This dodgeball blog is dedicated to all the fallen balls that met their end on Beltline. R.I.P. homies.

The sun started to set over Addison. The cool breeze was a much needed relief from the typical August Texas weather. Wednesday night means only one thing... Pugs and Kelly Dodgeball at Duke's Original Roadhouse. If you don't do the dodgeball then you should get the hell out of my country. I don't need your anti-American beliefs infiltrating the minds of my children.

THe Pugs and Kelly show team made a triumphant return to the dodgeball arena as they dominated the Bally Total Fitness trainer team... including Sybil's trainer Brad and Kelly's trainer Steve, who called Kelly racist because of something I said... in case you forgot... he also said that Filipinos aren't real Asian... in case you forgot.... With Eric out saving the world, or whatever it is that Eric does on his off time, and me stricken with the dreaded sick, special one night only intern James "Napoleon" Hamrick bravely stepped up and took the open spot. In a strange twist, somebody on the trainer team accused Cody of being a ringer. While I'm not disrespecting Cody's dodgeball abilities, he is afterall a mater dodger, he would be the last member of the show team that I would think would be accused of being a ringer... aside from Pugs and Kelly themselves. Though I did hear a few allegations of Smith not being with the show, completely ludicrous if you ask me. I didn't hear any complaints about the actual ringer.... how about the person not wearing a Pugs and Kelly dodgeball uniform?

That's something we haven't seen in a long time, Kelly's inability to stop smiling while playing. Smith, appearing as intense as he always does, didn't revert back to "Craptastic effort Smith". If you recall for some reason when ever Smith plays for the Pugs and Kelly team, he sucks. Which is a stark contrast to the cannon-armed calculating psycho that he normally is on the court.

Just another picture for good measure.


Ian is a sneaky bastard. This is undebatable. Here we see Ian in high gear. If you look closely (I subtlety circled the area that I want you to pay attention to) Ian wrapped his fingers around that chick's beer bottle. This is the oldest trick in the book. Distract her with the picture and then walk away with her beer. I applaud you Ian.


Just wanted to point out that Cody is the only person in the world that can put all of his weight on a dodgeball with it barely giving in. Eat a friggin' ham you albino Ethiopian.

Flamboyant athletes, it's in every sport. Terrel Owens, Gary Hall Jr, James "Napoleon" Hamrick, these guys know how to entertain the crowd and themselves. James has gone on record several times claiming that he's not only there to win, he's there to entertain the crowd. People either love him or hate him.. while other don't have any feelings for him one way or the other. Nonetheless, I get a kick out of it.

Here he is showboating during the middle of a game. This gets the crowd saying "what the hell is that guy doing" and his opponents saying "what the hell is that guy doing". Again, we see his dangerous relationship with the fence. Again I ask the question, "Was it really that big of a suprise that he got impaled on the fence?"

Some people even showboat a bit when they're already out. Here we see Derick displaying his strut. Travolta would be proud.

Don "The Juggernaut" Davidson also made his return to dodgeball after having one week off. He was back in full force but, he seemed to be getting roughed up a bit during the initial dash for the balls. I suggested that he lean in to kiss the guys he's fighting over balls with and he decided that he'd take it one step further. He proclaimed that he's going to grab a guy's nuts. That's right... Don was going to sexually assault somebody in the name of dodgeball. He picked somebody out on the other team and smiled. That poor guy, he probably felt so violated. After the first round Don informed me that he actually had one testie in his hand... I began to realize just how messed up this was but I couldn't deny the genius that it took to come up with this gameplan. I looked over and noticed that the guy that Don fondled lined well away from him. Don smiled and ran over to line up with him. The fellow seemed a bit scared. Don's gameplan worked beautifully. They ran for the balls and he quickly backed away from Don. Let that be a lesson for you kiddos out there, sometimes sexually assaulting someone pays off in more way than a cheap thrill. You can see a picture of the break in question in the gallery for week 22. Also in that picture, you can see Wes with his junk in some dude's face.


Dirty Sanchez won this tournament. While the team name is old... there are some new talent on this team. The majority of the members are also members of Big Apple, the team that won last week. These guys are going toe to toe with the top dodgeball talent and they're coming out on top. They have fallen under the tutelage of former WAP David Souhiyniynyiinyii (again his name is hard to spell). This team is going to get better and better so I suggest some serious time in the film rooms studying what makes these guys tick. Congratulations guys.. you are the champions.

Will's Amazing Player (WAP)... well, I'm not going to sugar coat this. There is no player of the week this week because nobody, that hasn't already been a WAP, stood out. Nobody went that extra mile. There are great players out there but they're working as a team. That's not necessarily a bad thing but it seems as if the days of selfish displays of one's dodgeball superiority are over. This saddens me.

Don't forget to check out the injury gallery for it's weekly updates... HERE

Pugs complains about the way Kelly said the important show information because it wasn't the way that she normally does it. He goes back and does it the correct way. He explains that he never knows the number for the station unless he goes through the whole act in his head. Kelly points out that Pugs has been doing Dr. Boothe spots for four years and he still doesn't know the number. Pugs brags that he knows Dan Dan the Dish Direct man's number. Kelly says the number for Body Renous for different commercial spots. Eric quizzes Pugs and Kelly on numbers... Kelly wins. Eric had a big surprise birthday party on Saturday. Pugs explains that Eric's girlfriend was so scared that somebody from the show would blow the surprise but a waiter at a Hungarian restaurant did it instead. Eric assures us that he still didn't know because he didn't understand him through his thick accent. Pugs let us know that she'd been planning this party since before his own birthday. Pugs points out that there was a lot of people at the party. Pugs thinks that Melissa and her roommate deserve a round of applause. Kelly brings up how her roommate was wearing one of those moo moo shirts that they warned women about on Friday. Eric tells us that she was out of town on business and didn't hear the advisory. Pugs calls it fat girl clothes that hot chicks wear. When Pugs first walked into the party he found it a little awkward. He brings up her weird third world accent. Eric reminds him that it's Sardinian Italian. Pugs thinks that it wasn't as embarrassing as Kelly showing up in her pajamas. Kelly says that the invitation clearly said that it was a pajama party. Sybil called her that day and asked Kelly if she was going to wear pajamas. Pugs points out that Kelly and Sybil were the only ones wearing pajamas out of the 100 people that showed up.... I would have worn PJs, with the little booties and everything.... Kelly says that Melissa went and changed into her pajamas. Pugs thinks that Melissa only wore her pajamas because she saw Kelly and stupid Sybil walking around in their PJs. Kelly and Sybil knew that nobody was going to wear their pajamas. Pugs points out that guys don't wear pajamas unless their old or a little kid. Pugs walked into the apartment and saw giant bong on the coffee table. Eric clarifies that it's a hookah, not a bong. Kelly doesn't understand the purpose of them if you don't smoke pot from it. Pugs thinks it's disgusting. Eric explains that you smoke tobacco with a flavored marmalade in it. Pugs thinks that in America we call it a bong and it doesn't matter what you call it in Arabia. Eric further explains that she smokes tobacco in party atmospheres with it because it's a good flavor. Pugs was a little weird knowing that Eric's bosses were going to be there with this thing sitting there. Pugs has heard about the Velvet Hookah bar. Pugs and Kelly both agree that it's a place they're not interested in visiting. Eric claims it's cool but Kelly doesn't want to put her mouth where someone else had their mouth. Pugs doesn't see the point if it doesn't get you high. He thinks it's a weird third world custom that he doesn't want anything to do with. Pugs wonders if they're smoking opium in Arabia and Eric assures him that it's tobacco. Kelly reveals that if she lived in Iraq, she'd be high all the time. Kelly wonders if you should hide that if you know your bosses are coming over. Eric again tells us that it's a hookah and not a bong. Pugs guesses he's just not trendy enough to not know the difference between a bong and a hookah. Eric reminds us that Gavin wasn't everybody's boss there and Eric got there way too late to take control of that situation. Eric says that he would have been more uncomfortable if it was a Tommy Chong bong but it was a hookah and it's socially acceptable amongst most circles. Kelly points out that trendsters will know that it's a hookah but people at the gas station don't know that it's a hookah. Pugs walked into the place and instantly that it was a drug house. Eric reminds him that most of the people that come into that house are 25 years old or Italian. Kelly thinks we got to get their names because Sardinians sound like terrorist. Pugs thinks that Melissa did a masterful job keeping the secret away from everybody. He admits that there were a few times where he almost slipped. A girl calls in to say that she's 40 and she knows about hookahs. She tried one at a Lebanonese restaurant. Pugs wants to know why we're embracing this culture because we're at war with these Arab people. Kelly wonders if she stood up and shouted, "I'm not funding terrorist,". Eric brings up that the Latin House Crew was spinning there. Kelly wonders what that sentence even means. Kelly thinks that the younger people are embracing it to piss their parents off because your parents are probably voting Bush. Pugs went to PF Chang's after their appearance in Mansfield on Saturday and Aaron gave him a hard time because he didn't know how to eat with chopsticks. Aaron gave him a lecture about how Pugs wasn't as civilized as him and he attempted to teach him how to use it. Pugs thinks that using chopsticks means that you're stuck in the ancient times and that you should grab a fork and a spoon... yep... stabbing things and shoveling them into your mouth is way more evolved... Kelly thinks that more people should learn how to use chopsticks because you eventually get tired of trying to use them so you stop eating. Brian calls in and lets Pugs know that he's being a judgmental-egocentric choad. Pugs says that he doesn't want to go eat bad food surrounded by a haze of smoke. Brian throws that out the window and asks him about his ethno-centric belief that everything unAmerican is bad. Kelly brings up how she love pizza. Pugs doesn't want to use eating utensils that are a throwback to an uncivilized time. Brian brings up how the Chinese culture is over 3000 years old and that they should be smarter than us. Pugs asks how that can be if they're still eating with sticks. Kelly doesn't buy that just because you've been around longer doesn't make you better. She brings up how the roaches have been around forever but they haven't taken over anything. Kelly points out how she just compared the Chinese to roaches.

*break*

Pugs received an E-mail from Will the Blogger (me).

Ok, so I'm laying on my death bead... I have the sick... and I finally discovered a poll maker place thingy that mixed OK with the show website. It's official, the hottest Olympic chick poll is up. One vote for Jenny Finch can't count because I did that for a test. She is way too Barbie doll and she is obviously a lesbian. Hope the poll is up to snuff and if it's not, let me know.. It'll go down faster than a drunken party girl.

James E-mails in to say that the Dallas Morning News did a special on hot Olympic athletes. Pugs is tired of the Dallas Morning news ripping them off. Apparently we missed out on s high jumper naked Amy.. something or other. Kelly shares her desire to see the Swedish trampoline team. Pugs wonders if they're only doing Americans because he's getting a thing for the Chinese diving girls. He thinks they look like the chick from Speed Racer. Pugs is worried because you can't tell how old they are and Kelly reminds him that he can look at their bios. Pugs compares them to veal. He believes that they're bodies are very amphibian. He claims that they're bodies don't make any splash. they just plop in as opposed to the Americans and Europeans who just crash into the pool. Kelly wonders where the Chinese and the Japanese got grace. She thinks that's cool. A guy calls in to say that we can't forget all the hot beach volleyball players. Kelly points out that it's very important to clarify between beach volleyball and indoor players. Pugs points out that the indoor volleyball players are playing the real sport but they're a ll very ugly. pugs brings up the 7 foot tall black chick we have. She's amazing but she's a big bitch. Pugs brings up the rule they came up with about Olympic sports, if you can smoke a cigarette while playing then it's not a sport. That's why beach volleyball doesn't count. Kelly brings up that people smoke while playing baseball and Pugs brings up how Mark Grace smoked in the dugout when he was a Cub. Pugs thinks that they're barely athletes. Jason calls in to assure Pugs that the Chinese diving girls are 22 and 21. Kelly brings up how there is a story in the paper about how they're going to put the medal winner through post-traumatic therapy. Some people can't handle how they finally reach this goal and then immediately drop from the radar. She reminds us that it's just sad if you wear your medal to get your groceries. Kelly calls in to say that Mary Lou is now doing commercials and teaching kids. Pugs brings up just how much she could charge rich parents to have their kid trained by her. Kelly brings up how she's signing up her daughter for Gymnastics and that it's costing 50 bucks a lesson. She doesn't it's worth teaching her 4 year old how to do a forward roll. Kelly compares the Olympics to watching VH-1 because it's so damn addicting. Kelly watched the history of the women's marathon. Kelly is upset because the British girl dropped out. She claims that the backstory pieces make you not always route for the Americans because they tug at your heartstrings.... I feel the same way. The backstory on Maurice Green made me despise him. The arrogant idiot. GOAT? you fool. Then the two other American runners that completely embarrassed our country by mocking the other competitors by looking at each other and talking while they were racing. Argh, I hate you people. Then they bring up Obafa from Jamaica. How he's a quiet respectful type that recently lost his sibling. Or the guy from Portugal that was originally from Somalia or something that left because of political oppression or something. Then we have these three showboating idiots.... A guy calls in to point out that the opening theme for the show, "El Distorto De Melodica" by Everclear was used in a piece on Maurice Green. Jesse calls in to ask if it's wrong to think that Carly Patterson is cute even though she's just 16. Pugs asks him if anything moved down there when he looked at her. Jesse says no but that you know in two years she's going to be hot. Pugs and Kelly agree that he just got creepy with the aging of her. Kelly brings up how none of the Olympic gymnast look anywhere near the legal age. Pugs think that Mohini girl looks hot. Kelly loves mohinis with lime and sugar. Kelly is amazed how many pretty female athletes there are competing. She wonders if they believed that if you were pretty then you weren't taken seriously in the past. Pugs brings up that your boobs take a beating if you're a world class athlete. Pugs brings up the Paul Hamm situation. Three judges were suspended because of a flaw that caused a South Korean receive a lower possible score than he would have. The margin of victory was over .0002 or something. Pugs thinks that Paul should give the medal back and Kelly brings up how he's not going to give it back. Pugs thinks that you should just give it up because you won on a judging error and in the interest of fair play you should give it back. You would come off like a million bucks and could make a career off of being the guy that gave it back.

*break*

Pugs wants to give mad props to Brad Sham for his interview with Mike Wallace. Pugs brings up how in the pre-season you only count what happens in the first half because afterwards it's about how your scrubs are better than your scrubs. Kelly would feel the urge to put in your top guys back in the game just to win. Pugs brings up how Tyson got some pre-game love. It was said that the reason why Al Johnson was starting at center is because Tyson is far too valuable to put him out there. He is incredibly versatile and he's the type of guy that you want in reserve. Kelly is happy because she wants him to play for Dallas as long as they're together... however if they break up she wants him in Buffalo. Pugs went to lunch at the Down Under Pub and Grub yesterday and afterwards they went shopping for sex toys. Kelly wonders if it was Aaron and Pugs but Pugs assures her it was the girl he is seeing. They bought a couple of toys for the goof of it. Pugs wonders if he bought the toys, should they stay at his house? She took them home and he didn't want to say anything about that. He reminds us that he doesn't know who she's using them with at home. Kelly brings up that it was a gift and she can take them home. Sybil agrees. Pugs has a bad feeling that he'll never see these things again. Sybil says that if they bought them for "them" then he could keep it at his place. Pugs thinks that she could have left them as a sign of good faith. Sybil brings up how she wouldn't know that he's not using them with other people. Pugs suggests getting a lock box of which only she knows the combination. It's time for an instant poll...

SCORE: 6-4 she should have left them with Pugs.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

The news is brought to us by Sports City Cafe. Sybil will be there on Tuesday giving out Incubus and Sister Hazel tickets. Kelly is surprised that Sister Hazel is still together. Pugs calls them a poor man's Blue's traveler. This turns into a show sing-a-long... again... sometimes I wonder if the FCC's crackdown on radio is really such a bad thing.

1. Terrorist are dressing like women to throw off the fuzz. It is feared that these crossdressing America haters are scouting out the Trump Tower, the Sears Tower, malls, and the Liberty Bell.
Pugs wonders where the Liberty Bell is because he remembers that nobody would really die if they blew it up. He then remembers it's in Independence hall. Kelly thinks it would be sad if it was blown up but it's not like she was going to go out of her way to see it anyway. Pugs went to Liberty School for grammar school. The school was built in 1976, thus the name, they had a giant liberty bell in the school and Pugs us to think that was the actual liberty bell. He also says that he was the last one to hold on to that Santa myth. Kelly is pointing out that it's a tourist attraction and she's wondering if we're saying that Muslims can't be tourist anymore... you know what would be funny? a Muslim dude goes to the liberty bell and a security guard stops him. He asks him what he's doing there and the Muslim dude tells him that he's just a tourist. Now the security guard will think he said "terrorist" on account of his accent. OK, screw you people. I think it's funny. Ok, I really don't. Whatever, you're all A-holes..... Kelly for whatever reason tells us that she went to the Citadel in Canada.

2. Cindy Crawford, who use to model for PETA's "I'd rather be naked than wear fur" campaign, is now modeling for a fur company. PETA is now upset and have sent her videos of chinchillas being shocked and having their necks slit.
Kelly points out that now Crawford can see how annoying it is to be in PETA.

*break*