our society, you get locked up. This story is out of Florida... Kelly reminds us that Florida is the white trash catch all and Pugs says that when you are too trashy to make it in every other state then you end up in Florida. A teen got 80 years, thirty years suspended for attempting to run down a woman. Pugs and Kelly try to use their knowledge of Law and Order math... 80-30 = 50... 25 years? sure.... Kelly thinks that is a mighty stiff punishment for only attempted murder and Pugs explains what the kid's intentions were. This kid wanted to kill a jogger he saw while driving so that he could have sex with her corpse. Pugs and Kelly agree that necrophillia is messed up. At the age of 15, his new year's resolution that he presented in class was to eat human flesh and get a license to do the things that reads in the paper. Kelly thinks that you should get a person like that help and Pugs believes that you just need to take this bad seed out of society. Kelly would hope that if her kid had complete psychotic characteristics, he would only be joking about it. Declan is lazy and Kelly wants to whip him into shape. She does realize that despite his problems, Deck is still a good kid. A caller says that parents don't tell their kids what's right or wrong anymore and Pugs blames the hippie generation that raised him. Some kids are rotten little bastards and their parents refuse to acknowledge it. Kelly thinks that necros should become morticians because... who would know?

1:26
*break*
1:38

Kelly reminds us that Declan thinks the show's dodgeball team sucks. Pugs hates how crappy they are and reminds us of his "laser throw" that was so easily caught. Kelly wants to get Emil drunk before they play again. The cowboys want to bring their franchise to Fair Park. Pugs thinks that Texas Stadium looks burnt out and Kelly wants to point a mural on it. Pugs continues to read the story and wonders why Frisco isn't being more carefully looked out. Kelly reminds him that like the president and the vice-president, the soccer team and the football team can not be in the same community. Pugs and Kelly always had bars near the stadiums they grew up around. They were smack dab in the middle of big cities and Pugs hates how everyone wants to move out to the middle of nowhere. New York doesn't even have a foot ball franchise in New York, it's all the way out in Jersey. Eric thinks that the city of Dallas would benefit greatly from the move. This is something that could rejuvenate the economy. Chaz calls in to cheaply plug the live and local show.. yeah... Chaz thinks that they should move to Dallas because it's the the DALLAS Cowboys. Chip calls in to say that we should look at St. Louis because it rocks. Kelly thinks, as a rule, we should never point toward St. Louis for any example to follow. Heather calls in to say that Baltimore is doing great. Pugs thinks that bringing the stadium down there will allow for some great Dallas skyline camera shots. Kelly thinks that the AAC is a failure and also reminds us that Dallas has a huge deficit. The cops wanted a raise and couldn't get one so where would this money to build a new stadium come from? We already have an increased sales tax in comparison to other cities. Matt calls in to say that Baltimore was a complete craphole before the stadium was built but now it's OK. He says that the problem with fair park is that there is no mass transit so people have to worry about drinking and driving and parking. Joe calls in to say that they want a retractable roof so that they can attract more events IE Super Bowls... Pugs hates the idea of the retractable roof because the elements should be a factor in the game. Kelly is bothered that the owner of the cowboys would reap all of the benefits without using his own cash to start it.

2:03
*break*
2:20

I just got food on my notes, ah man. Mark, the owner of Duke's joins the show and lets us know that he wears his babydoll T-shirt because he's a real man. Tomorrow is the start of their two year anniversary celebration. Pugs reminds us that Duke's has the "best deck in Texas" and Kelly admits that it is way nicer than the deck she has at her house. Join Pugs and Kelly from 5-7 PM on Sunday as they judge the belly flop contest. Pugs wonders if the belly flop contest will upset their dodgeball courts at all and Mark assures him that it will not. Tonight's tournament winner will win.. a hundred dollar bar tab and the overall winner of dodgeball will go on to the big times!!! wooo!

2:27
*break*
2:34

Greg Adler, president of 4 wheel parts, joins the show to promote Truck Fest. Truck fest is a custom truck show. Greg tells us that most of the trucks are street legal except for the monster trucks. Pugs asks if Truckosaurus is going to be there but then remembers that was an episode of the Simpsons. They will be having all types of special deals and Greg explains that it isn't just a show it's also a massive sale. Eric is going to be out there to MC the event. Pugs and Kelly wonder about Greg's views on the SUV and Greg gives a thumbs up on tricked out SUVs. Pugs wants to own a bad ass caravan. Thats the Truck Fest, this weekend at the Dallas Convention center in Hall D... and it's free!

2:41
*break*
2:47

Kelly is watching Tyson checking out the waitress. He looks at the waitress and then he'll almost immediately look over to Kelly. Pugs covers for him by saying that she's just the waitress and he's just ordering. Kelly is worried because he normally doesn't like to talk to people and Pugs covers for him... she says something about me but I was telling the waitress that she could take my plate away so I didn't hear it all.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!!!!

1. There is a new edition to Sybil's favorite mugshot gallery... In Camp Verde, Arizona 60 year old man was swinging from a tire swing into a swimming hole naked. There was a family picnic going on near by and the man was charged with 11 counts of indecent exposure.
Sybil shows the mug shot and Pugs is going nuts... Pugs thinks he isn't hot enough to be naked and points out how his eyeballs are pointed in two different directions.

2. MTV's show "I Want a Famous Face" had a guy that went through massive surgery to look like J-Lo. He hasn't been mistaken for looking like J-lo yet but he is happy with the results.
Pugs brings up how those brothers didn't' look anything like Brad Pitt afterwards. Pugs wonders if MTV could help him look more like Steve Buscemi.


3. There is a guy that says he was molested by Michael Jackson back in the 80s.
Pugs and Sybil agree that he needs to get over it. Pugs and Kelly remind us that they were both sexually molested.

4. Janet and Michael are recording a duet this summer.
Pugs thinks it's nice that they would do that because now there is only one album he will avoid buying instead of two.

5. Brittany Spears wants he own reality show that shows the back stage life of her European tour called Ontourage...
Pugs loves the idea and reminds us that it's cool to be illiterate.

*"Coming Home Baby" @ 2:57*

I Heard It Dude (IHID)

Sybil Giggle- 71
Bell Dings- 15
Buzzer- 5


comments? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com

*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 12:00*

Steve Yurkee took some bad ass pictures last week at dodgeball and he wants to take pictures every week now. Pugs says that some of the p ictures are pictures that you want to keep forever. Tyson videotaped the match last week and Kelly wonders how they can get that on the site. Kelly brags that she is now fully recovered from her Dodgeball injuries from last week while Pugs pulls his pants down. He shows off his bruises while wearing his fashionable gray cotton boxers. Declan watched the tape and was laughing about how easily the balls that Pugs and Kelly threw were caught. Pugs is going to buy balls to throw against his garage door so that he can build up his arm. Kelly had an awesome Easter brunch with the Jews. (Careful, they steal your food).... She had brunch with Dr. Schwartz's family and BruceX and his kid.. KidX. Pugs is now a boat person. He went jet skiing at Lake Lewisville Friday. It was really cold and raining so Pugs wore gym shoes and a jacket. He was going to go again on Sunday but he stayed at home to watch the masters instead. Eric and Kelly give thumbs up for Janet on SNL. Kelly loves Tracy Morgan doing BrianFellows. She sounds so chipper today. Kelly gives "mad love" to the cast of SNL for picking up cocaine again. Kelly wonders if you tell your ex-husband that his ex-girlfriend was making out with somebody in front of you. Pugs told her not to but Kelly told him that she did run into her at a club. Kelly reminds us that he broke up with her and Pugs teaches us that when you break up it is a foot race to find someone new. Kelly claims that she just wants to see him happy. Declan goes to Guy Mezger for karate. Declan has a "kick-a-thon" to raise money for under privileged kids. Kelly is normally very much against money pressing for the kids at work but this time it's her kid. Pugs bought cookies from someone last year and never saw a single cookie.

12:15
*break*
12:32

Pugs gives a high five to the Dallas Stars for their win. Pugs has also been watching the rangers and tells us to "break them up". Kelly shows off her knowledge of baseball by revealing that the Yankee's record is 4-4. The tigers are doing good but Tiger isn't. Pugs watched the last couple of holes of the masters and found it awesome. Pugs and Paco were sitting around his house watching the masters. Kelly remembers Payne Stewart. Pugs tells us how Payne's plane was flying around the country with everyone dead in it. The cab depresssureized and everyone froze solid. The plane kept going until it ran out of gas. Pugs thinks that even better than his grandpa blowing himself up with an oxygen mask and a fireplace lighter. Kelly confesses that she cried during the Phil Nicholson and Payne Stewart match. Eric tells us that when you freeze to death, you breath in and your lungs freeze causing instant death. Pugs is pretty sure that isn't a good thing. A dude calls in to say that Eric is wrong. They went to sleep with NO before freezing. Kelly saw a roadrunner episode where the Coyote froze instantly. Switching focus back to Kelly squeezing cash for Deck, Kelly announces that she digs the girl scout cookies. She likes the cause and she really likes girlscout cookies. She hates the brownies though. Chuck Norris has a "kick-a-thon" event that rasies money so that underprivileged kids can take martial arts too. Pugs refuses to support street kids learning a more efficient way of kicking his ass but, he knows he'll cough up cash cause he's cool "Uncle Pugs". Kelly use to go door to door as a kid to raise money but these days its too dangerous. People don't know their neighbors anymore. Pugs hides when somebody rings his doorbell. He lays down and crawls on his belly to look out the window. A guy calls in to inform us that the blacks are big in Karate.. good to know. Kelly wonders where are all the black people in Dallas because she doesn't see a lot of minorities.

12:52
*break*
1:06

Pugs is coming home for Mother's day. Kelly watched Omarosa on Oprah and she thinks that she's insane. Omarosa was crying because ... ... ... nobody was paying attention to her.... The Apprentice finalist are Bill and Kwamie. Eric brings up how Pugs bet Crazy Beth a hundred bucks that nick and Amy wouldn't be eliminated. Pugs demands that Eric find the tape on that. Kwamie and Bill had to pick teams and Kelly thinks that Kwamie picked the worse team ever. He got Omarosa, Troy,... and Kelly thinks that Pugs called her a Dego Wap.. haha. Bill got Nick, Amy, and that hot piece of ass Katrina. Kelly brings up how argumentative the job interviews were. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT?" She is shocked that the interviewers found Amy annoying. Pugs thinks that Kwamie sucks. The whole show agrees that Bill is going to be the winner.

1:19
*break*
1:26

Pugs is laughing at "Eat It" by Weird Al Yankovic. He calls him a guilty pleasure and Kelly thinks that the thing missing in his act is humor. Pugs reads the story about Weird Al's parents. His parents were found dead in their home and weird Al still went on to rock out that night. Pugs goes for weeks without talking to his mother so if she was to die he could easily go a few weeks before he found out. Kelly says the same thing about her mother. She barely talks to her and her mom barely talks to her mom. Pugs thinks that McKenna will one day have that type of relationship with Kelly because it is a cycle. They both agree that if their parents died then they wouldn't do a show that day. Weird Al found out and went on with his show in Mankato, Minnesota. Kelly is amazed that the Little house on the Prarie's big city is an actual real place. Pugs thinks that there is no way that Weird Al's heart could be in it enough to sing "fat". Kelly finds the weirdest part being that the projector with the dedication of the show to his parents. Pugs wonders if Weird Al's voice had a more punk fury in it that night. John calls in to say that maybe he couldn't back out contractually. Pugs reminds him that Weird Al has a ton of cash and could easily back out if he wants to. Dave calls in to bring up how Bret Farve played the day after his dad died. Pugs tells him that you can turn emotion into fury for football but wonders if you could effectively sing about a duck. Kelly believes that quarter backs need to block out all emotion in a football game so that they can make clear choices pm the field. She thinks that Weird Al just goes through the motions.

1:40
*break*
1:54

Kelly demands to know who farted and nobody confesses to it. Pugs reminds her of the old "Ye who smelt it.. is ye who delted it" Kelly quickly wags the dog towards the vent and get everyone to believe it. Oh man... every one is really gagging... the MID DAY SHOW IS DYING!!!! Al E-mails in to invite everyone to his party. He gets in trouble every once in a while with the law but he's a good guy. They tried to pin the Rockwall Wal-Mart robbery on him and his lawyer told him it's cause he's a criminal. He is getting off of probation soon and wants to through a big ass party. Pugs think that this sounds like a kick ass time. Cody works at that particular Wal-Mart and Kelly wonders how anyone would ever notice what got stolen. Pugs brings up the sex act teenage bracelet story thing. In Palm Beach County Florida school kids are wearing multi-colored bracelets. Each different color represents a different sex act that gets performed if somebody rips off one of those bracelets.. oh these kids these days... White= kiss, red= lap dance, and black= intercourse. The meanings may be different from school to school but the trend is nation wide. Kelly thinks that the PTA are going nutty buckets out there. Pugs and Kelly both agree that this is a load of crap. These are just kids freaking their parents out. Pugs thinks that the school board is nothing but a few stay at home moms that feel important by getting crazy about something that every normal person can identify as being bull crap. Kelly use to tell her mom that everyone at her school does coke and that she doesn't.(exaggeration to gain points). Pugs reads the rest of story and the most of the parents still want to have sexual education. Kelly wonders what that possibly has to do with what this story is about. Jodie calls in to say that in California they do it with they ... she's 15 so she gets hung up on. Pugs thinks that this is just a way for kids to flirt with each other. Eric remembers when he was in 5th/6th grade everyone was going crazy over banadas because they were "gang related". Kelly remembers that when she was in Shaumberg kids were flashing gang signs but there were no gangs. A dude calls in to say that this would be a great idea for bars because then guys wouldn't waste time hitting on a chick that won't put out. Stuart(Pugs and Kelly's official window to the youth of America) calls in to say that the bracelets don't mean anything. Stuart has other ways to freak his parents out. Stuart is looking for a job this week and brags that he just got his GED. He assures Kelly that he is going to junior college soon. Pugs reminds us that if your a little weird kid in school and if you walk up to the head cheerleader and take her bracelet that doesn't mean she's having sex with you weirdo. Pugs friend Mike is about to become a grandfather. He had a daughter as a junior in high school and now she is pregnant.

2:16
*break*
2:25

Pugs is a boat person and Kelly isn't. Kelly thinks that it never gets old when Pugs asks people if their boat people. Pugs asks Eric if he's a boat person and Eric says that he's not really. He asks Sybil if she's a boat guy and she claims that she loves boats. Pugs says that she can't be a boat guy because she doesn't have a boat. Sybil reminds him that he doesn't have a boat either and Pugs proclaims that he does. She reveals that it's Wayne's boat and Pugs lets he know that Wayne has given him control of the Vegemite Sandwhich. They were jet skiing in the rain on saturday and Wayne was cranking Men at Work from his stereo. Kelly and Tyson were invited to come along. They woke up Saturday morning and thought it was too miserable out to go boating. Kelly isn't as surprised that they went out that day as she is that Pugs probably had to wake up before noon to go. Pugs lets her know that the new him is a boat person and that means he has to wake up early sometimes. He eventually lets her know that he woke up at one. Kelly's mom is a big boat person. Her mom took a boat from Wisconsin to Florida and had to worry about river pirates. In Florida, one dude snuck up on a City commissioner Danny Howell while he was sleeping in a park and pulled down his pants. A cop discovered Howell before he found out about the prank and a political foe of Howell's alerted the news media about this. Pugs reminds us that we've all been to these forest preserves... yeah. Pugs thinks we all know us what people go to the park for and compares it to certain hardware stores on Saturday afternoon. Kelly is disturbed that Pugs knows this and he reminds her that he's very familiar with cruisingforsex.com . You can find out which parts of your neighborhood are "cruising" sites. Pugs finds fault in the story because he claimed that he went to the park after watching a boxing match with his buddy to... unwind. They all agree that he is going to queer off.

2:35
*break*
2:45

Sybil Giggle Theme!!! Kelly thinks she can work out to this song.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. Orchids, Washington, A man applied for a job at the local law enforcement office was drunk off his ass. The receptionist asked him to come back later. He denied that he was drinking and demanded an application. Another person tested his alcohol content and he blew a .095.
Pugs was watching a Cops marathon and is impressed by the level of white trash in Fort Worth. Congratulations Fort Worth... I'd like to say that Alaska was great too.

2. If you've been dating somebody for twenty years and never been married...
Pugs lets her know that they've both been married and Sybil lets them know that they're pretending.
If you're name is William Huvner and you're a multi-millionaire...
Pugs lets her know that isn't his name and he's not a multi-millionaire.
This chick broke up with this dude and is now demanding stuff.
Pugs and Kelly call her a dummy. Pugs thinks that is wicked retarded.

3. Weekend Box office movies...
3. Johnson Family Vacation
2. Hellboy
1. The Passion of the Christ

Pugs thinks its not fair. He thinks God is a cheater.

*"Coming Home Baby" @ 2:56*





I HEARD IT DUDE (IHID)

Sybil Giggle- 50
Bell Dings- 21
Buzzer- 6




Comments? E-mail Will at Will@pugsandkellylive.com