Pugs starts out with phlegm in his throat. They announce this is my return to the blog. Some dude in the chatroom wants to see Kellys boobs, as does everyone else on the planet. Despite 55 million people watching the first presidential debate, Pugs doesnt think any of his friends watched it. Speaking of, his roommate Rob can cook like a mother… wait, nevermind. Pugs has a hard time not eating ice cream that Rob brings home, even though its ghetto ice cream, and Robs goulash cooking was constantly distracting Pugs from watching the debate.

WOW! Today is the THREE YEAR anniversary for Pugs and Kelly in the midday slot, and Gavins one year anniversary at the station. Such a momentous occasion, we should all go smoke some… wait, nevermind.

Pub n Grub Wayne calls in and chimes in on his citizenship status. He’s applying for dual citizenship and argues that Bush won the debate. According to various polls, Kerry won the debate. They take a couple calls and chew on some details from the event. We all liked the lights on the podium. Kelly suspects Bush has ADD, because he was looking bored and irritated about 20 minutes into the debate. Pugs thinks that if any president is going to freak out and let some secrets fly on live TV, Bush is the guy…

WE WENT INTO IRAQ TO GET THE ALIENS! SADDAM WAS WORKING WITH THE DAMN ALIENS, AND THIS GUY GETS TO GRILL ME BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE CAN’T HANDLE THE FACT THAT THERE’S ALIENS!

Bush also did some frequent name dropping of world leaders, throwing in a couple extra Putins here and there. Pugs likens Kerry to a pelican, and Bush is a monkey (chimpanzee definitely). We cant believe they are even talking about their Vietnam record, seeing as how Kerry actually went to war and Bush didnt Republicans and Democrats aren’t going to be swayed either way by the debate, and the general consensus is that neither one of these guys seems that great.

****BREAK****
****holy lord this is a long break. I hate it when howard goes long****


We come back from commercial with a voice mail from Jarret (from Bowling for Soup). Hes in Amsterdam and just saw a girl smoke a cigar with her… wait, nevermind. I need to go to Amsterdam.

Then Pugs plugs some shows for the weekend. ME AND ERIC ARE PERFORMING TOMORROW NIGHT AT THE NORTH TEXAS NEW MUSIC FESTIVAL at 11:45pm in the VIP lounge of club clearview. Sara Radle is playing tonight at the liquid lounge as well. Shes too cute and her music is swell. Kelly announces a girls night out, eric is sick, and pugs reems him for not wanting to hang out. Kelly points out that Pugs and Eric are a little ancy about the whole girls night out thing.

Sybilization As We Know It:
Sybil will be at the Texas Motor Speedway from noon-2 tomorrow, so GO SEE HER!!!

Salt Lake City Police found human remains in a landfill, and they think it may be Lori Hacking.

Sharks Tale is the latest Dreamworks movie comes out today and has a lot of big stars (Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Robert Dinero, Will Smith). Pugs wants to see the new movie with Putty from Seinfeld, but cant remember the name (the incredibles).

Ladder 49, and I Heart Huckabies, and a few other movies are coming out this weekend.

Anna Nicole Smith met Jamie Lee Curtis and invited her to a party. Jamie Lee shot her down.

Lindsay Lohan’s dad pleaded guilty to assault charges.

Liza Minelli is getting sued by her former assistant/body guard/chauffer.

Courtney Love is being sued by a travel agent for non-payment.

The news is interrupted by a ghost drinking a slurpee.

Ralphy May is slamming Last Comic Standing.

Joey is getting a full season. Its the third most watched show.

Scott Weiland… drugs.

Charleize Theoron has healed from her injury filming Aeon Flux.

Slow news day, huh? The texas dodgeball finals are tomorrow at Dukes!


***BREAK***


We are welcomed back from the break with some Mitch Hedburg audio. Why? Because hes in town tonight at the Majestic Theatre. I can hear Sean Rouse cackling in the background. Hes been added to the bill at the Majestic tonight. Sean was doing some cardio (a fat chick) when he came around from a blackout last week in Boise. He took Viox for a few months for his arthritis and thinks he might have a heart condition. Now weve diverted to Kobe talk. Kelly recommends that Will follows Sean around with a camera to catch his insane lifestyle for a reality show, or perhaps just a documentary. Sean has relationship issues, health issues, drinking issues, and floods us with tons of crazy stories on a regular basis that would make great footage. Sean tells us about how he got in trouble for doing edgy jokes in South Bend Indiana. Pugs and Sean are looking forward to going to The Lodge tonight. Sean warns the strippers to not pass out in front of him. A caller chimes in and is in favor of the Sean Rouse reality show. Kelly said she was thinking about Sean in the shower this morning, and it only took her ten minutes. Pugs and Sean recall Seans last visit to Dallas and the dirty mess that ensued at Sherlocks. Sean was drunk and totally pissed off a chick that Pugs was hitting on, and then yelled at him in the limo.

YOU SOLD ME OUT!!!!

Sean has said hes stopped drinking, but Pugs and Kelly encourage him to not be a quitter. Sean recommends a doctor be present if he’s going to be drinking, so we might have to call Dr. Schwartz. Kerry, a caller, confirms the madness of drunk Sean. Kelly is convinced she needs to make cookies for a bake sale to raise money for the Rouse documentary.


***BREAK***

We come back and Sean proclaims himself the official comic of The Pugs and Kelly Show. Kelly adds in that hes also the subject of her documentary and Pugs isnt part of the project.

Human Growth and Development (The Guy Code Series):

A listener was drinking last night and his friend almost gets into a fight with some other patrons. Security breaks up the potential brawl, and the friend, Luke, proclaims he wasnt worried, because he knew that his buddies had his back. However, the listener is a 32 year old married guy with a kid, and hopes his fighting days are over. Is this a guy code violation?

Sean proclaims hes not a fighter, but being a belligerent drunk almost got him pummeled by a huge biker/cowboy after he nibbled on the guys wife. Pugs and Kelly debate whether its cooler to get forcefully removed from a bar by the bouncers, or peacefully escorted out. Pugs thinks buddies that fight should be avoided. A caller says you have to fight with your buddy. The next caller says you should be breaking up the fight. Pugs says you shouldn’t hang out with guys that fight, and sets the non-fighting age at 30. Now we’ve got some associated audio from a TV show where a guy named Tommy gets drunk and almost beats up a 17 year old over a game of ping pong.

The moral of this segment: If you have a friend that gets in fights in bars, DROP HIM.

***BREAK***

We come back to wrap up the show. Kelly shows some concern for Sean’s potential heart problems that may have come from his use of Viox. Pugs claims drinking will help his heart condition, and it would be better to have a heart attack drunk than sober. Pugs and Kelly thank the listeners in honor of their third anniversary in the midday slot here on 105.3. Sean is going to be at the Majestic hosting the Mitch Hedburg show. Listeners, feel free to call the debris line (214.583.BJ18) and document your exploits in case you don’t remember what happened, you can hear a piece of it on Monday. Sybil has an appearance at the Texas Motor Speedway tomorrow. Texas Dodgeball Finals are tomorrow at dukes (6pm). Me and Eric are performing at the North Texas New Music Festival tomorrow night at 11:45pm, and Eric has an appearance at a Verizon store on Sunday!!!

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND! Look Ma, no cuss words!

I would like to thank Paco for the good work he did on Wednesday's blog. He'll continue to do Wednesday's blog. In other news, Sir James will be picking up Friday's show... JAMES IF YOU'RE READING THIS E-MAIL ME ASAP!.... I sent out a plea for help and the people that came to the rescue are associates and former Pugs and Kelly recap writers. This should be fun.



I have recently been accused of giving the station sick. This allegation is hurtful and false. I battled the sick a month ago. I don't see how this could possibly be the same sick. To make matters worse, I am now catching the sick. Sure, this could be attributed to my lack of sleep but I always have a lack of sleep. Yesterday, the Paco informed you about the test I had at the clinic... my results came back positive! I don't normally brag but the doctors told me that I should inform people... so there.

On with the show...

for whatever reason, my radio received nothing but static right after Howard Stern signed off. I belive this is all part of the big conspiracy that the North Korean government has to shut me down. North Korean government, you obviously aren't friends with Cody. Here is an excerpt of an AIM conversation between me and Molasses Jones. This should catch you up on the parts that I missed... the names have been changed to keep you sickos from harassing us with sexy IM talk.

drfunkenstein112: did you listen to the start of the show?
dangalang4life: yeah
drfunkenstein112: my radio wouldn't work and I didn't get it up till Sean Rouse called in
dangalang4life: that sucks
drfunkenstein112: can you give me a quick synopsis?
dangalang4life: they talked about me
drfunkenstein112: what they say?
dangalang4life: and me being country crazy and having a backbone
dangalang4life: and having a spine
dangalang4life: cause the whole Ian thing
drfunkenstein112: did you get back into it last night with Ian?
dangalang4life: nah
drfunkenstein112: what else was said?
dangalang4life: they just brought up the other instances
dangalang4life: then they talked about Jim florentine
dangalang4life: and him being there
dangalang4life: and how comics are sluts to bar waitresses
dangalang4life: and kelly needs to get laid
dangalang4life: and then sean rouse calls in
drfunkenstein112: so, what do you think of the new fall collection?
dangalang4life: It's absolutely FAAAAAAABULOUS!
drfunkenstein112: heh, weirdo
dangalang4life: :*-(

Kelly explains that when she hooked up with her ex-boyfriend, she was originally trying to get with Sean Rouse. She found out he had a girlfriend and that was that. Sean admits that he would have gone with the 6'5", 300 lbs, and huge handed guy too. Sean is passing through town on his way to Houston. He informs us that he's going to be on the Hedburg/Lynch show tomorrow. Pugs and Kelly want Sean to come in and sit through the whole show tomorrow. Sean reminds them that they're going to have a lot of comics on the show and Pugs calls tomorrow's show a comedic cluster f*. Kelly wonders if Sean is still single and Sean says yes. He assures her that he wouldn't treat her like a comedy club waitress. Which I assume was a reference to the part of the show that aired when I wasn't able to listen.

*break*

We're welcomed back with a little Iron Butterfly and Kelly wonders if Bob McNeil is back. Pugs brags that he vomited during the break. He's been getting over the flu and he felt awful last night. Strangely enough, he started to feel better with every drink he had last night. Kelly says that you can read my blog and Paco's blog. Pugs thinks that Kelly should give Paco the same respect that she gives me and read the blog on ambien. Kelly complains that she can't type right now because she ripped her finger nail off. Pugs and Eric are disgusted. Pugs announces that I instant messaged him concerning Paco's blog, "it's very good, his social commentary on the Swedes is brilliant". Pugs thinks that might be a bit tongue and cheek. He admits that he doesn't even know what I'm talking about. Pugs brings up the Kobe Bryant and Shaq situation and refers to it as a "high profiled guy code violation". Pugs reads the story about Kobe's claims that Shaq paid various women to keep their mouths shut about their happy sexy fun time. Shaq has denied this and taken a few shots at Kobe. Shaq told ESPN that in the 7-8 years that Kobe and he were together, they were never together. He also said that Kobe was the one buying love. Pugs brings up how Kobe and Shaq's egos always clashed. Pugs assumes that the Kobe found out about Shaq's prostitute appetite through your typical locker room gossip. He teaches us that they don't mean prostitute the way us common folk use the word and Kelly points out that women who accept money after sex are whores... even if it is to keep your mouth shut. Eric sounds disgusted and wonders why Kobe would even bring that up. Pugs can't imagine what kind of trouble Kobe is in for the NBA. He doesn't think that there is anybody will trust him because he violated pro-athletes' trust. Kelly thinks that Kobe is being bitchy. Kelly points out that Kobe isn't exactly a noble human being. Pugs wonders if he's been damaged forever in the eyes of the public and forever shunned by the NBA. Kelly thinks that anybody that decides to be Kobe's friend will have to remember that Kobe might narc on you. Don calls in and asks how the show is doing... he then proceeds to waste more precious air time by pointing out that he's not suppose to do that. Somehow Wayne, Down under Pub & Grub, ends up on the phone wondering why he's on the air. He tells us that he's bringing food. Pugs turns Kobe over to an instant poll.

Kobe Volated Shaq.
Kobe narced on the Shaq attack. Did Kobe violate the guy code?

Results- 4124851345-0

winner: Kobe is a bitch and Shaq should bury his giant boot in his ass.

The votes are so overwhelming anti-Kobe so Pugs just stops it.

*break*

Kelly informs Pugs that it's Gavin's one year anniversary. The ass kissing process begins with Kelly telling us that Gavin has improved the ratings, he's become better looking, and he's been named one of the top 15 program directors in the nation. Pugs wonders when their anniversary is and Sybil tells them it's tomorrow. Kelly brings up how Gavin told them that they weren't having a party for their anniversary. Eric tells them that he' celebrated being the board operator for one year, last week... in order to fit in, on Sept. 12 I celebrated being the blogger for half a year..... Pugs thinks they should hang out tomorrow for their anniversary party. Pugs says that three of the guys that were on Last Comic Standing season 2 are in town performing at the Improv. Pugs thinks that these guys were way funnier than the comic that won. He also says that Ralphie May blew Dat Nguyen away. Pugs realizes that he meant Dat Phan and brags that his "lady friend" went to high school with Dat. Pugs is surprised that Dat is as old as his "lady friend" and comments that the Asians age well. He wonders if Asian guys go bald or grey and Eric teaches Pugs that they go grey. Kelly brings up Mr. Miyagi because he was bald and grey. Eric says that Miyagi isn't Asian because he's Taiwanese... yeah.. ok.... Pugs thinks that he's Japanese until Eric remembers that he's from Okinawa. Pugs and Eric plan on celebrating their three year anniversary and Kelly decides that she's going to hang out with Pugs' lady friend instead. Kelly thinks that it's harder to meet guys when she's hanging out with guys. Pugs brings up how when she talks to guys, their group of large men give the evil eyes. Kelly says that she's not going to bring any guy that she's dating around the group for a while. Pugs warns her that he has his eyes on a few people. Pugs wonders if the term "gal pal" is better than "lady friend". His gal pal is going out for a girl's night out and he admits that he wasn't cool with it until he found out Eric's girlfriend was going. Kelly says that she wants to go and Pugs chuckles as he wonders how many times Kelly has to ask before she gets invited. Kelly thinks that the advantage of her going with Pugs' and Eric's gal pals is that she'll narc on them if they mess up. It's time for the Pugs and Kelly institute for Human Growth and Development. Jaime e-mails about his situation. He's been dating a girl and one day she brought out her sister. He's attracted to both of them. He wants to know if he's allowed to pull off the "sister switch". Sybil chimes in and says that she's never dated the same guy as her sister. She also says that it'd be creepy if her sister ever took up one of her guys. Kelly thinks that you have to know if her sister every stolen a boyfriend from her before and Pugs wonders if that happens a lot. Kelly is under the impression that friends steal boyfriends more than sisters. She thinks that the sister that he's trying to get with has to be a drinker because you can't pull this move off with a sober chick. Pugs tells Jaime that it's doable but if you have any class you'd just remove yourself from the situation. Scott calls in and hits on Kelly. He thinks that Jaime will justify his shadey desire by telling himself that the only reason the girl brought her sister around was because she's not interested anymore. Pugs points out that the only entry into the sister that you're into is the sister that you have no interest for. Kelly wonders if Pugs has ever dated anybody, lost interest, and tried to pawn them off on somebody else. Pugs hasn't but he has been introduced to a lot of sisters and friends. Susan calls in and says that she stole her brother's girlfriend in college. Pugs wants to know if she's college lesbian or full metal lesbian. She says that she's full metal. Pugs attempts to walk her through the story. The girls was her roommate before she was dating her brother. She says that there was never a weird sexual vibe between before the act. On the night of the fun time, they were having some cocktails in their room. The brother leaves and the girlfriend made the first move. She was sitting very close to her and she pointed it out. Kelly asks if she said it in a sexy tone or a "hey get away" tone. Susan says that she was very matter of fact and not sexy. Kelly wonders if Susan can make this story any less hot. A girl calls in to say that a guy pulled the sister switch on her. Her sister was closer to her age... and legal. He convinced her to keep him in her life and they're still friends to this day. Eric points out that he not only pulled it off, he made her feel guilty about it. Pugs and Kelly do a little role playing... I love it when they do this!.... It turns into a fight in the trailer when "Marlene" accuses Pugs of wanting to get it on with 'Demeta Joe". "Marlene" also complains because she wanted a new "warshing machine". Dee calls in and claims that he was dating a girl that had an older sister and a mother. Dee started dating the older sister after the younger sister said that they should date other people. He went over to their house and the mother was there alone. She invited him in and banged him. Dee says that some people might call it "abuse" now but when he was 18, he just called it "fun". Ritchie calls in and says that he broke up with a girl when he was 18, after about a year of dating. Her mother confronted him about the break up.... phone breaks up. Tyler calls in and says that his brother started dating his girlfriend behind his back. Pugs thinks that is a major betrayal because it seems that would be a bigger sin amongst brothers over sisters.

*break*

Kelly thanks Tom Chavers, team captain of Nads, for reffing dodgeball for 8 weeks. Pugs thanks "photo" Steve Yurkee for coming out and taking pictures. Kelly informs us that Steve's camera was broken last night and it's going to be a 300-400 dollar repair. Pugs suggests that we start a fund for Steve. Kelly tells us that it's Roy Horn's birthday today and questions the age that's given, 60. Pugs remembers that if it's Roy's birthday then we're coming up on the one year anniversary of Manticore using him as a chew toy. Pugs brings up "Father of the Pride" and thinks that if you like adult cartoon sitcoms then you'll love it. Pugs teaches us that the show was created by Siegfried and Roy and they allow themselves to be portrayed as shallow-bumbling idiots that can't function outside of their Vegas show. Pugs says that Roy is Hitler-esque and almost killed Barbara Streisand's husband for not robot dancing with him. Pugs talks about Lamont and Gary, the recently "out" gay rabbits, again. They're so happy that the world can accept gay rabbits and they're taking a Chinese cooking class together. Roy had to sleep with a grandmother last week because they tore down an Applebee's and replaced it with a Mom and Pop bed and breakfast. Kelly is looking forward to the debates tonight. Pugs brings up that Bush's campaign is afraid that Kerry will break from the format, address Bush directly, and Jim Lehr will have to tell John Kerry to stick to the rules. That will make it seem like Jim Lehr had to come to President Bush's rescue. Pugs and Kelly think these rules suck but agree that "no graphs" is good.

I don't know why but I didn't get this whole segment recorded ( I record the show on sound forge now and go back to write the blog later on account of me doing other sexier things during the show. I'm probably going to start writing out everything by hand again since this method is becoming whoosy doosy.) but it was Sybilization. I remember that Sybil did a story on Paris Hilton calling two black guys the "n-word" on tape. What an ignorant bitch.

*break*

Pugs brags that his hooter's shirt shows off his breast.

Sybilization as we know it continues...

1. The creator of Law and Order gave his wife divorce papers on her birthday. She said that she's surprised that she gave him anything because he normally forgets her birthday.
Kelly thinks that's a dick move and Sybil said that she wrote that down. Kelly then laughs because his name is Dick Wolf. Pugs thinks that's a good move because we don't know what she did to him.

2. One of the chicks that sang "It's Raining Men" has died.
Sybil sings along to it. Pugs remembers that they were big fat women and Kelly thinks they sounded like it.

3. Kyle Denney, a pitcher for the Cleveland Indians, was shot while riding the team bus in Kansas City. He wasn't seriously injured.

4. MGM delayed the next Bond film, Bond 21, because they're looking for a new director.
Pugs wonders who the new Bond is going to be and they drop a lot of names.

5. That first stupid hot chick from the View, Debbie Matnopolis (sp?... wait, I don't give two craps)...
Pugs brings up how he watched the View and the bitter old hags were.. bitter... and old to her. Kelly calls BS on Pugs because she remembered her being a complete idiot and as proof...
Debbie is now a co-host of Good Day Live. She was injured yesterday at a firehouse while filming for the show. She was hospitalized for a concussion after she took a practice fall.
Kelly thinks that it's good that she can't possibly have the sense knocked out of her. A guy calls in and says that Sybil did a story about Eric Bana being the new Bond. Pugs says that he's never been into Bond or the three stooges. Kelly tells him that he should try being married to one. She says that she's kidding. Apparently, Shemp walks by and she back pedals more.

6. The Farely Brothers are making a movie with Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore about a guy that is turn between his love for the Boston Redsox and the woman he loves.

*break*

Brad Sham joins the show for some pratical picks.

you can check out this week's picks and the archived picks/results here

*break*

Greenday is preaching about the evils of George W. Bush in their new album. Pugs wishes that stars would just shut up when it comes to politics. Kelly refuses to take advice from a person named Trey Cool. Pugs reads the write-up on their new album and everyone chuckles at the mention of the main character for their "punk rock opera", Jesus of suburbia. They also have a good laugh when Green Day calls themselves the best Green Day-like band. Everyone likes Greenday and Kelly and Eric are enjoying their new album too.

Fin

Hey, it's Paco, filling in for Will the Blogger. He had to go get tested at the clinic, so wish him good luck, he studied real hard this time.

Segment 1 (11:15-11:39):
Pugs and Kelly are broadcasting live from Duke's Original Roadhouse, in preparation for their final night of Dodgeball. Kelly has a gripe about men after going out to a bar the night before. Pugs says that's a total single move, going out on a Tuesday night. She was out with her new friend Sherri, who Pugs says Kelly will drop like a hot potato once she gets a boyfriend. A guy offered to buy Kelly a drink, but she had to be difficult, and almost caused an altercation. Kelly wonders if you need to stand next to the guy while you drink the drink he bought you. Charlie calls in and asks "If your girlfriend goes out to a bar by herself, should she decline drinks from guys?" Pugs thinks so. Kelly thinks it's different in her case, because alot of listeners want to buy her drinks. Pugs and Kelly never realized there were so many rules to buying drinks. Eric screws something up, and Pugs has to tell him not to screw stuff up. Candice calls in, and says her boyfriend likes it when guy's buy her drinks, because he's a Jew and it saves him money. Way to not contribute to stereotypes, jerkass. Joe calls in, and says he uses his wife to get guys to buy HIM drinks. Pugs thinks he's using his wife as a piece of bait. Joe doesn't seem to care. Kelly thinks he's using the other guys. If Pugs' girlfriend made a guy by them drinks, he'd go take the drinks back to the guy. Joe thinks any guy who buys a girl a drink is a loser anyways. Pugs says Sybil is OK with sleazy guys buying her drinks, but she just thinks if a guy buys you a drink, you should at least talk to him until you finish the drink. One of the guys at the bar last night offered to give Kelly "the hook up" at the Capital Grill. Chris calls in and says that if a girl lets a guy buy him a drink, she needs to understand that nothing in life is free.

Segment 2 (11:53-12:00):
Pugs and Kelly are about to buy a lunch. Sybil thinks they're in bizarro world - Kelly's out at a bar on a Tuesday night, while Pugs is at home helping kids with homework. Pugs and Kelly talk to Mark, who works at Duke's. I'd assume he's someone important, and not a busboy, since Pugs and Kelly don't talk to busboys on their show unless they were on a reality show. Mark tells us about the state championship dodgeball tournament they're having on Saturday. Teams from San Antonio and Houston are coming up for it. The tournament is open to anybody, registration begins at 6. Pugs thinks the people who play at Duke's every week should form an All-Star team. Mark thinks Live 105.3 should put together an All-Star team, but before he can finish, Pugs and Kelly are allready giving excuses of why they can't play. Kelly asks how the vegetables are today, and Mark confirms that they are in fact "wonderful".

Segment 3 (12:08-12:40):
Pugs is feeling a little under the weather. He thinks it might be the change in the weather, but it hasn't changed, so that's not. Kelly thinks Pugs got "the sick" from Will. Pugs wasn't able to perform well while sick. Kelly thinks bad sex is better then no sex right now. Pugs and Kelly go into "The Institute for Human Growth and Development". Incognito Girl writes that she's been dating her boyfriend for 3 years, but he still wears his old wedding ring, even though he's been divorced for 5 years. He says he wears it because it's his ring, and he paid for it, so he's going to wear it. She wants them to dicuss this on Monday, Thursday, or Friday... but oh well, tough. Pugs keeps his old wedding ring to remind him not to take relationships for granted. Kelly would want the guy to take his ring off. Pugs wonders if whether or not he was supposed to buy his ring or not. Kelly thinks that wrong. Pugs didn't "buy" it... he just gave his wife the credit card to go buy it with, because he could care less. Kelly the caller tells them to give the guy a break, because she's been wearing her ring for 8 years after she was divorced, because it was a nice ring. Tom calls in, and says when he got divorced, he pawned his ring and bought CDs with the money. Pugs keeps his ring because it was a big part of his life. Pugs realizes he's been divorced longer then he was married. Pugs thinks he'll be a great husband next time. Kelly keeps hers so she can give it to her daughter. Pugs asks Sybil if she'd care if her boyfriend got her a used ring. Sybil says it's OK, as long as the used ring is bigger then the new ring. Pugs thinks the price of rings is ridicolous, and if the marriage doesn't work, he wants the ring back. Pugs spent $5000 on his wife's ring, and he's still paying off the credit cards today. Pugs thinks whoever started the tradition of the expensive engagement ring needs to be shot. Coop calls in and says he quit wearing the ring after the divorce. Tony calls in and says he doesn't understand why people hang on to their ring, and used his ring as bait on a fishing trip. Kelly sums it up by saying guys wear rings for the sentimental attachment, because only 5% of guys would want to wear a ring. Pugs thinks maybe he likes the "bling bling". As usual, Pugs' advice is "What am I supposed to tell you? What're we, radio therapists, or something?" Gavin (not the program director) calls in and asks when did the price of the ring become important when it's the commitment that's supposed to matter. Pugs agrees, and says there needs to be laws enacted to counteract this. Then Pugs accidently calls him a girl. Ash calls in and wonders when women are going to buy men big diamond rings. Pugs wonders when they're going to start buying anything. Kelly asks him if he really wants a diamond ring? Pugs wants Mavericks season tickets. Then he says he wants a Corvette. Kelly says that's too expensive, so he downgrades to Cowboys season tickets. Ash says this is the year 2000, and women want to work like men, so they need to start acting like them. Patrick calls in to say you can buy a ring from a pawnshop and a woman will never know. Pugs thinks that's deceptive.

Segment 4 (12:52-1:18):
Pugs and Kelly begin my least favorite segment of the show - the Nip/Tuck recap. I hate Nip/Tuck, and it's pointless for me to do a recap of a show doing a recap of show - either you watched it or didn't, and if you didn't, you don't want to get 3rd hand information from a guy who could care less what happened to Dr. Tony McDonald or whatever the hell his name is. However, I must give Dr. Schwartz (of www.rsplastic.com fame) his due. I'm not a big fan of plastic surgery, I think it's just a cheap substitute for cybernetics. When Dr. Schwartz can give me a robot hand to replace the hand I lost in a lightsaber duel with Darth Vader, then I'll give him a call at 972-498-4385. However, if you're ugly, then you should probably give him a call, he can help you with that. Now, while Pugs, Kelly and Schwartz oppine about Nip/Tuck, I'm going to play some online poker and recap it for you.

I bought in for $2 at a pot limit 6-man Texas Hold 'Em table. 3 of the guys were from Sweden, which always concerns me, because the Swedes are a cold, emotionless people - which make them excellent poker players and terrible lovers. I posted the 10 cent blind and was dealt J7 offsuit. One of those cold-hearted Swedes raised, forcing me to throw away the garbage hand. My second hand was 2T offsuit, which again, was garbage. The big blind came to me, and I was dealt 87 suited. The flop came up QT7, and I folded the low pair. I posted the small blind, then called the other 5 cents with 97 suited. The flop was no good, so I folded again. Next hand, 53 offsuit, more garbage. Next hand, T6 offsuit, more garbage. I'm now at $1.70 of my original $2, and starting to get bored. I post the big blind again, and check with Q6 offsuit. The flop is KJQ, and I check. Everyone else checks. The turn is Q, so I bet $.30. No one calls, so I win $.60 and am back at $1.90. On the small blind I'm dealt 34 suited. The flop comes up 732, and I call $.10. The turn is 4, and I call $.20. The river is an A, giving me a straight, so I bet a dollar, and everyone folds. I'm now at $2.45. The next hand is 3T suited, which I throw away. Next hand I'm dealt pocket 6s, which I raise with. 3 people call. The flop is no good T74. One of those bastard Swedes raises $.60, and I toss my 6s. Everyone else folds. Next hand, 56 offsuit, more garbage. I post the big blind, and check with 79 suited. The flop is 6TQ giving me a straight draw. The turn is 7, giving me low pair. The river is 2, and I've got a pair of 7s. Everyone checks, and I win $.40, putting me at $2.55. I post the small blind, and am dealt J6 offsuit. I go ahead and call the other $.05. The flop is 533, which I check. Someone bets $.10, and I fold. Next hand is pocket 7s. The guy before me raises, and I raise $0.77 (for the pair of 7s). And he raises me, so I raise back, until we're all in. Well, the flop comes up K55, then the turn is 6, then the river is 8... and the other guy had two kings. Now I'm at $0. I leave the table, cursing the entire country of Sweden.

I turn my attention back to Pugs and Kelly, who are talking to people on the phone about how much they like Nip/Tuck, and who they think "The Carver" is, whatever the hell that means. Just as soon as I think they're going to a break, and Kelly asks Schwartz a question about AIDs.

Segment 5 (1:28-1:46) :
And, it's time for Sybil's news. The newspaper and mayor in Crawford, Texas, home of the George "Dubya" Bush fantasy fun ranch, supports John Kerry. Pugs thinks the mayor of Crawford should just shut up, because it'll cause problems for him. Pugs says if he was the President, he'd hang out in chatrooms and screw with people. Pugs imagines me getting into a debate with the president in the Pugs and Kelly chatroom. I think I'd win, I type 60 words per minute and I don't imagine Dubya having more then 20wpm. I imagine lots of typos, too, I mean, christ, the guy can barely talk. I'd so totally win that faceoff. Pugs wonders if the president smokes. He figures one of the presidents had to smoke, but can't think of any. Eric chimes in with Truman. Pugs calls him a "fountain of misinformation" and tells him he's thinking of Roosevelt. A poll was conducted by Sears and Structure stores about how much time it takes men to pick out their clothes, a groundbreaking poll if there ever was one. Pugs asks Kelly if she ever had a pair of parachute pants. They both did. Pugs says you can go buy name brand tags at flea markets. Kelly asks when he was ever at a flea market. Pugs says his buddy Tim used to go there to buy swords, because he fancies himself a samurai. Jamie Foxx had water damage in his house, and then some construction worker found pictures of him having sex. Jamie Foxx sent guys to go rough him up to get the pictures back, and now this guy is trying to sell them to a tabloid. Pugs thinks he should of gotten his ass kicked. Pugs thinks they should go look through Mark Cuban and Vinnie Testaverde's garbage as an on air bit, "Celebrity Garbage". Kelly thinks Russ has allready done it, and Pugs says all the good ideas are taken, and that they're not stealing from Russ, they're stealing from some show in Chicago that did it to Oprah and Roger Ebert. Jane Carter, mother of Nick and Aaron Carter did an interview, and said she didn't think Nick Carter beat up Paris Hilton. Pugs says Nick Carter is a pretty boy fag. His mom says Nick cried for days after the accusations he beat up Paris Hilton came out, and that she thinks Paris Hilton faked the bruises. Pugs thinks that's right up Paris Hilton's alley. Aaron Carter had a sleepover at Michael Jackson's ranch, and was given a Bentley, and his mom didn't think anything happened, but Pugs isn't buying that.

Segment 6 (2:01-2:23):
Eric can't say "prestige". He says "pres-teez", according to Pugs. Kelly thinks he says "pres-teeg". Pugs say it's suppose to be "pres-teejsch". Michael Jackson has a secret son that's 17 years old who's staying at Neverland Ranch, but no one will comment on it. His mother was a Norwegian fan who was a one night stand. Pugs doesn't understand how any found him sexy. Kelly didn't, even during Thriller. Pugs said back in the day, either you were a Michael Jackson guy or a Prince guy. He was a Prince guy. Kelly thought Prince was gay. Pugs says Prince is so not gay, that people think he's gay, and he's all about the chicks, since he was always surrounded with them. Michael Jackson said he didn't reveal he had this son for his son's security and privacy. Pugs says it's good for him now, because it makes it look like Michael Jackson actually had sex with a woman once. Kobe Bryant says Shaq pays off women he has affairs with, and that he treats women better then Shaq. Pugs doesn't buy that part. Shaq's agent said these allegations were false. Pugs talks about Shaq's new rap album where he disses Kobe. Pugs doesn't like hip-hop, let alone bad hip-hop from Shaq. But he does love the Bare Naked Ladies. Bowling for Soup reminds him of Bare Naked Ladies. They're going to do their own variety show where they do songs and sketches. Pugs says that's got bad Canadian variety show all over, and isn't sure if he likes it. Sybil doesn't get what's so great about their live show. Pugs says they're funny, and their fans bring props to the show to interact with them, like macoroni and cheese. Very Rocky Horror Picture Show-esque. Yesterday, on the View, the topic of what you want to be doing in 5 years. Pugs doesn't know what he wants to do. Kelly wants to do the same thing, except with a better personal life. Sybil says the same. Pugs once set a 5 year goal for himself and he reached it, so he doesn't want to tempt fate. Sybil wants to be married in 5 years. Star Jones wants to be in Dallas as the evening anchor on ABC. Pugs thinks she looks like half the people who work in the toll booths. Pugs asks why Dallas should have to deal with Star Jones and wants to know why she wants to be here. Brittney Spears wants everyone to know her dirtbag husband paid for the ring... by taking out a loan. She says it's hurtful the things the media says about him. Pugs doesn't think the guy's a complete failure... he's a dance club guy, and for a dance club guy, he's made it. Kelly doesn't get Pugs facisnation with male dancers today. Pugs wonders how much he really makes. Kelly thinks he makes $50 grand, tops, especially now that Brittney hasn't gone on tour in a while. Sybil reads a quote from Marilyn Manson about straws. Pugs doesn't get it. Sybil says he uses the straws for drugs. Pugs thinks maybe it's for spitballs. Sybil says it was in response to a question about drugs. Pugs doesn't think Manson does coke, he's just trying to be controversial. Pugs says he's never had any hits, he's just got songs we've heard of. Rosie O'Donnell's brother is gay, too. Melissa Ethridge is making a sitcom. And the Expos are moving to Washington D.C.

Segment 7 (2:44-2:54):
Pugs and Kelly talk to Kara from Stuff magazine to talk about the new fall season of television. Kara says there's really good scripted shows coming out, like "Lost". Pugs liked the airplane crash scene, because it was like "Alive". Kara says "American Dad", from the creators of "Family Guy" looks good. Pugs agrees. Pugs thinks the best new show is "Father of the Pride". He says it's hysterical. Kelly asks about "Desperate Housewives", which Kara says is awesome. Kelly asks about "Dr. Vegas" and "Boston Legal", and Kara thinks they'll be allright. She says to avoid "Commando Nanny", starring the guy from "Major Dad". And that's it. Go to the last night of dodgeball tonight.

Send hate mail and death threats to: paco@apacolypseproductions.com

Pugs announces that if he were to be a movie star, he would be Grace Kelly or Caesar Romero. Pugs remembers Caesar Romero as Joker on the original Batman TV series. Pugs' "lady friend"... Kelly hates it when Pugs refers to her like that... sent him an online quiz that determines what Hollywood movie star you're like. Kelly is going to take the test. She reveals that she has a hard time revealing what she's into. Kelly received an E-mail from her friend Sherry. Sherry didn't know that Kelly was going after the possible terrorist guy. She thought that Kelly was into the Ken doll. Sherry "threw herself on grenade"... that means talking to another person so that your partner can talk with somebody they're interested in.... so that Kelly could talk to the Ken doll. Kelly found that odd because Sherry's grenade was somebody that wasn't a part of Ken's group. Pugs points out that girls don't know how to jump on a grenade.... After we all get drafted, Sherry isn't allowed to be in my platoon..... Kelly wants to take the movie star test.

1. Which best describes your perfect date?
A. a candlelight dinner for two
B. Amusement park
C. Rollerblading in the park
D. Rock concert
E. Dinner and a movie
F. Dinner at home with a loved one

Kelly wonders about the "going out to a bar and then coming home" selection because it's absent. Pugs says that's not an option and Kelly demands to know where the alcohol is in this scenario. Kelly finally picks dinner and a movie but only if they serve wine with the meal. E

2. What is your favorite type of music?
A. Rock and Roll
B. Alternative
C. Soft Rock
D. Classical
E. Christian
F. Jazz

Kelly says Christian and laughs. She chooses alternative. B

What is your favorite type of movie?
A. Comedy
B. Horror
C. Muscial
D. Romance
E. Documentary
F. Mystery

Kelly says romance but wonders if it's the "English Patient" romance or the "Meg Ryan" romance. Pugs thinks that both of them follow under the "romance" moniker. Kelly doesn't want to sit through the "English Patient". Pugs thinks that she should take comedy and Kelly agrees. A

4. Which of the following jobs would you choose if you were given only these choices?
A. Waiter/waitress
B. Sports Player
C. Teacher
D. Policeman
E. Bartender
F. Business Person

Pugs wonders who would pick waiter over a professional athlete. Kelly says she would be a business person and Pugs calls BS on her. Kelly brings up her Ann Taylor dream where she dresses up in high power suits. She gets a long stick, stands in front of a board, points at stuff, and inform people that they need to go to Tokyo. Pugs brings up how Kelly walks around the halls and harasses people about expense reports despite the fact that she doesn't know what they are. Kelly warns that they better get that proposal in by 4 PM because she has to present it to the CEO. F

5. Which would you rather do if you had an hour to waste?
A. work out
B. make out
C. watch TV
D. listen to the radio
E. Sleep
F. Read

Pugs thinks that she would just work out but Kelly shocks him by saying that she would easily choose making out over working out. B

6. Of the following colors, which do you like the best?
A. Yellow
B. White
C. Sky Blue
D. Teal
E. Gold
F. Red

Kelly wants red and Pugs proclaims that Kelly wants F! F

Which of the following would you like to eat right now?
A. Ice Cream
B. Pizza
C. Sushi
D. Pasta
E. Salad
F. Lobster Tail

Kelly wants lobster tail. F

Which is your favorite holiday?
A. Halloween...

Kelly blurts out CHRISTMAS! Sybil, Eric, and Kelly have been talking about Christmas for months. Pugs went with thanksgiving because he has a love of Christmas but at the end of Christmas you feel really down. When thanksgiving ends you have hope for the future. B

9. If you could go to any of the following places, which would it be?

A. Reno
B. Spain
C. Las Vegas
D. Hawaii
E. Hollywood
F. British Columbia

Kelly wonders why they have Reno and Vegas on there and Pugs thinks that going to Reno is like visiting Des Moines with gambling. Kelly wants to go to Hawaii. D

10. Of the following, who would you rather spend time with?
A. someone who is smart
B. someone who looks good
C. someone who is a party animal
D. someone who has fun all the time
E. someone who is emotional
F. someone who is fun to be with.

Kelly thinks it's fun if there is a possibility that they could break into tears at any moment because she can console them. Pugs and Kelly don't know who would be with that person. Kelly chooses F.

*break*

Kelly received an E-mail from a woman. She says that she's been listening for year and Kelly has her hooked on the killers. She's also an aerospace engineer so, there are rocket scientist that listen to the show. Pugs' brings up how his "lady friend" sent him the movie start online quiz. Pugs' results aren't accurate because he didn't add the last point. He now knows that he's a Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy type. Kelly thinks that is a lot more accurate and reminds u that Spencer Tracy drank himself to death. Kelly got 41 points and that makes her a Grace Kelly/Caesar Romero type. Kelly wonders how Princess Grace and the joker from Batman go together. Chelsea calls in to say that Caesar Romero was also known as the Latin lover. He was Spanish leading man comparable to a Latin Carey Grant. Pugs and Kelly were at Nick's Sports Bar last night for a football watching party. Kelly was asked to play pool with these guys last night and she said no. She explains that she loses interest in shooting pool because she's not very good at it. They got really upset and Kelly doesn't think that their reaction was necessary. Pugs says that he can't play bar games because it gets in the way of his drinking. Pugs and his group were focused more on the ranger game than the cowboy game. Pugs likes how the rangers are keeping the season exciting. They play James' ranger fight song... download it from the audio archive of the website... It's time for the Pugs and Kelly Institute for Human Growth and Develop. A 21 year old guy has E-mailed the show. He gives a special hello to Kelly and says that he can show her how a person should be treated. Kelly tells him to check back in 20 years. Pugs brings up sloppy 21 year old sex and Kelly simply says "no way". He needs advice. He's been dating a girl that isn't all that hot (for his standards). She's a highland park girl and has money. they've been dating for almost 2 years. He's never cheated on her but he'll flirt and talk with other girls. His problem is that she is very jealous and goes through his phone log. She also gets his passwords to his e-mail account, his instant messenger, and his buddy list. It's getting to the point to where she will go sit outside of a place to see if he's messing around with other chicks. However, he gets clothes, shoes, food, a X-box, and anything he wants. Kelly says that she doesn't have any positive feelings for this guy. She points out that guys are the first to call stalker if a girl calls you twice a day and Pugs claims that guys only like to say that in front of their friends to make them jealous. Pugs doesn't think he should be dating her if he's not attracted to her. He thinks he's a jerk for staying with her. Kelly and Eric don't check their significant other's phones. Eric admits that he does wonder though. Sybil explains that if she gets a call, she'll take it and explain who it was on the other line. Pugs thinks that's perfect and Kelly thinks that you owe the person that. Eric's ex-girlfriend kept checking his phone so he's still in the habit of erasing his phone log and his text messaging. Kelly considered doing that one time but she thought that he would just wonder why she erased. In the end, her decision was to just let it bother her. Pugs thinks that the E-mailer thinks pretty high of themselves and he loves these 21 year old punks that think they know the world. Pugs wonders if it's ever all right to follow somebody. He thinks that she might be justified because she's dropping a lot of cash on him. and he's a jerk. Kelly thinks that if you assume every guy that you go out with is cheating on you then you might be a little nuts however, if you consider yourself a reasonable human being and you have friends that wouldn't blame you for your stalker behavior.... then it's understandable. Pugs says that he's always prepared to find out that somebody betrayed him. He doesn't check phone records or anything but he feels that people are only as loyal as their options. Kelly agrees. Nicole says that you should never follow anybody. he followed her boyfriend when they were on a break and they called the cops on him. Pugs wonders if this guy really cares about anybody and Kelly says no because he's 21. Pugs thinks he should just ride this out because 21 year olds don't have any money. Kelly says that I'm 21 and I have no money... man... man.... A guy calls in to say that roles are reversed but if he's going to accept all these gifts then he has to let her do this. Pugs wants to give the guy kudos despite the fact that he's a reprehensible human being. A man calls in and says that he was dating a girl and her parents bought him a truck. He found out that she was cheating on him so he broke up with her. Her parents took the truck away and threw him out on the street. Pugs thinks that sucks.

*break*

Pugs wonders if anybody watched the benefactor. Kelly liked it, Eric didn't, Sybil fell asleep because she's sick, and Pugs liked it. Pugs thinks that Mark Cuban is a genius because he knows that everyone despises Dominic. Kelly doesn't think he's good looking and Pugs and Kelly agree that he's goofy looking. Pugs compares himself to the male version of half the strippers you see. When the lights are off they seem hot but when the lights turn on, he's not nearly as attractive as he should be. Kelly thinks that maybe he looks better on stage. Pugs brings up how he fancies himself a rock star despite the fact that he doesn't play an instrument or sing. Pugs explains that Mark Cuban gave everybody a grand and told them to go be a star. One chick made a website for her mom, some other chick went skydiving, the racially androgynous guy did a Dallas Stars workout session. Dominic, the tool, decided that he wanted to be a rock star... Pugs mocks the way he talks "dude, seriously... dude seriously.. its' cool dude if you don't want to talk dude..."... Pugs hates people that talk like that because they're morons. Kelly imagines that he might be one of these people that spell it "dood". Dominic went to go buy a guitar from Guitar Center. He looks like a guy in a band but he's a total poser. Pugs describes him as Johnny Bravo.. Brady Bunch reference.... Jeff calls in to say that he wanted to choke Dominic after he broke the $1000 guitar on patio. Pugs didn't see that and Eric tells him that after he broke the guitar, he jumped into Cuban's pool. Eric brings up how the patio he broke the guitar on was $500 dollar per tile. Pugs hates this guy and Kelly can't figure out how he made it that far. Pugs reminds us that Cuban isn't stupid and is keeping him on because he knows that he irritates America. Kelly thinks he should be in a cover band but he can't do anything. Pugs is outraged that he actually said "I didn't think it would be that difficult to learn the guitar in one day". Dominic got some local band to play with him and he didn't even sing. Pugs wants to talk to Cuban just to ask him what he sees in this guy. Kelly brags that she almost ran into him last week. Kelly wonder if they kicked off her favorite, the gay black guy that always asks "what would Oprah do". Pugs says he can't stand him and he remembers that he recorded a god awful song he wrote last night. Kelly wonders what she would do to be a star. Kelly thinks that she would rip Pugs off because all she can think about is giving Cody and me, Will, 500 bucks a piece to build that website that Pugs has been working on in his head for five years. Pugs says that he found out the hard way that it would take more than that. Pugs would throw a party for himself and make himself the center of attention.

*break*

We interrupt the news with news. An earthquake shakes central California with a Richter scale reading of a 5.9. Pugs and Kelly are unsure of the magnitude. Eric thinks that the one that hit during the world series was a 6.7. The quake delayed the murder trial after Scott Peterson after a juror reported feeling shaken. Pugs laughs at that. Kelly reports that I researched and the earthquake of that size is definitely felt but rarely causes damage. They turn up the news and they pretty much say the same thing I said only with bigger scientific words. Pugs wonders what the hell is going on because Florida is having the worse hurricane season ever, MT. St. Helens is getting ready to erupt again, and California is getting hit by big earthquakes. Pugs does his MT. St. Helen's impersonation... "cough cough... BOOM!".... Kelly talks about the tornado drills... bent down with your head between your knees and your hands covering your head... that sounds so hot.... she still believes that she's suppose to pull her mattress on top of her and lay in her bathtub. Kelly wonders if you're OK if you're in a plane during an earth quake and Pugs informs her that she should be fine. Kelly wonders if Pugs can tune out the tornado siren and he informs her that he has one in his back alley so it's really hard to ignore it. Pugs thinks the most dangerous thing in Texas are drunk rednecks in pick up trucks. He claims that he'd rather face tornados than those people. Pugs shakes himself to see what it's like to be in an earthquake. Kelly offers to throw bricks at him to make it seem more real.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT.

1. People who suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, post traumatic stress syndrome, and terminal cancer may be able to receive medical magic mushrooms and ecstasy.
Pugs suggest giving shrooms to people that suffer from being color blind. Kelly wonders if post traumatic stress is a fancy way of saying "this is just taking me a long time to get over". Pugs wonders what happened to just walking it off.... guys, don't ruin this for me, I want my friggin' shrooms and ecstasy.... Pugs doesn't want to go back to that time frame because he likes his medication.

2. A few tips for online daters. Pictures can ruin a personal ad. Black and white pictures make the pictures look dated...
Sybil thinks that they just make everyone look better because you don't see the pot marks. Kelly thinks that's just a sign that they're trying to hide something. Pugs reminds us of the age old saying "beware of glamour shots and black and white pictures". Sybil continues...
Don't post pictures of yourself and pets because they steal the focus away from yourself.
Kelly thinks that putting your kids out there is a bad idea because you can attract pedophile. Sybil continues...
No pictures of yourself in a bedroom even if you're fully clothed. It gives off too high of a sexual vibe.
Sybil brings up the guys that have their shirts off and are laying down in bed. Kelly wonders if it's OK to be laying on a fur carpet with a glass of red wine. Sybil continues...
No pictures of yourself in any type of costume.
Kelly wonders who does that. She thinks that if you think that's a good idea than please do it because it's a screening process for the rest of us. Pugs says that's why he hates Halloween because you can't tell who you're talking to.

3. Paris has more sex tapes out there. One of her with Jason Shaw, a Tommy Hilfiger model. There is also one out of her with Nick Carter, formerly of the backstreet boys.

*break*

Pugs received in an E-mail. A guy says that he's been diagnosed as being bi-polar type 2. This means that he hears voices and sees horrible visions. He feels that even he's being a pussy by taking medication and wants to just walk it off. Pugs suggest that maybe he should stay on the drugs. The guy says that he loves the pills and he's not a threat to himself or others... which is a plus. Pugs says that he has voices too but they normally say something like "get the pop tarts out of the vending machine". Kelly's voices are trying to decide what bar to go to tonight. Eric and Sybil are quiet and Kelly wonders why. Sybil says that we all don't have voices but we all have thoughts. Kelly admits that she sometimes has voices that tell her to pull into oncoming traffic. Pugs thinks it would suck if the voice spoke a foreign language. Kelly wants the "you got mail" guy in her head. Pugs brings up Michael McDonald being in your head and sings.. " I think that Pugs should have a burritoooo". Pugs says that the voice in his head is Kelly but that's because he's wearing headphones.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT... continues...

4. Kobe Bryant's wife has left him and taken their daughter. It's just been revealed that Kobe had a 2 year long affair with a Latin girl named Michelle.
Pugs says that we saw this coming. She was going to stay with him through out the trial to make him look good and then leave.

5. Johnny Cochran was hospitalized for a neurological condition.

6. Usher...
Pugs yells that he can't find the "U".
Usher has been seen around town with Noami Campbell. He also asked her to perform at the VMAs.
Pugs wonder what the hell Naomi Campbell would do. Sybil thinks that maybe she'd dance while he sang. Pugs suggests that she should beat band mates with her cellphone. Kelly is guessing that she's really good in bed because she's crazy. Pugs thinks that she just lays there because she thinks so hot and doesn't have to do anything.

7. Chaka Khan...
The name instantly makes the show start singing. Pugs even sings the instrumentals. They play the actually song too.
Chaka Khan's son has been arrested for "investigation of murder". He was fighting with an 18 year old for control of a gun. hte gun went off and it killed the 18 year old.
Pugs thinks it would be cool if the son was named "Chucky Khan" and starts to sing again. Sybil admits that she only did that story because that would get them to sing.

*break*

Last night, Pugs was doing an appearance at a sport bar for the big game on Monday. Kelly brings up how she's happy the cowboys won because it made her record slightly better. She explains that she "Greg Hilled" this week.... her record was 7-7 and Brad Sham was at 11-3.... Pugs' friends accused him of violating the "guy code". Metro Aaron joins the show. Pugs explains that they were all having guy's time, watching football and baseball. Pugs says that they claim that he violated the rule "hold the guy's night out holy". Kelly wonders how much Aaron thinks that Pugs violates the guy code and Aaron says daily. He explains that he enjoys Pugs' "lady friend" however, Pugs didn't want to go out on Saturday night because his lady friend wouldn't meet him. Pugs tells him that he was just tired from the night before and that he stayed home to watch the Pete Rose movie on ESPN. Pugs wonders what Aaron did on Saturday night that was so important and Aaron tells him that they went to the Down Under Pub and Grub and hung out with some Frisco divorcees. Aaron says that last night, Pugs didn't pay attention to anything that was being said amongst the guys because he was too busy texting with his "lady friend". Pugs defends himself. He says that he didn't text her all night and Kelly use to text more than him. Kelly brings up how Pugs complains that she's constantly on the phone and texting but he's the one that is always doing both. Pugs says that he has the record of the text. His first text he received was at 8:05 and the last one was at 8:52. Then at 9:24, she text to say goodnight. Wayne, from the down under pub and grub, joins the show and he says that there is nothing wrong with texting. Wayne admits that he's a big texter and teases Aaron because he has nobody to text. Pugs confesses that he's been irritated by Wayne's texting. Pugs thinks that texting with a girl during guy's night out is a violation of the code. Wayne disagrees. Aaron joins the show and it sounds like he got into a car wreck. He assures us that was just the sound of his garage closing. They send it over to an instant poll...

Texting on a Monday Night...
Did Pugs violate the guy code for texting with his "lady friend" during guy's football night out?

Results: 6-2

Winner: Pugs was totally guilty of a guy code violation

remember... you can check out all the instant poll results by going to the instant poll section I set up on the website.

*break*

Pugs thinks that they should do a Pugs and Kelly kareoke because they sign at it and suck. Pugs thinks he'll be old when he'll have teenagers and brings up City Confidential. Pugs explains that it's series on A&E that covers a town where some kind of awful crime occured. Pugs explains that hey did one on Hopesville, Pennsylvania. There was a girl that was the class president, a straight A student, and was going to be going off to college soon. She also the prom queen and voted "most prettiest". Kelly can already tell that this isn't going to go well. Pugs continues, she starts dating this dirtbag on the side. Two weeks before she is suppose to go off to college they get into a car accident. They guy was completely wasted and doing 120 mph. Kelly brings up how she was probably fully prepared and packed for college. He was driving on this small country road and wanted to pass a slowre car infront of him. They ended up in a head on collision and everybody in the car survived but her. Kelly wonders why they took after school specials off the air because they cold have prevented this. Pugs says that he's happy he doesn't have kids and warns Kelly that her son is going to be doing this sort of thing in 5 or six years. Pugs brings up how 16 year old kids want to drive fast but have no experience on how to control a car. Pugs felt horrible because he rememberd all the things that he did as a teenager that should have killed him. He is mad at his mom for letting him out of the house. Kelly brings up how there have been a lot of stories lately about kids doing the 'car surfing" thing again. Pugs use to jump from a third story balcony to other balconies and Kelly says that they use to jump off of roofs for fun.

Dumb dead kids!!! Have a wonderful day... goodbye!

FIN

Again, if you want to help out with the blog... you can E-mail me at Will@pugsandkellylive.com . No, you won't get paid so don't even ask. On today's show, Pugs said that I'm insecure and afraid that somebody will do it better than me. I assure you people, that is not the case. I'm confidant about what I can bring to the table and if you were a better writer than me,it would only motivate me to work with you. I'm constantly looking for new people to collaborate with. For example, Paco is a great writer and I look forward to working with him. Surrounding myself with good writers will only make me better. But again, there is no pay, there is no bashing the show, there is no cursing (only words that can be on air can be on the website), and a sense of humor is a must.

STARTING SHOW...

Kelly wants all the bad pictures on the website removed. Pugs says that there are 500 galleries up and thinks that there should only be about 20. Kelly hopes that I blog the show today and Pugs thinks that I'm probably one of these guys that's too insecure to farm it out to other people because, they might do it better. Kelly reveals that Paco and I are going to be alternating and she's worried about that because one of them is unreliable. Pugs wonders which one, the one that hasn't blogged in three weeks or the one that they fired for not showing up. Kelly says that they're busy. She reminds us that Will was appointed by the international committee of blogging and won first place in radio show division. She thinks that they're lucky to have me. Pugs doesn't think it would be that big of a deal to get 5 skilled young writers, assign them each a day, and have them blog one show each week. Pugs says that he hears it from his mom and Kelly's brother. Pugs will blow anything off until his mother gets involved. Eric and Gavin went tot he ranger game on Saturday. Pugs likes these day games. Kelly hates the day games because Pugs turns it on in the studio. Pugs assures her that it's only going to last a couple more days. Pugs went to go see the Carlos Mencia late show and it shot his entire weekend. Kelly says that happened to her too. She left at 1:50 am from the 10:30 show. Pugs thinks that Carlos is too big to play the improv now because the 10:30 show he attended didn't start until 11:30 because they couldn't get everybody from the previous show out soon enough. Pugs left Carlos' show at 2:30 and was exhausted. Pugs laid in bed the next day and watched the Pete Rose movie. Kelly thinks that is a sign that Pugs has a girlfriend. Pugs thinks she's right because the only reason he goes out to bars is to hit on girls. Kelly went on a bar tour on Saturday with the girls. She went out with Sherry and Krysta, who's always a party. Kelly played a game called "Kelly F*s with people". She explains that when you really don't care what people think about you, you can say anything that comes to mind. She was at a bar and an olive skinned person walks up and orders a beer. Pugs wonders if he was a mud person. Kelly asked him what he ordered because she needs to know these things. The guy asked why and Kelly explained that it's because he's darker than the other people in here and he might be on a terrorist watch list. The guy laughed and wondered if she knew his nationality. Kelly told him that she couldn't tell if he was suppose to be on our side and reminded him that President Bush told her that she needed to be aware of what those people are doing. The guy told her that he's part Lebanese and Kelly wondered if that was one of our allies. She admitted that she often gets that confused with Libya. The guy told her, "no" and Pugs remembers that Lebanon has Beirut. He remembers that they blew up our marine barracks and killed like 800 marines in the 80s. His friend, that looked like a Ken doll, started talking to her. He started leaning in and Kelly kept leaning back. She says that the bar wasn't that crowded and finally told him that he needed to back up. Krysta, Sybil's sister, yelled from the other side of the bar "SPACE INVADER SPACE INVADER... SHE NEEDS HER SPACE.. back up". That was about the time that Sherry asked if his teeth were real because they looked too perfect to be real. She asked how many teeth he had because it looked like he had too many. He told her that he didn't know how many he had so she had him count them. Pugs complains that Kelly and her friends are throwing guys off their game.

*break*

Everyone but Pugs went to the Tom Leykis event on Friday and Kelly complained that guys were molesting Sybil and herself. Kelly wonders what you do when the touchy guys are military guys. Pugs thinks you just give it up to them. Eric chimes in and says that you don't let that happen when they're touching his girlfriend. Eric saw one of them put his arm around Melissa and he made a B-line for them. He was knocking people over and moved his arm off them. The guy asked if that was his girlfriend, explained that he was leaving tomorrow, and asked if he could blame him.

Valerie sent an E-mail to the show. She wonders why guys act so goofy when they're meeting girls in a bar.

The following are some questions/rants that I really need to get off my chest. It seems like anytime I meet a likely suitor they commit one of the following felonies. Feel free to explain yourselves.

7 Deadly Pick-up Sins That Guys Commit To Nice Girls (like me)

1. Upon immediately giving a guy my # (in most cases, the real one) he proceeds to call me (whilst I'm still standing in front of him). His excuse is "I just want to make sure that you have my number too". Why? If you wish to contact me you'll call and I won't have to waste my precious phone memory. The whole move sort of reeks of desperation and what if my phone doesn't ring....then it just puts both of us in a little awkward situation.

Kelly thinks that a guy is just checking to see if that's the real number and Pugs agrees. Pugs always does this and thinks that any real man would do it too. He says that if you give a bum number out, he's not in an awkward situation... you are. Pugs points out that you've taken his free drinks, you've wasted his time, and now you're giving out a phoney number. Kelly thinks that if you call the number you're calling her a liar. you give the number to a guy and he automatically thinks you're a liar. Pugs points out that Valerie even says "in most cases, the real one". Kelly thinks that just because you ask for the number doesn't mean you should get it. Pugs believes that girls shouldn't give out a fake one and just come up with another way to handle that situation. Kelly points out that a lot of guys say "I'll call you" but never call. Kelly doesn't like guys that lie and Pugs thinks that all guys lie in the beginning. Kelly thinks there is a big difference between putting your best foot forward and lying.

2. Sometime in between "Hello" and "my name is" guys start the old 'because we now know each other, I'm going to molest you' move. You all know what I'm talking about! You just start puttin your grubby paws all over your innocent victim. Maybe you want to show off to your friends or maybe you think she'll enjoy it. Maybe you should keep your filthy hands to yourself!

Kelly finds that guys get a little too grab assy and she thinks that they must be trying to gauge whether or not they can sleep with you. Pugs thinks it's a little sleazy to touch a girl. John calls in to say that he's been married twice. If a conversation was to eventually lead into that then a woman wouldn't give him the time of day. Kelly asks John his age. John says he's 34. Kelly wonders if his wife died and John informs her that the second one did. Kelly apologizes and Pugs points out that girls like to hear that because it invokes sympathy. Kelly thinks that if somebody was to be divorced twice at 33 then alarm bells would go off. Kelly doesn't want to date the guy that's a "serial fall in love, get married, realize that the new love feeling fades, then bails". Pugs points out that Kelly is a serial relationship girl and Kelly denies that. Pugs says that in all the years that he's known her, she's been married or in relationship after relationship. Kelly doesn't think that's fair because she's been married for seven years. Pugs thinks that Kelly will get into a relationship that will last at least 6 months in the next 30 days. Kelly disagrees. Pugs reminds us that he's a relationship guy too.

3. It might look great in movies but unless you are Brad Pitt you really need to keep your slimy hands off my face as well. The face is the #1 "HANDS OFF" zone, for the sole reason that I could get pimples. I may be 21 but I've the pores of a 14 year old Hilary Duff fan.

Pugs agrees and tells us that he doesn't like to touch the face even in an intimate. Kelly is certain that she's never touched her ex-husband or ex-boyfriends on the face. Pugs likes to grab a girl by the chin and direct her into a kiss while in bed. He's heard that some women like that because it's very dominating. Kelly wants to know how hard Pugs is grabbing and he assures her that it's tender. Eric likes to steer girls with the palm of his hand however his girlfriend hates for people to touch her face. He says that it's hard because she has such great skin. Pugs and Kelly accuse him of being Hannibal Lector.

4. Once we've met and kicked it a little at the bar, please don't just stand around and force me to make up some excuse as to why I need to "find my friend". After you have my number there is no reason for us to continue hanging out. How am I supposed to meet OTHER guys (and vice-versa). At this point, you have not earned the right to take up so much my time. If you want to go on a date with me then plan one, otherwise 20 minutes is all you'll get outta this chick.

Pugs doesn't agree with that because he doesn't "serial ask for numbers". He'll talk to a woman for as long as he can and when a natural end to the conversation comes, he'll ask for a number. Pugs has seen these guys that ask for a number after a 10 minute conversation and he proclaims that they're scum bags. Pugs says that he has friends that are scum bags that do this. Kelly reveals that just because you talk to her for 10 minutes doesn't mean you should get her number. Pugs brings up the guys that treat numbers like hunter trophies. Geano calls in to say that he doesn't understand why women don't like to go out with men that are on welfare. Kelly doesn't understand how he can't understand that. Geano explains that he has a buddy that has been recently divorced and when he tries to pick up girls in a bar... get ready for it... they can't get past the fact that he's on welfare. Kelly wonders how that comes up in conversation and Pugs lets him know that being on welfare is a deal breaker. Pugs tells him that no woman wants to be with a dude on welfare and Geano tells him that he didn't know that. Eric has been given a fake number and has been rejected for a number on the spot. He tells us that it hurts a lot less to be rejected. Pugs points out that it's real easy for a girl to say "I have a boyfriend" but girls want to get a milk guys for a few free drinks. Kelly claims that they need to see if they like them first and Pugs thinks that women are like guys, they determine in the first 30 seconds if they're interested with some one.

5. Never tell a girl that you have just met that "I am the NICEST guy you'll ever meet". In my experience, this has never been the case and I'll run screaming in the other direction.

Kelly says that guys say that a lot. Pugs admits that he probably said it and Eric says that he probably said it in an intimate setting. Kelly clarifies that she means in a bar setting and Eric says that he never did that. Pugs thinks it sounds disingenuous... "the difference between me and the rest of these skeazbags is that I'm a nice guy".... Pugs points out that the nicest guy doesn't hit on girls at a bar because the nicest guy has more respect for women. Since he's the nicest guy, he's going home alone.

6. Don't bring up money and how much of it you have. Money speaks for itself and only posers feel the need to flaunt it.

Pugs loves that observation. Any guy that flops out the BMW key chain or a money clip is probably a 30 grand a year millionaire. They may have a "good job"... as good a job a 24 year old can have... and he's putting all of his money into a kick ass car. Kelly doesn't like guys that drive nice cars because they want people to think that they're a big shot. Pugs says that it's the Dallas girls' fault that guys are like that here. They're all money grubbing bitches and guys have to compensate for that. Jesse calls in to point out that Pugs was going to go half and half on a Porsche 911. Pugs says that was to just have a cool car and not so much for the chicks... Pugs' memory of that segment seems a bit shaded.... Pugs points out that he drives 2000 Mercury cougar and that he could afford a better car if he wanted to. He says that he doesn't need to though because his car runs fine.

7. So many times guys will come up to me and say hi or ask a question and then stare blankly into my pretty brown eyes. Am I supposed to entertain you now or what? I'll try my hardest to keep the conversation going but there is only so much I can do. Plan a little something to say but please do not just stand there and expect me to entertain you. Go big or go home. Or, as I learned from the tennis pro, always follow through.

Pugs thinks that when guys approach a girl they normally have their wrap down. Kelly says that they normally don't. Eric brings up "the freeze". You introduce yourself and become a deer in headlights.


If you'd like to check out the original friendzy thread that Valerie made... click here.

*break*

Pugs just got an E-mail from Al Kimmel. the Type of Men you should avoid" by match.com. He wants to know when where he fits because he believes that he's a special type of man.

Power players cover a broad range of good-hearted and not-so-good guys. Power players have themselves in mind most of the time. A Power Player may casually ask you what you are doing Friday night, and then fail to follow-up with you if something better comes along. When you ask him to a concert, he may respond that he’s got another item on his agenda, “But let me see if I can't move it around” or other vague answers. He'll then keep you hanging until the last minute. He'll play you like a cheap violin if he can get away with it. Otherwise, he'll move on. Signs to watch for? These guys are characterized as opportunistic and have a larger-than-life quality. He'll exploit a situation to aggrandize himself, to make himself him look better, more powerful, etc.

Kelly thinks that this is like the guy that calls you on Tuesday to see what you want to do on the weekend just so they can have that period of time to change their mind. Then when they change their mind they call you on Monday with a big list of why they couldn't do stuff. Kelly thinks she might be this type of person because she always has excuses as to why she can't do stuff. Pugs reminds us that she's a very busy woman and Kelly wonders how you can tell the difference between legitimate reasons and bogus ones.

Schmoozers. While a Power Player might actively engage your affections, schmoozers are less concerned about what they really want to do on a Friday night, but more concerned with where they should be. They are the social climbers who seek to attend the best, toniest functions. “It was too late before I realized what a schmoozer he was because I was caught up by Peter’s charisma,” says Mindy, 42. She regrets that as a third date, she asked him to join her for her fortieth birthday party on a limo ride. He then proceeded to try to pick up all her single girlfriends. Mindy puts Patrick in the Jerk category, too. The goal of the schmoozer is beyond just traveling in high-profile social circles; they’re users. They might glom onto people with boats, country club connections and other accoutrements. How to know you've got one? These guys drop a lot of names, possibly own or lease a high-end car, frequent bars and restaurants, and party a lot.

Pugs has a hard time saying schmoozer so Kelly fills in every time the word comes up. Pugs points out that a schmoozer is every single guy in Dallas. Pugs says he hates those uptown crowd people.

Jerks. Jerks are one of the broadest categories, covering a range of bad behavior. For starters, try chauvinistic men who make passes to cold-hearted guys without a clue on how to treat a lady. Consider the bad boys who don't call to cancel a date, they simply stand you up. Consider the cheapskate. Serena, 40, recalls a guy she recently dated. “We dated for several months. He would just happen to show up late on the date, like at a coffee shop, just as I was paying for my coffee and scone.” That was nothing, Serena says, compared to the time they attended a concert. “At the door, he stepped quickly in front of me and paid for himself and then looked back at me and said he'd meet me upstairs,” she recalls. Fortunately, Serena didn't get physically involved with the cheapskate and eventually broke it off. Sometimes it’s only a small aspect of a guy’s behavior that puts him in the Jerk category. Other times, his Jerk actions go global. How to spot the quintessential Jerk? They haven't had a girlfriend in years, and are incredibly tight with their wallets and their affections. On the other hand, the Jerk might act affectionate, coming on very strong with inappropriate or rude behavior. Nip these in the bud immediately.

Pugs know a lot of these jerk types and reveals that they are normally the pretty boys. Pugs thinks that if you ask a girl out on a date and you can't afford her company than you're a jerk for making the date. He reminds us that it's cool for a girl that you've dated for a while to occasionally pick up a round of drinks or dinner. Leslie calls in to call out Pugs for hating schmoozers because she thinks that's his type. Pugs wonders how so and Leslie points out that he has a friend with a bar, a boat, and a plastic surgeon friend. Kelly reveals that the plastic surgeon is her friend. Pugs has a friend that owns a bar and a boat but he didn't know he had a boat when he met him. Pugs has a lot of friends that have cool things but that's because he hangs out with older people. Pugs points out that he's 35 and most of his friends are 40. He believes that if you don't have cool stuff at 40 then there is something wrong with you.

Betrayers. Hopefully, you'll catch on to the Betrayer’s little deceptions before he burns you with big indiscretions, like going out behind your back or even sleeping with another woman while you are dating. The skilled ones might be so covert, though, you may not even know what hit you. Consider the case of Wendy, 32, who found a phone number belonging to another woman in the pocket of her long-term boyfriend’s jean shorts when she offered to do his wash. “He was a disrespectful guy who was starting to live off of me, you know, the slacker type. I just wish I would've seen the writing on the wall earlier when things weren't going well between us.” Ways to spot the betrayer? Listen hard. Sometimes they'll even spill the beans and tell you of indiscretions in past relationships while pointing the finger at her, or jokingly chalk it up to their bad behavior. They may not totally honor you in other ways, such as lying about small things, or blowing you off when they've got something else going on.

Pugs gives a buzzer for the jean shorts and Eric laughs. Kelly teaches us that women have a higher rate of suicide and men have a higher rate of homicide. Michael calls in to say that women can fall into all of these groups.

*break*

Kelly wants to apologize to me if they made me feel bad. Pugs wonders how they made me feel bad and Kelly points out that I don't get paid. Pugs says that Cody doesn't get paid either and Kelly reminds him that Cody also receives credit for things. Kelly thinks that my blog and I are like crack. They didn't know they would want it and like it as much as they did. Then somebody gave it to them and now they miss it when it's not there. Pugs points out that I volunteered to do the blog and now I'm not doing it. Kelly thinks that Pugs doesn't need to comment because he's just going to be a rabble rouser and he'll end up apologizing after the show. Pugs says that he has nothing to apologize for and Kelly thinks that I should just stop doing everything since Pugs isn't going to be grateful for what I can do. She brings up that I'm trying to find people that want to help out but nobody is stepping up.... yeah, the whole "can you listen to an entire show, write down a recap, and not get paid" thing seems to turn people off of it.... Pugs says that I'm the drug dealer in the situation and you don't apologize to the drug dealer. I offered to do it for free, they liked it, and they got used to it being up there. Kelly points out that they started to ask for more. Pugs says that he asked me for nothing and only wants the blog. Kelly tells him that there will be no pictures on the website and Pugs says that Steve Yurkee takes all the pictures. Kelly tells him that I'm the one that puts it up and Pugs wonders why Scott, Eric, or Cody can't do it.... Actually, Steve only takes the dodgeball pictures that Pugs seems to not like so much. I take a ton of the pictures for the website. I just don't credit myself for the pictures.... Kelly reminds us that I do all the amendments to the website, I add captions to things, and I come out and talk to people. Pugs is skeptical of that last one and Kelly assures him that I do.... Yes, if you ask most fans that meet me they will tell you that I'm very approachable, very warm, and I'll have a conversation with them.... Pugs says that he likes me but you can either do the job or not do the job. Kelly tells Pugs that I do a lot of stuff that she and other people ask him to do. Pugs points out that at the beginning he told me that I was going to be like everyone else. I'd do it for a while, it's going to become too much, then they'll get pissed because they'll be used to it being there. Kelly tells him that I help out a lot and maybe Pugs doesn't realize how much. Pugs says that every time he needs something changed on the website, he goes to Cody. He thinks that Cody can do it just as well and Cody is there. Kelly says that it's easier for her to find me.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. Athens, Greek police arrested 7 people for cheating 12 million dollars out of thousands of viewers in a TV game show. The flashed pictures side by side on a screen and said to call in now if you can see the difference between the two pictures. All these people called in and it cost them money each time they called.
Pugs wonders if anybody is surprised by that and reminds us that Greeks are pretty much gypsies with a homeland. He tells us that the Greeks that he's worked for were pretty shadey.

2. Female porn director Candida Royale says that you shouldn't talk about sex in bed. You should talk about it over brunch.
Kelly agrees because it's too close to the source. Sybil doesn't think it's bad in bed because it's pillow talk. Pugs wonders where else would you introduce new things but in bed because it seems awkward at brunch. Kelly thinks it would make you go home and bang. Sybil wouldn't do it at brunch because there are people that are coming in from church and Kelly brags that she would talk about it then. She whispers that she can't believe she just said that.

3. NBC has just sent an E-mail to it's staff. Today is the 50th anniversary of the tonight show. Jay Leno will finish out his 5 year contract and Conan will host the tonight show starting in 2009.
Pugs wonders if this was Leno's idea because he would imagine that he wanted to beat Johnny's record. Kelly doesn't think it was his idea. She feels bad for Jay because ever since he started he was always considered second choice. Kelly thinks that they announced this because there was a threat that CBS was going to try to get Conan to come over to take over Kilbourne. Pugs points out that nobody wants to work at CBS because they all want the tonight show.

4. Kevin Costner married his girlfriend of 5 years.
Pugs wonders if Kevin Costner is still a movie star. Kelly heard that he is moving something. Sybil thinks that he has extreme up and downs. Pugs wants to go through his work post 86.

The Untouchables... ding
No Way Out... ding
Bull Durham... Ding
Field of Dreams... ding
Revenge... buzzer
Dances with Wolves... ding
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves... buzzer
JFK: ding... Kelly still confuses reality and JFK
The Bodyguard: ding... Pugs serenades us with the theme song.
Amazing Stories: Book One... buzzer
A Perfect World... buzzer
Wyatt Earp.. Ding.
The War... buzzer
Waterworld... buzzer
Tin Cup... Ding
The Postman... Ding
Message in a Bottle... Buzzer
For Love of the Game... buzzer... Pugs and Eric both love that movie but it was a box office flop.
Thirteen Days... Ding
3000 miles to Graceland... buzzer
Dragonfly... buzzer
Open Range... buzzer

12 hits to 10 flops.

5. Billy Joel is getting married this weekend. He's 56 and his bride is 26. His daughter will be the maid of honor.
Kelly doesn't expect any less from Billy Joel. Pugs points out that his daughter got all his musical talent and all of his looks. He thinks it's too bad that she didn't inherit Christie Brinkley's looks.

6. Sandra Bullock got married to Jesse James, the custom chopper motorcycle guy.
Pugs doesn't get that because he's such a dirtbag. Eric makes the money sign and Pugs points out that he probably has more money than she could ever imagine. He reminds us that he's a superstar in the dirtbag world. He guarantees that there will be somebody in a Jesse James' West Coast Choppers shirt. Pugs describes him as the new Harley Davidson.

7. Paris Hilton had her ex-boyfriend's, Nick Carter, name tattooed on her butt.
Pugs calls her an idiot and Kelly reminds us of the white trash family that Nick Carter comes from.

*break*

Kelly says that they need to apologize to Wayne from the Pub and Grub because they said that he was a jerk to chicks. Pugs wonders why Kelly told him that because he didn't say it on the air. Kelly thought that he did.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT... continues.

8. The New York Post has a list of celebrities that have their exes' name tattooed on them and the way the remedied it. Pamela Anderson had Tommy on her finger and changed the "T" into a "M" to make it "mommy". Tommy Lee had Pammy on his junk but he just left it there. Kelly reminds us that all love is temporary but tats are permanent. Drew Barrymore had an angel holding a cross with a bar across it that said Jaime and now it's just a black bar. Johnny Depp had "Winona Forever" on his right arm and now it says "Wino Forever". Pugs sarcastically says that all these chicks getting these tacky ass tattoos will look real nice when they get to the old folks home. Halle Berry had David Justice's name on her butt and she got a large blue circle over it.

9. Joaquin Phoenix lost it on the set of the Johnny Cash movie. He began to ram his head into a wall and had to be taken off in an ambulance. A scene in the movie reminded him of the death of his brother, River Phoenix.
Pugs can't figure out how to spell Joaquin Phoenix on IMDB.com.

10. Lindsay Lohan's dad got booted out of Scores for being belligerent. He requested that they switched one of the TVs to a special on his daughter, after an hour he passes out and the bartender offered him a cup of coffee. He refused it and became belligerent.
Kelly isn't surprised by this and Pugs doesn't think they're white trash. He teaches us that her father is really wealthy and Kelly reminds us that you don't have to be poor to be trash... look at Paris Hilton.

11. Weekend Box Office Update

TIE 5... Resident Evil: Apocalypse and First Daughter.
3. Mr. 3000
2. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.
1. The Forgotten.
Pugs wonders what that is and Kelly says that she forgot. Sybil says that she hasn't seen any previews for it. Kelly remembers finally.

*break*

Frank Caliendo joins the show. Pugs tells us that he's one of their favorites to have on the show and calls him the best impersonator out there. Frank says that Darrel Hammond is good and Pugs tell him that he never met them. Frank breaks out the Madden right off the bat. He thinks it would be cool to see two 60 year old men fight each other on TV tonight. Pugs wonders if Frank is still doing the pre-game shows on Fox and Frank is doing them. Pugs admits that he sleeps till 11:50 on Sunday now and he hasn't been able to watch them. Frank reveals that every week Terry Bradshaw is trying to get him fired. Frank does his Bradshaw impression... when he's on the air "not funny Frank not funny" but after the show.. "very funny Frank!" Frank wonders why he didn't say that on the air... "cause Howie just explained it to me."... Frank points out that everybody on that pre-game show can hold him in the palm of his hand. Frank has a two month old son now and Kelly gives kudos to his sperm. His son's name is Joseph Salvitore Caliendo. Frank took his son to Fox's NFL Sunday in a full Terry Bradshaw outfit. He's bald, he doesn't get his jokes, and he wets himself. terry came over to goochy goo the baby and Howie Long came over to show Frank how to hold the baby. Frank thinks that he looks like a baboon holding his young. Kelly wonders how long Howie long will keep up with that haircut. Pugs brings up how Frank ripped off Kelly's practical picks and Frank admits that he's there so that he can rip off more Pugs and Kelly bits. Kelly informs him that it's their only bit and he stole everything from him. Frank begins to explain himself and Pugs and Kelly laugh because Frank thinks that they care. Frank did his Madden at Fox last year and that was the first year that John Madden wasn't on fox.. he went to ABC. All the papers were wondering why Fox was burying the guy that made them and Frank clarifies that he has no ill feelings toward John Madden. He admits that if it weren't for John Madden, he'd probably be in some crappy apartment somewhere. Pugs asks if Frank has ever met John Madden and Frank reveals that Madden won't come near him. Pugs and Kelly wonder what Frank is doing here since he's not going to be at the Addison Improv till two weeks after the superbowl. Frank is in town doing a corporate show for Pizza Hut and asked Trey from the Improv if he come do P and K's show. Kelly brings up how the corporate geeks pay big bank. Frank brags that he'll be on the Super Bowl pre-game show since it's on Fox this year. Pugs wants to know if he has any idea on what he's going to do and Frank tells him that he plans on listening to the rest of the show. It takes them a while to get that.

*break*

Frank is still there and points out that it's going to be 6 months till he's at the improv. Jonathan calls in to ask if Madden kicks the bucket, would Frank still do the voice? Frank says that he would try to get work on the video game because he's that kind of whore. Frank does his Madden voice to remind us that Frank Caliendo is about the dollar and not about being a good person. Pugs and Kelly bring up how many people's acts went to the can when Harry Carey died. Frank says that you can make money off of dead people and brings up how many people make a living off of the dead in Vegas. Frank does his Norm McDonald and Pugs brings up how great that impression is but points out that Norm's failing career doesn't make it easy. Frank does his Jim Rhome and Pugs wonders if Jim would put up with that. Frank heard that he either loves it or hates it. He thinks he might say that he hates it just to look cool. Frank tells us that there will be some people that demand only the Jim Rhome impression on a CD. Frank does his Jeff Goldblum and plugs the ringers from his website. Kelly brings up that I have Frank Caliendo's ringers. Pugs wants to know if he focuses on hitting the voices or the cadence and Frank says that it all depends. If he can't hit the voices first then he'll work on the mannerism. Pugs brings up how Frank was on the New You show and Frank says that was the worse show ever. Pugs told Emil to get Frank for the show. Frank listened to the show and they were talking about stuff like health and nutrition. Frank points to himself and says that he's not cut out for the show. Emil came to him and said that he had some stuff for him to do. Frank told him that would be awkward and wanted to bail. Frank's favorite line from that show was "gosh, you bring a guy in here and he doesn't even talk.. this guy doesn't do radio". Pugs feels bad because he brokered that. Frank says that he may have been in one of his Hollywood moods. He admits that he just wasn't feeling the show and they didn't have anything for him. He brings up how Greg Hill was trying to work him into bits in a weird way. All he wanted to talk about was sex. He wanted to know what it would be like if John Madden was having sex. He left that show wondering if Pugs was still his friend.

FIN<