Pugs and Kelly Dodgeball at Duke's Original Roadhouse, it's more fun than gas huffing-altoid can whiffle ball and twice as healthy. Mother Nature shined upon us today. Not only were our dodgeball dreams not rained out, it wasn't 300 degrees outside today. That's very important because some like it hot... but they're stupid.
Circular drawings were found on court A. Some have identified them as "crop circles". It is believed by some folks that these are messages from outer space. How does this effect dodgeball? It doesn't really. It's just interesting.
A mysterious bright light appeared at dodgeball. Some figure it was just God giving his thumbs up for the dodgeball. I give you a thumbs up back God... pork chops rock!
I'm sure there is some tie in to all this, I guess I'll have to channel M. Night Shymalamadigdong and just plop out an alien. That's right... and alien. Aliens have landed and are attempting to take over the earth. The only thing that's stopping them? Their fascination with dodgeball halts their conquest.. You can't conquer the world when you spend 5 hours every week watching grown men and women toss rubber balls at each other. OK OK OK... the crop circle was just a tire tread mark... the bright divine light was just the big ass light that we have by the courts with the exhaust pipe that I keep burning myself on. AND, the alien was actually just a drawing I made on photoshop... whatever. I have an over-active imagination, all right? Get off my back lady... I don't need your civil war.
Jabari's Revenge (my favorite team name) won the whole shebang beating the Carpet Cleaners in the final round.
Will's Amazing Player (WAP) this week is Tyre Sellars. Tyre did the unthinkable. His teammates were taken out early and it seemed hope was lost. Tyre managed to battle back and eliminate 6... friggin' 6... members on the other team to win that round. These weren't slouches either. A lot of the guys that were on that team made up of people I could easily see becoming WAPs themselves one day. Tyre symbolizes what I consider to be a smart dodgeball player. He can best be described as an Iceman. He'll stick on you until you make a mistake and then he'll exploit it to no end. He's definitely something to watch. Tyre you are a WAP. This dodgeball fan salutes you.
Comments? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com
Kelly bought Declan a Playstation 2 for his birthday and Pugs wonders if she got him Grand Theft Auto: VIce City because it's never too young to learn how to kill prostitutes. Kelly assures him that she bought Shrek 2 but she was nervous about buying it because she has no idea how to attach anything on the TV. She asked the guy at Toys R Us how to hook it up and the guy told her that she just has to match the cables to the colors. This confused Kelly. Pugs says that everyone told him that he could setup his X-Box without any worries. He plugged them all in but the game still didn't work. It sat there for three days until finally somebody came over and hit the "video" button on his remote control. Kelly needs a new TV because she still has the one from before she was married. She brags that she was able to hook up the playstation all by herself. Donovan calls in to ask for some Improv tickets... Donovan wins!!! Kelly asks him who the last person he saw was but warns him that if he says Larry "The Cable Guy", she'll hit him. Pugs wonders if she saw a little bit of Larry The Cable Guy on TV this weekend because that is a strange reference for her to make. Pugs doesn't understand whats so funny about that guy. Kelly hears people say that he's really funny. Kelly brings up Lee, who is the assistant program director.. or whatever he does. Lee is in the Philippines getting married right now. Kelly says that if you knew Lee, you wouldn't picture him marrying a foreigner because Lee is a good ol' boy. Kelly finds it touching to hear the way that he speaks of her. Pugs brings up how she doesn't speak English very well and Kelly teaches us that she is afraid of the black man too. Lee told Kelly though that there is no prejudice in that entire country.... as a Filipino-American all I can say is... hahaha.... Pugs and Kelly don't think there are any black people in the Philippines. Kelly wonders how hot a chick has to be in order for a guy to get into a mail-order bride situation. Kelly asks Pugs if he'd marry a Russian in ten years through the mail. Pugs claims that years ago he would have said no but now, he's rethought that. Pugs reminds us that all our porn stars today are from Russia and they're hot. He doesn't know if he wants a woman to be that subservient but it might be cool for a while. Kelly brings up how Pugs has been watching a lot of "Leave it To Beaver Lately" while Pugs tells us about his current Donna Reed fetish. Kelly wonders what the benefits of a mail order situation would be and Pugs teaches her that it'd be a hot girl that isn't Americanized. Pugs thinks it's like having a toy. Kelly wants to know why Pugs thinks that she wouldn't be cheating on him and Pugs lets Kelly know that his wouldn't be able to leave the house. Pugs thinks you should fill her head with all these crazy ass ideas like you do a four year old. You could warn her that sewer demons come out after the sun drops and she'd probably buy it. Kelly wants clarification. She asks if there is a waiting period after you get married before you become a citizen. Pugs tells her that according to "Born In East LA" starring Cheech Marin, you can be married on a float during the middle of a parade and the INS has to respect that. Bill calls in to say that the subservient attitude that a mail order bride has only last for about a year. They start to pick up the American ideas and once they have a child the power shifts quickly. Pugs thinks that after a year you're done with her anyway so what's the difference? Kelly brings up arranged marriages and Pugs points out that they seem to work out a lot of the time. Sure, it seems strange to us but, for whatever reason, it works. Kelly was opposed to the idea of it because she had friends that were Indian growing up. One o f her friends said that she could ever be in an arranged marriage. Her sister was in the middle of setting one up and after a while her friend turned around on the idea of arranged marriage. Pugs points out that people seem to rebel against the way they were raised yet they find themselves eventually back into that lifestyle. Pugs uses Kelly back in the Catholic church as an example and his own thoughts on joining the church again. Kelly whispers that she got kicked out of church on Saturday.. damn pre-marital sex it'll get you every time. A guy calls in to say that there isn't much challenge to mail order marriages. Pugs questions his age and he tells him that he's 25. Pugs informs him that when you get to his age you get tired of the game and just want to give up sometimes.
*break*
Kelly remembers that she is suppose to be in the chatroom right now. She made four batches of cookies, two batches of banana bread, some chili, and some corn bread. Eric chimes in to inform us all that he LOVES banana bread. Pugs demands to know why Kelly didn't make dinner for everyone on her son's birthday. Pugs complains that she hasn't cooked Sunday dinner in a long time and looks to blame Tyson as the reason. Pugs warns Kelly that the guys are very bitter about that. Kelly reminds Pugs that he won't tell her where he lives and Tyson refuses to have anybody over at his house. She's been trying to have a party so that she could have a party at a decent location. Pugs tells her to just do it now since he's out of town at camp but Kelly doesn't have a key. Pugs is shocked and Kelly lets us know that they've back peddled in the relationship.
Note: I popped an Ambien at this point. See if you can guess where my mind goes. E-mail me at
will@pugsandkellylive.com with your answers.
Pugs doesn't like all these cryptic messages that Kelly makes to the end of her relationship and lets her know that it's freaking people out. Kelly wonders what it matters because they'll end up breaking up soon anyway, it's inevitable. Kelly teaches us that he's young... and just young. She isn't going to go out with anybody that is under 35 from now on. Kelly wants a family again. Lolly calls in to say that she dated a guy that married a girl from Korea. He got paid $4000 dollars to bring her over to the US and marry her for five years. Kelly thinks that any two people that spend enough time together alone will start to have feelings for each other. Eric says that he's always said that if you lock two people in an elevator, they'll hook up. Kelly points out that Pugs and her are both divorced so that doesn't really work. Pugs asks Lolly where he can get some adverbs. Lolly tells Pugs that he could get her ass over there. Kelly wonders if you an be in a relationship even though it has no future potential. She explains that Tyson and her are still dating exclusively but it's less serious. Pugs attempts to relax Kelly's mind by telling her that it's less serious because Tyson is trying to make the Cowboys. He thinks that Kelly might be misinterpreting his lack of focus on the relationship with his tunnel vision for his job. Pugs reminds Kelly how weird he was last year when they went down there for camp but realizes that she probably didn't notice. Kelly remembers that he was really nice to her then but now they've gone the other way. Pugs thinks that an exclusive relationship that isn't serious is a waste of time. Kelly thinks that "exclusive" plus "not serious" is a recipe for disaster. pugs switches focus to the "boyfriend arm pillow" from Japan. It features a squeezable upper body with a button up shirt and one arm. Kelly is disturbed by the one arm and wonders why he's sleeping in a button down shirt. Pugs wants to know if this is desperate and Kelly thinks it is. Kelly thinks that a guy that she invites over would think that she was some type of freak if he saw that sitting in her bed. Pugs thinks that a woman can get a man in bed any time she wants it but Kelly disagrees. Pugs explains that Aaron made an asinine statement at the Pub and Grub this weekend, "all of us in the room who's going to get the most play?"... The four was Pugs, Bowie, Wayne, and Aaron. Pugs explains that Wayne is a millionaire restaurant/bar owner who's got Australian charm, Bowie, who will own the world one day, Pugs has his own radio show. Aaron claims that if you take away the radio show, the TV show, and Wayne's money then he would get all the ass. Kelly reminded Aaron that they live in the real world because the radio show, the TV, and the money do exist. Pugs wonders if for the bet, Aaron would open his mouth because it was a turn off statement. Pugs explains that everyone tried to change the subject because all the guys wanted to pounce on him. Pugs jokingly said that Kelly would obviously get more ass than anybody to which Kelly disagreed to. Pugs explains that the ugliest fat chick in the world could walk into a bar and get laid but if you put the best looking dude on the planet into a bar on Saturday night, there's not a 100 percent chance he'll get laid. Pugs tells us that Kelly walked up to complete strangers at the bar and asked if they would go home with her. Pugs claims that every guy said yes but Kelly explains that Bowie and Jose said no. Pugs points out that Jose said no because he's married but when asked if his wife said it was OK, he said that he would.
*break*
Pugs told Kelly that at the end of the night on Saturday, that if she really wanted to have sex he would sleep with her. Kelly thinks that it's too much pressure to live with the idea that a girl can sleep with any guy. Pugs thinks the only guarantee is getting a prostitute. Kelly thinks that only 50 percent of the men would say no... her naivety is cute. Pugs thinks that if a girl wants to throw out all her inhibitions and be a total skank then she could go home with anybody. Kelly brings up that a lot of guys at the Pub and Grub was telling her no and Pugs explains that wasn't a good test environment because you could literally see the guys' minds lock up when she asked. When they said "yes" Kelly would yell to the Pugs that he was right and then walk away. Kelly wonders what the percentage of women in this area has had one night stands. Pugs thinks 70. He explains that in between 18-25 girls will go home and bang you every time because they lack the inhibitions that people have had before. Kelly thinks it might be regional but Pugs explains that it's generational. Pugs teaches us that when he was 25, girls weren't that easy but 10 years later.. yep.... Can I say that most of the time it's hard for a dude my age to hook up with girls his own age, for sex and/or a relationship. They all want older men. They claim they desire things like "maturity" and "security" but it seems as if "maturity" is determined by the type of car you drive and "security" is measured by social status. I understand getting off. I don't see anything wrong with a girl wanting to have a good one night bliss filled evening. I'm a firm believer in the power of casual sex. Some girls desire all these things though, sleep with a dude, and then wonder why he won't call back. I seem to mesh well with older women. Wait, then what's my argument? I think I just negated everything I said. I think I'm losing it. I suppose I'm spreading myself out too thin. I am a zombie. I mindless-soulless body desiring brains. My stress level is too high. I'm a barrel of gun powder surrounded by a gang of rebellious 12 year olds who's smoking for the first time. What are they smoking? I don't know. I'm a barrel of gun powder I have no nose. In conclusion, younger men and women hook up with older men and women all the time.
The End.
