the hell?  that's strange.  I did all of this week's shows today (except for Wednesday.. I had to run a lot of errands during that show and I have to study the parts that I missed.) and now only Monday and Friday is up.  It's 2:02 and I have things to do in the morning so I'll deal with this tomorrow.  Maybe they''ll magically appear on this thing later.  Hopefully I won't have to rewrite it all... they're quite long you know.
 
*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 10:56*

Kelly wants to get a "fat sucker outer" installed into her bathroom so that she can suck fat out and then put it where she wants.  Pugs wonders if he can get fat injected into he ear lobes because he has no ear lobes.  Kelly thinks that a mouse a can grow an ear for him and Pugs wonders if a mouse grows an ear for you, does that make you indebted to the mouse?  Pugs is looking at pictures from Heartball last night and he realizes that he's a freaky looking character.  Pugs thinks that everything looks baggy because he lost weight and he wonders if he should go on steriods because he looks scrawny.  He still looks fat but small at the same time.  Pugs thinks he looks like a pin head and Kelly wished that he'd stop pointing all of this out because it makes her see the negatives too.  Eric suggests if the right word is "Norton-esque".  Pugs brings up the guy that looks like Jim Norton at dodgeball.  More and more people walk up to him during dodgeball asking him if Jim Norton is there.  Pugs finally looked at him and thought it was Jim Norton for a second.  Pugs points to Bowie Hogg and thinks that he's a huge man.  He thinks Bowie looks like the Grimace and Pugs feels like Ronald McDonald.  Kelly puked all evening and then took an ambien.  Kelly thinks that she might be addicted to ambien.  She can't sleep without it now but also realizes that she couldn't sleep without it before she had it so she's confused by her addiction... confusion is the first sign that you might have a problem....  Pugs had one of those dreams where somebody did something bad to him and then he woke up mad at that person.  The Fixx is coming into town tonight and Pugs is going.  Kelly can't go because she has two children. She's really bummed that she can't go because that seems like a great place to see a show.  Pugs thinks it's an awesome place to see a concert. Dr. Schwartz is going with Pugs and told him that they only had one hit.. which means that they'll have to dissect the Fixx to discover the truth.  Kelly is staying at a hotel to celebrate the Nordstom's half-yearly sale.  Last night at Guy Mezger's karate class, that Declan attends, tragedy struck the Kelly family.  Kelly wonders what type of appeal elevators have for young children.  Her kids always rush to see who can make it to the elevator to push the button first.  Pugs assumes that her son normally wins and Kelly lets him know that he's right.  Now, they both want to go up separately so that they both can push the buttons.  McKenna was playing with the doors and Pugs wonders if she was playing bass.  Kelly clarifies that she meant the elevator doors not Jim's Doors.  Kelly told her not to go near elevator doors or escalators because you can get your hand cut off or decapitated, like the doctor a few months ago.  Kelly looks around to see if there is anybody that they need to hold the door for and then McKenna started screaming bloody murder.  Her hand had gotten caught in the doors, in that part where the door disappears.  Kelly was paralyzed in fear and wondered if she should hit the button so that the doors open or if she should try to open the doors by hand.  Declan was inside the elevator and he hit the door open button and Kelly's response was to yell at her, trying not to cry.  Pugs thinks that Kelly is just misplacing her emotion.  Since she doesn't have a hook for a hand now it's OK to yell at her for doing something stupid.  Kelly remembers when her son fell down the stairs and was knocked out.  A few weeks before she took a class on child CPR but, when faced with this scenario she just picked him up and started to shake him.  Pugs gives Declan kudos for staying cool under pressure.  Declan started lecturing McKenna too but Kelly yelled at him.  Pugs thinks that she has to let him develop that superiority over his kid sister to help keep her in line. 

no time
*break*
11:33  
                  
Pugs has been watching "I Love the 90s" on VH-1 and Kelly is afraid to watch it because she knows she'll stare at the TV for 10 hours straight if she does.  They got a hold of the "I Love the 90s" soundtrack and they want to run through the tracks. 

1. O.P.P.
Pugs wonders whatever happened to Naughty By Nature and nobody really knows.  Pugs wonders if Treach went on to do something else and Sybil reminds us of the great acting career of Treach.... I would like to point out that he ended up marrying one of the Salt 'n' Peppa girls, one of them, the darker one that wasn't Spinarella....  Kelly says that's a dark music era for her and Pugs wonders why it has to be "dark".  That song came out when she first started getting into talk radio but the song reminds her of dancing at Mother's on Division street.

2. I'm Too Sexy    
Pugs is shocked to find out that Kelly loves this song.  Kelly finds it hilarious. 

3. To Be With You
Eric teases that this is a Pugs and Kelly ensemble song..  It's sing-a-long time folks!  Where is the "Pugs and Kelly Sing the Hits" album?

4. Jump Around
Pugs thinks that this was the song that made it all right for Irish guys to like hip hop.  Kelly remembers that this song was so big that they use to play this song three times in a row at a bar.  Kelly use to be able to jump to this song but can't any more because it's too tiring.  Eric points out that jumping was very big in the early 90s because this song came out around the same time that Kris Kross's "Jump" came out.  Pugs is grateful that jumping isn't popular anymore.  Kelly informs us that not only do you have to jump, you must raise the roof while jumping too.  Kelly is surprised to hear that they made a John McEnroe reference in that song.  Pugs brings up how Everlast went on to have more hits later.  Sybil sings "then you might really know what it's like".  Kelly sings it... then Pugs sings it... then Kelly sings it again.  They play the Everlast song.  Kelly wonders if this is a white guy or a black guy and Pugs informs her that he's an Irish dude from Boston.  Kelly is shocked.  Pugs thinks that this is a fine example of musical growth.  Leslie, the go to negro, calls in to complain that MTV stopped playing white people music because of their rendition of "To Be With You".  She claims that they stopped playing songs like that so that white people would stop doing that.  So.. they play it again.

4. My Lovin'
Kelly loves En Vogue and Eric gives kudos to this beat.  Pugs is bothered that all these songs are considered retro now.  It makes him feel old.

5. Whoomp (there it is)
Pugs hated this song.  Kelly danced to this song at clubs too.  She thinks that she must of spent a lot of time in clubs.  Pugs and Eric wax about how this song was huge.

6. Shine
Pugs and Kelly love this song... I use to until I heard Dolly Parton singing it, now I can't get that version out of my mind when I hear this song... Kelly thinks about it and realizes that she doesn't like this song too much.  Kelly points out that this song brought the mood of the room down.  They were whooping and jumping now they're standing around contemplating the idea of life after death.

7. I'll Be There for You
Weeeeeee....

8. Macarena
Groans all the way around.  Kelly lets us know that this is the only dance that she can do.  She can't pull off the electric slide that dance that will never go away.  Pugs doesn't know how to do the Macarena.  Kelly does the Macarena for everyone to see. 

9.  Say You'll Be There
Pugs wonders in retrospect were the Spice Girls really that hot?  Kelly never thought they were that hot.  Pugs thinks that Posh spice is undeniably beautiful but the rest all had baby fat.  Kelly thought that Scary spice was indeed scary but Pugs liked Scary.  They all agree that Sporty was just plain ugly and Eric thinks she compensated by working out.  Pugs thought that Baby Spice was fat.  Kelly wonders which Spice girl changed her name.  Pugs brags about how he drank with David Bekham on his honeymoon.  He makes Kelly say who else he had drinks with and she reluctantly says the dude from the Mighty mighty boss stones.

11.  Tubthumping
Kelly and Pugs agree that it isn't the 90s without Chumbawumba.  Everyone sings the part where he lists what he drinks.  Pugs brings up how these guys were anarchist and because of this song everybody thought they were just candy ass. 

12. Mmmbop
Kelly loves this song despite it's poppiness and Pugs doesn't think anybody honestly hates this song because it's so damn catchy.  Everyone agrees that these kids are truly talented despite this crap. 

13. One Week
Kelly loves this song and Pugs claims that these guys put on one of the best  live shows.  Pugs loves these guys because they're so talented.

14. Mambo No. 5
Kelly, Eric, and Pugs all hate this song but Sybil loves this song.  Nobody really knows why.  Pugs finds himself dancing and he feels icky.  Eric thinks that it's so familiar that it's too hard not to dance. 

no time
*break*
12:09 

Pugs was watching I love the 90s and they brought up "Quantum Leap".  Pugs didn't really watch the show that much but he got the jist of the show, he would be thrown back in time and inhabit some bodies body for a day.  On "I Love the 90s" they were asking all these people who they would like to jump back into.  Pugs was bothered by Douchey McPoopbreath's (lead singer of Creed... I refuse to call him by his real name because he's too much of a douche) answer, "I'm really happy with myself so I don't want to jump back into anybody".  One of the guys from Modest Mouse said that he wanted to be a hot chick and then realized that he would be getting slammed by the dude that slams the hot chick so he changed his mind.  Kelly thought it would be cool to go back in time and be Marie Antoinette because she doesn't have to go back in time to the beheading day.  Pugs informs her that she can't choose the day that she gets to jump into.  
Kelly's top three
3. Katherine Graham
Knowing that the majority of people wouldn't know who that is, Kelly explains that she was involved with the Washington Post and that she'd be really interesting to be inside of during the Watergate stuff.

2. Katharine Hepburn
Pugs thinks that would be a great choice and wonders if she'd be comfortable being a lesbian.  Kelly reminds Pugs that just because a woman wears pants doesn't mean she's a lesbian.  Pugs settles for calling her an uppity broad.  Kelly brings up how she had affairs with a lot of different guys.

1.  JFK
Kelly thinks that it'd be awesome cause it's friggin' Kennedy. She'd also be interested in being a man to see what sex feels like to dudes.  Pugs thinks that the problem with JFK is that he was in constant pain, he was always on drug, and then he got assassinated.  Pugs thinks it would suck if you found yourself as JFK taking a car ride in Dallas.  Kelly thinks that you would be able to duck. 

Eric won't say one of his because Pugs would like to get into that one later. 

2. Abraham Lincoln
Kelly thinks that would be cool but she is taken back by the bathroom situation.  Pugs reminds us that Lincoln had a bitch of a wife that kicked his ass everyday.     

1. King Arthur
Pugs thinks that's cool cause he had the magic sword, the hot wife and Merlin however he had the problem with Lancelot hitting on his woman.  Kelly wonders who doesn't have women troubles and Pugs reminds us that when your King Arthur you should have to worry about people stealing your "bitches".  He wonders who in the right mind would attempt to get with the queen when Arthur had  Merlin and a sword that could kill everything on the planet.
Eric says that he would like to be Cleopatra to see what it's like to be a beautiful, powerful, woman.  Pugs and Kelly don't approve because it would be sandy and hot.

Sybil's top two.
2. 80s or 90s Madonna not present day.
Pugs thinks that would be a good choice.

1. Jesus
Pugs thinks it would suck to be Jesus and questions whether or not Sybil has seen "Passion of the Christ".  Kelly thinks that's a good choice.  Sybil thinks it would be cool to be all knowing and you could do anything you want.  Pugs reminds us that Jesus' life was nothing but suffering.  Kelly thinks that a lot of unanswerable questions would suddenly be answered.

Pugs' top three
3. JFK Jr circa 1993 (if he could pick the era)
Kelly reminds him that he can't pick the date. Pugs brings up how Kelly thinks that JFK JR wasn't that pimp.  If they were to run into him at Duke's on a Wednesday night, he'd be just another dude.  Kelly likes the "Duke's scale".  Pugs disagrees because he had money, fame, and he was good looking. 

2. Hugh Heffner (circa 1965)
When he was the most happening, most laid back dude in the world.  Pugs also thinks that he's brilliant.  He thinks if Hugh dies now then it's no big deal because he's had a long kick ass life.

1.  Frank Sinatra
Pugs thinks that this guy just went out to be old as hell and kicking ass all of the way.  Kelly thinks it would suck to leap into Sinatra's hungover body and Pugs teaches her that since Frank is perfect, he never was hung over.  He was the biggest star in the world and palling along with the President of the United States. The most beautiful women in the world always threw themselves at himself. Danny calls in to say that he would be Brad Pitt because he would whore himself out for as long as he could all the while ruining his reputation.  He would also like to be Osama Bin laden.  He would round up all his terrorist buddies, march them into the desert and take one for the team.  Jason calls in to say that he would be Hitler so that he could prevent the holocaust.  Kelly thinks it would be interesting to see what it was like to be inside of Hitler's head.  Scotty would jump into Jennifer Aniston so he could have sex with Brad Pitt but he wouldn't like to jump into Aniston when the previous caller jumped into Pitt. 

12:25
*break*
12:39  

Sybil reminds us that she'd like to be Madonna or Jesus and Kelly thinks it's funny that Madonna is turning Jewish like and Jesus was a Jew.  Pugs thought she was turning Arab and Kelly reminds him that Jewish is close.  Robert Biggs e-mails the show to tell Eric that King Arthur isn't real.  Kelly reminds us that if you're not Christian than Jesus was just another jew living way back then.  Mitchell calls in say that since they allowed King Arthur then he would like to be Spiderman.  HIs first choice however is Angus Young from AC/DC because he's the best guitar player ever aside from Hendrix, only Hendrix was always strung out.  Kelly wonders why he would be Spiderman over Superman and Mitchell says that Superman is just too fake.  Pugs thinks that Superman is more believable because he's from another world.  Spiderman got bit by a spider, that would kill him.  A guy calls in to say that he would leap into his wife when he first met her so that he can warn himself that she's a crazy bitch. Charles would like to be McCartney the day when the Beatles broke up.  Kelly wonders if he got McCartney now, it wouldn't be so bad since he's banging a one legged super-model but he's not Beatles Paul.  Lisa, from Gerry's kids, would be Angelina Jolie because she has a hot body and she would fly to Dallas to sleep with her boyfriend because he likes her too.  Pugs needs a selfless woman like Lisa.  Josh calls in to be Carey Grant.  Pugs removes JFK Jr to add Grant.  Pugs heard that he was gay and Kelly wonders whats up with Pugs thinking everybody is gay.  Matt would like to be Wilt Chamberlain because he had 10,000 women.  Pugs reminds us that he was the Michael Jordan before Michael Jordan.  Pugs and Kelly agree that he was probably lying about all the women he had though.  Jason calls in to say that he would Elvis, Russ Martin, or O.J. Simpson.  When he was in college, that would be cool, if he was in the NFL, he had women all the time, if it was the night of the murder then you could learn what really happened, and if it was in the court room you could screw him by standing up and proclaiming that you did it.  Bo calls in to say Mick Jagger 1979, doing blow off models' asses in Studio 54.  A dude calls in to say that he would be Julius Caesar.  Pugs doesn't want to be there without A/C or the responsibilities of being emperor of the world.  Tracy calls in to say that she would like to be her sons on the day of their birth or Pugs or Kelly on their Iceland trip.  Pugs finds that an odd choice and Tracy explains that she would just like to be able to experience child birth through that perspective.  Kelly thinks that if you were Helen Keller would be nice cause then you could nap well.  John would like to be Marilyn Monroe or Babe Ruth.  Pugs thinks that's a good one and John thinks that's cool cause he saw it all and he was the king.  Steve calls in to say Chris Farley because he had a great life and he partied all the time.  Kelly reminds us that everyone knew that he had a great life except himself.

12:58
*break*
1:08
SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT! 

Pugs and Kelly yell at Eric for blowing their ears out with the sound Fx after the Sybil Theme.  Eric says that to play the theme on the 360 he has to turn it up and then turn it back down right afterward.  Pugs thinks that Eric is no good under pressure.  Pugs wouldn't like Eric kicking a game winning field goal for him.  Sybil thinks that he's not allowed to sit on the emergency row on a plane.  Pugs purposely doesn't listen to the safety precautions on a plane because nobody survives plane crashes.  Noel E-mails the show to be Jason Alexander on his honey moon night with Brittany Spears. 

1.  In Romania, a surgeon was working on a man's penis because he had a testicle that never dropped.  He accidentally  cut his urinary channel.  He got all Ericy on the guy's dong so he just chopped it off and severed it into several pieces.
Pugs doesn't think that either of his testicles haven't dropped because they don't hang like they do in porno flicks.  Pugs points out that he has to wear a youth sized armband because his wrist is so scrawny.  Kelly thinks that just makes Pugs small boned and Pugs reminds her that he is in fact small boned. Pugs thinks that everything that should be large on his body is small and everything that should be small is large.  His stomach is large, his penis is small, his head is large but his feet are tiny. 

2. In Tampa, a 67 former marine owns a business that fixes septic tanks.  He had to get inside of this septic tank and the tank closed on him.  He tried to call out for help but then the methane gasses started taking over and he ended up dying in the septic tank.
Sybil wonders if they can imagine drowning in waste and Pugs says that he didn't until that moment.  Sybil cleverly adds "it's a dirty job but somebody has to do it".  Kelly informs us about something about farmer silo suffocation deaths.... what?

3.  A sophomore in high school was forced to cut his mullet by the school but the courts decided that it they couldn't make him cut it. 
Pugs and Sybil remind us that it's business in the front... and it's a party in the back. 

4.  Psychic Silvia Brown predicts that houses will have locks that have keypads instead of keys, phones will dial via voice command, personal robot servants, piercings with chips in it that have personal information it it, after-school activities for children but they must maintain a B average.
Pugs points out that these things exist and compares this to when people invent things that they don't realize exist.  Kelly heard that she could put this round bowl-like device  that allows people to receive TV shows from outer space.  Moe calls in to say that he works at home depot and that they have keyless entries for houses.  Pugs predicts that there will be a button in people's cars that will allow him to open his garage.  Kelly is grateful that she has found somebody to cut her hair now because at her last salon a girl told her that there was going to be no more Popes.  Kelly wondered where she heard that and the girl told her that she heard Silvia Brown told her that on Montell Williams. 

5.  Martha Stewart was sentenced to 5 months in jail, 5 months to home confinement, and two years of supervision.
Pugs would totally do Martha Stewart.  Sybil thinks that her jail cell would look awesome.  Kelly thinks that she should be forced to be inside somebody else's home and redo it for a reality TV show.

6.  Brittany Spears is mad at the New York Post because she they said that she was drinking a tiny bottle of whiskey.  She claims that it was actually ginseng and she's offended that they suggested that.
Pugs wonders why she would have to be sober for her line of work at noon and Kelly wonders why this incident would make her trashy in comparison to the other things she does.  Kelly tried to drink in the middle of the day in Plano and was scolded for it.

1:29
*break*
1:42

Kelly got an E-mail that asks that they do the thing where they make strange noises until Gavin comes in to make them stop.  Eric reminds them that the record is 32 seconds.

GO!

Fart noises... whistles.. snaps...

Gavin breaks it up at 15 seconds.  He wonders if this is what they pay them for and Kelly and Pugs assure him that it was a request by Deez Nutz.  Kelly would like to come up with new noises during the weekend to play this game.  Pugs reminds Gavin that he's his favorite program director.  Eric suggest they make noises now.

fart noises... whistles.. pops

7. PETA just put out a pole that list the world's sexiest vegetarians.  Alicia Silverstone and Andre 3000 from Outkast.
Kelly questions if Alicia is hotter then Gwenyth Paltrow.  Sybil didn't know that Andre was a vegetarian and Pugs didn't know that he was sexy.  Kelly tells him that he's OK and Pugs remembers that he dresses like a clown.  Kelly imagines that vegetarians are smelly because they eat lots of gassy food.  Pugs reminds us that if we didn't eat chicken and cows then the world would be over run with chickens and cows.  He wonders if anybody finds it odd that cows are vegetarian because you would think that they ate chickens or pigs.  Sybil was surprised to find Ghostface Killah is a vegetarian.  She was bothered that Don Imus and Margaret Cho was in the running because they're not sexy.

1:48
*break*
2:02     

Oh and if you're a fan of Kid Rock, I know how you crazy kids like the Rock and Roll, Cody has two tickets that he can't use to the July 24th concert. Maybe you could E-mail him at cody@pugsandkellylive.com and maybe you could offer him some greenbacks and maybe you could talk business... maybe. Hell, just E-mail him if you want the tickets. Best offer wins.. so dig deep. Boobies are nice, maybe you can send him pictures of boobs... just a suggestion.

 
 Pugs and Kelly dodgeball was completely "off the chain".. which according to the cool kids means bitchin'.  If you don't do dodgeball then fine.. don't do it.  We have billions of people enjoy dodgeball every week.  We don't need you there.  It was a busy day... really really busy. Completely packed.. and I'm not just talking about what's in my jock.... (that was lame... I should go kill myself)



This is Gerry's Kid's (love that name by the way). These Live 105.3 fans/dodgeball enthusiast have the best damn uniforms I've seen. They're all incredibly nice people and even made a shirt for me. Now, we can be shirt buddies.    


yeah... so his nuts may be laying on the court some where... at least the shirt is nice. That reminds me, I've been stressing the importance of peni protection now for several weeks.  It seems as though you people like being unable to perform.. that's fine.  I'll take it upon myself to populate the earth with beautiful multi-cultured babies.


This is the arm of "The Juggernaut" Don Davidson.. Don has a special message about this particular incident but I'm not repeating it... yet.   I want to remind everyone that I want pictures of your dodgeball related injuries. 



There are few things that are more exciting, and long.. and I'm not just talking about what's in my jock (lame times 2... that's twice the suicide).. than an one-on-one dodgeball face-off.   After the fury of the 6 0n 6 war... two men are left.  These two gladiators engage in a game of wit and skill.  It's like chess.. only with rubber balls and cement.
 
I can't stress this enough.. DO NOT KICK YOUR FRIGGIN' BALLS OVER YOUR FRIGGIN' HEAD WHEN YOUR TEAM HAS LOST.  What are you 12?  We're running out of balls.  Every night I leave the bar and see more and more rubber balls on Beltline.  Sure, some of them were thrown, some of them we blocked with other balls, but those are important aspects of the game.  You can keep yourself from kicking the damn ball.  Why not just curse really loud?  It works for Smith. 

Also, physical threats are juvinile and beneath us all.  Don't be an ignorant bastard.  Just shut the hell up and play dodgeball...

Hammeroids upset Liquid Supercar (guess what two super teams made up that one) to win Court A.

En Fuego won court B and eventually beat Hammeroids in the super hot awesome final time (SHAFT) to win the golden turkey. Congratulations En Fuego, this is the first time that the winners of the B bracket went on to win the SHAFT.

KAPPY SAPPY WAP (If you read this dodgeball blog regularly then you can figure out what that all means by now right?) is... James "Napoleon" Hamrick. Now, James has been my WAP before, actually he was the first one, nut considering the actions of tonight... yeah, he deserves it again. Friggin' James had his friggin' hand friggin' impaled on the friggin' fence... friggin'. When I say impaled, I mean this...

The fences at Duke's are in need of a serious make over. 16 weeks of hardcore dodgeball action has tainted the once sparkling new fences at Duke's. A ball was thrown during a game... it hit the fence and went through it. It was close enough to reach for it underneath the fence so, James reached. Next thing he knew his hand was stuck, and a crowd of people were around him... and two cameras taking pictures like crazy. Dude, it was messed up. Luckily, somebody had fence cutters and we were able to free him. James was driven to the emergency room where he was treated. The people at the ER asked him how he did this and he told them while playing dodgeball. They instantly knew that he was talking about Dodgeball at Duke's... which is really cool. James found himself back at Duke's and playing again. Of course, in his first game back.. first throw.. he got whacked right in that hand. It did affect his playing ability but a James Hamrick at 70 percent is better than 99.3 percent of the people out there that are 100 percent... I was told there would be no math. For Kelly and Sybil, and myself... these dodgeball fans salute you. I'm sure others do as well.


James was a WAP before I started taking pictures of them... there you go.

haha...

I got the first ever blog related injury. I'm working on today's show and I got stuck on the correct way to word something. I started to wander around my desk, thinking. I soon found myself on the floor in a fetal position. My ankle was flaring and I did all that I could to stand back up... 45 minutes later I managed to pull myself to my couch and studied my ankle carefully. I have come to these observations... it hurts, it's swollen, it's a funny color, and I don't like it.

Just thought I share.

Back to work on today's show. I'm still having computer issues so I might have to go to my father's office and use that security camera monitoring system to publish this thing in the morning again.

So I missed the beginning of the show... I'm sorry.

11:20 (my time to start)

Pugs wonders where Cody has been hiding his hot blonde piece of loving that he brought to Emil's party over the weekend. Emil, on the phone, confirms that it seemed, at least at first, that the two were together and since Cody introduced her to everyone then it's his girl, according to the guy code. Pugs invited Cody to explain what happened to him and Cody lets us know that this is where he lost it. Kelly wonders what he lost and Pugs stops him to let us know that she seemed really uptight at first. She didn't want a drink or hop in the pool. Cody says that she was really nervous when they first got there and Emil lets us know that she only wanted a half a glass of margarita. Pugs thinks that she got over her nervousness quickly. He wonders what the dynamic between them was, are they brother and sister, girlfriend and boyfriend,just friends? Cody informs him that it was only the second time they went out. Kelly points out that was a question that people only ask if the girl is hot because, Pugs has never asked this question of Cody before. Pugs was wondering if Cody was bringing him to the buffet. Emil claims that he was just interested if Cody was getting some of that, Pugs and Eric confirm. Pugs tells us that the party was completely filled with sharks which caused him to blow off all his guy friends to focus on possible predators trying to steal his date. Emil thought it was because Pugs was trying to be romantic Pugs and Pugs says that he being romantic Pugs because romantic Pugs had to be out to bat away possible sharks. Kelly wonders if Pugs was being romantic Pugs before or after the BM. Pugs doesn't know what Kelly means by BM and Kelly teaches him that it's a bowel movement. Pugs lets Emil know that he might want to check his plumbing in the blue bathroom because of his incident. We focus back on Cody's problem. Cody's date has gotten a little more loose after a few cocktails and now she's in the pool. Cody says that she was telling him that she wanted to go swimming but she was a little insecure about her body. Pugs thinks she was curvilicious and Kelly reminds us that all women are insecure about their bodies no matter how perfect their bodies seem to be. Cody's date went with Bruce's "friend" to go swimming. She jumped in and then "the shark" jumped into the pool. "The shark" is a friend of Emil's that's staying at his house. Emil thinks that he did break the guy' code and there is no changing that. Kelly has met this person and reminds Emil that he is in the middle of a break up. She points out that they were trying to shake him loose and get him a good time. Kelly thinks that he's been out of the guy code for a while and might need a few reminders. Pugs thinks that Cody didn't stand up enough. The "shark" and the girl disappeared for a while. Kelly wonders if Cody or one of the guys should have said something to Emil... "hey look your buddy is hitting on my girl.. pull him aside and get him to stop"... or would it be right if Pugs or Eric said something to her. Pugs' "friend" pulled her aside by the bar and told her, "look young lady you got a lot of growing up to do and that isn't something you do to a nice young man like that" after the reemerged. Cody walked up to Pugs at the party and said that he was going to take off because she disappeared for like an hour. Pugs, Kelly, and Eric point out that Cody gets really pissy when he's upset. Kelly thinks that when your girl disappears... you go looking for her. She thinks that Cody let it happen and should have stopped it before this happened.

11:31
*break*
11:40

We're back with the Cody talk. Cody tells us that he's 21 and Kelly points out that 21 is the age where you learn this lesson. Pugs thinks the life lesson he learned is that he has to be more aggressive around a lot of men that are older and more wiley. Ron calls into the show and claims to be the father of the young lady in question. Kelly wonders if Ron got the same story that we got from his daughter and Ron lets us know that he hasn't gotten into the details with his daughter yet. Ron called in to say that he wants them to stop talking about it because it's tearing his heart out. Pugs informs him that they are not trying to tear his heart out and that only a small group of people know who the person who the person question is... hell, I have no clue.... They're not trying to embarrass his daughter. He reminds Ron that this is a show where they talk about things in their lives. Kelly says that every single guy in this room has brought girls to parties before and hit on other people there. Eric laughs because that's how he met his current girlfriend. Pugs asks Ron how his daughter's head is doing this morning because he hopes she isn't upset. Ron says that she's more upset than she has been in a long time. He questions Cody's spine because he brought a girl to a party and was suppose to bring her home. Kelly thinks that agreement is negated when she disappears with another guy. Pugs is reminded of the old saying "you dance with the one that brought you". Pugs thinks that she became the responsibility of the guy she disappeared with and not Cody's once she made the decision to stab Cody. Ron says that he can understand that but that she said that Cody was hitting on somebody else at the party. Eric can only muster to shout, "WHOOOA!" and Pugs says that's not true. Cody would like to know who he was hitting on because he has no clue who it could possibly be.... I would like to say that I've been at parties that Cody has attended, I've been at bars and various functions and Cody doesn't hit on people too often.... Ron says that if Cody would have answered his cell phone this morning maybe they could have discussed it then instead of talking about it on the air.... Folks, I'd like to remind you that if you don't want things to be opened up for the public to hear, maybe you shouldn't associate with people WITH A TALK RADIO SHOW.... Pugs thinks that it's weird for Ron to call him after the girl ripped his guts out. Pugs lets us know that Cody isn't a bad kid, he's not a rapist or a handsy guy. Kelly points out that shouldn't count as two bonuses. Pugs and Kelly let us know that Cody doesn't have enough game to bring a young girl to bed. Ron wonders if Cody is such a good guy, then why couldn't he bring her home? Pugs thinks that Cody had every right to leave her since she humiliated him by taking off with another guy. Ron thinks that's a natural move for a guy that's a low life. Kelly thinks that since she humiliated him so he humiliated her and they're both better people for it. Ron thinks that we'll all be better people if we stop discussing it. Ron thinks that they're just going to blow him off and not change the subject like he asked. Pugs tells Ron that this is what they do for a living and Ron creepily laughs. Cody says that he was confused as to the course of action that he should take because this doesn't happen in the country very often. Kelly thinks this is the same situation as when you get in a fight with a guy and you get out of his car, is he suppose to chase you? Kelly thinks that you have to at least make sure she got home OK no matter how irrational you think she is acting.

11:57
*break*
12:06

The shark is on hold and Cody claims that he's not really angry with the shark anymore. He's mad at the girl because he really liked her and she made him look dumb. Pugs' posse was trying to get Cody laid all night. "Jabber Jaws" officially joins the show and assures Pugs that his shoes are OK. Kelly wonders where Pugs is from, leaving his shoes at a party... how shameful.... The shark says that Cody is a great kid. He claims that the girl made it quite clear that they were just friends. The shark lets us know that he's been on the other side of the humiliation and doesn't wish that on anybody. Kelly points out that he was a major player in the humiliation of Cody. Pugs thinks you must give the shark credit for being apologetic. The shark says that the only thing that's important right now is Cody's feelings and Kelly thinks that he's making Cody sound like a rape victim. He assures us that he was going to take her home but, he was a little toasty and it was two counties over. Pugs didn't separate from his girl during the party and the shark mentions that they seemed to be Siamese twins. Eric didn't let any guy talk to his girlfriend. Kelly questions the fun of these parties and Pugs and Eric claim that they had a ball.

12:15
*break*
12:27
 
Kelly teases the London trip contest that's courtesy of The Grid.  Eric informs us that "The Grid" debuts Monday July 19.  Kelly figures out that is next Monday because its the day after the Nordstrom half-yearly sale.  Kelly wants to call in sick on Friday so that she can get a room and shop all day.  Pugs wonders if Kelly has drunk-shopped.  Kelly says that she is normally driving so she can't drunk shop.  Pugs explains that drunk shopping normally happens when you're on vacation and Kelly reminds us of the late-name infomercials because, you're coming home from the bar and you have to watch something while you eat doritos.  Pugs went home to Chicago over the vacation break for the Sox-Cubs game with Smith, Wayne, Aaron, and Emil.  Pugs compares that sporting event to Texas vs OU if it was four days in a row.  They were in a bar at noon and there was a rain delay.  Eventually they had enough so they went to Nike town.  Pugs started buying things that he wouldn't normally buy.  He realized that he was drunk when he came home and pulled out his Robin Yount jersey.  Pugs hates the Brewers and he can't figure out why he spent $120 for a damn retro batting practice jersey.  Kelly reminds us that drunken hazes are responsible for people buy the Dick Clark CDs.  She thinks that when you're drunk you can justify why you need to buy something.   Pugs joins porn websites when he's drunk and every month they automatically renew your account. He suggest inthevip.com and tugjobs.com.  Kelly envisions sitting at home, eating Ben & Jerry's after getting dumped by some guy for a prettier younger woman, watching an infomercial for the bowflex and proclaiming that she could lose the weight like that.  A guy calls in to say that he bought a magic trick set when he was drunk.  Pugs thinks that's good cause you can do it in the bars and get a part time jobs working kids' parties.  Jason calls in and says that he watched an infomercial on the "miracle blade' for an hour and a half.  He ended up ordering it and they sold him on all the extras.  Jason explains that it's the new ginsu blade.  He feels stupid for doing that but he ends up using those blades everyday.  Kelly is worried about upsetting Jason because now he has sharp knives.  A dude calls in to say that he was drunk and surfing e-bay for a guitar for his kid sister.  He bid on one at a hell of a price, he bid on it, and won.  He had to pay a lot for shipping and handling and the guitar ended up being a mini toy with two strings... she wasn't impressed.  A guy calls in to say that he bought his wife a bull testicle purse... man, that's messed up.  Pugs use to buy his mom purses at Venture and Pugs and Kelly remind us that Venture is like K-mart without the glamour.  James calls in to explain that he was drunk with his friends and a Girls Gone Wild commercial came on and he ended up buying some for his friends and himself.  Dan calls in to say that he bought a super vacuum.  He came home plastered from a football game and a salesman came and gave him the demo to show how dustmites and funk live in the floors.  He had to buy one because he was upset that his family was sleeping in that filth and it cost 1800 dollars.  He's still making payments on it but it has a lot of attachments and it's neat.  Kevin calls in to say that he bought a bedazzler.  Kelly wants to buy one because Christmas is coming up and Pugs thinks that's very handy for when you want to dress like Elvis.  Randy was in Cancun and wondered off from his group.  He ended up running into a timeshare salesman... man that sucks.... By the time he got back home and realized what he had done it was well beyond the three day cancellation period.  He tried to get an attorney but the attorney told him that he was in Mexico. A guy calls in to say that he's a comic book collector and sometimes he'll get drunk and buy the same comic book that he's already had.  Kelly wonders if this is Shemp calling in.

12:53
*break*
1:00      

Kelly loves hotels and on Saturday night she took her kids to the Embassy Suites.  She  Every room has a bedroom and a living area so, the grownups can stay in the bed room and the kids can sleep on the pull out sofa.  Pugs stayed at the Hardrock Hotel and found it... fabulous .... Pugs ended up doing something highly illegal in Chicago.  There are a lot of rivers in Chicago, and Kelly thinks they should put a city over there if there's rivers there.  When Pugs was in college he use to go walking over there and hang out.  Since then they transformed it into a beautiful scene, with gondolas and now Pugs wants to go down there to drink beer. So, Pugs and Aaron hoarded a lot of beers from a bar and hung out by the river.  The next day he found out that was highly illegal.  The city is cracking down on vagrancy and  there are some people that are protesting because, they feel it's Nazi-ish.  Pugs just thought it was beautiful and there weren't homeless people, "hey, lets sit down and have a beer".  The police were spread out due to the "Taste of Chicago" and the Cubs-Whitesox game so, Pugs and Aaron got away with drinking and dangling their feet in the water.  Pugs assures us that there were girls involved so, it's not as gay as it sounds.  Kelly brags that they have actual rivers inside of Ebassy Suites and real live swans. 

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

Kelly brings up the dodgeball controversy after Sybil says that the news is brought to us by Duke's Original Roadhouse.  There was a fight last week  and Drinklocal was involved.  Kelly doesn't really know what happened but, John AKA Weid broke his toe two weeks ago.  Her hairdresser Michael is also on that team... that's Michael Morgan at the William Carr Salon (2140 520-0116.... Pugs wonders if it was her hairdresser that started the fight with Bruce-X.. that's Planet X in Garland for all your adult needs. Call 972.271.3326 for directions.  Kelly says it wasn't.  Pugs explains that Bruce called somebody out in his very condescending manner and they refused to get off the court.  Bruce told him to go away so the guy launched a ball at Bruce's head.  Bruce responded by tackling the guy and the dude was hauled off in cuffs. 

1.   Lots of celebrities died while the show was away.  Marlon Brando died of lung failure on July 1. 
Pugs and Kelly discuss how he reports say that was either rich as hell or poor as... hell. 
Isabel Sanford AKA Weezy from "the Jeffersons" died from natural causes in the hospital over the weekend.
Kelly says that this means that Old Navy needs to find a new spokesperson.
The host of Frugal Gourmet, Jeff Smith died.
Kelly wants to know if they can call him gay now that he can't sue.  "The Frug" use to be on this show that Pugs worked on in Chicago.  He would bring his little man servant with him that he claimed that he was training to become a chef.  They were doing a morning show so it was about 6:30 AM and Pugs asked him if he could get him anything.  Jeff Smith told him that he would love a cocktail and Pugs laughed.  His little man servant informed Pugs that he wasn't kidding.  Kelly had a friend in a local band, one of the bandmates left the band to go to culinary school. They heard that he was working with Jeff Smith and then after a while he was back because Jeff Smith was hitting on him.  Sybil reads that he was teaching in Tacoma.. cooking and religion all wrapped up into one.  Pugs proclaims that he liked the Frugal Chef guy because he seemed very pleasant. Sybil reads that in 1997 seven men filed lawsuits against him claiming that he sexually abused them as youths.  Sybil lets us know that these facts mean that Jeff Smith was a gay married minister chef that dipped in pedophilia.  Pug is suprised that he's married because he's so obviously gay and Kelly reminds him that was the reason why they couldn't talk about it, he wasn't "out". Kelly reminds us that just because you like guys doesn't mean you're a child molester. 

2.  Courtney Love missed her court date on Friday and got hauled off to the hospital.  Medical workers showed up at her apartment in the evening and the reports are that she had a miscarriage.
Pugs thinks that's unfortunate.
John calls in and says that he was the Frugal Gourmet's limo driver back in the 90s for his book  signing.  He required him to have a water pitcher filled with vodka.  Kelly reminds us that it's only a drinking problem if you can't afford it.
3.  David Bowie underwent emergency heart surgery to unblock an artery.
Pugs brings up how Bowie was just in the emergency room not too long ago because he had a lollipop stuck to his eye.

1:18
*break*
1:25

Kelly announces that during the break they decided that they're going to have a show slumber party.  Pugs thinks everyone will be on the same page and just to be difficult he'll check into one across town.  Sybil is happy because they can rent those movies on the TV that are out right now.  Pugs watched some while in Chicago.  He found "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" to be great but horribly depressing.  He explains that it's about a company that exist that can remove memories that you don't want.  Kelly wonders how that would work.. would you forget what you did or would you think you did it on your own. Pugs pauses for a minute and then reminds Kelly that it's a movie.  Pugs was going through a tough time in Chicago because of his ex-wife and then he watched this movie and started crying.  He watched Starsky and Hutch too and loved it.  He thinks that if you put a Wilson brother with a Stiller and then throw in a Vaughn... it's going to be a funny movie.  Kelly wants to know what's up with that group of people, in particular Ben Stiller.  Do they just hang out on movie sets all day and if somebody doesn't show up, Ben Stiller jumps in to take on the role. In Anchorman Ben Stiller showed up for a cameo as a Telemundo news anchor.  Pugs explains that they're just all buddies that are really incestuous with their movie casting.  Kelly thinks it must really piss off struggling actors in LA.

5.  Vanna White is engaged to some California business man.
Pugs wonders how she's looking and Kelly reminds us that he could just watch Wheel of Fortune.  Pugs reminds us that he can't stand that show and Kelly tells him that he has a good 30 years until he gets to watch that show.  Pugs whats to go on record as saying that Wheel of Fortune and Crossword puzzles are stupid.  Kelly agrees because crossword puzzles are hard.  Sybil loves crossword puzzles and even buys those dorky little books.  Pugs proclaims his great love for those maze games and a good word jumble.

6.  Roy Horn has come face to face with the tiger that mauled him on the show.  He's getting filmed for a new reality TV show and he forgave the tiger.
Kelly thinks that sounds like some stupid crap that VH-1 would do.  Kelly reminds us that he was 70 when he got mauled and that's a pretty good lifetime for a person that plays with tigers.

7.  Al Franken  is saying that he might run for senator of his home state of Minnesota. 
Pugs brings up that Franken has said that for a  while even though nobody has asked him.

8. Lindsay Lohan has just signed a contract with Casablanca records.
Pugs likes her because she's adorable and large breasted.  He wonders how old she is and Sybil informs him that she just turned 18.  Pugs wonders if she's an actress trying to be a singer or what... Kelly explains that she's trying to be Hillary Duff. Pugs is confused so Kelly explains that Hillary Duff had a show called "Lizzy Maguire" and "Lizzy" released her own CD.  Later on Hillary Duff released a CD as Hillary Duff.  Pugs wonders if Sabrina the Teenage Witch had a CD and Kelly doesn't think so but she knows that she got fat.  Eric tells us that Paris Hilton just started "Heiress records".  Pugs wonders if he all hate her for being a bitch and Sybil claims that she likes her.  Sybil likes the way she looks and the way she holds herself up.  She doesn't think she has a great personality though.  There are people that Sybil likes and people that she doesn't like for example... Sybil doesn't like Sandra Bullock.  Kelly thinks that's on odd name to pull out and she reminds us that at a bar she would be more likely to have a drink with Sandra Bullock because Paris Hilton would want nothing to do with you.   Sybil agrees but she still finds her fun to look at.      

9.  Michael Jordan may buy the Miami Heat and move them to Las Vegas.
Pugs and Kelly think that the thing that Jordan needs the most is more time in Vegas. 

10.  Weekend Box Office Update.
5. The Notebook. 
Kelly kept telling her kids that she was taking them to see that.  Pugs and Sybil saw Spiderman 2.  Sybil liked it and Pugs hated it. Sybil thought that there were parts that were really cheesy and Pugs thinks she means like the whole movie.  Sybil liked how the CGI all looked real. Pugs explains that he's starting to lose his Spider powers and he's going to shoot webs and nothing comes out.  He's flying around the city, he goes to shoot, nothing comes out, so he falls. They show a scene later where he tries to shoot a web and nothing comes out again.  Later on they show him swinging again.  Pugs is outraged because Spiderman is the dumbest superhero ever.  His web is only working 50 percent of the time and he's still swinging from skyscrapers.  Pugs thinks that he should walk until he figures out the spider thing.    Scott calls in to say that it's ridiculous that Pugs doesn't like this movie and thinks that the show is being unamerican.  Scott thought that Dr. Octopus was amazing... Pugs makes fun of him for being a Spidey dork.
4. Fahrenheit 9/11
3. King Arthur  Pugs loves the whole King Arthur thing and is going to go out to watch that.  Kelly wonders if he means giant turkey legs.  Pugs dorks out a bit for it.. and then lets us know that "Excalibur" was the first movie he saw that had boobies in it.  Sybil reminds us that Kiera Knightly is in this and that she's hot.
2. Anchorman
Kelly loves that movie.
1. Spiderman 2.
Pugs is disgusted by the Spider-dorks.
Kelly is upset that at the movie premiers that the station pulls together, they have no power at all.  They can't sit anywhere.. they find themselves wandering around.  Kelly claims that you can really tell how much Sam likes you when you do a movie premier. Eric explains that some guy yelled at Kelly because those seats were for press.  Eric yelled back that she is press and the guy didn't buy it.  Some chick was sitting in her seat and refused to move.  Alan calls in to discuss Spiderman 2.  He can't understand why the arch-nemesis had manboobs.  Pugs thinks that Dr. Octopus looked like he just woke up.  Pugs was wondering if he was going to get a cool costume because he was tired of watching him run around in that dirty "wife-beater".  Kelly wonders if Aaron the Limo Driver or Bruce-X wanted to be a super villain, would they tell him that he looks ridiculous?

no time
*break*
no time

OK... this next segment is really hard to scribe so  I'll give a quick run down.
Pugs proclaims that he's horny.
Kelly sensually reads the details of the Brittany Spears marriage/super hot sex story.
Pugs proclaims that he's horny.
Pugs attempts to read but then proclaims that he's horny.
Kelly sensually reads the details of the Brittany Spears marriage/super hot sex story.
Pugs proclaims that he's horny.
They question if these are exact quotes because Jason Alexander is a hick and they have him quoted as saying very British things.
They bring in Cody to Hick translate things.
Cody is confused as to what he's doing there and attempts to explain what the quotes mean.
Pugs proclaims that he's horny.
Callers call in to say that they're horny.
Pugs proclaims that he's horny.

no time
*break*
2:32

Pugs wants somebody to send him a link to the Cameron Diaz video.  Pugs would like to add the chick that won Wimbeldon, Maria Schirussiannamepova, to his top five chicks list.  He explains that she's Anna Kournikova with actual tennis talent.  Pugs bought a whole bunch of "Live Strong" bracelets and he's the only one wearing them. Kelly is bothered by Lance Armstrong because she watched all these interviews with them holding hands talking about how the experience made them stronger... but then he turns around and dumps her for Sheryl Crow.  Kelly felt duped because she rallied behind a love story.  Pugs points out that if nobody knew the details that she could look just as guilty as Lance Armstrong.  Kelly reminds us that she was never on TV bragging about how great her marriage was and that's the difference.  Pugs says that all relationships are shams because nothing last forever.  Kelly argues that Nancy and Ron were forever.  Pugs and Schwartz were having a conversation about that  and he said that if she doesn't die soon then she didn't really love him.  When a life partner dies, it's very well documented that the other passes soon after.  Kelly disagrees because she has to crusade for stem cell research.  Pugs is shocked that Kelly is taking shots at Lance Armstrong.  Jason calls in to say that their relationship fell apart because of the pressures of racing and his refusal to quit.  He assures us that Sheryl Crow came months later.  Jason also informs Pugs that the Russian chick turns 18 on 4/19/2005.  Jason wins himself The Fixx tickets, boxing tickets, and Dallas Burn tickets. 

2:40
*break*
2:45

They play the Kurt Vollers message again.Kelly ran into "KV" at Lefty's over the break.  Pugs says that his roommate Adam was there too and didn't say hello.  Kelly is mad at him because he sold her a broken grill.  Pugs would like to thank the thousands of people that sent him the Cameron Diaz link.  He thinks that she has marvelous breast.  Crash is on the phone and she informs us that they'll be  on TV now.  Crash starts out about what sucks about that, they actually have to wear something nice into the studio now. Pugs thinks that Crash will be OK because she's hot but Kenny will be hit hard by that.  They'll be on the Speed Channel on Mondays at 7:30 PM.  They have  a new website speedfreaks.tv .  Crash says that you can e-mail them suggestions for the show and Kelly thinks that you can't take the advice of the average viewer out there because they'll suggest that she does it topless.

NO TIME for the CLOSE