I just got back from Duke's Original Roadhouse for dodgeball and I feel like death.

The Pugs and Kelly superstar dodgeball all-star team... didn't play. I don't know why. Well, I may know why but since I'm in the business of covering up the truth... I won't tell it. I also may be in the business of fabrication (I'm a bit of an apprentice Journalist) and I could just be speculating for sensation's sake. Cody (who has gone into serious Dodgeball training), Smith, and Kelly all played for different teams tonight.


I've taken it upon myself to name Kelly and Laila the Dynamic Duo of Dorkless Doom. They also smile a lot when they play.



There seems to be a new method of play that seems to be really working. It's quite... homo-erotic. Former WAP, James Hamrick of Jabari's Revenge and The Sun Bru Ballers team explained it to me. When you crouch down low, you make yourself a smaller target. You block with a ball in front of you and make sure you don't drop it. Then you throw a guy or two behind you so that you can protect them. So, it's a bunch of sweaty men getting behind each other for security... hmmm.


yikes

When we reached the quarter finals... confusion ran rampant. I'm confused all the time so this added confusion wasn't needed in my life. I wandered around the court aimlessly and nobody would help... nobody would help.



I think what happened was the same thing that happened last week. Next, Nads, Shepards, and Duke's all made it to the finals. Since those are really just two teams making up four teams, there was a best 3 out of 5 It was a hard fought battle amongst the scary giants and the wise veterans...



The competitions was so hot that former WAP Don Davidson got a wicked retaaaaaded shiner.


Dodgeball... it's serious stuff.

In the end though... the scary giants managed to pull out three wins. So... the winner of week 9's dodgeball tournament is... Duke's/Shepards! Duke's is made of scary giants that eat people. They utilized the homo-erotic tactics that I mentioned earlier and cranked one out. Congratulations guys... you're faaaaaabulous.

This week's Will's Amazing Player (WAP) is... Dave Cichy! Dave is a member of Next/Nads and utilized my favorite technique tonight... the leg catch. Dave is great to have in clutch situations and is a stand-out on a team filled with stand-outs. He also manages to have perfectly conditioned hair. Congratulations Dave... you are a WAP, this dodgeball fan salutes you.






My Will-made rivalry seems to have taken a most disturbing turn...





and finally... Here is a little bit of Cody's intense training...

Keep looking up... cause a dodgeball is coming at you!

comments? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com

There is a new world record in Sybil giggling.

On May 7, 2005, Sybil giggled 212 times! Congratulations go out to Sybil Summers, Super Duper Producer of the best damn mid day show that I listen to, for the amazing feat.

*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 12:11*

Kelly complains hat only 4 teams have written bios for the new dodgeball section of the website. She acknowledges that Jesus Christler Supercar are among those four since they love to be in charge of everything. Kelly likes those guys but is fairly certain that they would have picked on her in high school. Pugs points out that some of the teams don't have time to write their own bios and suggest that people let me write them. He reminds us that I'm there every week and that I know the teams very well. If you want for me to write the bio, for a fee, E-mail me at Will@pugsandkellylive.com. Pugs informs people that I'm one of the funniest writers out there and that you'll be sure to have a kick ass bio. Kelly brings up how when Eric first started he made a stinky in the office and Sybil told him that it was "disgusting, unnecessary, and uncalled for." Kelly doesn't know where Pugs gets off thinking that he can let one go in the studio knowing that it never leaves. Sybil points out that Eric has horrible body odor. Kelly loaned Eric some deodorant and perfume. Eric just forgot to put deodorant on this morning. He's also had some atomic energy, cup of coffee, glass of tea, and some wheat grass. Pugs is relieved that he didn't stink because he didn't take a shower this morning. He has a horrible sun burn and didn't want to take a shower. Eric went to the ranger game with his girlfriend and calls it fantastically fabulous. Pugs and Kelly start giving a tribute to school house rock... don't know why really... and Eric interrupts them. Pugs scolds Eric for disrespecting the rock. Eric sat behind third base and got to hear all of the abuse A-rod took from the fans. Kelly bets it really hurts when he goes home to his fancy cars, giant house, and drop dead gorgeous wife because the plumber from Euless called him an A-hole. Kelly went and saw Troy this weekend. Pugs wonders if Tyson got uncontrollably turned on by the sight of Brad Pitt running around all sweaty. Kelly complains that she never saw Brad Pitt's butt. She thinks that Helen isn't the Queen of Sparta... she's the Queen of Drama. Kelly remembers how Achilles was suppose to die, poison arrow to the heel, and complains that he didn't die like that. In the movie, he gets shot in the heel, it only slows him down, and then he gets shot in the heart by a bunch of arrows. Kelly is outraged by butchering of Achilles death... dork.... Pugs wonders what they called the injury Achilles had when they rushed him to the emergency room because surely they didn't call it the Achilles heel. Kelly believes it was called the Zeus heel back then

12:21
*break*
12:31

Pugs reminds us that Pugs and Kelly aren't doctors but they've screwed up their own lives so much that they are certified in giving advice. It's time for the Pugs and Kelly institute for Human Growth and Development. Brian E-mails to say that he went out with this girl and brought her home. When he got home he checked his computer and noticed that he received an instant message from one of his friends. She watched over his shoulder as they messaged back and forth. His friend brought up the Nick Berg video and she wanted to see it. Brian had no interest in seeing it so he left the room while she watched it. Upon returning he found that the video seemed to really turned her on. Brian wants to know if this girl is a complete psycho and if he should have had sex with her. Pugs and Kelly are confused if he had sex with her or not. Pugs has been with women that have done things that has turned him off but he still completed the deed. Pugs brings up the girl that vomited on him and admits that he did have intercourse with her. Pugs isn't proud but she was sexy. Kelly lets us know that by sexy, Pugs means naked. A guy calls in to say that he should have slept with her but just once. Kelly brings up that if you think that if a crazy girl would sleep with you and then be dismissed then you're wrong. She'll show up knocking on your door and killing your pets. Pugs admits that guys really like a girl that seems to stalk us because they know that a girl can never be a physical threat to them. Kelly wonders if a girl ever fell asleep on Pugs. Pugs reminds us that one of their first trips out to Dallas, he had a girl fall asleep on him. He was faced with the dilemma of finishing up or just giving up. He didn't finish cause he's a good guy like that. Pugs thinks that the girl being turned on by the video would be a deal breaker for him. Kelly reminds us that it's different than people just watching it, she relished in it and turned it into a positive. Scott calls in to say that his ex-girlfriend would cut the inner-part of her finger and rub it all over his body. He calls it the best sex he ever had but looking back, he finds it disgusting. Pugs thinks that would be a deal breaker. Kelly thinks that's justification for cracking her across the jaw.

12:53
*break*
1:04

Pugs reminds us that we can't help what turns us on but we can choose to act on those passions. Kelly points to child molesters as an example and Pugs informs her that unlike her, he doesn't spend a lot of time around those type of people. Kelly doesn't think she would would have gone through with the act if she was with somebody that was turned on by the Nick Berg video. She reminds us of the slurpee excuse, it's always a good time to get a slurpee. Jason calls in to say that he was with a girl that talked way too dirty in bed. Kelly thinks that he's in the minority on that one and Pugs tells her that he isn't too fond of that either. Kelly calls him on that because she remembers him claiming that he likes a girl to talk about being with another girl and Pugs clarifies that he likes story telling. He appreciates a good dirty tale over small time potty mouth speak. Kelly thinks Pugs is too high maitenence. Pugs remembers the Seinfeld episode when Jerry took dirty talk too far and mentioned the girl's uncle. Mike calls in to say that his wife just started talking dirty out of the blue and it turned out that she learned it from another guy. Julie calls in to say that her husband and her can't stop laughing when they talk dirty. Pugs and Eric admit to giggling after sex. Pugs does it in triumph of his sexual conquest and then laughs at her naked body. John calls in to say that he's really aggressive in bed and Kelly calls him on bragging... He was sleeping with this college girl down in Austin he was incredibly turned on by his dirty talk... good to know.... A girl calls in to ask how loud is too loud on a girl. Pugs and Eric agree that they don't want a screamer because it seems so fake.

1:17
*break*
1:26

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. In St. Paul, Minnesota, a 32 year old circus performer was doing her contortionist act hanging from scarves 30 feet in the air and plummeted to her death.
Kelly thinks that you can't feel sorry for circus people because they bring on to themselves. Sybil feels sorry for her because she had a husband and kids. Pugs and Kelly agree that those kids need different parents.

2. In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, a homeless man is going straight to hell...
Kelly confirms that Sybil in fact received her Satan report like she does on every Monday and scanned for her name.
Sybil continues, the man was charged for urinating in the holy water of a church.
Pugs thinks that if this is how he acts in God's house then why would you want him in yours... no wonder he's homeless.

3. A man swallowed a three inch knife to avoid being found by the police. He had it in their for 8 months. The doctors say that if he would have swallowed it differently he could have died. Kelly thinks that some fine doctoring observations they made.

4.Las Vegas stinks.

didn't get the time
*break*
1:46