*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 11:30*

There's a stranger in the studio checking the mics. I hope he doesn't lure Pugs or Kelly into a white van with promises of candy and puppy dogs. Kelly reminds us that the draft party will be pre-empting the New You show. Pugs is waiting for Nip Tuck to come back and wants to know what day they're all going to Antartica with Elizabeth Taylor and Shannon Doherty. Kelly lets him know that they're going to Iceland with Shannon Elizabeth and Liz Phair. Sybil informs us that a prize winner and their guest will be flying out with the show while they broadcast live from the 24 hour golf game thing. Pugs points out that ever since Sam the Mailman got in the promotions department, the prizes have been getting better. Kelly reads off a bunch of facts on Iceland. Pugs thinks Iceland looks quaint. Kelly reads that they have a 100% literacy rate there and Pugs wonders what they have to read in Iceland. Kelly reminds him that they have books and sheep. Eric has an E-mail from his girlfriend that requires the careful advice from everybody's favorite mid day show.

11:43
*break*
11:57

It's now time for the Pugs and Kelly Institute for Human Health and Development. Eric has a problem with his girlfriend Melissa. She sent him an E-mail that said something like... I'm sorry that I called you last night while asleep, I do that a lot. Gavin, her ex-boyfriend, called me all night. Eric explains that Gavin lives in Louisville and that they dated with 2.5 years. He also clarifies that she broke it off with him. He is a dance music DJ that is constantly traveling and he wanted to crash with her while he was. Then, he wanted to eat breakfast. Then, he wanted to meet up with her in between Dallas and wherever it was that he was staying. Kelly and Pugs ponder what she is trying to accomplish with this note. Kelly thinks that Melissa is only trying to make Eric jealous. Pugs points out how Gavin was obviously trying to score a booty call. Eric says that they're working on 4 months of being together at the end of this month and Pugs wonders if those 4 months start before or after James. Eric says that he's spoken to her and seen her since this E-mail and assures us that she didn't hook up with him. Pugs reminds Eric that women like to go back and see somebody to see if there are any old sparks left. Eric informs us that they broke up ten months ago and Pugs lets him know that is just the right amount of time to realize that she made a mistake. Eric explains that Melissa felt funny telling her ex that she had a boyfriend because when she broke up with him, she told him that she needed some time alone. Pugs thinks that she slept with him and is now feeling sorry. He reminds us that it isn't cheating if she slept with him before so theoretically, she could sleep with former intern James. Eric reveals that she wanted James' help with some internet stuff and Kelly reminds us that James is one of 12 people in the world that is internet savvy. She knew that Eric would be uncomfortable with it and bought a book to help her instead. Eric says that she is a very sensitive girl that cares for others very much. Lee calls in to say that he thinks she is being too detailed in the E-mail and Pugs agrees that she seems to be protesting too much. Eric says that in their relationship, they were going to be brutally honest. Kelly wonders if this is all about the "L-word" and Eric tells her that he has never told her that. Kelly thinks that she is making it a point to let Eric know that other people find her attractive so that he'll knuckle up. Pugs hypothesizes that she was thinking about meeting up with the dude and now feels guilty. Eric now remembers that when she called him, she told him that she considered hanging out with him. Kelly goes with her theory... "put up or shut up, make the commitment or I got other potential buyers...." James calls in and Pugs wonders if Eric has thought that she finds James better sexually. Kelly thinks she would just say that they're different. James says that Eric has nothing to worry about because she is ten times more insecure than he is. James explains that she broke up with him because she just plain didn't like him anymore. She gave him the "I don't want to see anybody right now" line. James thought that sucked because he just gave that line to somebody else two months before that. Michelles calls in to say that maybe she just realized how much she liked Eric after receiving all of those calls from her old boyfriend. Pugs thinks that is a nice way of seeing it for a person with no real life experience.

12:27
*break*
12:44

Kelly is thinking about getting her tattoo removed and Pugs wants to add one. He only wants to add one if the technology is good enough to have it removed cleanly for when the joke becomes unfunny. Emil Cerullo from the New You show joins us. Pugs wonder if Emil as stoned right now as he was when he made his last few spots. They play a clip of his latest commercial.... *yeah*.... Pugs and Kelly discuss how uncomfortable it is to listen to it with Emil being in the room. Pugs thinks that it is brilliant advertising because everyone remembers who he is. A guy calls in to say that it is the most awful spot in the world. Pugs and Kelly wonder what the hell carnitine and fish oil does and Emil explains that it helps burn fat and turns it into muscle. Pugs calls him on not really having any knowledge on what that stuff does. It's time for the whack pack member of the day...

12:56
*break*
1:09

Chuck callsi n with the whack pack member of the day... John the Stutterer. Emil says that the New You show will be on right after the Draft Party. Kelly says that she remembers going into the 6s last year. Emil is having Anthony Dorsett JR and Greg Hill (Week 4's Dodgeball WAP) on the show. Kelly tells Emil that he would know that Greg was the WAP if he would go to dodgeball. Emil thinks that there is too much dissention on team Pugs and Kelly. He brings up how Pugs wanted to be traded and how Sybil called Eric a flaming gay.

1:20
*break*
1:27

Kelly says that they are very superficial today. They had Emil, the diet guy, and now Dr. Scwartz, Boobcrafting specialist. Schwartz explains that all of his buddies are running "the Swan". Pugs interupts to proclaim his great love for Audrey Hepburn... yeah.... Kelly heard that Schwartz's assistant Desiree thinks that they talk too much and would like to remind Desiree that they are in talk radio. Kelly brags about how she tells Schwartz that he's wrong on their plastic surgery show on Sundays. Schwartz admits that most of the time she is right. Pugs says that a lot of the women in "the Swan" aren't that bad and Schwartz thinks that most of these girls are in too rough of a spot in their lives to be taken as patients. They discuss how it's a big surprise that Fox would bank on an exploitive show. Pugs has the show name tattooed on his ass and wonders why Kelly doesn't have the same commitment. He explains that he can't go to prostitutes because he would be too easily identified. Pugs finally reveals what he wants his new tattoo to be... A tattoo of... Tatoo, Herve Villechaize! Pugs wants to ask people if they would like to see his tattoo and then he would roll up his sleeve to show Tattoo... Everyone is sitting in stunned retarded. Pugs explains that he wants to have a tattoo of Tattoo pointing off at the plane with one hand and a gun to his head with the other. Kelly admits that is pretty funny but still questions the importance of capturing that joke in permanent tattoo form. Pugs asks Schwartz about the technology behind tattoo removal. He explains that the hail house tats are harder to get off. Pugs and Schwartz call everybody with jail house tattoos idiots. He also explains that the closer the ink is to your own skin tone, the harder it is too remove. Dr. Schwartz is willing to go out on a limb and say that Pugs dedicating his skin to a c-level joke probably isn't a good idea but Pugs lets him know that he commits to his jokes... just listen to the show. Kelly uncovers Schwartz's diabolical scheme to create a lab in his basement where he would work on crazy experiments. Pugs thinks that Schwartz should work on the penis enlarger. Dr. Schwartz lets him know that they are surgeries for that but they aren't perfected. He explains that they can cut a ligament that connect the penis to the pelvic bone. Pugs thinks that sounds like it would sting a bit and Dr. Kelly lets him know that he doesn't need to do it himself. Dr. Kelly reminds Pugs that her colleague Dr. Schwartz is well-educated and should trust him. Pugs doesn't think we can trust him because he's a dirty foreigner, he's Canadian.... wait a minute... He's a Maple Leaf smoker? I shook that man's hand. He should let people know that he's one of THOSE people. I mean, oh god.... A girl calls in about a tattoo on her breast. She lost a lot of weight and wants to get a lift and wonders how it will effect that tattoo. Schwartz gets her to describe in slow detail exactly where it is and finally lets her know that it probably won't be affected too much. Jason calls in to say that tat removal hurts like a bitch.

1:01
*break*
2:02

Kelly is getting botox. Pugs' face is perfect so he doesn't need it. Brad Sham joins us. Pugs heard that Eli Manning doesn't want to play for the chargers. Brad says that Archie Manning is being painted horribly as a pushy father. Eli just doesn't want to play for a losing team. He says that he would sit a year if the chargers take him and then join the draft next year. Brad would like to remind Eli that you never get that year back. Pugs hates when players do that and Kelly wonders what will happen if all the players started doing this. Brad reminds her that Eli Manning is a special player. You can't blame him for wanting to take a more active role in his career. He believes that Payton and Eli are pretty equal in their skill levels. Brad thins that the Cowboys need a right tackle and possibly another guard. Pugs brings up Al Johnson, center second round pick last year, and Brad lets us know that he is hearing that Al is making great progress rehabbing his leg. Brad takes time from the show real quick to yell at his dog. Brad explains that you can't ever call a draft weak because you never know who's going to have what it takes in the big game. Pugs brings how deep he draft is with wide receivers this year and wonders who will go first, Roy Williams or Larry Fitzgerald. Brad thinks that Roy Williams is an amazing receiver but Fitzgerald has a rare talent. Brad explains that when it comes down to it, you can have all the athletic talent in the world but you have to be able to play ball. Pugs brings up how Roy Williams, the other one the scary Safety one, hit on Kelly last year. A caller calls in to ask about Pat Tillman. Brad calls Pat an exceptional player. The day that he decided to step up for America was the day he became even more admirable. He walked away from a promising football career and died doing something that he believed in.

2:27
*break*
2:38

The grand prize winner of the Las Vegas trip to hang out with Gary is... Jonathan Pollard! YOU WIN DUDE!

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. In New York a 32 & 17 year old climbed a tree in Central park in a thong and a pair of boxer shorts. They had a stand off with police. The 32 year old had fem breast. The boys family didn't want to accept his gay lifestyle so they climbed the tree. The 32 year old did all the talking and even threw a can of coke down that the police gave him because it wasn't a diet vanilla pepsi.
They all agree that the police should have just left them up there. Pugs tells us that he climbed a fence in his underwear once. Sybil thinks that the 17 year old looks like former Intern Paco... "Holy crap!.." Kelly thought it was Paco. They all agree that this sounds like something Paco would do. Climb a tree with a man with girl breast to protest his family not accepting his gay lifestyle.

2. In the Philippines, Francisco Riviera was found with cocaine and guns in his rooster's cage. His lawyer is claiming that the drugs and the firearms belonged to the rooster.
Kelly plays the "your honor" game. ..."Your honor, as you can plainly see, the roosters eyes are a little red... that cleary indicates that he has a drug problem."

3. An artist in Amsterdam made a gun out of her skin. She had surgeons remove skin from her stomach and covered a gun with it. She claims that this is a statement about violence in society.... I think she should just confess that she boiled up this wacky idea while smoking angel dust. I mean, isn't there better ways to make a statement in society then covering a gun with skin?

4. Operation Rescue's, anti-abortion/anti-gay, president, Randal Terry, son is gay.
Kelly reveals that Randal got him gay because he was adopted. Pugs thinks that this might be God's way of saying, "hey, lighten up buddy"

5. Omarosa has been dropped by herbal essence after people started flooding Claroil with product protest threats.
Pugs and Kelly remind us of their stance on that bitch.

*"Coming Home Baby" @ 2:53*


I Heard It Dude (IHID)

Sybil Giggle- 21
Bell Dings- 4
Buzzer- 3





comments? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com

*"El Distorto de Melodica" @ 12:09*

Kelly reads that Americans will be spending 10 million dollars on Mother's day this year. Pugs says that he will be contributing the price of a plane ticket to Chicago. Dodgeball was awesome last night. In the big grudge match between Jesus Christler Supercar and the Kidz, the Kidz won. Kelly lets us know that if you aren't there then you aren't cool. Pugs thought it was so cool that when you walked into the bar it was empty. Everyone was on the patio watching dodgeball. Pugs even likes how kids are now sitting on the grass outside of Dukes. Kelly wants to take more control of the brackets because sometimes two teams that have the potential to meet in the finals knock each other out in the first round. Team Duke's was knocked out by Nads and Pugs thinks that they were laying down. Eric lets him know that they had a bad ass match and doubts that they could have laid down. In other news, that's right bitches!!!!.... Team Pugs and Kelly made it to the third round. Kelly claims that it's all James and Smith but Pugs lets us know that Cody is an amazing dodger.

12:21
*break*
12:32

Pugs wants to read my dodgeball report on the air. Kelly reminds us that I'm rapidly becoming the most popular member of the show. Last night, her brother called her and was asking about that "Will the blogger guy's story". Pugs brings up how I always refer to myself as a chinaman and they both agree that I'm not a chinaman. Sybil tells him that I'm half Asian and Kelly wonder which half. Sybil lets her know the lower half. Pugs thinks its the half with the bowl hair cut and the buck teeth. I IM Kelly to inform her that I'm Filipino but they both agree that I'm not. Pugs reads the dodgeball recap.... scroll down, you lazy bastards... do you really think I'll write it all out again? Kelly thinks that Runny Poo needs to change because she refuses to say it outloud on the speaker. Pugs says that I got it wrong, he got four people out but Kelly thinks that I might not be counting the girls. They discuss how hard it is to hit Cody and about how James is a "closer". The announce the winner of the tournament and how they trash talk. Tom from Team Nads calls in and admits that the Kidz just bait people into going after them to get people out of their game. Kelly wants to tell everyone that they shouldn't come to her when people start fighting because she isn't getting in between some dude and the New York Giant's tight end. Tom says that there is no way that Duke's layed down for them in that first game. Tom confirms that I'm right... they are older dudes. Kelly brings up how Ian from Jesus Christler Supercar was complaining that everyone guns for him. She told him that if he took off the stupid hat, people wouldn't want to peg him. Pugs thinks that Ian looks like Johnny from Karate Kid. He loves how people scream, "Sweep the leg Johnny!". The WAP of this week, Greg Hill, calls in. Greg wonders why it's such a big deal that his team is filled with pro-athletes. He loves 105.3 and Pugs and Kelly. He wants to play dodgeball because the last time he played was in fifth grade. Greg explains that you can't hold them up to a higher standard because of the athletic skill that God has given to them. Greg explains that he formed a team with the buddies that he keeps close circles with and it just so happens that all of his friends are professional athletes. Rocket Ishmail kept calling him asking to play but Greg had to keep telling him that they already had a team. Greg lets us know that Team Nads is probably the smartest team out there. They slow the pace to the pace that they want to play. Pugs noticed last night that teams are developing more strategies. Greg tells us that Marcellus Rivers had a Giants mini camp that ended on Wednesday and flew in early to play in the tournament. Kelly thinks it's funny that they trash talk and Greg explains that it's just part of strategy. When the other teams start throwing four letter words they know that they just got people out of their game. Kelly says that nobody could ever be mad at Greg because he has the most innocent face ever. It's time for the Whack Pack member of the day call in time thing.

12:52
*break*
1:03

JD calls in with the Whack Pack member of the day... High Pitch Eric! Pugs is upset that Jennifer Hudson got cut from American Idol. Pugs is almost completely done with the show now. John calls in to say agree with Pugs and wonders why that weird red-haired kid is still there. Pugs thinks he looks like Trey, Russ' old producer. He explains that he is a weirdo kid raised by his grandparents that has an unusual enjoyment of the 30s/40s. Pugs reminds us that American Idol never ends up with hot looking people in the finals. He thinks that Kelly Clarkson was hot but not in the traditional sense. A chick calls in to say that there was that 19 year old chick contestant with a three year old kid and wonders if that is an "American Idol". You might call her crazy, but Kelly would like her daughter to be old enough to drink and married before she had a kid. A guy calls in to say that the reason why Jennifer Hudson got eliminated was because the black listeners weren't watching last night. Pugs wonders what happened to all of the black watchers and Eric explains that basketball was on last night. A caller reminds us that maybe they lost the black audience because it was Barry Manilow night. They play a cover of Pink Floyd's The Wall by Crossing Elm.

1:21
*break*
1:36


Baby Jessica at 16 on ABC...





Stuff Magazine's... "Baby Jessica"












ponder this while I get caught up on the blog, deal with having the sick, and a little super fun show related secret project that I will probably get killed for even hinting at....






yeah

I just got back from Dodgeball... and boy are my arms tired! yeah.... shut up


It was another exciting night at Duke's Original Roadhouse again and I really can't stress this enough... If you don't do the dodgeball... then you suck and I don't like you. The competition is getting better and better. Rivalries are heating up everywhere and this dodgeball fan only lives for Wednesday night now.


The winner of the tournament in the last two weeks, Duke's, got eliminated in the first round by NADS in what was considered a HUGE upset. Team NADS is made up of older men and they were pretty dominate in this weeks Tournament.

The Show team did outstanding this week. Not only did they advance to the second round after beating Runny Poo... Not only did they advance to the third round after defeating Wild Turkey... the Pugs and Kelly Team showed an overall increase of skill... I mean, they were really sucky at one time. This is like The Bad News Bears!!! The "joke team" is now getting better and better... can I be the loner bad ass on the motorcycle? Pugs got two people out... which is way better than getting pegged in the first ten seconds. Kelly has wicked awesome dodging ability and provides great motivation for her fellow dodgers. Smith has finally displayed the same ferocity that he does with other teams with the show team. Cody is a masters dodger and actually managed to dodge four balls at one time by simply lifting up his arms. Eric is a great all-round player that always manages to get to the balls first on the fast breaks. James is deceptively good and can always be called on in the clinch to perform. It really seems like the show team has finally developed into a force that should not be taken lightly... hopefully, they can repeat this performance again next week. The show juggernaut was finally defeated by NADS in a thrilling match up that had this show blogger checking his pants for any leakage of excitement urine.


The winner of this week 4's dodgeball tournament is... KIDZ! They had a well fought battle against NADS that almost turned into another fight. The Kidz seem to play with a lot of passion and that passion turns into... well, fights. They are incredibly entertaining to watch. Congratulations Kidz... you are the champions, my friends. There is no time for losers... yeah yeah yeah yeah


Will's Amazing Player (WAP) of the week is Greg Hill of the Kidz. Greg perfected the "leg catch". That's right, Greg managed to catch a ball... between his legs. No really, he really did that. Dude, seriously, it was awesome. I really wish I was quick enough with my camera to capture that but alas... I'm a stupid. Greg Hill you are a WAP. This dodgeball fan salutes you.


So, this is what you missed tonight. Lots of upsets, lots of emotion, and lots of drunken fun was had by all! Oh, and I had chicken fajitas! After another fight almost broke out between NADs and Kidz, I think Cody said something that best summarized the sport of dodgeball. "Dodgeball... it's serious stuff"






Oh, and is just me or was there a massive increase in nut shots this week?

*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 11:48*

Kelly quickly shoots out the line up. Steve Noviella is driving Kelly insane with the E-mails that he is sending her. Kelly is taking the grape fruit diet plan for Steve's Deal or Dud segment on Fox 4. Pugs thinks that grapefruit taste like butt. Steve keeps breathing down the girls' necks about the diet. Steve has E-mailed Kelly saying that he has heard on the air Kelly mentioning a lot about malted milk balls, movie theatre pop corn, and Duke's onion rings on the show. Kelly clarifies that she hasn't eaten 2 out of the 3 things on that list. She hasn't been to a movie so she hasn't had any popcorn and she hasn't had any Duke's onion rings, she just said that they looked good. Pugs points out that she did chow down on the malted milk balls from grabmynuts.com. Pugs brings up the new low carb coke that is coming out and Kelly would like to inform coca-cola that that they already make one, dumbasses, its called diet coke. Pugs says that the difference is that its going to taste like regular coke and it will be higher in calories in diet coke. Kelly goes on her little tear on how restaurants are all going low carbs but the only low carb drink at most of them is diet coke. Pugs tells her that if she is unhappy with the drink selections at fast food joints then she can stop at a 7-11 and get any type of diet drink she wants. Kelly reminds Pugs that she is an American and shouldn't be have to be in a situation where she is forced to leave her car. Pugs gives props to Sonic and Kelly joins in on Pugs' prop giving. Kelly likes how they have diet strawberry limeades at Sonic and Pugs excitingly proclaims that he had diet cherry limeade last night.

11:55
*break*
12:06

Kelly thinks that it isn't suppose to rain until Thursday to relieve Pugs' worry that dodgeball will get rained out. Pugs took his dog out for a walk at 2 am in his swim trunks last night and Kelly reveals that she wants to take her dog for a walk and release her... to see if she can make it back home. Eric and his girlfriend had a wonderfully romantic time over by the ballpark in Arlington and Pugs and Kelly both agree that Eric sickens them. They all start naming off Kevin Spacey movies and Sybil thinks that he was in a space movie. Pugs can't think of the name of it and wonders if Sybil may have just been confused because his last name is Spacey. Tanner calls in and Pugs burps on him. Pugs believes that Kevin Spacey is an incredibly versatile actor. Pugs and Kelly remind us of the segment yesterday in which they discussed whether or not Kevin Spacey was in a London park late at night getting some gay love. Pugs reads an update in that story. Kevin Spacey has apologized for claiming to be mugged. He was out walking his dog late into the night and a young boy walked up to him and asked him to use his cell phone to call his mother. The boy told him that he wasn't trying to pull anything and even offered to let him dial the number. Spacey called the number and when another person answered on the other end, he handed it to the boy. The boy took off running with the phone and Spacey could not catch him. Spacey claims that he was too embarrassed to admit that he fell for the "oldest trick in the book". Yes, the oldest trick in the book. Pugs reminds us that Judas asked Jesus, "O, Lord.. may I use your cell phone?" and Kelly says that when Columbus made it to America, he didn't have his Sprint PCS navigational system so he got lost. He asked the Indians to use their cellphones and when they let him have it, he hopped back on the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria and made it back to Spain. Pugs says that you don't stop to talk to anybody at 4:30 am in a public park and Kelly informs him that as a woman, she doesn't stop for anybody at any time of the day. Kelly plays scenario time with Pugs. If a young dude was to stop him... might be a teenager, might be a dude in his twenties... Pugs wonders what color he would be because that would make a difference. Kelly reminds Pugs that they don't allow colored people in Plano... The kid asks Pugs for the nearest gas station... Pugs would like to say that he never would fall for anything like that but he is a helper. If there was a girl stranded on the side of the road, he'd pull over to help. Kelly would like everyone know that she doesn't want anybody's help if she had car trouble. Eric says that he never ever gives money to panhandlers but Pugs does. Kelly would rather give money on the corner with a sign then the scam runners and Pugs feels the exact opposite.

12:24
*break*
12:36

Kelly thinks that the biggest problem that Spacey has now is losing all of those numbers he had in that phone. Ray calls in to say that 15 years ago in Colorado a guy asked for some help with his car that was across the parking lot. Ray grabbed a bat and told him that if this was a hose job, he'd beat him half to death... the guy took off. Pugs wants to carry mace around like women do and Ray tells him to just carry a golf club. Kelly thinks that Pugs would only get his golf club taken away and that it would be embarrassing to get beaten up with your own weapon. Andreas calls in and says that when he was in LA, he saw a dude on the side of the road with sign that read, "Why lie?... I need beer." so he gave him 5 bucks. Nathan calls in to say that he was at a a gas station and a guy tried to sell him speakers but refused to open the box. Kelly wonders what type of idiot would buy speakers like that and Eric confesses that he was about to buy them. Luckily, an old man called Eric over and told him that he was about to be taken for 150 bucks. Pugs thinks that the guys that want to wash your windows are the worse because they probably have urine in their cleaning stuff. It's time for the Whack Pack member of the day thing...

12:51
*break*
1:00

The Howard Stern Whack Pack Member of the day is... Roger calls in with.. Naked Clown... huh? Rober t calls in with Gary the Retard! Michelle had a scam pulled on her. She went into the Star Telegram to get somebody to build a pen in her backyard. She hired a guy and he took got money for the supplies and never came back to build it. Upon further investigation she found out that he pulls this scam a lot. Pugs reveals that he is probably a gypsy and proclaims his great hatred of gypsies. He found out that these traveling folk are millionaires that make their money off of scams like this. Charlegne calls in and says that while she was unloading her groceries, a boy asked her for change for a quarter. As she was searching for change, the boy grabbed her wallet and ran to a car that took off. Kelly explains that when you get your wallet stolen the biggest problem isn't' the money that you lose, it's the cards that you lose. Chris calls in to tell us about a guy in Deep Ellum who tries to sell you papers but if you look at them they're all free publications.

1:17
*break*
1:26

We have an E-mail from a listener in trouble again. A close friend was trying to send her resume from home and discovered sexy messages from some chick on the internet. Her significant other had been having a romantic online relationship. She could tell from reading the messages that they had never met and wants to know if it is still cheating if it's just online. Kelly wonders if it's one of the E-mails that say "miss you last night... why couldn't you make our date" and it turns out to be porn spam. Kelly claims that she started getting them around the same time that her boyfriend started getting online. Pugs gets those E-mails all the time. "Hey cutie... I know what you like" Pugs thinks that only close personal friends know what he likes so of coruse he's going to click that. Pugs just got one, "Zach is waiting to see you today". Pugs yells at Sybil for not telling him that he had a meeting with Zach today. Kelly makes fun of Pugs for getting gay porn spam and PUgs lets her know that its not gay porn, it's about internet security. Pugs just got another., "Hey, long time no see". Pugs is excited because it might be somebody from the old neighborhood... oh well, it's porn. Kelly reads a study that finds that people find online infidelty just as horrible as it's real life counterpart. Pugs lets us know that they are getting off together. Carrie calls in to say that she has a problem with people that "correspond" with each other. Pugs doesn't go into internet chatrooms because it always turns into sleazy sex talk. Kelly thinks there are a difference between people having sex talk and people having cyber sex. Mark calls in to say that it is cheating because anytime you take your passion away from your spouse then it's cheating. Marlene calls in and agrees that it is cheating. The fact that somebody would actually seek out an extra relationship is completely disrespectful. Marlene says that if her "mate"... oh god, is watching a "movie" alone then that is cheating. Pugs thinks this crazy lady should get off his phone. Mike calls in to say that anything you can't tell your partner is cheating. Kelyl thinks he's wrong because if her butt looks bad in a dress then don't tell her. She reminds us that people don't need to share facts like, "you know, your friend is really hot' Kelly would rather not know things like that. Pugs reminds us that the stoners in the 70s we're completely honest and most of them are divorced. Pugs thinks that you should never meet anybody online... you guys met me online....

1:42
*break*
1:55

More disturbing E-mail talk... Louis calls in to say that it isn't cheating because it's just a fantasy. It's like a porn or walking into the bathroom with a playboy. Pugs reminds us that the world wide web is just that. He has no problem with somebody talking to someone from Antartica. PUgs lets Kelly know that she's such a bitch thats why he needs to look online. Sex with her is so "wham, bam, thank you man... there is no passion and Kelyl lets Pugs know that it's hard to have passion in two minutes. Pugs doesn't think it's cheating if he doesn't have physical contact with her. Kelly wonders what happens if she comes to town or goes out to meet her. Pugs lets her know that would be cheating. Michelle calls in to say that if it's purely sexual then it's not cheating. It's just getting off and it's not a big deal. Michelle thinks she would rather have him on a keyboard playing winky wrangler then out running around getting a STD. A chick calls in to say that she met her husband online and that she would find it cheating. She says that the majority of people that talk online with romantic intentions eventually do meet in life. Kelly thinks that the danger lays in him wondering what that other person is like. A guy calls in to say that when you do that you're shopping for another girl. Pugs admits that this is intellectually being unfaithful but it isn't physical cheaitng.

2:13
*breaK*
2:21

Pugs wonders if anybody reads Doonesbury. Pugs reads... BB, a football coach turned soldier, was injured. Later this week he will wake up to find his leg has been amputated. Kelly wonders what she will do with those extra 17 seconds of her time now that Pugs has told her how it's going to end. Pugs reads that the Doonesdury creator wanted to show the sacrifice that the American soldier is making. Kelly wlecomes him to the Oprah and Hardball bandwagon. Pugs and Kelly have been talking about the Resturant. Kelyl attempts to sing the theme song... and actualy I think it's pretty good. Kelly wonders what that foreign cook is doing there and Pugs lets us know that foreign people are always funny. Kelly doesn't think that orange and meat mix well and she doesn't care what the chinamen have to say about that. They bring up that intern on the show. Kelly and Pugs thinks he looks just like Fred Savage. Pugs describes the premise of the resturant. Kelly lets us know that the drama in the show isnt' made up because every friggin' resturant has that kind of drama. Eric is working at Stake and Ale and now gets snipey looks jsut because they mentioned mvoing him to the bar once. Pugs thinks that waiters and waitresses are complete drama queens. John calls in to say that he was in New York saying that it was no longer in business. Kelly knows that they would find out if that is true. Yuki calls in to that he abosultely hates Drew the intern. Kelly thinks that he should be waiting tables. Drew is the son of Jeff the money guy's buddy. PUgs thinks that Drew is going to be the Omarosa/Puck type character. Pugs thinks that he isn't acting like an intern should act... which would be to hold the coats and shut up. They play a clip of Drew explaining how he is goign to deal with Rocco... *good god... what a tool... what a self-important ass. I hate people my age... I hate people my age... he says he's not going to get along with Rocco...* Pugs points out how ridiculous this is. Kelly thinks that Drew's problem solving talents should be used to fetch a water for her.

2:40
*breaK*
2:49

OK! Scroll Down...


Monday's show blog is finished! So now I'm just one day behind instead of three behind like last week. I'll be working on Tuesday's show blog during the breaks of tomorrow's show... so, werd.

The more things change the more they stay the change...
You can't dig yourself out of a mud hole if you have no footing...
one step forward... two steps back



and a bunch of other tired cliches




I was up till 12:15 doing homework. I decided to sit down with a nice tall glass of BLOG! It was a tough blog to do too because my notes didn't make sense (I was in a nyquil hangover type trance and I seemed to have thought that I had heard Kelly saying she was leaving Earth or something). I got tried around 2, tried to go to bed, and I set my alarm for 6 (so I can finish up before class). I couldn't sleep however and I got back up to finish the blog. I managed to finish it at around 3:55 and somewhere in there I managed to misplace it. As in... I'm not really sure what happened. I really love doing the blog, it's a responsibility I take very seriously and everytime I get behind I want to punch the internet in the face... or my school... or myself... or math... I really hate math (my mother tells me I'm the worse Asian ever).... I have class at 8 am tomorrow and now I'm all pissy. I apologize ahead of time to anybody that is going to be in any of my classes tomorrow, as I am sure to kick you in the head....


so since I don't have the show blog up yet... enjoy a letter I recently wrote to school




Dear School,

You make me vomit. You take up too much of my time. You waste my money on ridiculous things and I think you've been seeing other people behind my back. You no longer stimulate me intellectually... not that you ever did... and I think your age is finally catching up to you.


I never loved you anyway.


keep the change you filthy animal.



one love,
Will


PS. Your sister is way better in bed anyway.





also enjoy this picture that Sybil drew after the live remote Friday....





also... here is a picture of Pugs' welt from Friday's game of Whack-a-stick...




and finally... this is a picture my buddy Alin drew of a Jewish Asian man and his space dog/ape thing...again, at the remote on Friday... oh and before you send hate mail to me I must remind you that I am Asian and I gave Alin permision to draw a picture of an Asian. Alin is Jewish so it's ok to make that Asian Jewish... yeah...








E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com

*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 11:52*

Pugs is talking funny today because of the event at Duke's Original Roadhouse last night.... I do believe that Duke's should now be referred to as the official home away from home for the Pugs and Kelly show now.... Sybil wasn't there last night and Kelly had to leave early to watch the kids. Eric forgot to PVR the Sopranos so he had to head home to watch that. So Pugs did commentary on the wing eating contest alone. He lets us know that Amish Clint, last year's wing eating contest winner, isn't Amish anymore, he's corporate. In the ongoing feud between The New You Show and the Pugs and Kelly show, everyone's favorite lanky intern Cody took on Emil Armadillo in the wing eating contest. Cody ate so much that he vomited. Pugs thought that Cody could have done well because he's one of those skinny guys with a really quick metabolism. Eric lets him know that Cody takes a long time to eat. The competition was pretty much between "Not So Amish" Clint and a newcomer, Matt. Matt calls in and Pugs calls him a mad man. Matt was finishing off a wing a second. Clint calls in and Pugs reminds us that it isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. It started coming down to the wire. Matt was one wing ahead of Clint and on his 49th wing... Matt vomited everywhere. SO, AMISH CLINT IS STILL THE CHAMP! Pugs lets us know, we all really wanted to know, that after he vomited on it, Matt still finished off that chicken wing. Clint is full today and Kelly reminds us that one hour after he won last year, he was eating again.

12:01
*break*
12:14

It's been gay day everyday here lately and today is no different. Kelly brings up how Pugs admitted to wearing his mother's clothes and Pugs says that he had to because the cable was out. Pugs believes that every boy did it and Kelly lets him know that he is wrong. Eric claims to have never done it and Pugs calls him a liar. Pugs says that all of his friends back home did it. Kelly wonders if Joey Gram dressed up in women's clothing. Pugs reads the story about Kevin Spacey getting mugged in a English park late in the night. Pugs likes Spacey but thinks he's a little swishy. Kelly reminds us that there was a rumor that Spacey had an affair with Helen Hunt but Pugs reminds us that Helen Hunt is probably a huge lesbo. Pugs lets us know that it's cool to be gay in Hollywood but athletes seem to be not allowed. Pugs reads the story about the St. Louis Blues' player... Mike Danton has been arrested by FBI agents for attempting to arrange the murder of his acquaintance who shared an apartment with him. A female friend of Danton admitted to helping locate a hitman. Pugs thinks that the two "acquaintances" had a little "stabbin' cabin" and this relationship he had with this chick was affecting their relationship... I do believe somebody just showed his hand before he was suppose to.... Pugs reads on... The complaint alleges that Danton was trying to kill a male acquaintance whom he had fought with Tuesday over Danton's "promiscuity and use of alcohol." The complaint said Danton feared the acquaintance, who is not identified, would talk to Blues management and ruin Danton's career. Pugs and Kelly remind us that hockey players are allowed to be promiscuous and drunkards. Pugs says that all (stinky) fingers point to these two being lovers and reminds us yet again that in all other aspects of entertainment, being gay is acceptable.

12:25
*break*
12:34


Pugs let's us know that on ESPN's Cold Pizza they denied the allegations that Danton was gay... well, if it's on Cold Pizza then it must be true. Pugs reminds us that hockey players don't get in trouble for banging a lot of chicks and drinking. He points at Mike Modano, notorious Dallas player. A caller says that Danton changed his name to Danton legally for "family issues". Pugs alludes to the possibility that it might have something to do with his homosexual lifestyle. Ben calls in to say that Scottie Pippen had a book written about his gay lifestyle by his former college roommate and Pugs reminds us that Pippen is a well known lady killer. Kelly warns that they could just be beards that he uses. Kelly reads further into the story. In a recorded phone call Danton admitted that the reason why he wanted to kill him was because he was afraid... he was going to leave him. Pugs reminds us that there are a lot of homo-erotic behavior in locker rooms. Eric brings up Metro-Aaron's "chi-test" and reminds us that it's all just a way of feeling on another man's junk. Kelly reads further. Danton is a "good kid" and police don't suspect that drugs was ever an issue. Kelly reminds us that "god kids" don't try to hire somebody to kill another person. Pugs thinks that if you do attempt to hire someone for a murder you should be forced to take off "a good kid" from your business card. Pugs thinks that a good defense attorney would utilize the "homo-excuse". It's time for the Howard Stern Whack Pack member give away thingy.

12:46
*break*
12:58

Whack Pack member is... Beetle Juice! Jonathan wins! Pugs needs all the black listeners to call in so.. Leslie(go to negro) and Greg... grab a phone. Kelly thinks that Smith isn't black enough to call in. Pugs is fascinated with "life on the down". He PVRed Oprah to see what it is all about. According to Oprah (as she is the definative answer to everything), there are straight married men within the black community that seek out other men for sex. They do not consider themselves gay at all and are quite harsh with people that call them that. They play a clip of the "straight" man on Oprah... *he says that he won't go to a gay club to pick up a man, he'll go to the same places Oprah would go... or a church*... Kelly says that visually, he didn't seem gay but, he has a certain lispy type "thang" going on for him. Eric claims to have never seen this take place in the white community. Rochelle calls in to say that this takes place because black men are too macho to admit that their gay. She had a boyfriend who had a best friend he would play basket ball with. One day she came home and his "friend" came out of his bed room butt naked. She says that it smelt so awful and Pugs reminds us that gays do in fact stink. Pugs now sees the importance of Oprah in our society. Kelly thinks that men having sex in prison isn't gay, it's just a power thing. Pugs thinks it's just boredom... oh yeah. let me tell you, sometimes I'm sitting at home... nothing is on TV, the internet lacks the appeal that it normally does, and my turtles are busy basking, that's when I decide "hey... I wonder what d*** taste lick".... Pugs claims that he could easily go 5 years in prison without sex. A black man named William calls in and lets us know that this practice has been going on for years in the black community. The other day he watched these two dudes hug for thirty minutes. Kelly says that they weren't being on the "down low" then, they were just gay. William seems a little disturbed with the gayness that's around him and I'd like to remind him that he was the one that was staring at the two dudes being affectionate for a half-hour. A gay man named Dave calls in to say that most of these people meeting up at the parks are married men. He wonders how a man can enjoy gay sex without in fact being gay. Kelly wonders if this is the reason we should legalize gay marriage so that people don't have to lie to themselves any more.

1:23
*break*
1:32

The miller lite girls are here promoting Operation: Hugs and Beer. They are going to be in Fort Hood this Thursday to cheer up the soldiers. The girls are wearing camo fatigues and Kelly wonders how anybody is going to see them if they're wearing that. Pugs has a little fun telling the girls "hey hey hey...." you alpha male you.... It seems like they want to the listeners to E-mail the station with their warm wishes to the soldiers and Sybil steps up to gladly take the responsibility to forward the incoming E-mail to where they need to go.

1:39
*break*
1:46




Pugs and Kelly saw Brad Sham walking around for gay talk but didn't want to rope him in for that segment. *WEEKEND DEBRIS LINE PLAYBACK*..... you drunken fools.... Pugs brings up the guy that said that if he had a giant wig on he'd look like the fiddle player from Kansas... hey, I know that guy! He even admitted to his drunk calling ways here!.... Kelly saw Kansas in a parking lot of some thrifty store thing place. Kansas played a free concert in Addison and Pugs and Kelly never heard about it. 26,000 people went to go see them and Pugs is suprised. Kelly and Pugs use this discussion as an excuse to sing on the air again. Pugs reminds us that the best version of Dust in the Wind was Will Ferrel's rendition in Old School for the old man's funeral.

1:39
*break*
1:46

Pugs has gone to kidnap Brad Sham and Kelly is excited because Brad Sham is her favorite. Pugs is giddy because him and Brad are both wearing Cubs throwback caps. Brad plugs the draft party, Gilley's from 11-4. Brad Shame will be broadcasting on Live 105.3 while Pugs and Kelly will be entertaining the crowd. Kelly is relieved that they aren't actually hosting it because they will be lost. Tyson will be coming on in the first hour talking about personal relationships. Dat Nguyen Dexter Coakley, Terrence Newman, Avieon Cason, Eric Bickerstaff, Ritchie Anderson, and Drew Henson will all be there and on the air. Kelly reminds us that Drew Henson is great with the muppets and Brad thinks that Kelly is so cute. Pugs wonders when the last time Henson actually played football and Brad informs him that it's been four years. All of the scouts are saying that he is the "real deal". Brad reminds us that Chad Hutchinson also played minor league ball, as did Henson and Quincy Carter. Kelly reminds us that the Cowboys may have not have gotten too far in the play-offs but the soft ball team did excellent. Brad thinks that the Cowboys will go with an offensive lineman in the first round. Brad thinks if they can get a really good pick then they would trade off Larry Allen. Brad wants to get Pugs and Kelly on the mechanical bull and Kelly says she'll do it.

2:13
*break*
2:16

It's Soprano's recap time. Pugs admits that he was drinking tequila last night and he reminds us that tequila doesn't mix well with other liquors. He was really drunk when he watched the Soprano's last night. He thinks that he may have watched Goodfellas and thought it was the Soprano's. Kelly reminds us that she can't tell the the Italians apart. Pugs lets us know that Uncle Junior has started looking in the newspaper for funerals of people he's even remotely related to so that he can get out of his house arrest for a bit. Tony went to go look at his father's grave and ran into this woman who turned out to be his father's mistress. A guy calls in to say that Tony seemed to be looking at the mistress as his new mom. Kelly agrees but Pugs thinks that he's sizing her up sexually. Kelly reminds us that Tony gets angry when she brings up his mother because he's conflicted, he hates his mother but doesn't want people to bag on her. Pugs thinks that Tony is now seeing how his mother became how she was and that is now making him depressed. Eric brings up the flashback when his mother had a miscarriage and Johnny was with his mistress. Johnny made up a whole story and his mother asked Tony to see if it was true. Tony backed his dad up and Pugs thinks that he is now feeling guilty for treating his mom. Jose calls in to say that Livia gave Tony a look when she lied to him that seemed to say, "OK, I see how it is... you're his son not mine". Paco IMs Pugs to say that he thinks that Tony sees how he is emulating his father and how Carmella is becoming his mother. Pugs and Kelly thinks that is brilliant. Kelly doesn't understand why Tony was talking up the mistress at the end of the show and she points out how disloyal to his mother. Pugs brings up the tension between the New York and Tony. Tony isn't laying back like he told Christopher to do. They play a clip... *Tony telling a guy from New York that he's not a kid and he demands respect... lets him know that he has 5 days to give him his money*... Pugs thinks that is so cool because Tony refuses to get steamrolled. Kelly's favorite story line from last was that dude from Wings being a junkie. Kelly loves how we have found out that Christopher can balance being a mobster and a recovering addict that is there for other addicts. He may have set his rehab buddy up in a card game, he may have beat the hell out him to get his money, but he is there for him when he has problems with his addiction. Christopher loans him 60 grand to cover it and shakes him down for the cash. The Wings guy starts using again and Christopher wants to know why he didn't call him before he started using again for help.

2:38
*break*
2:46

Sybil Giggle Jam (remix)... man, I really need to make more of these. I'm getting tired of hearing it. I need more free time.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

Kelly wants to know if Sybil is going to be the story on the CEO of McDonald's dying.. that cantaloupe guy. Pugs thought it was Ronald McDonald and Kelly lets him know that they forced Ronald to retire. Pugs wonders what Grimace's position and Kelly lets him know that the Grimace was forced to step down when Ronald did. Kelly lets us know that the guy that died had a heart attack.. *insert stupid lame McDonald's joke here*.... Eric lets us know that this was the guy that was moving for a more healthy McDonald's. Kelly is on the record that if you die, then that's a bad day. Pugs points out how Kelly is so wrapped up with this story.

1. Plastic Surgeons can now lift vocal chords to make people sound younger.
Kelly wants to sign up cause she is on the plastic surgeon band wagon. After thinking it, Kelly thinks she'll just stick to the Botox.

2. WEEKEND BOX OFFICE UPDATE
5. Home on the range
4. Hellboy
3. Johnson Family Vacation
2. The Punisher
1. Kill Bill Volume 2

Pugs and Sybil want to see that so bad. Pugs claims that he was right when he said the Passion was going to be a bomb... HA number 9.. please.... Kelly lets Mel Gibson know that his stupid loser Jesus movie will never beat Titanic.

*"Coming Home Baby" @ 2:56"


I Heard It Dude (IHID)

Sybil Giggle- 7
Bell Dings- 10
Buzzer- 3


Comments? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com