JMc here again. Will is busy teaching his turtles to dance the Meringue,
so on this December 7Pearl Harbor Day, you are stuck with my ramblings.
So don't complain if you start thinking, who is the Little Bastard
writing this crap. You were warned.

OKso I miss one show and its about Kelly having a sex dream about Russ
Martin. I guess I am going to have to read yesterdays blog now like I can
read.

Pugs and Kelly are quite the social animals I guess. Pugs has 5
Christmas parties lined up, Kelly's got 4. I have, um never mind. Kelly is
going to need her new drug of choice, the Red Line Gel Caps, for those
too lazy to drink a whole can of Red Line, if she is to survive the
Holiday Season. Its not that they are sponsors that has them talking
about Red Line, really. And I am lucky because I also got to blog the
last Red Line experiment show, so at 11:18 they are off to the races.
Will Eric be the first to freak again? Will Kelly's libido kick in to
overdrive? Just have to wait and see.

The best tease of the day is the Ultimate Name Dropper Contestant for
the day. We don't have a name yet, but what we do know is that this
person is a legendary flake. So perhaps a bonus is in order if they call
in. Can they beat Eric Dickerson? Pugs and Kelly both doubt they have
anyone bigger than Eric Dickerson they could call, although Kelly might
be able to get Danny Bonaduce. Hmmmm Hall of Fame football player vs.
Danny Partridge? I say settle it on Celebrity Boxing.

We also learn that there is going to be a Battle of the Sexes workout
challenge with Ballys. Kelly and Sybil vs. Pugs and Eric. So how do you
sabotage Eric? Eric himself suggests getting him hooked on drugs. Pugs
suggest they cheat and use roids. This is when we learn that Pugs likes
to wave his nuts around when he is working out. Why am I not surprised?

Break

OKPugs thinks he has magical powers because he ate dinner in a
restaurant in Chicago, got robbed by a nearby ATM, and cursed the
building. Yesterday the building burned. Hmmmm

Then, straight to Human Growth and development:

Dear P and K,

I might have an HG&D story question for you. I'm not sure I guess I will
tell you my story and let you guys decide.

I just moved to Dallas from the Midwest in January. This move has been
very hard for me. (I moved here because my fianc found a job here) I
havent really been able to meet many people here and make friends. I
have a few, but it is very different change for me since I've always
been somewhat of a social butterfly (or as a friend of mine from home
calls it; a social whore). I guess I'm setting up the story here,
basically I don't know a damn person here. I just graduated from college
last December and have been finding it difficult to find a "real" job
here. I also just decided to go back to school and get my MBA; I just
started school two weeks ago...

So here is my "problem". I guess I was dumped on Saturday. My fiance of
almost 4 years decided that we needed to break up. I was a very weird
conversation, it boiled down to the fact that we both want different
things out of life, I'm a crazy artsy hippie chic and it turns out that
he wants kids and a life in Stepford. He maintains that I'm still his "best
friend" and that he loves me. He also was encouraging me to start
dating, which I thought was odd of him to say. That leaded me to believe
that he met someone else.... it turns out that my instincts were right,
and although he didn't "cheat" per say he is definitely interested in
someone. Here is also the messed up part; he is still calling me "honey"
and "baby" and kissing me on the cheek before he leaves for work.

Now I'm not sure what I am supposed to do. We are both signed to our
lease for another 7 months. Neither of us makes enough money to afford
our apartment on our own. He doesn't want to break the lease because he
wants to have good rental history. Like I said I do not know anyone here,
and I have nowhere to go. Its not like I can just go crash at parents
place, as that would be a 1000 mile commute to work and school. Do I
say, "duck school" and move home? Stay in Dallas? If I do how on earth
do I cohabit ate with this man? I'm so damn confused frustrated? Argh!
Suggestions?

So that's it. If you want to read it on the air that's fine. Do that nifty
changing names keeping it anonymous thing.... I also wanted to let you
two know that I really appreciate your show. A coworker of mine turned
me on to Russ Martin and hence I discovered you two. Especially since
this move to Dallas has been so hard, (I've been cornered by drunken
rednecks and called "damned Yankee" too many times) anyhow, so far you
guys are the one thing I like about Dallas. Thanks for having an
awesome show. Keep up the good work

Susie
(or GladysP and K need to get their act together here)

Pugs Sees Red Flags all over this story:

First Red Flag: You move for his job BEFORE the marriage? Bad sign. As
Kelly says, without a ring and a date, you are not engaged. (She says
she did have a ring and a date though.)

Red Flag Number 2: A 4-year engagement. That's not a proposal; its buying
time while you look for someone better.

Kelly says simply, screw his rental history. This guy is an idiot.
Everyone feels sorry for Susie, but coming down here was a mistake. The
long engagement was a mistake. Engagement before 24 is a bad idea.

To the phones:

Michelle: Yeah, Dallas chicks are hotter. Young engagements are nuts.
Basically, Susie fd up. She needs to move back home to her parents, take
time off school, relax, and screw his rental history.

Curtis: More bans on early engagements so you can learn about yourself.
But as a hippie chick she needs to stay here because its a good
environment. (Kelly thinks that means bi-sexual sex). I think the guy
smells blood in the water.

Jeremiah: 33-year-old guy married at 25 thinks early engagements are ok
because he and his wife are happy (she was married at 21). Pugs thinks
they are doomed, and the odds are it wont work. But Jeremiah says it
seems like Susie needs to go home.

Marian: The young marriage she had worked well for her, she hasn't grown
as a person, but at least her kid learned a lesson. Hell, 2 kids by 20
is cool, really.

Tim: He has no advice, but he is pissed about the married young thing
and how the rest of the world is being so judgmental. Then again, hes
been married 2 whole years! Words of wisdom from a man of experience.
Pugs and Kelly seem to be having trouble restraining their mocking. I know
I would be.

Tony: Married since 19, 35 years old now. And hes happy as hell. He
lives his single life through P & K, but he knew what he wanted young
and is happy as pie. Looks like he will buck the odds though with this
kind of endurance, and a full life outside the marriage.

Jimmy: 18, in a band and married with a kid. Heaven knows this is the
perfect situation. But hes had to ditch his dreams and is joining the
Air Force so he can support his wife and kid. (Dude, "I wanna be a rock
star is not a dream, it is a fantasy") Of course, that means a woman he
knocked up at 18 will be left alone for months on end while he serves
his country. No chance for an affair there. She's shown good judgement
and restraint so far, after all. I wonder if this is a strong basis for
a relationship?

Richard: Married a 21 year old at 27, after breaking his rule about
dating only older women. Guess what, one day, she wakes up, rolls over
and says, I give up honey.. So Jeremiah, look what you have to look
forward to!

So, do you really know what you want to do at 19? Pugs and Kelly say
they knew job wise, but so much more has changed. Eric thought he did,
but his education and job history prove he was wrong. Sybil knew vaguely,
but was thinking actor or model (which is a good reminder to check out
Sybils VERY hot pics on the site).

The judgment of P & K is to go home and regroup. Start over. You will be
missed, but hopefully you will be happy.

Break

Christmas talk, and Pugs has bought for everyone but Ladyfriendhis most
important gift. (Sorry Pugs mom.) Kelly has barely started. For those
wondering, I have decided to do my shopping some late night at Wal Mart
after a long night of drinking. Kelly doesnt have her kids at Christmas,
which sucks. But she has been offered a trip to Florida by Chicago Rob,
which Pugs thinks is too soon, and also means he gets some Nookie. In
general it gets down to the standard response when you say you have no
plans: Come to my place. But since neither of them has plans, that
doesnt really work. So does she go? Should they keep dating, and
eventually end up sleeping with together when there is no future for the
relationship? Pugs forbids her from going to Florida, which is really
cute. Of course, there is some debate about who is paying or if
ChicagoRob is perhaps gay and Kelly is his beard for the Florida Keys.
Another caller reminds her to either give it up and have him skakle on
her back in the shape of the state of Hawaii, or let the guy go alone so
he can skakle around the greater Miami region.

And back to Pugs purchase plan for Ladyfriend. A caller thinks he is not
being cool basing her gift on her attitude, and that the gift doesnt
mean as much as the relationship. Pugs is much more superficial. Kelly
reminds us guys not to buy practical gifts, like the vacuum she got last
year. The same Christmas she got her boyfriend cool things like signed
stuff from Third Eye Blind. Pugs does defend the purchase of the Roomba,
perhaps because as a guy a robot vacuum is really cool. Ladyfriend
wants a Roomba. Hell I want a Roomba. Kelly suggests the thoughtful gift,
the practical gift, the sexy gift and the this looks good on you gift.
I want to be on Kellys shopping list

A caller reminds us of something: Men are much better at receiving a
lousy gift than women are. Men pretend they like whatever the woman gets
us. Women, on the other hand, will let you know how bad whatever you
got them was. Pugs suggests there is more pressure on men. Kelly
believes that women put in much more thought than men, so that makes up
for it. The callers seem to agree with Kelly on this one, and Pugs is
sure not standing up for the guys. One guy bought his wife a car, and
she got pissed because she didnt get anything on her list, which is
truly funny. Again they get down to how men and women think differently.
Big surprise.

Pugs advises Kelly he likes her better when she is single. She is more
entertaining. She gets along with him more. She is more social. She gets
along with their friends better. She is less judgmental. Overall, its
just better for everyone. So Pugs suggests an f-buddy, even though he
admits he knows that wont work for her because she ends up liking the
guy. In short, Kelly is destined to be unhappy, but so is Pugs, so that
is OK.

Break

SYBILIZATION!

1) A sheriffs deputy has been fired after being taped taking a whiz in a
building elevator. He was caught after a hidden camera was installed
due to complaints about a foul odor. Kelly advises us she wants to have
sex in an elevator, but is worried about the cameras. Pugs get's all
prudish on us.

2) An online university has been sued after being caught giving a fake
MBA to a cat in Pennsylvania, who graduated with a 3.5 GPA based on its
resume. Cat's have resumes?


3) OKI got lost with this segment. All I know is some lady was in a car
wreck and ended up impaled on something. I assume she lived because
otherwise it would just be sad. Regardless, it is hard to blog and shuck
oysters at the same time.

4) The Dallas Mavericks lost 101-85 in last night's game with the
Pistons.

5) The Cowboys beat the Seahawks 43-39 in a great Monday Night game, and
Keyshawns final touchdown was a generous call. But what the heck.
Julius Jones was a beast is all I can say. Pugs and Eric, however, can
talk about the game forever, and do.

6) Grammy nominations are out and if you want to know who they are, go
to http://www.grammy.com/news/academy/2004/1207noms.aspx. I am not going
to list them all here dammit. And we learn that Sybil hates Los Lonely
Boys, while Pugs, Kelly and Eric hate Hoobastank.

7) Lindsay Lohan had an Ashlee Simpson moment on Good Morning America
and managed to sing with her mouth closed, adding ventriloquism to her
list of talents.

8) Robin Givens from Howard Sterns show was cleared of charges from an
incident where she ran over an old woman after nobody but the judge
actually showed up to court.

Break

More Human Growth and Development featuring Dr. Robert Schwartz of the
world famous Dr. Bobs Boobateria

Pugs and Co. have proposed a book be created to outline the Mans Code.
They have a Board of Directors and everything. Which leads to a drunken
email from Metro Aaron:

P,

I just got a text from Courtney! "I am getting back with my husband,
Sorry."

What the hell is that? Now the husband is texting me from her phone
saying, "She is not joking" to which I replied "Nice Text Coward!"

At what point should a bitch give the heads up on such a situation? I
spent a lot of money on her in the last week and she was more than in to
it, if you know what I mean? Don't we have a rule in society about
texting as a form of civilized communication?

Pugsly: Is this the method of common for the future? Now this Guy is
saying "Didn't you know she was married?" Do we wonder why it is better
to be infinitely single?

This guy just called me! He says I need to stay the hell out of it! Out
of what? This chick told me she was divorced! Next! The Question for
listeners? How deep in the interview process do you have to go before
you take a girl out? This background check sound better and better!!

Aaron


Well, OKwe have texts from a husband to a guy who didnt even know the
chick was married, and it seems she was pretty damn friendly, And the
husband follows up with a call?

Poor Pugs is distressed because this is one of his best friends, and he
has genuine feelings for the guy. (Not in a gay way). They went out 5
times in 2 weeks, said she had an ex-husband, ex-in-laws. The chick met
Aaron at Speeddating and went after Aaron? But what are Aarons
obligations? And, once again, what are married women doing at
Speeddating?

Dr. Bob and Pugs agree he has no obligation to interface with the guy,
let alone be nice to the guy. So why is it that the victim of the
cheating is always going after the third party instead of the one that
cheated on them?

Seems like a lot of anger. Kelly would be too embarrassed to do such a
thing. The guys all seem to be focusing on it from Aarons point of view.
Everyone thinks the husband is way out of line, which makes sense. I
just hope nobody ends up getting shot in all this!

To the phones:

Brian: So, my wife cheated with my boss, so I banged his wife. The sex
was good What a classy guy.

Mystery Caller: This seems to be a lady involved in the situation, and
the text was not really from the wife, it was from the husband. They
were filing for divorce, but did just get back together in the last few
days. She was going to call Aaron today and break it off, but the
childish husband took it upon himself to do this. They had lived
separate lives in separate homes for months. The marriage should be
allowed to die, but who knows what the hell will happen.

David: What a tale of woe! He was about to get engaged to a woman who
pulled a similar retraction. What is going on? Is this contagious?

Kelly, by the way, thinks Aaron deserves so much better.

Break

First, a public service announcement:
A red shorthaired Chihuahua has been missing in Garland since
thanksgiving. You can email Kelly@pugsandkellylive.com if you have
details.

Today is Tony Casillas big day as he is inducted in to the College
Football Hall of Fame, which probably saved us from hearing even more
about the game last night.

Finally, today we have a new contestant in the Ultimate Name Dropper
Contestwill they call...did they call Nooooooooooooooooo!!! Misty
promised Willie Nelson and we gots no Willie action today. 2:30pm
scheduled, and no call. Sybil calls Misty, and gets voice-mail. So
everyone who knows Misty, she is a stinkin liar.

Well, thats all for the day. Kelly likes hot sauce. Pugs likes hot sauce.
Joe Perry is a gourmet. And I, my friends, need a shot after having to
try to sort out that last Human Growth and Development segment.

I'm trying a new method to get this done. It kind of hurts but I think it's going to work.

Pugs and Kelly are at Sports City Cafe in Mesquite. (3808 Towne Crossing BLVD). Kelly had a dream about Russ Martin last night and felt the need to call him about it. PUgs says that he has had that feeling after a dream before but it was never about Russ. PUgs likes that the chatroom is popular again. His Ladyfriend has been going in there and she likes to jerk people around. She has mod status and boots people out. Kelly claims that she was the "angel of doom" to her kids this weekend. She has been throwing out toys that get left out on the floor. She there away picture of her daughter and McKenna cried about it. Kelly watched an Oprah about famine in Ethiopia and made her kids watch it. She wanted to show them how grateful they should be that they're not covered in flies. McKenna just colored and wondered why the kids didn't use a fly swatter. Declan asked Kelly about Pearl Harbor day and Kelly was unsure as to how she should explain World War II to him. She was unsure as to how many Jews were killed in the holocaust. Pugs thinks that she didn't have to explain it in detail and Kelly tells him that she'd rather him learn it from him then learn it on the street. Pugs imagines Declan freaking out his Jewish friends with tales about the Holocaust. Kelly reminds us that Declan's Muslim friend got made at him about the crusades. Kelly thinks he should get over it. Declan wondered what Canada was doing during World War II. Abby calls in to ask Kelly to stop mentioning Ethiopia in a negative way. Kelly reminds her that the famine in Ethiopia isn't some secret. Pugs is shocked that an Ethiopian would be against supporting Ethiopia's''s famine. Abby says that the famine isn't real. Kelly wonders if they people are just bulimic. She teaches us that Ethiopia is great and she wishes Pugs and Kelly would talk about the nice parts. Pugs reminds her that Ethiopia is the arm pit of the world. Abby starts crying. Pugs thinks that the famine may not be that bad but they have a big pest control problem. Kelly assures Abby that from now on, they'll talk about the sushi bars in Ethiopia. Derek calls in to teach us that you can tell the rich Ethiopians from the poor ones because of the Rolex around their waist.

*break*

We're welcomed back with Greenday. Pugs thinks that all the original music is done. Kelly thinks that Sports City Cafe is cool because they have TVs everywhere. PUgs tells us that They even have TVs over the urinals. He counts 36 TVs within his direct eye path. Pugs and Kelly will be back later tonight for a football watching party. Kelly thinks that being a funeral director would be a bad job. She wonders if they ever get mad about people being upset over their loved ones. Pugs tells her that he watches 6 Feet Under and they have a warped sense of themselves. Tony, a funeral director that's at the remote, tells them that it's not that bad. He also teaches us that worms will get into your body no matter how much your coffin cost. Kelly wonders about cremation and he tells her that it's cheap. Pugs reminds us that he wants his ashes to be a burden on his family for generations. Kelly and Pugs don't want anybody to pull the "spread their ashes" crap.

They're doing the Ultimate Name Dropper Contest. The person that can get the most famous person to call in will win a trip to Las Vegas. So far people have claimed they can get..

Sheryl Crow
Michael Irvin
Charles Barkley
Willie Nelson X2
Cher... Pugs is sure they won't get her.
Paul Simon
Clint Eastwood.. again Pugs think they won't get him
Billy Bob Thorton
Johnny Depp ... Pugs knows they won't get him
Christopher Walken
Michael Phelps... you know that Olympian dude that was important for two weeks

Pugs went to a Hibachi grill over the weekend with his Lady Friend. He tells us that he and Kelly are rather cold people. They don't like to be around people they don't know unless they're drunk. Eric says that he loves Hibachi grills. Pugs wonders why they make you sit with strangers. He hated that. He was bothered that the other people were comfortable with the idea of sitting with strangers. He tried very hard to not make eye contact with them. Kelly complains that they don't even let you sit a seat away from the people you don't know. Sybil says that she doesn't mind the other people but she would prefer that they weren't there. Pugs loved the circus aspect of the meal but wished he was alone because he didn't feel right being exciting in front of strangers. Kelly says that they both tend to comment on people's comments. Pugs admits that they're both smart asses. Pugs didn't know they would chop his meat and lobster for him. He doesn't like them to assume that's how he wants his food. Pugs hates sake and refers to it as Ninja wizz. Pugs reminds us that chop sticks are archaic and tells us that western civilization has invented a way to better shovel food into their mouths. Kelly thinks chop sticks are better because Americans eat too much. Pugs loved the food at the hibachi though. Patty calls in to say that she was forced to sit with 9 hardcore republicans after the election. They were bragging about their victory.

*break*

It's time for the first Ultimate Name Dropper. Larry calls in and he has Eric Dickerson (super bad ass running back) calling in. Kelly has heard of him. Pugs goes through Eric's resume. Eric says that he met Larry through a friend in college. Pugs wonders why Eric quit football and he tells him that it was because of his neck injuries. Pugs asks him if he ever eyed up Walter Payton's rushing record and Eric says that he never did. He played the game for the love of the game and not to break nay record. He also teaches us that football is a contact sport. Pugs loved that Eric Dickerson played in glasses because he wore glasses. It made the visually impaired athletes feel better about themselves. We say goodbye to Eric and Pugs tells Larry that he had a good one. Kelly likes that Dickerson was nice and Pugs thinks that it's great to start the week with E.D.. He believes that this was way better than the retarded guy from "Something About Mary".

*break*

Pugs likes Buffalo wings. Kelly thinks that Sybil has to make up some news cause it's been slow lately.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!!!

1. Tickle Research group...

Pugs wonders if that's a real group. Kelly wishes they'd stop buying pop up ads on drudgereport.com.

They did a survey of people that attend holiday parties...

Kelly bought a new dress for their company party at Gilley's. She learned that she's not fancy.

15 percent of people surveyed had sex with a significant other at the parties.

Kelly had sex in the parking lot with her husband once.

44 percent haven't had it but would like to try it....

Too many numbers and I'm confused now... I'm recording the show and I'll go back to the tape after the show to finish this segment.

*break*

Pugs wants to see Kinsey. He was the first "official smart guy" that studied sex. he told everybody that everyone masturbates and that 40 percent of everyone had homosexual tendencies. Kelly thinks that she's the only one that took 2 or 3 human sexuality classes. Pugs doesn't think he's very good in bed but Kelly reminds him of the bayonet. Pugs says that he hasn't done the bayonet since his ex-wife but offers to give it to Kelly, Sybil, and Eric. Pugs wants to take his girlfriend to see the movie. Kelly says that guys decide if they like or dislike a girl after they sleep with them. Pugs agrees. Kelly thinks that you can teach a guy how to be better in bed and Bruce X, with his vast knowledge of men in bed, disagreed. Pugs agrees with Bruce. Kelly reminds us that everyone gets better when compared to their first few times. She knows she's way better than she was in high school. Kelly suggests that girls that have a problem with not orgasming should manipulate themselves. Kelly says that she's taught a few guys to be better and it's worked. Pugs thinks that you have to tread carefully when addressing it so as to not hurt your partner's ego. Pugs brings up "cowgirl" and wonders if he should be moving during it. Pugs thinks that it's awkward and he feels out of synch. Sybil and Kelly tell him that he should moving but not too much. Pugs thinks that he should copy porno movies. Kelly suggests that Pugs develop a rhythm. Pugs asks Kelly if she's ever seen him dance, she says she has. He asks her if she's ever seen his lady friend dance, she says she has. He points out that there is no way they could ever have the same rhythm. Richard calls in to say that you should talk about but you must be careful to not over discuss it. Kelly recommends everyone try alcohol. She teaches us that it helps destroy inhibitions and you're able to speak more freely. Kelly brings up the "kiss fight" and says that it takes a while to teach people how to kiss. Pugs thinks that he's a good kisser. A girl calls in to say that she had a guy that she had hum the star spangled banner.. while down there. Pugs says that guys are supposed to spend more than 5 minutes down there. Kelly says that he's discussing that with the wrong person. Pugs is confused. Kelly reminds him for the 2131332nd time that she doesn't like that sort of thing.

*break*

We're back with more sexy talk. Pugs thinks "what turns you on" is difficult with some people. He urges his lady friend to break up with him if she's into water sports. Kelly is into costumes but she's always afraid that it would freak out the guys she's with. Pugs thinks that she dates guys that are way too uptight. Everyone stops cause McKenna shows up.... Pugs is unsure as to what to do. Kelly seems like she wants to continue. Pugs feels weird. This is friggin' hilarious. They tell Aaron to entertain the kid while her mommy talks about getting off.... they go to break.

*break*

We're back and it's seemingly safe... Pugs thinks that sex becomes less important as the years go by in a relationship. David calls in to say that he has had to show his wife how hard you can squeeze his love part. He also taught her that you must be careful with the hangy round things. A guy calls in to say that cowgirl is for lazy fat people. Pugs says he likes it but reminds us that lost of women prefer that position. Kelly teaches us that the majority of women get off easier that way. Pugs hates rings on girls' fingers when she's doing hand gestures. It hurts and it scares him a bit. Eric doesn't like it either and reminds us that he bangs lots of married chicks. Ann calls in to warn us that you should wash your hands before you use your fingers.

FIN