Pugs discusses all the bizarre headlines floating around. He points to the "Robert Blake Claims He's Bulimic". Pugs and Kelly discuss MSNBC's line up for some reason. Pugs then explains that Blake's lawyer is claiming that Blake has an eating disorder and that's why he was vomiting at the murder scene. Kelly reminds us that he realized that he had to be in shape now that his wife was dead. Kelly teaches us that Robert Blake doesn't even play character actor parts that require him to be in shape. Pugs points out that since Robert Blake plays a lot of crazy killer roles then it wouldn't be much of a stretch for the jury to see him as a murderer. Pugs reminds us of the Abu Ghraib prison picture scandal and Kelly brings up the picture of Sybil reenacting one of the pictures on the front page of the website. One of the guys is on trial, the guy that's suppose to be the ring leader, and his lawyer compared forcing naked inmates to form a human pyramid to cheerleading shows. Pugs thinks that in order to insure the American way of life growing in Iraq is to introduce them to the way we do things. He doesn't think that a little remedial instruction in cheerleading isn't out of the question. He reminds us that they don't have cheerleaders in Iraq.... perhaps cheerleading is a freedom we for granted. I for one would love to thank the men and women who served our country for protecting that freedom in all previous wars. Whether it was WWII or the Star Wars trilogy, thanks to all the veterans, from the bottom of my heart.... Kelly wonders if Iraqis are able to watch "Survivor" because then we can show them what it was like for Colby from Survivor. This would help them deal with them not receiving food for the "oil for food" program. Pugs thinks that if would have voted Saddam off the island then maybe they'd get their food and water. Pugs reads the attorney's statement in his "yer hahner" voice... "You honor, don't cheerleaders all across America form pyramids 6-8 times a year? Is that torture?".

Kelly had an uneventful night last night but Pugs walked down to the corner and had some sushi. Kelly thinks that is an expensive habit that Pugs is forming and suggests that he try crack instead. He went back home and watched the "Surreal Life" on VH-1. Pugs thinks that it's the most entertaining reality show that he's ever seen. Sybil says that she loved the Ron Jeremy and Tammy Baker season. Pugs informs us that Mini-me is the star of this season. He tells us that he's not emotional able to handle any kind of spot light. He says that Mini-me has health issues, a drinking problem, and he's resentful of being 2 feet tall. Kelly reminds Pugs that Mini-me says that he's not. Pugs tells us that everyone in the house calls Mini-me Mr. 1 Billion box office but he buys into it. Pugs lists off the stars of the show, Peter Brady... Pugs thinks he's the coolest guy in the world and Kelly says that she met him and he's very nice. Pugs tells us that Peter Brady has a male model's body. Gavin joins the show to say.. in a very creepy way... that Peter Brady is hugely ripped up. Da Brat is also in the house and Kelly doesn't know her. Pugs tells her that Da Brat was a southside Chicago rapper who had a cup of coffee in the mid 90s. He informs us that she thinks that she's still a viable artist. She's resentful to be in a house with "washed up has beens". The guitarist for the Go Gos is there. Chyna is there too and Pugs thinks that the two freaks in the house have the biggest issues. Pugs thinks that they probably do some drugs but we don't get to see that on TV. Adrienne Curry from America's Top Model is on the show and Pugs says that he likes her. Pugs thinks that they put Addrianne Curry and Peter Brady are the Jerry Seinfields of the show. They sit around and are normal while all these weirdos cause trouble. Gavin loves that Peter Brady doesn't mind being known for the Brady Bunch. Pugs tells us that from the clips of the rest of the season, Addriene Curry falls in love with Peter Brady. He can see why she falls for him. Pugs tells us that on the first night they were there, Jane Wiedlin and Addriane Curry decided to go skinny dipping in the hot tub. Mini-me has passed out in his bed so Peter Brady goes to get him to check out the chicks. Gavin reminds Pugs that Mini-me was already upset because Chyna had taken his specialty made room... he needs a special room cause he's a midget.... Chyna, a giant freak, is in a midget room. Pugs says that Mini-me ended up having another glass of wine. Pugs thinks that a glass of wine for Mini-me is like a bottle of wine for everyone else only consumed faster. Gavin teaches us that mini people want to be treated like everyone else. Kelly wonders how Gavin knows this and questions if he has any mini friends. Gavin says that he does and that he's the vice-president of an established company. Kelly asks why they've never heard Gavin mention his mini-friend and Pugs tells Kelly it's because he's ashamed of him. Matthew calls in and brings up how creepy it was to see Mini-me touch Addriene's boob when they were eating sushi off her. Pugs tells us that the producers made Addriene put sushi all over her while nude and had the rest of the cast eat off her. Matthew says that her took the sushi off the boob and then started to massage her. Peter Brady carries Mini-me to bed when he gets too drunk. When he lays him in bed, Mini-me starts making weird whiny noises. Gavin and Pugs act it out for us. Kelly wonders why he was doing it and Pugs tells her that he doesn't know. When everyone goes to bed, you hear Mini-me's old person scooter. He's riding around the house, drunk and naked, and he runs into a corner. He thinks it's the bathroom and pees right outside Peter Brady's bedroom door. Pugs thinks that any man turned on by Chyna is a freak because she looks like she might have a penis. Kelly reminds us that this is coming from a guy that has trannytrick.com bookmarked.

*break*

I missed the next one or two segments because of a personal issue. I can't go into too much detail but I can assure everyone... she didn't stab me this time. You know, I really hate my life sometimes.

*break*

Pugs tells eric that he hates this song that he's playing and Eric informs him that it's a band from L.A. called Ozo Matli... they do a lot of songs on soundtracks, they're most famous song is probably Cumbia De Los Muertes.... Sybil reminds us that the billboards in L.A. are way cooler than the billboards here. Pugs thinks it's awful. Pugs just opened a virus on accident. It was from somebody who had a name he thought he recognized and the subject line was "hey, you can't do that".... Pugs probably wondered what it was he couldn't do... He opened it and it was a virus. Pugs wonders if everyone knows what his favorite book is right now. Kelly thinks it's the bible. Sybil brags that she knows and says that it's "America" by Jon Stewart. Kelly remembers when Pugs held them hostage in the office and read it to them. Pugs tells us that it's a history book written by the guys from the Daily Show. In Mississippi, Library officials in two southern counties have banned Jon Stewart's book for nude depictions of the supreme court justice. Kelly wonders where the guy banning the books was appointed the official book reader for Mississippi. They play a clip of Jon Stewart reacting to the book banning on the daily show. Stewart says that this is the worse thing he's ever seen because of the nude pictures. He says that he's surprised because there are far more objectionable material in the book. He points to the comment about a political candidate tea bagging a hooker and the oral sex joke involving Maya Angelou. Pugs tells us that the decision has been reversed and Mississippi is now stocking the books again. Eric says he has a clip of Porter Goss, the new head of the CIA. He tells us that it's from MIchael Moore's cutting room floor. Kelly wonders when Eric was in Michael Moore's cutting room floor. Porter Goss pretty much tells us that he's ridiculously under-qualified to get a job with the CIA. Pugs thinks that it's embarrassing. Kelly thinks that sucks. Pugs suggests that Porter Goss may have taken a crash course on computers since that audio clip was recorded. He wonders if he went to the Sylvan Learning Center.

*break*

SYBILZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. There are 3 bodies found and 22 people still missing in California from the mud slides.
Kelly thinks that her joke about Mud Slides last week is probably in poor taste now. Pugs tells us that he's still all about the tsunami and not a couple of rich people in California. He reminds us that mud slides happen all the time and these are rich people with insurance. Kelly and Sybil tells Pugs that there are people missing and Pugs reminds them that there are thousands of people missing from the Tsunami that snuck up them. Pugs tells us that people in California know that they have brush fires, earthquakes and mud slides. He doesn't have any sympathy for them because they're always so quick to point to the perfection of their state. Pugs thinks that you shouldn't build a house on a mountain side when your state has had mudslides every year for the past one thousand years... duh.... Kelly doesn't feel bad for people that die in hurricanes because they get a few days notice.

2. The New Homeland Security Advisor is...
Pugs says he doesn't care unless it's Clint Eastwood.
The new homeland security advisor is Judge Michael Chertoff.
Pugs says, "I feel safer already... not!". He then apologizes to everyone for doing the "not" thing. Kelly notices that he has his Wayne and Garth watch on and Pugs replies with "shaaa".

3. Reverend Jack Arnold was in the middle of a sermon and when he said "and when I go to heaven..." then he died.
Kelly wonders if that means he's going to heaven and Pugs thinks that it's God calling him a hypocrite. Sybil thinks that he has to go to heaven because he's a minister and Kelly reminds her that PUgs and Kelly are Catholic so he can't go to heaven. Pugs wonders if Sybil thinks that the Reverend Jim Jones, the dude that did the kool-aid death juice with all his followers, is in heaven. Pugs wonders if Sybil thinks that the Reverend David Koresh went to heaven. He then reminds Sybil that Paco is a reverend. Sybil doesn't think that's it's real because it was done through that online church. Pugs doesn't think there is anything to calling yourself an ordained minister. He just has to subscribe to a church. Kelly reminds us that they call themselves Presidents of Pugs and Kelly Enterprises but that doesn't think that puts them at the same level of George W. Bush. Kelly thinks that ministers of recognized religions have Jesus' cell phone. They may have the number but that doesn't mean he's going to pick up. Pugs thinks that every two-bit con man in America, like Paco, can grab onto some legitimacy by adding "reverend" to their name.

4. A doctor is doing genital reconstruction surgery, the thing that makes the weeee place tighter, with a laser. The traditional way is with cutting.
Pugs thinks kind of a good thing and urges ladies to try this. He tells women that guys really appreciate it and that they're looking for a studio apartment, not a loft. Kelly doesn't think that she should have to make changes just because guys can't measure up.

5. Mr. Blackwell has released his list of worst dressed women.
10. Anna Nicole Smith
9. Meryl Streep
8. Paula Abdul
7. Brittany Spears
Kelly is bothered because she doesn't wear shoes in public bathrooms.
6. Serena Williams
Pugs thinks that liking Serena Williams is like liking Chyna.
5. Paris Hilton
Pugs thinks that she always looks good and Kelly thinks that she dresses very stripper. Pugs thinks that she's perfect.
4. Courtney Love
Kelly think that she doesn't count because that's like pointing out a homeless person and saying that she's not well dressed. Pugs thinks that she probably has lots of ear crust and Eric suggests that she probably has really gross panties. Pugs brings up the big fat obese retarded cleaning lady that worked at the pizza joint that he worked at. He use to drive her home and had to stick his head out the window because the BO was so awful. Pugs thinks that Courtney Love BO is probably very similar.
3.TIE, Jessica Simpson and Ashlee Simpson
Pugs doesn't understand a tie on his list because it's not like he had voting. This is a guy that just can't make up his mind. Pugs also doesn't see how the Simpson sisters is higher than Courtney Love.
2. Lindsay Lohan
Everyone disagrees. Pugs says that she looks good all the time... yes she does, she especially looks good muted and in slow motion, that's a good time.... Pugs hates Mr. Blackwell.
1. Nicollete Sheridan
Pugs thinks that she still looks hot.

6. Vince Neil just got married to his long time girlfriend. MC Hammer officiated the ceremony.
Pugs points out that MC Hammer is a reverend.

7. NAS, legendary rapper known for things like "If I Ruled the World" and pissing off a lot of Christians by having a video where he's on a cross, and Kelis "the milkshake song whore girl" got married.

8. Frank Black, from the Pixies, just had his first child.
Pugs didn't think he liked girls and thinks that he's very drama club. Sybil thinks that it's cute that Frank Black said that his baby is 7 pounds and 9 ounces of pure handsome.

9. Angelina Jolie might be the cause of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston break up.
Pugs loves Angelina Jolie and reminds us that all she does is breaks up marriages. Sybil thinks that if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie did hook up, they'd be the hottest celeb couple ever. Pugs and Kelly point out how instead of solving the world's problems during the breaks, they've been discussing who's the hottest A-level celebrity couples. There is a poll on the front page of the website.. if you're reading this then I suppose you've already seen it. Vote, it's the most important decision you can make. Pugs doesn't think that he could date Angelina Jolie because she's crazy.. sorry Angelina. Pugs and Eric agree that they'll let her tie them up and Kelly thinks they should be worried that the room would catch on fire then. New instant poll topic.. "would you let Angelina Jolie tie you up?"... The results are in the instant poll section of the website.

*break*

Pugs got an e-mail regarding his comments on the mud slides. Matt says that he's offended by Pugs' comments and says that his grandmother is currently missing and feared dead. Then he says... "screw them richys.. right on!" They have a guest joining the show... it's Chicago Rob! Pugs wonders if Rob has any of these secret double airline pilot lives going on and Rob tells him that he doesn't to their knowledge. Pugs brings up the date they had on Sunday. Rob said that it went fine and Kelly thinks that isn't' a ringing endorsement. Rob tells us that they've had better dates and Kelly reminds him that they've only gone out twice. Pugs thinks that means that Kelly's company rots on him. Pugs wonders what's up with the Rob hand thing. He doesn't recall being totally disgusted with the attempt to hold hands and thinks that they held hand in their first date. Pugs wonders what his intentions are for his little girl. Rob wants to go back to the hand holding thing. He's in a hotel right now and his co-workers know that he's a single guy from Chicago. He explains that in his profession... which I'm pretty sure is something shady... things can easily be misunderstood and it could impact his career negatively. Scott calls in to ask if Rob finished. Rob says that there was no admission, the gates were closed. Pugs informs Rob that the listeners chimed in and decided to allow Kelly to have sex with him. Rob tells us that he allowed her too. Pugs wonders if Rob didn't shower. Pugs wonders what color Rob's testicles were when Kelly left and Rob tells us that they were in fact, blue. Brad calls in to ask if Rob got to see the twins. Rob says yes. Pugs applauds. Rob says that Dr. Schwartz is very skilled. Pugs points out that Russ Martin has been trying for months and Rob got it in 2 months. Rob reminds us that he did a lot of text messages. Kenny calls in to ask how the fun bags felt. Rob says, and a direct quote is the only way to give this justice... "slightly less than real but at the same time rather wonderful... tasted... DUMP BUTTON. Kelly informs Rob that this is rather trying times in broadcasting thanks to his president. Rob wonders if Kelly does give it up early to other people but not him. Eric asks Rob how old he is and Rob tells us that he's 29. Pugs informs him that Kelly didn't know his age. Rob tells us that he doesn't know Kelly's age and Pugs tells him that she'll be 41 on her next birthday. Kelly asks Rob what he knows about her. He says that he knows more and more everyday because he just found out that there is a blog on the website. He informs us that the blog was his inspiration to come on the air and defend the hand holding situation. Kelly wants to know how she had kids and Rob remembers that she blurted it out once. Pugs wonders how Rob feels about raising another man's children. Rob tells us that he met Shemp on the way in. Pugs seems shocked and then Kelly reminds him that they work in the same building with Shemp. Eric opens the door and screams for Shemp. Terry calls in to say that he's been listening forever and this is real good radio. Kelly thinks it's good that they've finally found something that is good. Pugs welcomes Kelly's "first" husband to the show. Kelly says that she was trying to steer clear of this side of the building because she thought it would be weird. Shemp admits that he heard Kelly giving a tour and he figured it was to Chicago Rob. He left his office just to have the awkward meeting.

*break*

We're back with Kelly's new boyfriend, first husband, and her partner. Pugs points out that the new boyfriend has already seen the boobs and the ex-husband haven't. Shemp says that he saw them back then so it doesn't bother him. Pugs reminds Shemp that they were a mess back then. Kelly points out that she's standing right here and Shemp assures that they were good at first. Shemp claims that he has no desire to see them and Pugs informs him that he has to ask Chicago Rob for permission first if he changes his mind. Pugs wonders how long Kelly made Shemp wait. Shemp says that there were make out sessions that proceeded it. Shemp tells us that when the time came, Kelly was really aggressive. Brett calls in to ask Chicago Rob is mad because Kelly hasn't banged him yet. Rob says no because a few text messages, a few phone conversations, and a few dinners doesn't mean she has to give it up. Shemp brags that he never had to buy her dinner.


Comments? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com

Kelly tells us that the guys at starbucks told her that they're glad that she hasn't been molested. She tells us that one of the guys recognized her because of her voice. They started complaining about the girls that were in earlier that had the annoying young sounding voices. Kelly taught them that Dr. Drew says that it's because they were molested as a child and that it has stunted their growth. As she was leaving they yelled that they were happy that Kelly wasn't molested. Kelly explained that she was in fact molested but that it changed her in different ways. Pugs wonders if Kelly did anything interesting and Kelly says that she did something out of the ordinary for her. Pugs thinks that she got laid and reminds us of the history of Chicago Rob. Kelly complains that she's a little worried because Chicago Rob is very similar to Pugs and that means that they might go off into a corner to chat. Pugs tells us that he was in the studio getting ready for the show and Kelly and Sybil were talking about what they did over the weekend. Pugs was trying not to get involved until the show started but he found it hard when he heard Kelly say that she went back to his hotel room. Pugs reminds us that the listeners have given Kelly permission to sleep with him. Kelly complains about the packers losing to the Vikings. She then tells us that they had to scrap their plan to watch the game together because his plane was delayed. They decided to go have dinner but she told him that she had to watch Desperate House wives for the show. She gave him two options, they can leave dinner early and go to his hotel room to watch it or she can go home early. Pugs and Eric think that was brilliant on Kelly's part. Kelly claims that she wasn't trying to be brilliant. Eric acts out something that he thinks happened during their little viewing party, "oh my god Kelly, this show is really good.. thanks for turning me on to it". Kelly admits that was muttered at the end of the show. Eric and Pugs laugh at her. Kelly says that she did not sleep with him and she refuses to answer that question again in the future. Pugs wonders if this is some sort of congressional hearing. Pugs wonders if they kissed and Kelly replies with a maybe. Pugs wonders if they were fully clothed and Kelly says that they were mostly. Pugs asks if the shirt was on and Kelly wonders if Pugs means her or him. Pugs laughs because he took his shirt off. Kelly tells him that he's wrong but lets Pugs go with that. Pugs reminds us that Kelly wanted somebody to play with her new boobs and Kelly assures us that she was wearing her bra. Eric sounds disgusted and tells us that he can't look at her. Kelly tells us that she didn't perform any sexual acts. A caller named Scoot asks if he performed any sexual acts and Kelly reminds us that she doesn't like to receive. Pugs reminds us that Chicago Rob is moving to Dallas and thinks it's good that Kelly will now have an escort to all these events.... hey, what am I? chopped friggin' liver?... He warns her that once he meets hotter Texas chicks, he'll leave her. Pugs teaches us that guys mid west are always blown away by the hot chicks here but then they don't realize how they're lying manipulative bitches until it's too late. Kelly wonders if it's a bad sign that he doesn't want to hold her hand in public. Pugs thinks it's only bad if she put her hand out to hold hands and he pulled away. Kelly confirms and Pugs gives her the bad buzzer. Eric reminds us that Pugs told us that some people think it's too intimate to hold hands in public early on in the relationship. Pugs tells Eric that he's a lot smarter than he gives him credit for and then readjusts his stance on the matter. He assures Kelly that it's all right. Kelly tells him that he wouldn't hold her hand as he walked her back to her car. Pugs says he doesn't know but thinks that if he just had his tongue in her throat then the least he could do is hold her hand. Kelly tells us that she can't afford to get involved with somebody that's emotionally distant. Pugs tries to comfort her by telling her that maybe he heard that she doesn't like to be touched that much. Laura calls in to say that she doesn't like to hold hands but wonders if he put his arm over her. Kelly tells us that he did put his arm around her but they left plenty of room for the holy ghost. Pugs explains that holding hands is a more intimate gesture than kissing because there is no pay off. There is no reason to hold a hand except for a genuine show of affection. Pugs tells us that you can meet a girl at a bar, take her home, make out with her, and bang her but you probably won't want to hold her hand the next day at the mall. Kelly points out that his explanation doesn't make her feel any better. Pugs tells us that he tries his dating conversation topics out on Aaron so he knows they work. Kelly says that she just drinks more. Pugs says that Kelly has to go into a date as if it's a show with an audience for one. Kelly thinks that's a good idea. Dave calls in to say that he might have refused the hand because he didn't get everything he wanted. Kelly tells us that she did ask him if he was pissed but he said no. Kelly's tells us about some of the things she does to torture men that she dates. When they just look at her she sends out a very defensive "what?". When they compliment her she tells them to shut up and disvalues their compliment. Eric calls her a date from hell but Pugs points out that they all are bad dates. Kelly and Pugs reminds Eric that he's a nut bag. Pugs thinks that Sybil is probably the best date out of the four of them and Kelly agrees. Pugs points out that this must be quite the welcome to Dallas. Your first night out and it's all over the radio the next day. Pugs tells us that if you have a new guy in your office that plays hockey and has a bar wire tattoo, then they're talking about him.

*break*

Holy crap that last segment was long.

Pugs moved to a new place over the weekend and loves his new place. He was cleaning out his stuff and was being moved by Apple Movers. There is a link on the "plugs" section of the website. Pugs calls them 6 little Mexican guys and he tells us that he doesn't know how a guy that weighs 130 and is 5'5'' can lift an entire mattress by himself. Pugs says that he has a giant liquor cabinet and has a lot of gallon jugs of Jose Cuervo. He asked the movers if they liked tequila and their eyes lit up. He gave them to the movers because he was going to throw them out. They worked extra hard just so they can get to the liquor quicker. Pugs tells us that since he moved to Texas, he hasn't lived by himself until now. He complains that the first night in a new house was freaky because of all the new sounds. He slept with a baseball bat next to him. He explains that the door to enter the apartment is on the first floor and he sleeps on the third. He says that he wouldn't be able to hear somebody take an axe to his door. Pugs explains that he went straight to college, to back home, to living with five guys, to his grand parents, to living with his girlfriend, to getting a place with her as a married couple, then all the stuff down here. He always has been able to write off different noises he heard in the places he lived in the house as noises his various roommates made but now he's all alone. Pugs points out that guys tend to live with other guys more than women lie with other women. Kelly would have thought it was the other way around but Pugs points out that every woman he's been involved with have lived on their own. Every guy that he is friends with have a roommate. Sybil says that she had a roommate one time and that ended really badly. The Dallas morning news just did a story on the straight guy roommate trend. They showcased results of the last census excluding gay/lesbian couples. They says that men living together are able to save money and expand their social circle. Kelly points out that women like to decorate their place and you can't really co-decorate with people. Pugs reads that on a national scale, women are more likely to live with other women. He realizes that he misread the story and tells us that there are more women in America. He starts saying a lot of numbers and I don't do math real well. My brain starts to tingle and I begin to question existence. But in the end they figure out that this area has a higher percentage of guy roommates. Pugs thinks it's because of the pack mentality and points out that he walks around with an entourage. Kelly points out that all single guys have a black leather chair or couch. She wonders where the black leather furniture single dude store is located. Sybil points out that all guys have a big ass stereo with at least 8 different components. Pugs says that he has to furnish his apartment now and he's having his newly laid off girlfriend, who's a decorator, decorate his new place. He was suppose to pick up a couch at this place that she picked out on Saturday because he could have saved 400 bucks on it. He decided that he'd rather watch the football game. Amber calls in to say that she doesn't like to live with women because it was like living with her parents again. She had to check in and out, she had to tell her who she was bringing home and she hated it. Pugs says that he never cared if his guy roommates weren't around. One of his roommates went home for a week and he didn't know until he came back. Kelly brings up one of their guy friends that had a girl roommate that refused to leave her room for three days. he was unsure how he should hand that situation. Pugs tells us that the girl recently moved out and she stole all his light bulbs. That sets up Kelly's joke. She tells us that she has a setup for a joke but needs a punch line... How many single women does it take to screw in a light bulb? She complains that she has weird funky 1970 lights and wonders if she can get new lights for them. She tells us that there are rooms in her house that she refuses to go into because there aren't any lights in there. Jessica calls in to say that her roommate would lock her out every single time with their silent dead bolt. Her roommate use to complain every time for waking her up in the middle of the night. Pugs asks if it still bothers Jessica and she admits that it does. She tells us that it was back in 1988. Pugs thinks that she needs to get over it.

*break*

double holy crap, that last segment was long too...

We're back with more guy roommate talk. Pugs tells us that there is a pie chart in the Dallas Morning News that shows the percentages and Kelly tells him to hold it up to the microphone. My sister comes into the kitchen and starts talking about the post-labor union party class or something. It's some class she's signing up for or something. It sounds communist-ish or something. It distracts me and I come back to hear Pugs and Eric bitching about the guy couch at the various mall stores. Pugs says that the guy in the dude chair always has a smoothie. He thinks the woman has to buy the guy a treat. Kelly wonders why they go shopping with guys because all they get in return in "yeah.. looks nice... ok". Pugs brings up that there are plenty of girls here that bring guys along so that they pay for everything. Les calls in.. he has a funny accent and I keep laughing at it... he says that the reason why women live alone is because women are bitches. He explains that guys are a lot more easy going. He teaches us that women always want to change everything. Kelly thinks that Les' interpretation of the word "easy going" is just a nicer way of saying "lazy". Les says that guys hold don't hold grudges. Pugs points out that guys forgive all the time and the only way something will get horrible is when a woman is involved. Les complains about how women bring up things that happened 15 years ago and Pugs proclaims his love for Les. Les explains that men realize that people are not perfect so that when they do something wrong, they forgive them. Kelly thinks Les talks too much and puts him on hold. Kelly says that women forgive a lot of things. Pugs thinks that whenever we have a subject that requires an expert we should talk to Les because his accent makes him sound like an expert on anything. Kelly lets Les back on and asks him if he's going to stop bitching. She tells him that she can see why he'd get on womens' nerves. Kelly accuses Les of being a bitch and Les admits that he's a bitch. Les justifies it by reminding us that he forgives also. Les explains that when men marry women, they love them for who they are but when women marry men, they want to make improvements. Kelly thinks that people should change and evolve as a human being. Pugs thinks that guys do but women shouldn't 't speed up the process if the guy isn't ready. Kelly doesn't think that a guy should complain about their girlfriends/wives turning into their mother if they're going to have their girlfriend/wives sewing their clothes, cooking their food, and matching their socks. Les says that he appreciates a woman picking out his clothes but he makes sure that he tells her that he appreciates that. He approves of women trying to make him a better person but he doesn't like the ones that use the nagging technique. Pugs points out that women never complain about their man nagging them. Kelly apologizes on behalf of all women for caring more about their men then their men care about them. Jack calls in to say that he'd like to hold Kelly's hand any day of the week. He then tells us that he has a punch line to Kelly's set up.

"How many single women does it take to screw in a light bulb?"...
Jack's answer... "3, one to hold the chair, one to change the bulb, and one to read the instructions. "

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Oh wait, that really really really really sucked... words cant' describe how lame that is but I think I'll try. "very" .


Michael calls in with the end of the joke again..

"How many single women does it take to screw in a light bulb?"
Michael's answer.. "none, they'd rather sit in the dark and bitch about it"

They give him a hockey prize pack. And I hear De La Soul "Me, Myself, and I".

*break*

Kelly complains that she's old. She got an e-mail from a Rich at one in the morning. That asked her if she wanted to go out with his friends. Pugs wonders who does that and Kelly thinks that you can only do that when you're under 25. Pugs says that the main level of his apartment has floor to ceiling windows. He had all the blinds open and went downstairs to get a drink in his underwear. Kelly says that she walks around naked without curtains. Pugs thinks that it's different for him because he's high. Pugs also reminds us that when the kids are there, Kelly has to wear clothes. Pugs reminds us of the time that he discovered his mother was a natural red head. Kelly seems disturbed by this story. Pugs went to walk his dog at 1 am, right before he went to bed, and noticed that he can see inside his neighbors places. Pugs wonders if that's peeping. Pugs says that he's been looking into windows to get decorating ideas.... suuuuuuure.... Pugs says that he doesn't need for the cops to arrest him for being a neighborhood pervert. He doesn't want to lose his job over it. Eric thinks that it's a vanity thing. He thinks that people leave their windows open so that you can see the cool decor in their cool apartments. Kelly thinks that Eric is just bitter. Sybil tells Pugs that more than a glance is too long. Pugs is very worried that he's going to be labeled a pervert. A guy calls in to say that he jogs by this lady's house who leaves her blinds open. He stops and takes a look. He wonders if that makes him a pervert. He wonders if it's his fault for leaving the blinds open. Kelly says that she hates that excuse but Pugs thinks that it is her fault. Kelly thinks it's not your fault the first time but if you keep doing it then it's your fault. Pugs tells the caller that when you go jogging and intentionally stop in front of a house to see a woman then you're a pervert. Pugs doesn't think he's a pervert because he's just out walking his dog and he has no choice but to look into your building. Pugs keeps saying that he could lose his radio career for being a pervert. A caller calls in to say that we all know he's a pervert. He brings up the time Pugs said that he remembered his mom doing his laundry as a kid and he found it erotic. Pugs doesn't remember saying that and thinks that the caller is crazy. Kelly reminds Pugs that he likes the look of a woman doing laundry on a Sunday. Pugs says that it's a comforting turn-on not an erotic turn-on. A police officer calls in to explain the reasonable level of privacy law. If you're walking around your house naked and people can see you from outside then your in violation. Kelly thinks that's classist because she can't afford to get drapes. Pugs tells her that she should put some pants on then. Pugs thanks the officer for giving him that ammo. Pugs is now going to accuse his neighbors of being exhibitionist if they accuse him of being a pervert. Kelly thinks that he should plan this fight out before hand and wait outside until it happens. Pugs points out that in all the scenarios he's acting out, he's looking at guys. Chris calls in to say that he found out that his daughter was giving shows for neighborhood boys. Pugs asks about the age of Chris' daughter and Chris says 19. Pugs then asks for Chris' address. Everyone laughs. Kelly points out that the Lodge is a nice place to work. Pugs wraps it up by assuring people that if they were to find out that he was peeping in the Plano area then they should remember this segment. Kelly thinks that's a nice way for Pugs to cover his bases.

*break*


Pugs has received an e-mail from a guy and Kelly had it CCed. He explains that players don't hold hands in public. A player doesn't want to make the girl feel good about herself at all. Pugs says that they have a friend that uses that method, his compliments are always back-handed. Kelly says that her new year's resolution doesn't allow her to talk bad about Aaron. The e-mail says that Kelly always picks the same type of guys that she had before. She always dates distant player sorts. Kelly admits that she goes for the distant type but she's never dated a player. Pugs confirms this. Kelly says that anybody that looks at Shemp knows he's not a player. Pugs doesn't think that Tyson was a player either and points out that he hardly ever get on the field. Pugs likes how the e-mailer ends it with "think about it". Kelly's favorite part is when he says "by the way Pugs, this is a 40 year old that's still dating the 21 year old hottie... good luck Kelly, perhaps one of these days we'll get a chance to visit. Perhaps you'll learn a little bit about yourself."

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!!!

1. Columbia House, the 12 CDs for a penny guys, have combined forces with playboy to have Porn Columbia House.
Pugs thinks that's a brilliant idea Sybil brings up how it's a 12 billion dollar industry and they wonder why people want to shut it down if it's so undeniably wanted. Kelly wonders if the reason why we don't grow lawns indoors is because he have legislature against it. She tells us it's because nobody wants it. She explains that it's a natural selection thing. Pugs tells her that lawns can't grown indoors and Kelly reminds him that they do it in stadiums. She says that some little Asian groups grow little banzai trees. Pugs thinks that might be the worse analogy that they've ever offered on the show. Kelly reminds him that people grow grass all the time but they call it hydroponics. I'll be cutting this up and putting on the audio archive section of the website.

2. A website just put a new survey on how a guy should propose to a girl. 90% of all women want a man to get down on one knee.
Pugs says that he asked in front of a lot of people at a fancy restaurant because he was hoping they would comp the meal. Kelly doesn't think that her ex-husband got down on his knee, He was just at some random place. Sybil says that her father and her mother just furnished their apartment then added that he had enough money left over for a marriage certificate.
70% of women want to be totally surprised. Don't propose at the jumbotron of a sports stadium, less than percent of women want that.
Pugs and Kelly think that's tacky.... what if it was at the super bowl? come on, it's the super bowl.... Pugs teaches us that the woman wants it to be intimate not during the 7th inning stretch.
Always ask her father.
Kelly says that would be nice but Shemp didn't ask. Pugs reveals that he asked his ex father in-law. He tells us that they got engaged and returned from their trip to New York. Frankie Avalon, from Beach Blanket Bingo, was a guest on the radio show he was working on. Pugs' fiance told him that her father loves Frankie Avalon so, the show asked Frankie Avalon to call Pugs' fiance's father for permission for Pugs to marry his daughter. At first, the father didn't believe but then he realized that they were on the radio so it must be true. Kelly laughs at that statement. He gave his father in-law tickets to the show and back stage passes. His father in-law hated Pugs but he was happy that he was able to have a drink with Frankie Avalon because of him. Kevin calls in to say that the easiest way to ask your wife for marriage is over the phone. Sybil is disgusted with that. Kelly informs us that girls are looking for the guy that chooses the easy way to ask them for marriage. Kevin tells us that they've been happily married for 16 years. Pugs wonders what's wrong with her and Kevin tells us that he's 38. After being asked, he tells us that his wife is 39. He says that older women are great. Gavin calls in to say that he planned a trip to Mexico with his girlfriend and planned out a very elaborate proposal. She found the ring when she was going through his stuff and he snatched it from her. She got mad and demanded to know what he was hiding in his hand. He finally had to confess and ask her to marry him. Gavin says that he brings up the time that she ruined their engagement every time she gets snoopy. Kelly thinks that she was probably just unpacking and not snooping.

3. The People's Choice Award was last night.
Pugs calls this the lowest rung award show. Sybil points out that they had a lot of big stars there.
The Best picture was Fahrenheit 9/11, the best drama picture was "the Passion of the Christ".
Kelly wonders if they'll be a sequel to the Passion of the Christ. Pugs suggests that they call it "Passion of the Christ: Messiah in Paradise".
The best comedy picture was Schreck 2, favorite female movie star was Julia Roberts, favorite male movie star was Johnny Depp, favorite reality show competition was American Idol, favorite reality show 24/7 was Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica, favorite music group was U2, favorite female singer was Alicia Keyes, favorite male singer was Usher.

4. Randy Moss fake mooned a lot of people after a touch down on Sunday

5. Weekend Box Office
5) Fat Albert
4) Jiminiy Smickett: a seiries of unfortunate evens (seriously, when they decide to give movies better names, I'll decide to remember and repeat the name properly.. eat me Hollywood... and yes, I don't care that it was named after a book.. just call it "Fun Movie" or something)
3) The Aviator
2) White Noise
1) Meet the Fookers

*break*

Kelly wonders why the flags are at half mast. She thinks it might be for the tsunami but Pugs assures her that it's because of Reggie White. Kelly wonders why they don't have flag poles at the station and points out that the Mexican station across the freeway has 3 giant poles. She points out that the WB, right next door, has a big frog flag. She teaches us that they let their frog flag fly. Tommy Habeeb joins the show he has a show called Stag. They follow you on your bachelor and bachelorette party. They've filmed a dozen episodes but they have a few slots open now.

"Hosted by Tommy Habeeb, star of "Cheaters" and "Eye for an Eye," STAG is a nationally syndicated television program that features bachelors and bachelorettes on their last night out as a single person. Our camera crew follows all the madcap happenings of the evening - from the wacky misadventures to the spontaneous mishaps - whether it's you (the bachelor or bachelorette) or your crazy friends who cause all the commotion.

The next day we show a tape of the party to your mate. If all is forgiven for the harmless fun you had, then STAG will give you and your loved one a fabulous honeymoon! If, however, your mate is just a bit jealous of the fun-on-tape, then he or she may opt to have a party of their own hosted by STAG. Either way, it's all in fun!

So if YOU'RE getting married soon, or you know someone who is, sign up today for STAG: Last Night of Freedom! We'll make sure your Last Night of Freedom is the best party you've ever had! " from stagonline.com


comments? E-mail Will at will@pugsandkellylive.com