Ok, so with the website being down so often and the dealings with my family lately I've been a little behind in the Dodgeball blog. So, let the writing begin...


Week 12

Dodgeball came back in all it's glory last night. After two long weeks of agonizing rainouts... though I argue that we still could have played last week... it was just sprinkling after a while you pussies... we went back to ball flinging and beer drinking. We had somebody come all the way out from Chicago to watch dodgeball, TC. TC read about Pugs and Kelly Dodgeball at Duke's in the Sunday edition of the Chicago Tribune. He brought along his business associates... one from Buffalo, one from Atlanta, one from LA, and one from Midland.... we're going super national folks. Like racehorses, they started nicknaming the dodgeball players on Court A and betting on them. They were able to pick out two players that were WAPs (Will's Amazing Player). Don Davidson became "the Juggernaut" and James Hamrick became "Napoleon". They treated Don and James like celebrities. It was really cool that we're actually pulling national attention to Pugs and Kelly's dodgeball... it truly is serious stuff.



This is the Juggernaut dancing the intense dance of eternal joy because of his new national celebrity.


Napoleon celebrates by crouching alone in the corner with his only friend... the Scooby Doo ball.


Speaking of which, I placed these two in a Will-made rivalry and it became known why tonight. Don and James were in a game between Unemployed and shepherds and in the final round, game 3, it came down to them. The match easily made it past the ten minute mark.. each player not letting up. Finally, Don whacked James in the nuts for the win. Twenty minutes later I overheard James still complaining about his junk. I think these guys are tied up in their rivalry.. I could be wrong, they keep better track of it than I do.

Jesus Christler Supercar came on strong this week. People complain that they cheat... they don't cheat, they're just strategically sneaky. People complain that they're too loud.... they're not loud, just passionate about dodgeball. Standing around... I've noticed that they've made several adoring female fans.

The official Pugs and Kelly dodgeball all-star super great team... didn't play this week. Smith, Cody, James, and Kelly all played for a lot of different teams, including "bad Influence" a team of Live 105.3 promotions guys.


James is here displaying the type of focus that only a person that smokes a quarter sack everyday could display.


I truly believe that Smith killed somebody this week. Too bad his shorts kept falling.. hell, this is the only picture I have of him where his ass (covered by his boxers) wasn't hanging out. Belt it buddy... belt it.


Kelly took a wicked hard shot in the... hmmm... a delicate way to put this.... happy fun time area! I'd hate to see Dr. Bob Boobcrafter's hard work be destroyed by a 7 inch rubber ball. Kelly warned her assaulter that Tyson was going to kick his ass as she walked off the court... she then said something that sounded anti-Semitic but then I realized that it was just me.

Cody played more games than anybody else associated with the show. He complained that night, the next mornings and the following weekend that he was sore. Of course he was sore... look at how hard he works...


Cody is straining really hard here... watching his team play. Oh man, I feel like I pulled a muscle just looking at that picture.


Here is Cody on the phone. Apparently.. dodgeball is so intense that he wanted to share that experience with some lucky soul on the other end. This is on par with Paco smoking while playing and Joe, from Average Joe, playing while still holding his beer.

The B Bracket winners were the Flatulators... they had an amazing face off with the Jerkin' Jesuits who was made up of drinklocal.com .

The A bracket winners was once again... Liquid Paper. Can anybody disrupt this unstoppable force? Maybe I should build a dodgeball robot.

now.. I don't know exactly who's idea this was but it was damn interesting. The two final teams on court A and the two final teams on court B met each other at the endo f the night in a huge 12 0n 12, 8 ball dodgestravaganza. The A bracket super team consisted of members of Jesus Christler Supercar, Jabari's Revenge, Sun Bru Ballers, Duke's, Liquid Paper, Nads, and Sheperd's. It was like Superfriends, only with dodgeball players... and no Legion of Doom. the A Bracket came out on top but I think they got more than they expected out of the combined might of the Jerkin' Jesuits and the Flatulators. I would also like to say that it was really cool to see Tanner from Jesus Christler Supercar back on the court for the final match. He injured his knee very badly a few weeks before and he's been dying to play again. It probably wasn't the wisest thing to do but, you got to love that drive.



Will's Amazing Player (WAP) for week 12 is... Derik Gilpin. Derik is a great all around player that exhibits the skills to be on par with all of the other great dodgeball players. He's a difference maker in games and is definitely a clutch guy. Derik has cut through the competition on Court B and is more than ready to move on to Court A. Derik was handed an insult early on in the day by Kelly. Derik had volunteered to play for Kelly's Kitty Control team and when Kelly noticed that Smith, official African-American of the Pugs and Kelly show, playing against her.. she demanded a trade. Derik rose above that to hand Kelly her own ass on a platter. Congratulations Derik Gilpin, you are a WAP.





Week 13

There were a lot of new faces this week at dodgeball and they all came with one thing in mind... balls. Lots and lots of balls... balls everywhere... everyone touching their balls... You could say that they were ball-listic... they went.. balls to the wall perhaps? The competition was quite fierce this week on court B and some of the players got quite... ballsy

Enough of that crap.

There were new faces, new attitudes along with those faces, and lots of arguments. For all you new players please visit the official NADA website for the rules. Yes, I've been here for 13 weeks now. Yes, I'm quite familiar with the rules. Yes, I can even quote the entire "dodgeball officials/Bill Depew meeting" if you'd like... probably word for word. Yes, if you get in my face enough times, I'm likely to stab you. Yes, I don't like you either.

I would also like to apologize for every girl in flip flops tonight. I'm sure I managed to step on every single one of you... It's not my fault. I lost my lucky boots and was forced to wear my not so lucky sneakers.

Duke's Original Roadhouse was packed and I really can't stress this enough... if you don't do the dodgeball, then please make out with a loaded 9 MM. It's obvious that you're an idiot and your continued existence on Earth is both shady and not good for Texas. I'd hate to sound cliched but I'm pretty sure that they terrorist win if you don't do the dodgeball. You anti-American scum.


CBS 11 was out tonight shooting and from what I hear "everyone looked so cute playing their little dodgeball... there was people yelling... what were they yelling?" to which I responded... "SHUT UP GRANDMA!!! TAKE A PILL!.... I DON'T NEED YOUR CIVIL WAR LADY!".

Bruce-X (imperial king of porn and obscene comments), Jeff (5 star general of promotioning), Tall Chris (witch king of the frost giants with his plus 2 skills mace), Laila (mistress of penis shaped stains), Krysta (Goddess of mischief, beer, and hurting oneself), Tom (commander of his nads), and James (future President of the United States) all took on ref duties tonight.

Now, I forgot to charge my batteries for my camera this week so I didn't get too many pictures. For this, I apologize.



Look at the intensity in those faces... I wonder if Smith offers a reach around.


here was what they were staring down. A three men with four balls bombardment.

Scott Womack truly pushed the limit of the rules tonight. On the opening break for the balls, you're allowed to cross the middle line. Scott not only crossed the middle line... he ran all the way to the other side of the court to fight for balls. Bruce looked at him like he did something wrong but, knew he couldn't do anything about it... hell, it's in the rules. Don Davidson managed to "spiderman" his way around some balls. He propped himself on the fence to avoid a rubbery attack. The games are getting longer. This can be attributed to the specialized dodgeball athletes we have now. This is not the same dodgeball league it was in Week 1. This isn't just 6 sweaty people running around with their heads cut off. This is dodgeball as it truly should be. This is a sport. This is true competition. This is serious stuff. I applaud it.

Team Maxim won in the B brackets... they're quite passionate. Straight from Team Maxim themselves...

In a closed door meeting on Wednesday June 23rd at 4:30pm at Maxim's Dallas based headquarters, a heated business decision turned physical when the discussion of who would represent Team Maxim in the weekly battle of Dodge ball held at Duke's Roadhouse. After many minutes of furious pitches by the prospective candidates, we decided an inner office dodge ball tryout was in order to place the perfect team. With the help of a long corridor and plenty of stress balls, we narrowed the field down to the 6 gladiators that would represent us in the battle. Upon arriving at Duke's, we noticed numerous people who screamed "dodge ball guy" ( jerseys, wristbands, headbands, and an occasional "we're gonna kick ass tonight" high fives), which had little or no intimidation factor. When the tourney began, amid the smell of $5 dollar pitchers and the sight of pairs of silicon, Team Maxim never looked back. Running through the competition like the bikini wearing bar trough girl, Team Maxim quickly devoured the competition and took the title in almost effortless, yet passionate, fashion. The victory we sustained on our initial attempt does not bode well for the competition in the weeks to come. We know we now have targets on our chests and gladly accept that challenge as the reigning Dodge ball Champions of bracket B.

Liquid Paper won in the A brackets... again. I tink I've covered these guys a lot... yeah, they're damn good.

In the big match-up between Court A and Court B... Liquid Paper came out victorious! They all got Dodgeball: The Movie, T-shirts which they proudly displayed. There is a true camaraderie building amongst the players of Court A... sure, they might rib each other really hard while they're playing but they're all drinking buddies afterward. It's good stuff.

Will's Amazing Player (WAP) for week 13 is. Jimmy "O'Doyle" Cooney. Jimmy is a giant. Standing at well over 8 feet tall.. he could pick you up like a child... or a small Asian man... and toss you around. He throws like a high powered assault rifle and one time I saw him knock a guy's head clean off... swear to superman! Kelly described Jimmy as being "tall and big.. yet slim and fast... so he's still able to dodge balls easily". That's a perfect explanation of the type of player he is. He loves the competition in the tournament and while he agrees that it's indeed serious stuff, he's also here to have a good time. Jimmy would also let it be known that he's not a big dumb animal... he's in fact college educated despite the accusations of a certain bracket runner/talk show host. Although, he said this in a series of grunts and hand gestures so, I'm not sure if that's an accurate translation.. he offered to draw it on a cave but, it was getting late and I had to leave. Congratulations Jimmy Cooney... you are a WAP.


Here is Jimmy celebrating his WAPism with two former WAPs, James Hamrick and Don Davidson.
I would like to thank Steve Yurkee, official show photographer, for taking this last picture for me. That's Steve Yurkee at dfwgophoto@yahoo.com If you're interested in the dodgeball pictures or youw own custom dodgeball trading card.


Comments? E-mail Will at Will@pugsandkellylive.com

"* El Distorto De Melodica" @ 11:49*

Pugs and Kelly are live from Iceland and they sound great. Pugs and Kelly are unsure if it's Wednesday and Eric assures them that it's Wednesday. Pugs asks if it's noon back home and Eric confirms. Pugs wonders if it's 14 o' clock in Iceland. Kelly looks at her watch even though it's still set to Dallas time. Kelly figures it out that it's 16:50. She finds it ironic that they follow military time even though they have no military. Pugs doesn't think they have police there either because he's done things to draw the attention of the authorities yet, none showed up. Kelly lets us know that they're broadcasting from a giant ball room with 15 buffet tables set up with radio stations at them. New York is on their right and left is DC, which claims to have "more of today's best music". Pugs thinks that's better than the station that only claims to have "today's best music". Kelly points to the Rhode Island station which seems to be "the home of Rock and Roll" and Pugs teaches us that other stations are merely visiting Rock and Roll because it's home is in Rhode Island. Pugs and Kelly admit that they're giddy today. There is only 3 talk stations there. Kelly reminds us that "if you don't have a jerky neighbor... then you're the jerky neighbor" and wonders that since there are no dicks on this trip, does that make them the dicks? Pugs thinks that they probably are because they're loud mouths. Pugs and Kelly want to dispel some Icelandic myths. Kelly didn't know any myths on Iceland before they came here and Pugs admits that he only knew about Iceland because of Chilly Willy from Woody Wood Pecker Cartoons. Pugs explains that Chilly Willy, the world's most famous penguin, use to have a suitcase that said "Iceland or Bust" but, there isn't any penguins here. He would like to import penguins because he believes it would do wonders for tourism. Kelly warns that if they hear one more thing about elves or trolls, she's going to smack somebody. She explains that the tour guide is trying to pull one over on the stupid Americans and Pugs gives him props for being able to pull off the mullet in 2004. It's not too cold there and Kelly tells us that they heard it's a heat wave this year... at a scorching 70 degrees. It is light 24 hours a day though and it's bothering Kelly. Pugs is confused when he leaves the bar at 1 am and it looks like it's 4 o clock PM. Kelly is taking Xanex and it's not allowing her to relax. Pugs points out that Kelly must be built like strippers. Kelly lets Pugs know that he can't have hers because she knows that he's going to ask. Sybil lets us know that despite what the Dallas Morning News said, dodgeball is still going on and Eric and Sybil are running it tonight. Pugs informs Kelly that Dodgeball won the weekend.

didn't get the time
*break*
12:21

Pugs and Kelly are testing the phones so they're going to ask a question and see how it goes. Pugs lets us know that the hotel isn't that big and they have a celebrity couple staying in there. Pugs invites people to guess what couple is staying there. Todd calls in to say Frank Gifford and Kathy Lee but he wants to give the prize pack to somebody else because he hates wrestling. Pugs wonders why he thinks it's the Giffords and Todd explains that he was listening at about 2:50 PM yesterday and Pugs said that on the air. Pugs thinks it's awesome that they're here but Kelly isn't too worried about it. She thinks that Kathy Lee would rip his head off and Pugs thinks that Frank seems cool except that he married Kathy Lee. Kelly says that Tanya Roberts is here, Vertical Horizon is around, which of course means Kelly gets to sing, and Shannon Elizabeth. Pugs heard on Stern that she's a hippy chick. Jeff calls in to ask if there's a lot of Hispanics, blacks, or Asians there. Pugs lets us know that it's just the master race here in Iceland. Pugs and Kelly learned that this place was settled by Celtic people and Vikings. Iceland reminds Pugs of Ireland and Kelly thinks that this place reminds her of Mars.

12:32
*break*
12:48

Pugs' favorite place in the world is Ireland and Iceland reminds him of Ireland except that there is more blondes in Iceland. He reminds us that Ireland has a lot of redheads and Kelly thinks that the redheads are almost albino. Kelly bets that nobody in the room, except for her, haven't seen the new episode of Nip Tuck because, they don't' have FX here in the hotel. Pugs hasn't seen it because Kelly wouldn't let him see it. Dr. Schwartz is still with a patient so he can't join them yet. Kelly thinks that the surgery parts were extremely graphic. She compares it to a discovery channel special only more graphic. Pugs wonders what the big clff hanger was last year. Kelly points out that everybody wants to be Dr. Christian Troy except for Dr. Christian Troy. Dr. Schwartz joins the show and assures us that he did in fact watch Nip Tuck last night. Pugs says that WKRP and Newsradio drove him insane because of it's inaccuracies. Kelly reminds us of the late night porn thing where the girl is talking to callers yet she never wears headphones. Dr. Schwartz says that ER use to truly annoy him because of that reason. He thinks that Nip Tuck is so out there that it's not even an issue to him. He finds it hard to believe that they have an advisor on that show. Schwartz points out that they do plastic surgery in their office, they always operate together, and they seem to try to make the surgeries more gory than they truly are. Kelly says that he always says that there is not much blood during surgery and she finds that hard to believe because, she bleeds when she has a paper cut. He reminds her that he's a little more precise than paper. Schwartz thinks that the whole episode was a total downer because he doesn't see the problem with being a plastic surgeon and 40. Kelly wonders why Christian Troy is raising the baby that wasn't is, she reminds us that he thought he knocked up the chick from the sexaholic's group but when the baby came out it was black. Pugs thinks it's because he's trying to prove he has stability so that he can bang Shawn's wife. Kelly wonders why he would think that sleeping with his partner's wife's mother would make his partner's wife want to sleep with him. Pugs reminds us of the guys that get tail left and right that after a while develop a taste for fugly IE, John Lennon and Yoko Ono. AJ calls in to say that last night was the first time he saw that show and he wanted to throw up during the surgery parts. Megan calls in to say that Christian slept with her mother because she looked so much like her daughter. She reminds us that he couldn't open his eyes during the act. Kelly thinks that he pity banged her because she was upset about being old. Schwartz brings up the psychological block that Shawn has from being upset about getting old that's causing him to twitch. Kelly asks him if twitching would be considered bad in the surgeon's world and Schwartz confirms that it is in fact bad to twitch. Kelly thinks that's good that he feels that way because if he would have said something else then she would have to find a new doctor. Schwartz would give the show a 5 out of 10. Kelly gives it a 8 or a 9. Schwartz is concerned by the birthday cake/twitch montage scene. He believes that is a sign that the show has "jumped the shark". He thinks it's a sign of a writing team devoid of ideas. Kelly thinks he's being too critical and Pugs doesn't like him anymore. "How dare ye," Pugs says as he pats himself on the back for speaking in old north. Visit Dr. Schwartz's website. .

1:09
*break*
1:22

Kelly points out that Pugs is drinking out a Diet Pepsi and Pugs informs her that it's actually a Pepsi Max. Kelly lets us know that means it's a Diet Pepsi and finds it odd that they wouldn't call it Pepsi Min. They brag that they still have glass bottles. Eric asks if they can bring him back a bottle of it. Kelly sarcastically lets Eric know that she'll be happy to bring him home a glass bottle in her suitcase because he's never seen one before. Pugs is going to empty out his waste bin in his bathroom and bring it home for him because, he knows how much Eric loves European garbage. Kelly brought the converter thing for the outlet but she didn't bring the voltage converter. The windmills must work extra fast because they use more electricity here than we do stateside. Kelly got out of the shower and smelled smoke. She ran back into the shower and her straightening iron was on fire. When Kelly told him this story Pugs just thought she was being the typical dumb broad but then his alarm clock caught fire. He was trying to set the time, it made a little pop, and smoke came out through the back. Pugs is bothered by the lack of ice in the beverages here in Iceland. Kelly brings up they're no friend Mickey who doesn't think that Nirvana revolutionized music at all. He think that they're a completely overplayed band. Mickey joins the show and Pugs calls him a provocative dick. Mickey lets us know that he's from 98rock in Baltimore and his show is called Mickey and Amelia. Mickey explains that if Kurt hadn't killed himself, he'd be in the same place as Pearl Jam and Soundgarden. Pugs and Kelly think that's a ridiculous statement and Mickey thinks that the only things that Nirvana did was end hair rock, let ugly chicks dress in flannel and still get laid. Mickey hates him for ruining girls in mini-skirts and fishnet stockings. HE explains that he's the Jimmy Carter of music... sure he could have done some things but he just sent us all into turmoil. Mickey believes that David Grohl is twice the musician and song writer that Kurt Cobain was. Pugs thinks in retrospect that is a reasonable argument. Mickey believes that there is only three good Nirvana songs and after that, it's all crap. Pugs wonders if Amelia feels the same way and Mickey lets us know that she doesn't however, she feels that Slayer and Pantera are the greatest contributions to modern music today. Kelly teases that maybe later Mickey can tell us about fighting Chad Kroeger in a parking lot or dragging a naked-coked-up Pablo Francisco out of bed. Pugs points out that Mickey isn't that tall and wonders what's Mickey's thoughts on the urinals here. Mickey walks around with two phone books just so he can take a leak. Pugs says he's six foot tall and in order for him to go to the restroom he has to stand on his tippy toes. Kelly questions if a grown man should use the term "tippy toes". Pugs lets Kelly know that "tippy toes" is a very European term. Kelly finds it ironic that the urinals are so high up here because the toilets are all very small. Pugs invites Mickey to sit in for the new but Mickey wants to go get a smoke first. Kelly points out that Pugs has a booger and Pugs explains that is just the eskimo way of saying that he's horny.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

Pugs wonders what the weather is like back home for Dodgeball and Sybil lets him know that it's warm. Pugs, Kelly, and Mickey find it hard to believe that it's warm in Dallas in the middle of June. Kelly explains that Mickey is a stand-up comic that wanted to stay in one location. She teaches us that nobody around there has more stories than Mickey. Kelly tells Pugs that he missed Mickey's Chad Kroeger story and Pugs wonders if it tops his story. He reminds us that he was staring at his package at a public urinal and was much larger. Mickey finds that funny because his heart is also small. He backed him down in a parking lot fight. Pugs wonders if we still have the Nickelback experiment that they did last week. Eric says he's looking for it. Kelly explains that Mickey's station was having a meet and greet with Nickelback for some of the fans. It was 104 degrees outside and Nickelback never showed up. Pugs thinks it's messed up that the fans got... "nickel-jacked". Mickey lets Pugs know that puns are the lowest form of comedy and Pugs hopes that he doesn't sound like a... "Nickel-hack". Listeners started caling into Mickey's show to tell him what happened and Mickey started calling Chad a homo on the air. Pugs lets him know that he was laying down the.. ''nickel-smack". Kelly thinks it's funny that they get paid for this. Mickey says that Chad heard him rail on him for 2 hours and the hotline rings and it's Chad. Pugs wonders if his program director gave him any... "nickel-slack". Chad told Mickey to let him in now, and Mickey lets him in. The studio swings open and Chad yells, "which one of you Mother F***ers have a problem?". Mickey stood up to take his ass whooping and Chad starts cussing at him but, his producer was able to dump all the curse words. Chad finally says, "if you were bigger, I'd take you out back and kick your ass," and Mickey told him to bring it. Mickey thought that this was the end of his radio career and his life. Chad sees that they're actually going to fight and asks Mickey to calm down to discuss this like men. They have a conversation and eventually he got Chad to admit that he was being a fag for not showing up. Mickey teases that he has a Pablo Francisco story too and Pugs lets him know that they'll save it for tomorrow. Pugs lets us know that they'll say that Pablo was drunk and not on... "Nickel-crack" or anything. Mickey thinks it's cool that Pugs sat around drinking alcohol with him instead of hopping into the hot springs with everyone else. They were checking out 12 year old girls but didn't realize they were 12 till later. Mickey explains that they were hot, tall, and smoking cigarettes. The girl turned around and they realized that she was young. Mickey explains that while he wanted to gouge his eyes out, Pugs asked what the age of consent is in Iceland.

1:45
*break*
1:59