Oh first of all let me thank everyone for wishing me a happy birthday. I'm officially 21 now. Now, in the big contest to see who will wish me happy birthday first, when it officially was my birthday, the results are as follows.
3. My kid sister Christina.
2. Tanner (the big dude from Jesus Christler Supercar)
1. Sybil Summers (super duper producer of the best damn mid day show ever)
UPDATE!
The last person that wished me a happy birthday was... Pugs' Mother.
For winning the "tell Will happy birthday first" contestathon (yes, I know that's not a word.. stop E-mailing me)... Sybil got to write on me.
This arm belongs to former WAP David Sahyouni. David caught a fast ball thrown by fellow former WAP, Jimmy Cooney, and paid this price... ouch.
Some people take ball busting to a whole new level. Are you people still not wearing those damn cups? Seriously folks... this crap hurts. There is going to be a huge population decrease in Dallas because of Pugs and Kelly dodgeball at Duke's. If you don't wear them for yourself.. wear it for your future children.
Arrogance, it's running wild at Duke's. People constantly make gestures at each other.. "beg" people to throw it to them, etc. This one takes the cliched cake. In the middle of the match, Don Davidson took a picture of his opposition using our photographer Steve Yurkee's camera. Flash and flare gets you chicks folks.. it's a sport but, it's also entertaining... have fun.
In regards to that picture, Wes, of Jabari's Revenge/Sun Bru Ballers had this to say about it.
I don't know if you can really call it a fight. Starts off with a guy who I don't know so for this story he will be known as "Poophead." Anyway we had just beaten the poophead's team and on the way off they court he started saying that he got me out, so I just said "alrighty good for you I'm not the guy that got you out so whatever". The poophead didn't like this answer so he came up and pushed me. So about a spilt second after the push, James Hamrick jumped in and got a hold of Poophead. So being the nice person that I am, I just tried to leave. However, I accidentally may have, in the craziness of the deal, had my knee accidentally bumped into him a time or two. Then Bigger Poophead, smaller Poophead's friend, came up behind me and put me in a sleeper hold, so I tried to get out of that. Apparently and unfortunately for me, he was trying harder to keep me in. Then, Tanner comes in and removes that guy from my back which is good cause I wasn't really ready to be put to sleep there on the dodgeball court. I got kicked out but just for a little while until it was explained to the Duke's people that I didn't start the thing. I wasn't drinking or drunk but, those dudes were definitely drunk especially the Bigger Poophead. All day long I was thinking, "man my throat hurts I think I pulled a muscle in it or something,". Then, at about 10 o'clock tonight (Thursday), I finally put two and two together and thought "Oh yeah, I bet that my throat hurts because that monster man was trying to pop my head off."
The Juggernaut Don Davidson said the same thing about it pretty much except for this.
I took it upon myself to choke the guy who made the mistake of trying to choke Tanner. I choked him until he let go of Tanner and continued to choke him until he went to the ground. Then, I came to my senses and realized that he had been choked enough. He probably wouldn't make the mistake of sneaking up on someone again. While all of this was happening, people were trying to break it up. Basically, it was one big choke fest.
Congratulations goes out to Duke's Revenge for winning the tournament this week. It was a giant tournament, the A and B brackets have been abolished.
Alright, Sybil's Amazing Player (SAP) and Will's Amazing Player (WAP) of the week is... Jarrod. Jarrod is quickly becoming a key player in this league. He's been recruited by Gerry's Kids (who rewards their talent with great looking T-shirts). Sybil noticed that hewas always a "closer" and had a true dodgeball warrior's heart. Unfortunately, he left before the tournament was over so I couldn't get an individual shot of him or his last name... so, if you're reading this Jarrod, congratulations and E-mail me with your info. Congratulations, you are a SAP WAP. These dodgeball fans salute you.
*"El Distorto De Melodica" @ 12:03*
There's a Mountain Cat loose in Fort Worth and Kelly thinks that it might be a house cat that's eaten too much. She believes that since they're not saying "mountain lion" then there really isn't any reason to be afraid. Pugs wants to know what a mountain cat is so he's inviting people to call in to explain the difference. Pugs thinks that Mountain Lions are worthless and Kelly thinks they're just like cougars or foxes. Pugs thinks that cougars sound scary and they can grow pretty large. Brandon calls in to say that a mountain lion and a cougar are the same thing. Kelly asks Brandon what they're looking for in Fort Worth and he has no clue. Pugs wonders how big they can get and Brandon says that they're much bigger than a great Dane. Pugs is confused because there is no mountains around this area. He wonders what a bobcat is and Kelly reminds him that Brandon just told them that a bobcat is a cougar... and here we go with the confusion.... A dude calls in to say that a bobcat and a lynx is the same thing and a mountain lion and a cougar are the same thing. Kelly points out that mercury makes all these cars. Pugs remembers that lynx have vulcan ears. The dude says that mountain lions are mad to snap necks and he also says that bobcats attack rodents and birds. Lolly calls in to say that a bobcat and a lynx isn't the same thing. She explains that bobcats are built more like bulldogs and lynx are more lanky. She also throws in to the mix an Ocelot. Pugs and Kelly are very confused now. Pugs thinks that might be a bird. Lolly informs him that it's not a bird that it's a cat in between the bobcat and lynx in size. Kelly hopes that the Baltimore Ocelots make it to the world series this year and she remembers that pumas and cougars are the same thing. Lolly says that leopards and black panthers are the same thing. Panthers are just leopards that are solid black and Pugs adds that they also have a political agenda too. Ryan calls in to say that he had a bobcat running though his place and it killed 30 of his cats. Kelly wonders why the hell he would have 30 cats and Ryan tells her that he started collecting them because he kept killing them. Kelly reminds him of the two cat rule and Ryan assures her that he only had two cats at a time but the bobcat kept killing them off. Kelly wonders why Ryan would get more cats then. Pugs is bothered that a bobcat is eating cats. Kelly tells Ryan that he should stop collecting cats. Pugs is collecting hats and that's similar to cats. Celeste calls in and says that she lives in the Duncanville area, southwest Dallas county. Pugs says he's sorry and Celeste repeats what she said. Pugs lets her know that he heard her, he's just sorry... haha. She was doing 70 mph and a bobcat dodge right in front of her car. Celeste has parents that live in the area and about once a year they have a pet disappear and it's either coyots or bobcats. Pugs and Kelly thought it was it Coyote not Coyot. Celeste says that they're just Yankees. Pugs reminds her that it's Coyote Ugly not Coyot Ugly. Dan calls in to say that a cougar can get bigger than a female lion in Africa. Dan warns that they can take your kids away quick. Pugs questions if it's quicker than the state does after a meth-binge. Danny calls in and says that he got mauled by a bobcat. Danny was at his deer lease and there was a bobcat in his deer feeder. He got 60 stitches when it was done. Kelly thinks that the deer most of hired a hitman. Pugs wonders if you have to get a rabies shot and Danny says "kinda". Bruce says that he lives south of southwest Dallas county and Pugs says he's sorry. Bruce repeats himself and Pugs lets him know that he heard him, he's just sorry... haha. Bruce lost a Schit-zu and a cat within a week because of 'yotes.Bruce discovered that yotes will watch and learn the routine of it's prey. They learned when they would let their pets out. Kelly points out that Celest has coyots, Bruce has yotes, but the bar is Coyote ugly. Kelly realizes that nobody knows what type of cat is out there in Fort Worth. Pugs informs us that they shut the school down for the bobcougarocelatorcat.
no time
*break*
12:34
"Yep" is how we're welcomed back by Pugs. Kelly points that out and Pugs explains that it wasn't suppose to be outloud. Pugs was thinking about everything he was suppose to say coming back from the break and then all of a sudden a voice in his head says "you want some tea right now"... so what we heard was Pugs responding to that voice. Neal Patrick Harris joins the show. Pugs tells Neal that they're all about this movie that he's in Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. Kelly says they have to be because they're giving away a lot of passes and they had Harold and Kumar on. She points out that one of them is a vegetarian and that he had no right to go to White Castle. Neal thinks that he should just eat a friggin' chicken because it isn't going to hurt anybody, except the chicken. Pugs reminds us that Neal was Doogie Howser and he makes sure that Neal doesn't have a problem with talking about that. Neal says that he doesn't and Pugs reminds us that stars that refuse to talk about the show that they were on that made them famous are jerks... Screech... Pugs knows that Neal is a big time star on Broadway. Neal says he just closed a show in New York called "Assassins" which is a show about people who have tried to kill US presidents. Kelly describes Broadway as a whole show business world that we're not aware of. Pugs wonders if people like Neal Patrick Harris, who have been identified as this one character for his whole career go to Broadway and make people realize that he's actually a great talent that can do other things. Neal lets Pugs know that he's correct on that. Kelly had no idea that Antonio Banderas was a good actor but apparently people that follow Broadway have discovered this. Neal confirms that he's great on Broadway and Kelly thinks that he was great as Puss in Boots in Shrek 2. Neal thought he was hilarious in that and loved his work when making the sad kitty face. Pugs guesses that Neal is now 26/27 and Neal shocks Pugs by letting him know that he's 31. Pugs thinks that the older kid in Malcom in the Middle looks like him. Neal gets this all the time. A woman walked up to him in an airport and asked him if he was in Television. Neal excused himself from his friends and proudly told her that yes he is on television. She told him that she loves him in Malcom in the MIddle. Pugs thinks that guy stole his face and Neal claims that's the reason why he carries a stun gun. Pugs switches focus to "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" or as Neal likes to call it 'Hilarious". Eric has seen it and he thinks that Neal's part is one of the best scenes he's seen in a comedy. Pugs heard that he's doing some image bending. Neal informs us that he's playing Neal Patrick Harris in the movie an ecstasy tripped hitchhiker that needs to get to a strip club. He ends up stealing their car and leaving them stranded. Pugs loves when people are willing to play with their image like that, he brings up Wayne Brady on the Chapelle show, when Wayne Brady was a gang banger in real life that cleans it up for TV. Neal liked doing this because his image is pretty wholesome and to be able to dirty it up was awesome. Pugs heard that Neal was bumping blow off a stripper's ass and Neal confirms. Kelly wonders if anything has ever happened to Neal in regards to interaction with other celebrities that's been too surreal. Kelly brings up how she slapped Ron Jeremy's hand when he grabbed food from her plate and Neal is glad she said food. Pugs lets him know that's code for anal sex. Neal has a lot of surreal stories but he won't get into them. Kelly isn't happy with her question now. Pugs wonders if he stays in touch with anybody from the show and points out that his little buddy from the show, Vinny, had a few seasons on the Sopranos. Kelly thought that was Marylin Manson and Pugs reminds her that's Paul from the Wonder Years. Neal tells us that he's not Marylin Manson and Pug and Kelly tell him to just keep that one going. Pugs thinks that Doogie Howser was a quality show with great writing and wonders if it's still on somewhere. Neal says that he doesn't think so and Pugs thinks that sucks. Neal would like to put out a DVD and Kelly thinks that sounds like a fun project for him to do on the weekend.
no time
*break*
1:02
Pugs and Kelly want everybody to stop e-mailing them about mountain cats and "quantum leaps". Pugs points out that the Van Halen CD they're giving away isn't a new CD, it's a best of CD featuring both David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar. Pugs thinks that people forget that Van Halen is good. Pugs prefers David Lee Roth while Kelly enjoys Hagar. Pugs plays "Jaime's Cryin'".. I have this on Vinyl!.... Pugs thinks that Sammy Hagar is the more mature Van Halen. Kelly just prefers his voice and she thinks that he's not as big of a dick. Kelly compares the two different versions of Van Halen to a swirl ice cream cone. You lick the chocolate side and proclaim your love for chocolate and then switch to the vanilla and then proclaim your love for vanilla. Pugs thinks that Eddie Van Halen should never play the keyboards, which he never did with David Lee Roth. Kelly reads a little bit about Van Halen at
vanhalen.com . Kelly reads that Roth was with them for 7 years and Hagar has been with them for 20 years now. Pugs remembers that the first Van Halen album with Hagar was "5150", David Lee Roth then released "Eat em and Smile", and then Van Halen releases "Oh You Ate One Too". We listen to "Hot For Teacher" and Pugs points out that when Roth was writing the songs it was all about simple things like wanting to bang your teacher. Pugs admits that Roth was an idiot but he reminds us that he's an entertaining idiot. A guy calls in to ask how old Hagar is and Pugs reminds us that he's older than Dave because he was in a band in the early 70s. Kelly finds out from me that Sammy Hagar was born in 1947 which means he's 57. Pugs reminds us that Roth was becoming too big for Van Halen and it became a war of egos.
1:23
*break*
1:40
Pugs and Kelly aren't getting many E-mails today and Kelly points out that the E-mails stopped coming in when they told people to stop E-mailing them. Kelly does her Sybil impression at the beginning of her news theme.
SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!
News is brought to us by David McDavid and Duke's Original Roadhouse where we will be having week 17 of Dodgeball. Pugs is surprised that we've been there that long and Kelly thinks that we can stop doing the week count downs. Pugs also brags that it's his dodgeball birthday celebration. Kelly was trying to think of something to do on his dodgeball birthday and she couldn't think of anything to do.
1
. An update on the sex toy scandal from Cleburne, TX. A school official was hosting Tupperware style parties with sex toys and the police had an undercover sting operation to bust her.
Kelly thinks it's good that they got her off the streets because, couples shouldn't start having sex with each other and enjoying it. Pugs thinks that since the population is booming we need to insure that people aren't making with the sex.
Sybil reads on... The prosecutor has requested the dismissal of the case because pressing it would be a waste of resources.Kelly thinks that they want it dismissed because, they realize that a judge could change this law. She believes that they need to keep on pressing it because this woman could change the world.
2. In Pennsylvania, a dude rented a car and the next person that rented it found 88 pounds of heroin and the dude's wallet. They contacted the police and they set up a bust. They called the guy and told him that they had his heroin and that they'll give it back if he gave him 300 dollars.
Kelly wonders how you forget about 88 pounds of heroin and Pugs thinks that would make him a bad drug dealer. Kelly would think that there is probably lots of people that would be knocking on his door looking for the heroin. Pugs is crazy when he has a blockbuster DVD in his front seat so he could only imagine how you would be if he had heroin. Sybil is reminded of the old saying that dealers should live by "don't get high on your own supply".
3. "Cheese Covered Naked Man Arrested" A guy was found running around naked in an apartment complex covered in cheese. His car had his clothes and a bottle of vodka in it.
Sybil just really likes the headline and thinks that he just lost a bet. Pugs thinks that the bottle of vodka has nothing to do with the naked man because he's enjoyed vodka before and he's never done that. Kelly points out that we've finally found something that doesn't go better with cheese.
4. Bubba the Love Sponge has decided to run for Sheriff of Tampa, Florida.
Pugs thinks that he could win and that's frightening. Kelly reminds us that they're not too bright in Florida and Pugs believes that might be the reason why he's popular. Pugs thinks that this wouldn't be the first Sheriff Bubba in Florida. Pugs wants to run against Kelly in something and is trying to figure out what that could be. Kelly doesn't seem too interested in that idea because she knows she'll lose. Kelly reminds him that he has to reveal his taxes and Pugs thinks that could be a problem.
5. Courtney Love is the inspiration for a new Japanese comic book. She approached the CEO of Tokyo pop with some sketches of what the character would look like.
Kelly wonders if that is all you need to pitch a comic book idea, a sketch of a character. Pugs thinks it must be hard to make money off a comic book because they're so many of them. Pugs never got into Mad Magazine, comic books, or Crack. Eric says that he didn't get into it because it's reading.
6. Sharon Stone said something crazy to Rolling Stone Magazine "when my brain exploded it was the best thing that ever happened to me. a wonderful wonderful thing. I have such a better life now. I'm at the point in my life now where if you don't want my peaches, don't shake my tree. I'm in the happy town and if you don't want to live in happy town then hit the bricks baby... move"
Pugs thinks that there is nothing hotter than an old broad referencing a Steve Miller song. Pugs thinks that she was attractive in Total Recall. Kelly and Sybil never thought she was hot and they could never see the beaver shot from "Fatal Attraction". Pugs argues that they could and Sybil says that she's gone through that thing in slow-motion several times and can't see anything but darkness, no bush. Pugs says that you should get a bigger screen and suggest visiting
mrskin.com .
7. Ben Kingsley is doing a new movie called Mrs. Harris and reports say that he's a bitch. He demands that everyone call him Sir Ben since he was knighted.
Pugs identifies Ben Kingsley as Gandhi and he always gets confused when he hears him speak with a British accent. Kelly thinks that if you were knighted by the King you'd make everybody address you as your title and Pugs agrees.
no time
*break*
2:11
8. Guess who's coming out with a new autobiography.
Sybil informs us that it's John Travolta.
9. Guess who's coming out with a new "View-type" TV show.
Pugs guesses John Travolta and Sybil tells him that he's wrong, that it's Jules Asner. Kimura Lee Simmons is going to be on there and Sybil identifies her as the Starr Jones of the show. Pugs thinks that she'd be a really hot super model Starr Jones then.
10. Weekend Box Update
5. Fahrenheit 9/11
4. Anchorman
3. A Cinderella Story
2. Spiderman 2
1. I, Robot
Kelly can't believe that people are going to see that. Kelly thinks that he's a bit of a nutjob. Pugs thinks that he's a likable guy but he's replaceable in his movies. For example, in I, Robot the robots are the star and it doesn't matter who stars opposite them. Pugs explains that he doesn't really act in his movies except for 6 Degrees of Separation which he was awesome in. Leslie, the Go To Negro, calls in to say that she's going to be on Jules Asner show to promote her women orgasm machine maker, the same thing she was on "Deal or Dud" for. Pugs wonders if Leslie got offended that Sybil quickly identified Kimura as being black when she's Asian. Leslie says that she sounded black because Kimura sounds like a made up black name and "you know we do that". Pugs and Kelly refuse to comment on that.
11. Bjork claims that the robots in "I,Robot" are based on the robot in one of her videos.
Kelly thinks that all the robots look "Asian" in this movie. Kelly realizes that she said "Asian" and corrects herself with "alien". Pugs wonders if Kelly is saying that all Asians look like aliens to her. Kelly admits that all robots look a like and all Asians look a like. Sybil agrees.
2:22
*break*
2:31
Pugs tells us to go watch "The Grid" tonight on TNT at 8 PM. Pugs watched it over the week and he "freaking loves this show". It's a great behind the scenes look at how we catch terrorist and how terrorist cells work. Pugs compares it to a cross between "The West Wing" and something that has a lot of violence. Kelly wants to have a food themed evening to get into the terrorist show. Entourage debuted on HBO last night. Eric thought it was a good start to a serious and that it's film "Sex and the Cityish". Kelly points out that Jeremy Pivens is in the show and Eric says that he plays the hardcore agent. Ali G was on last night and Pugs and Eric love this show. Kelly says it's impossible to book him for anything and that attempting to work with him will make you want to put his head through a wall. Pugs explains that this guy plays these characters, a white rapper guy is one of them, that somehow gets access to all of these high profile uptight people for interviews. They play a clip of Ali interviewing Sam Donaldson... hehe...
2:40
*break*
2:46
Pugs attempts to welcome us back but fumbles. Kelly recovers and thinks that Pugs is taking this age thing too seriously. Pugs admits that senility is kicking in. Since tomorrow is his birthday Pugs is refusing to prepare anything for the show tomorrow. Kelly thinks that's fine so they'll just talk about cosmetics and shopping because that's what she wants to talk about. Pugs received an E-mail on Will Smith from Derek. He disagrees with Pugs because Will Smith improvises all of his one-liners and that makes a Will Smith films enjoyable. Pugs thinks that Will Smith is benefiting from the "if it's not broke then don't fix it mentality".
didn't get closing time
comments? E-mail Will at
will@pugsandkellylive.com (it's my birthday on thursday... send me nice messages)
