Every great civilization has had it's own form of dodgeball. The ancient Aztecs played with the severed heads of their defeated enemies. The ancient Romans forced the Christians to play against lions, tigers, and bears. The Yamoto clan, which still rules Japan, made dodgeball smaller and more efficient. The ancient Greeks oiled each other's bodies, played nude, and used more... natural... balls. The legacy of dodgeball still lives on today. The new heroes have risen. The crowd showers their favorites with affection. I write about it.
You may have noticed that I didn't write anything on last week's tournament. That's because last week was a blur. I really don't remember anything. If I said anything disturbing, rude, or stupid, I apologize. If I mumbled something incoherently and wandered off, it's probably best that you didn't understand me.
If you don't do Pugs and Kelly dodgeball, then what the hell is wrong with you? It's by far the best after-work social league ever. Friendships and bonds are being built on foundations of rivalry and sportsmanship. The camaraderie of the players is a beautiful thing. The sun shines, the flowers bloom, the birds chirp, the children laugh, and dodgeball players skip merrily through a field of daisies.... beautiful.
Before the tournament, I made sure that Cody couldn't have kids. I dinged his "dang-a-lang" with a point blank throw. He made me look bad so, I had to punish him. He laid on the floor for a while. I took a picture of him but I accidentally erased it. I feel bad about it though. It was an accident. He threw a ball at me and I went to repay the favor. I didn't realize how close I was and I wasn't intentionally trying to hit his "dang-a-lang"... that was just a bonus. Wish Cody a "hope Dang-a-Lang's ding-a-ling gets better soon" message at Cody at cody@pugsandkellylive.com
In other show crew injuries, Sybil slipped in a puddle of beer and hurt her arm while catching herself. She claims that it's my fault that it happened. I claim that God obviously doesn't like her.
I hit my head on my car's window while leaving. It doesn't hurt or anything but I just want to fit in with Cody and Sybil.
"The Juggernaut" Don Davidson was on fire tonight. He managed to take out three very talented dodgeball players on his own. This comeback won the tournament for his team. There are great dodgeball players but, two dodgeball players fit into a special... "why the hell are they so friggin' good at this game" category (WHTFGG). "The Juggernaut" Don Davidson and James "Napoleon" Hamrick. If you've come out to dodgeball, you know these guys. Their friendly rivalry has gone strong all season long. They are pretty much tied up on their one-on-one matchups so, it's time to decide once and for all. This is, without a doubt, the single most important vote you'll make all year so, choose wisely.
Don's style of play is "stalk your prey with stoner's focus". He has a great arm, his focus is unmatched, and he's willing to take a chance... which pays off very often. He seems to stalk his targets. He's easily one of the most exciting players to watch.
James' style of play is what I like to refer to as "elastic Velcro". The guy catches just about everything you throw at him and he too has a great arm. He's one of the shorter players and his ability to get down low, gives him an edge. He's one of the most dramatic players to watch. He'll crash through the fence and impale himself from time to time.
Jesus Christler Supercar won the tournament this week. I can't really say anything more about them. I've discussed them often. Their ability to go from team work to "I'm the best player ever... DIE" is very impressive. It doesn't matter if you take out 5 members of their team, if one is left... the game is on. They support each other and play off each other's strengths well. Congratulations Jesus Christler Supercar.
Will's Amazing Player (WAP) for Week 26 is... THIS GUY! I apologize for forgetting his name. I forgot a pen and paper tonight and I thought I could remember his name...I ended up running into some buddies of mine from high school, Chase and Craig, and staying a little too late at Duke's.. so, I didn't. I do remember what he did though. He caught a Napoleon fast ball in mid air with the greatest of ease. If you've seen James throw, you'll understand why that's a big deal. He's a spectacular athlete and utilizes several of his skills to overcome opponents. His speed and jumping ability upsets potential attackers. Congratulations... THIS GUY, you're a WAP. This dodgeball fan salutes you. E-mail me at will@pugsandkellylive.com if you're THIS GUY or you know THIS GUY.
Krysta's hottie of the night is this Addison police officer.
Again, I have nothing to do with this selection. Do not e-mail, approach, or call me to tell me that you should be the hottie. This is Krysta's thing. I don't care if you think you're hot.
Yep, the audio from today's show isn't playing on my computer right now. Yep, I'm mighty pissed about this. Yep, I've been messing with it all day and night trying to get it to work. Yep, it's 2 AM. Yep, it teased me by working so that I could finish the news but stopped working immediately after that. Yep... Yep. If anybody out there has an era LEGAL copy of Sound Forge or Cool Edit Pro that they're not using, I'd be much obliged if you'd fork it over to me. It looks like I'm going to have to go back to scribbling everything that is said. Say a prayer for me and wish my right hand luck.
Again, I'm looking for extra recap/blog writers that want to write a few show blogs. I'm in desperate need of a writer for Wednesdays. Wednesday is my busiest day, pre-3pm is chaotic and then it's dodgeball. I'm pretty sure that the last 25 Wednesdays have shaved years off my life. If you're interested please remember, there is no pay (not even for me), there is no cursing (what's not allowed on the air is not allowed here), there is no bashing the show, and most importantly, have a sense of humor. E-mail me at Will@pugsandkellylive.com
Here's a brief synopsis of the show... this is from memory. Once my audio problem is solved, I'll fill in the blanks.
Eric wants to get a puppy. He is planning on moving in with Melissa eventually and would like to get a puppy with her. Pugs and Kelly think this is a bad idea. Relationships come and go but a dog is around forever. Sybil says that she's asked her boyfriend if she could take their dog if they broke up and he told her no. Pugs and Kelly share their thoughts on cats. They think that cat people are uptight and stinky. Dog people are easy going and fun. Eric wonders if a hamster would be a good idea and Kelly thinks that's stupid. Pugs wonders how like a hamster can live and tells us that all the hamsters he had were killed by his dog. Kelly had a hamster and her mother still talks about it's mysterious death...... what wasn't on the air was the private IM conversation that Pugs and I had about the life span of a gerbil that's inside of a person's ass.
*break*
Macualy Culkin got busted in Oklahoma for a had an ounce of pot and xanex. He was the passenger in a speeding vehicle. Kelly thinks that it's cool that he does the chill drugs and not cocaine. She can see how she might be pulled over one day with a tab or two of xanex that wasn't prescribed to her. They discuss Culkin's body of work (post-Home Alone). Pugs wonders if he was any good in that movie "Party Monster" and Sybil says that he was very good. Eric remembers that he displayed great acting talent when he played an evil brat in the movie "The Good Son". Pugs remembers that Culkin got in trouble back in '98 because of a fire that was started during a party. It happened around Christmas time and four people died. A caller named Jessa calls in and she knows way too much about him. Bruce X calls in with some lame jokes and Kelly scolds him because she know he can do better. Pugs wipes the dust bunnies off the funny sucker for Bruce.
*break*
We're welcomed back with Kelly singing. It sounds sort of like somebody raping a rabid stray cat with a red hot lead pipe. Pugs and Eric were having a discussion about what kind of influence the guitarist from Sublime would have if he didn't OD. Eric was wondering if their influence would have been as substantial as Queen. While this argument was going on, Kelly was singing along to a song. They want people to guess what song Kelly was singing along to. Kelly plays the song over some kind of off-mic speaker and they invite people to guess the song for a prize. Some dude guesses Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show by Neil Diamond and wins Great White tickets at Fire Water Bar and Grill. Kelly thinks it's good that Fire Water is surrounded by a lake. Pugs is going to see Great White but admits that he only wants to go because of the horrible massive fire in Rhode Island. Sam the Mailman joins the show to talk about the upcoming shows that they're promoting. The big one is God Smack an Metallica. It's time for the Pugs and Kelly institute for Human Growth and Development. A guy and his wife wants to have a child but she is unable. Her twin sister has offered to be a surrogate mother but the guy would rather just sleep with the sister. He claims that he doesn't like the idea of surrogate. Pugs doesn't see anything wrong with that but Kelly is appalled. Pugs thinks that Kelly acting like a typical girl. Kelly thinks that the e-mailer is acting like the typical guy. She thinks he's horrible for turning something as upsetting as being unable to bear children into an excuse to bang his sister in-law. A caller makes a good point. He thinks that the e-mailer might have a problem with the 10 grand it costs to perform the surrogate procedure. Somehow this turns into Pugs talking about adoption. He reminds us that his Aunt Maggie is adopting a little chinababy. He thinks that's great but wonders why they didn't get a European baby. He explains that they're well to do and doesn't understand why they wouldn't get a white baby. A caller suggests that maybe it's easier to get a Chinese baby. Pugs shares with us his "tiers" of adoption possibilities.
TIER ONE
European
Mexican
Caribbean Islanders (the Desi Arnez kind)
TIER TWO
Black
Asian
Pacific Islander
Albanians/Turkish
Caribbean Islanders (the Sammy Sosa type)
I let Pugs know that I could get him discount prices for little Filipino babies.
*break*
SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!
Yep, can't remember anything from this. I must have been doing yoga or something.
*break*
There is a person in the chatroom that is 17 and Kelly told him that he's too young to be listening to their program. He's really uppity and keeps saying that he can't believe it's her. He told her that he can't believe he's talking to her. There are people in the chatroom that know her like Paco and BruceX that are saying that it's just Kelly and Pugs. Pugs wonders if he's bouncing off the wall and Kelly says that he's on Aderol. She complains that he's typing a million miles a minute. Pugs says that Aderol makes your head sound like... he plays a horrible effect of a cacophony of horrible horrible noises... horrible.... Pugs also points out that if you take the aderol, it makes your winky not work. Kelly thinks that's good because it'll keep her from sleeping with under-aged people. Kelly has been listening to sad music lately. Kelly has been getting E-mails from people that are upset that she's trying to date Keith Olbermann. Kelly thinks it's funny that people didn't see the joke in that. She tells Pugs that she has Will, me, looking for somebody new for her. Pugs points out that I hang out with nothing but 20 year olds. I would like to point out that I really don't hang out with anybody. Kelly can't listen to the radio because all the songs are horribly depressing. She says that she was really bad on Wednesday and little bit on Thursday but now she's feeling great. Kelly is looking for songs to listen to make herself happy. Somebody just happened to e-mail Pugs with a list of songs for Kelly to make her happy. Pugs is calling the CD "Kelly's Yay Yay Good Time Fun CD".
I can't remember every song but..
Shiny Happy People
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Walking on Sunshine
New Sensation
A guy calls in to warn Kelly that she can't listen to Chicago's greatest hits. He says it's a great CD but you're only allowed to listen to it when you're with somebody. They play it to see if it has any effect on Kelly. Kelly is feeling so much better from listening to the happy songs that she just sings along happily. Kelly assures us that her sex drive is back but she realizes how frustrating that can be when there is nobody around.
*break*
Pugs reads a list of the cities that are the most infectious with STDs. Anaheim got an A+ which means almost nobody there has any type of Disease. Detroit got an F which means that everyone there is dirty and awful. Dallas had a D-. Kelly reminds us that D- is poor but passing.
and that's the show.
Wow, I remembered a lot. This borders on ridiculous. I know I have a steel trap mind but dude... I friggin' rock. I will be going back and filling in the blank though.
I rock.
As you've undoubtebly noticed, and as Pugs and Kelly mentioned on the air, I've been having difficulties updating the blog on a regular basis. I do want to point out though that other sections and new features on the website are very much alive and kicking. I've been granted the ability to get guest recap/blog writers so, if you would like to help out... E-mail me at will@pugsandkellylive.com A few things you should be aware of. There is no pay (not even for me), there is no cursing (what's not allowed on the air is not allowed here), there is no bashing the show, and most importantly, have a sense of humor.
I've had a few request to post my Keith Olbermann/ Kelly dating game plan on the website and I can't think of any place to put it besides here...
My plans to capture Keith Olbermann
I am currently looking for ideas to get Kelly and Keith Olbermann
together. Those two crazy kids deserve each other even though one of
them probably doesn't know the other exist. This minor detail will be
worked out. I'm a go getter, a fixer, an idea man, a planner, a problem
solver.
Knowing the mark...
We must learn our target. Keith Olbermann is a tall man. He stands at 6'3"
and has a size 13.5 foot. Luckily, I have no sense of morality and I
have no problem taking a hammer to his knee in order to get him down to
size. This is a last resort of course because my goal is to get him to
Kelly as intact as possible. He is an incredibly smart man. He
published his first book at 14 and graduated college at 20. This could
be trouble. He might be able to see through us. Luckily, he has a loss
of depth perception due to a head injury. In 1980, he hit his head on
the top of a subway door while running into a waiting car.He's received
numerous distinguished awards in radio and television broadcasting,
including the 1995 cable Ace award for Best Sportscaster, 11 Golden Mike
awards for excellence in television and radio, and four Sports Emmy
awards. This can be good and bad. It means that he's good at what he
does and since Kelly is involved in the same field, this could do
wonders for her career. At the same time, this could give him a big
head. He may tell Kelly to do something and if she protest, he can just
point at his Cable Ace award and say, "hey... where's yours... oh yeah..
shut up". He has Celiac disease and must have a gluten-free diet.
Gluten is the protein found in wheat, rye, oats, and barley.... note
this since this means we only have a limited amount liquors that you can
use.
SUPER SECRET PLAN A
We now know that Keith is an award whore. How about this...
We inform him that an international board has selected him to be the
first ever recipient of some crappy award for excellence in the field of
broadcast journalism. We get Wayne and Dr. Schwartz to be on this "board".
Australia seems to be the "it" country and Dr. Schwartz has that
pretty "doctor" title next to his name... this makes everything look 100
times more official. We're going to have to find more foreigners to
jump on board. Clark Collins from Blender magazine perhaps (who is
British)? Melissa's roommate (who is Italian)?
OK, so that's the bait to get him to come to Dallas. He's going to have
to have a driver. He can't drive due to his lousy depth perception.
This is where Metro Limos comes into play. We get Aaron to go pick him
up from the Airport. This is when the timing gets crucial. Right
before he gets into the car Aaron needs to contact Pugs and Kelly so
that they can play their big part. The Limo just so happens to be
playing The Pugs and Kelly show.
This will be Keith's first introduction to Kelly so, Kelly needs to
shine. She needs to show that she is smart, funny, and sexy.
Maybe something like "hmmm so, The term "German Idealism" refers to a
phase of intellectual life that had its origin in the Enlightenment as
modified by German conditions.... yeah... I'm not wearing a bra".
She should also show that they have a lot in common. Keith is a
baseball fan so she should say something like
"oh man, there's an explosion in my pants and it's as big as Brian Giles'
slugging percentage. He is one of the most under-rated ball players
ever. If you look at his.. hmmmm.. five years of OPS compared to Bernie
Williams... Giles has beaten Bernie in the last six years of each other's
career.... my skin is tingling with electricity and I need a tall four
eyed man to tingle with me.... did I mention that I wasn't wearing a bra?...
meow"
She should also figure out a way to say how big of an influence Keith
Olbermann is and how smart, witty, and attractive she finds him.
This should intrigue him but he still might want to turn the show off.
Luckily, we'll disable rear controls. We'll have Aaron keep the
stereo really really loud. This is so that he can pretend that he can't
hear Keith's protest.
So, we're going to need a place to "give him our international award".
This is the tricky part. I think one of the private viewing rooms at
Planet X would make a good "dressing room" for Keith. You know, the
place where nothing nefarious is necessarily going on. We're going to
have to take one of those couches, used primarily for comfort, and
sanitize it. We also have to have a lock, used primarily for privacy,
and put it on the outside. When Keith enters the "dressing room" we
quickly lock the door on him. Inside he'll find Kelly looking very
classically beautiful or completely slutty... we have to find out about
his preferences in women. We inform Keith that he's not getting out
until we think he's ready. Kelly can tell him what he means to her and
attempt to get him to fall for her. If that fails, we load the room
with wine, rum, tequila or sake. These are generally safer for somebody
with Keith's disease. Enough tequila in him and we can easily convince
him that Kelly is the one that he wants. If he is strong willed then
he might be waiting for a long time. This is why we have the Down Under
Pub and Grub make some great gluten-free food. Kelly should convince
him that she cooked it.
Hear that? It's wedding bells folks. Kelly wins. Keith wins. I win.
While this plan is 100 percent full proof. I have a plan B.
I did some research and found out that Olbermann is in fact related to
Mike Tyson. Tyson's adoptive father, Cus D'Amato's niece married
Olbermann's father's brother, making Keith... Mike Tyson's cousin. We
have to find out when they have their next family picnic and crash it. I'll
dress in drag and distract Mike... which will keep him off of Kelly...
and she can convince Keith that she's the one for him. I really hope we
don't have to do this one because the idea of having Mike Tyson rip my
arms off before he rapes my car is quite frightening. But hey, I'm a
team player.
Plan C involves storming MSNBC studios with full-automated weapons,
thanks to the bill banning them timing out, and capturing Keith while he
is filming "Count Down with Keith Olbermann".
and now... today's show.
Kelly went to the seven Mary three concert over the weekend. She was impressed that they recognized her. she hung out and talked to them and she thinks they were nice. They kept telling her that they wanted to talk to her but asked her to stand in the corner because he had a thing about corners. Pugs thinks it's funny that the lead singer of seven Mary three finds the corner... cumbersome.... Before that Pugs and Kelly were at Coconuts over in Greenville and Pugs raves about what Eric ate. Eric had the warm lobster tacos. Eric was very much into the name. Everyone ate a lot of Eric's dinner so, he had to order coconut shrimp. Kelly claims that Sam was C-blocking her on Friday when she was talking to seven Mary three out in the hall as they were leaving the station. Kelly explains that she wasn't trying to work them but she thinks that they were trying to work her. They were listening to the show before they go there and made comments about Keith Olbermann. They told her that they would put her on "the list". Pugs wonders which one band member was hitting on her because he doesn't see her as a lead singer type of girl. He reminds us that she dated an offensive lineman and not a quarter back or a wide receiver. Eric noticed how they didn't fit the regular rock star body type, short, and Pugs think they were frat boyish in their stature. Eric met Peter Frampton over the weekend and comments on his smallness. He also admits that he crushed Frampton's foot. Pugs reminds us how he knocked over all the goo goo dolls' guitars when he introduced them. Eric was told not to adjust the microphone stand but when he grabbed it but it dropped. He had to bend over and cock his head sideways to make his announcement.At Hat tricks, Kelly had her first experience with somebody that told her that he grew up listening to her. Pugs and Kelly wonder how you can make a comment like that when the show has been there for only three years and the station has barely been on for over 4 years. Switching focus back to seven Mary three trying to get a piece of Kelly, the band asked Kelly to come out to their show and Kelly told them that she could get tickets. They told her not to get tickets because they'll put her on their list. Sam told her that he has tickets for her in the office and seven Mary three told her that they'd put there on the list. Again, Sam told her that he had tickets in his office and they told him that she's on the list before they walked out. Pugs says that guys try to get girls by becoming the reason why their there. They become the provider and Sam was creating distance. Kelly was with her friend Sherry at the concert. The lead singer turned around for a minute so she leaned into Kelly to say "if you want me to leave just say "boobie"". Kelly says that Pugs brought up how often that comes up in conversation and how easy she would have been able to work that in. It came down to the end of the night and he told Kelly that he was going to go retire to a quieter area... Pugs thinks that's an entree to an intimate liaison with the local DJ and Pugs is sure that he's never done that before. He bets that Kelly didn't pick up on what he was hinting at and said goodnight. Kelly says that's exactly what happened. Pugs thinks it was the lead singers job to invite her to his "quieter area", once he saw that she didn't pick up on the subtle hint. Pugs has been staying at local hotels on weekends with his girlfriend. They stayed at Hotel Zaza this weekend. It's the happening place to stay for celebrities. Pugs thinks that a lot of the people there are "$30,000 millionaires" that are trying to be something that they're not. Pugs reminds us that Dragon fly, the restaurant inside the hotel, is the place that you have to make reservations for 60 days in advanced. they didn't eat there because who the hell knows what they want 60 days in advanced? They went to a station party on Saturday and then went back to the hotel at around midnight. They pull into the hotel and it looks like Ft. Lauderdale on Spring Break. Pugs says that this was the most happening party he's seen in a long time. They were playing really loud music but in the back ground he heard something that sounded like 'err err err err err". Pugs thought it was just some sort of techno house music. they go up to their fourth floor level and they found out what was with the "err err err err". The building was on fire. They had a guy that worked there riding in the elevator with them. Pugs' girlfriend said that she smelled smoke and the guy wouldn't say a thing. Pugs wonders if their not suppose to mention the fire so that they don't cause panic. He brings up how strobe lights go off when the fire alarm goes off but he thought the strobe lights were just because this place was suppose to be the happening-hipster place. They were on the fourth floor, where the fire was and Pugs wonders if the fire drill procedure for that hotel has them stay in their room. Eric passionately proclaims that you are suppose to get out now. Pugs explains that they wouldn't let them onto the elevator. There was a potted plant that was on fire and the guy that worked there told them to just go to their rooms and it will all be fine. Pugs now sees why everyone was hanging outside their window. It wasn't because it was a happening party, it was because the place was on friggin' fire. Eric thinks that is teetering on the line of Great White. Pugs thinks that they should have at least gave a free breakfast in the morning to make up for the premium prices that he paid for that overpriced place. Pugs reminds us that it's a big deal when a hotel has a fire. Kelly brings up how her parents were at the MGM Grand fire and lots of people died because nobody told guests what to do. Pugs wonders where the hotel staff was and suggests that they were probably telling people that they couldn't get into Dragon Fly with a ball cap. Pugs wants to give kudos to Taylor who worked the front desk because he was very accommodating. Pugs complains again that they didn't try to make good on his ruined night and warns that he's going to be reviewing places with his travel log for the website in the near future.
*break*
Every Thursday Kelly makes her NFL picks. She normally faces off against Brad Sham, the voice of your Dallas Cowboys, but last week, Brad was unable to pick this week. Greg Hill, former Texas A&M stand out and former running back for the Kansas City Chiefs, took Brad's place. Greg joins the show and Kelly mocks him. She wonders how he feels about the picks that he made. Greg knew he should have won some of the key matchups and reminds us that's why they play the game. Pugs reminds us that Kelly picks according to which mascot can take the other mascot on in a fight. Pugs uses the Dallas Cowboys VS the Cleveland Browns in as an example. He asks Kelly who would win, a cowboy or the color brown. Kelly can't think of anyway that the color brown could defend itself. Pugs explains that Greg is a football mind. He studies the stats and reads the injury reports. You can see him on Fox Sports Net on Saturday for college football and Sundays for pro-football. Kelly tells Greg that the good news is that he won 6 games but the bad news is that he lost 9. Kelly went 11-4. Greg congrtulats her. Pugs points out that nobody in the country picked the Chicago Bears over the Green Bay Packers. Greg says that nobody remembers the last time the bears beat the packers and Pugs and Kelly both tell him that it was 7 years ago. Pugs comments on how awful Greg did and greg admits that he sucked. Kelly offers to give Kelly some tips on how to pick football. Greg brags that he did well in his college football picks, 14-3. Kelly thinks that's like saying that you're big in Belgium and Pugs thinks it's like leading European league in rushing. Greg likes that analogy. Pugs suggests having Kelly on Greg's fox show and have her do her picks. Pugs thinks that the beauty of Kelly's picks is that the bottom line is that these are all pro athletes and on any given Sunday, anybody can beat anybody. Kelly thinks that somebody should make a movie and call it that. Pugs wants to go over tonight's picks. Greg picked the eagles and Kelly picked the vikings. She proclaims her love for the color purple. Pugs thinks that if an eagle swooped down on a viking, Conan the barbarian would just wack it in the face. Kelly points out that eagles live on cliffs and she sin't sure if vikings are that balanced. She does point out that they spend a lot of time on boats so maybe they'd be able to adjust. Greg doesn't want to but his 6-9 week on Brad Sham's credit because he knows that Brad Sham would do much better. Pugs informs Greg that Kelly has never beat Brad Sham. Kelly thinks that she may have beaten him one time. Greg wants to be able to do this again so that he can kick Kelly in her rear end. Kelly gets excited because she likes that sort of thing. Greg wants to get Pugs and Kelly to remind everyone that they do love everyone else on the New You show but he would like to inform everyone that the rest of the cast are a bunch of sensitive pussies. Pugs reminds us that Greg is the only reason why people listen to the new you show and Greg thinks he's about to get 5 phone calls after he hangs up. Click
here to see Greg and Kelly's picks. I also put up Kelly's reasoning.
*break*
I didn't get to listen to this segment. I have the predictions that they made on the Emmys from the 7-15 show and I also posted the winners. I do seem to remember Pugs not remembering that they made predictions and talking about the stellar pedigree of Arrested Development.
Drama
Kelly: Sopranos
Pugs: West Wing
Winner: The Sopranos
Actor in Drama
Kelly: James Spader
Pugs: Keifer Sutherland
WINNER: James Spader
Actress in Drama
K: Allison Janney
P: Edie Falco
WINNER: Allison Janney
Supporting Actor in Drama
K: Michael Imperioli
P: Michael Imperioli
WINNER: Michael Imperioli
Supporting Actress in Drama
Kelly: Stockard Channing
Pugs: Janel Moloney
Winner: Drea De Mateo
Best Comedy
Kelly- Curb Your Enthusiasm
Pugs: Arrested Development
Winner: Arrested Development
actor in Comedy
Kelly: John Ritter
Pugs: Bernie Mac
WINNER: Kelsey Grammer
Supporting actor in Comedy
Kelly: Jeffery Tambor
Pugs: Shawn Hayes
WINNER: David Hyde Pierce
Actress in Comedy
Kelly: Bonnie Hunt
Pugs: Patricia Heaton
Winner: Sarah Jessica Parker
Supporting actress in comedy
K: Megan Mullally
P: Megan Mullally
WINNER: Cynthia Nixon
best variety
K: Chapelle (but she thinks SNL will get it)
P: Chapelle (but thinks the Daily show will get it)
WINNER: The Daily Show
reality
K: Queer Eye
P: Queer Eye
WINNER
reality competition
K: Apprentice
P: American Idol
WINNER: The Amazing Race
*break*
Pugs has received an E-mail from a guy named Kevin. Kevin says he's not good at this. Kevin is 32 years old and lives in Corsicana, about 50 miles south of Dallas. He's been told that he's a good looking guy. He owns his own feed store. Pugs wonders if a feed store sells food for cattle and Sybil confirms. Kevin's problem is that he'd like to ask Kelly out on a date. Pugs says that you have to move closer to Plano to even have a shot. Kelly points out that she can't pull the "hey, I was in the neighborhood and just wanted to stop by". Pugs thinks that Kelly could date a guy that owned a place in Corsicana but he has to have a residents near the Plano area. Pugs thinks hat the one in Corsicana also had to be a 25,000 acre ranch so that there would be something really cool to drive to. Kelly asks Pugs if her remembers her fear. Pugs remembers she is afraid of bridges and farms. Pugs reminds us that Kelly wakes up every six months in a cold sweat because she had a nightmare that she lived on a farm. Kelly says that she doesn't even take her kids to petting zoos. Kelly can't date Kevin because he owns a feed store and she can't be around anybody that's around animals. It freaks her out. Kelly explains that at a petting zoo, the animals poop everywhere and they don't shower often. They make noises and you know they're mocking you. The chicken coops are stinky and you can't ever go on vacation because the animals always have to eat. Pugs points out that you have to get a creepy hand man to work the place and he'll probably end up running a meth lab in the barn. Kelly also complains that you could never really run out to the mall. Pugs thinks you can go shopping in Corsicana because it's a fairly big city. Kelly reminds us that Cody is the expert in "dang-a-lang" and he says it's not big. Pugs asks Cody and Cody says that it's a relatively small town. Pugs wonders if a city girl like Kelly would do all right in Corsicana and Cody doubts it. Pugs suggests moving the feed store to Frisco. Kelly also thinks that owning a pick up truck sucks and Eric reminds us that if you own a pick up truck everyone will call you to ask for your help in moving things. Kelly says that she carries a purse but she refuses to carry her whole closet. Pugs wants people to stop sending E-mails because he's not going to grease Kelly for anybody. If you meet her at an appearance, he'll size you up. Kelly brings up how Jeff asked her out on Sunday at Hat Tricks. Pugs wonders if she said no and Kelly told him that she's not really dating right now. Pugs points out that Kelly isn't dating right now unless you wrote "cumbersome". Kelly has had this exchange with somebody recently. There was a guy named Skier in the chatroom who asked her out when she was still dating Tyson. He told her that it wouldn't be a date, they'd go out as friends. Kelly thought that sounded an awful lot like a date. Since they don't know each other and the idea is to get to know each other better. Pugs reminds us that if you don't know somebody, then you're not friends. Kelly told Skier that her boyfriend doesn't let her date... as a general rule. After the break up, he sent her an e-mail. He says that he understands that she's a public figure and has to keep certain things quiet. He also understands that she's probably had thousands of offers already. Kelly says that's not true but Pugs informs her that she gets a lot of offers but everyone sends it to him. Sybil has a whole folder in her e-mail dedicated to people that want to date Kelly. So this guy heard the Olbermann thing and wrote Kelly back. He told her that he sees now that she is only interested in millionaire and told her that a simple "you don't make enough money" would have sufficed. He also told her that he hopes her kids are doing well. This bothers Kelly.
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SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!
1. Brittany Spears married Kevin Federline on Sept. 18. They only invited 30 people and were married at the home of a custom tailor in Studio City, California.
Pugs teaches us that Studio City is just a regular folk town. Kelly points out that Brittany goes to the mall with more than 30 people. Sybil tells us that the guests dined on chicken fingers, crab cakes, and ribs. Pugs thinks it's cool that Brittany had her reception catered by Bennigans. Eric thinks that Brittany and Kevin could prove everyone wrong by staying married forever. Kelly thinks that it's unhealthy to stay married to somebody that you only got involved with so that you wouldn't have to perform. Pugs thinks that Brittany needs to hit the gym because she got real fat.
2. The National Enquirer has put out a list of pseudonyms that celebrities use when they check into hotels...
Pugs says that Michael Jordan checks in to hotels with the name of the guy that beat him for the spot on his high school basketball.
Sybil starts the list...
Oprah- Sofia Lee
Ben Affleck- Jack Walsh (Robert DeNiro's character from Midnight Run)
Mary J. Blige- Mr. and Mrs. Huxtable
Russell Crowe- Russell Black
Michael Jackson- Mr. Simpson
Kelly thinks that Michael wants to get away with it so he's following in OJ Simpson's footsteps.
Robert DeNiro- Bob Collins
Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston- Justin Case (Just in case you have to contact them)
Kelly thinks it might be "Just in case the police are coming, I'm under a different name"
Lenny Kravitz- Silky Jones
Jude Law- Mr. blue or Mr. Blanchflower
3. The Simple Life 3 is about to start taping and Fox wants to send Paris and Nicole to Washington to work as political interns for some of Fox's right wing allies.
Kelly will be so pissed if somebody hires them. This country is already viewed as a joke and the last thing we need is Paris Hilton and her cracked out junkie friend messing things up.
4. Congrats to Joan London because she's getting twins.
Pugs is outraged because she's like 80. Sybil reads on to say that she has a surrogate mother. Kelly thinks she's like the old lady that lived in a shoe.
5. People think that Anna Nicole Smith has an eating disorder. She is 5'11'' and use to way over 200 pounds but now she can easily slip into a size 4 dress. According to doctors, a girl at 5'11'' should weigh 155-160 but she weighs 131.
Kelly wonders about the height of Pugs' girlfriend and Pugs says that she's 5'11". Sybil doesn't think she weighs anywhere near 155 and Kelly asks Pugs about her weight. Pugs doesn't have a clue but he knows that she's real tall and thin. Sybil thinks she weighs around 135 and Kelly says that she look healthy. Pugs thinks she's perfect and doesn't think she should lose any weight. He says a number but I conveniently forgot it. Kelly tells us that Bowie Hogg, of the Apprentice season 1, use to guess the weight of people at six flags. Girls kept asking him about their weight at the down under pub and grub and would storm off mad. Pugs says that Bowie guessed his weight perfectly, 218. Sybil reads on. Anna Nicole Smith chews up her food and gives it to her dog and she has weird cravings. She likes lollipops dipped in pickle juice and enjoys drinking pickle juice straight out of the bottle... my kid sister does that....
6. Kobe Bryant got booed off the stage at the world music awards. He also got into a fight with David Copperfield.
Kelly thinks that David should have made Kobe disappear.
7. Weekend Box Office Update
5. Cellular
4. Wimbeldon
3. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
2. Mr. 3000
Pugs thinks that looks funny and reminds us that Bernie Mac is really funny. He explains the premise. He plays a retired baseball player that had 3000 hits and his post baseball career is based on that fact. He owns businesses that are marketed with his 3000 hits. Everyone calls him Mr. 3000. Ten years after he retired, the MLB did a recounting and found that he was 3 hits short. Now he's 45 years old and he makes a come back to get three more hits. Eric explains that they recounted him because he was such a jerk when he got his 3000th hit. After he got his last one, he retired in the middle of the post season.
1. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.
Sybil salivates at the idea of Angelina Jolie. Eric teaches us that Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow was the first movie ever made that didn't use a set. Kelly thinks that this is just a scheme by the liberal Hollywood agenda. They use all blue screen which puts set designers out of work. Then they blame Bush and the right wing conspiracy.
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The audio from this segment is screwing up. I've been having problems with the audio on my computer for the last two weeks. I'll be working on this problem and I'll get it up ASAP.
Brill Bundy from
www.zaptoit.com was on discussing the fall's TV lineup.
