Sybil has bronchitis and Kelly hopes that she doesn't catch it. They wonder if it's a virus and Pugs reminds them that viruses aren't contagious. Sybil and Eric point out that HIV is a virus. Pugs' official stance on bronchitis is that you're not sick unless you have a fever. They discuss how awful a fever of 102 is for an adult. Pugs brags that he had scarlet fever as a kid and went deaf for a weekend. When he had it he started to freak out. He thought that there were bugs everywhere except on his mother. He started crawling all over her. He had to wear an ice jacket. Pugs thinks his mom must have been a piss poor mom because he almost died a lot. Kelly thinks Pugs is being ridiculous and he goes through the list. He had scarlet fever, he almost drowned, he got molested... Kelly thinks it's unfair for him to blame his mother because those were in the safer days. Then she realizes that it probably wasn't that much safer. He also got into a car accident. Pugs almost drowned in Lake Michigan on the bicentennial because the adults were too busy drinking to pay attention to him. Kelly almost died at Cedar Lake. She was going on the slides and she submerged. She started swimming really hard and finally gave up. She accepted that she was going to die but then she realized that she could touch the bottom. She figures that she couldn't have been swimming for that long and thinks she might give up too easily. Pugs remembers that his mom also let him get abducted by aliens. Kelly doesn't think there is much that she could have done for that because the aliens have the ability to freeze everybody. Eric thinks aliens have the Fonz gift.

Pugs wonders how Kelly's president day went and wonders if she celebrated by smoking weed like Bush. Kelly hasn't smoked anything. Down Under Wayne is being hypnotized so that he can quit smoking. Kelly tried to have a cigarette yesterday but it didn't work.

Today is the anniversary of the "Miracle on Ice". This is where the Americans beat the Soviet Union in Olympic Ice Hockey back in 1980. Pugs can't think of any other time that the world was blown away by our athletic abilities. He reminds us that the game was aired on a delay. Pugs was all about the hockey team but only for four days. They've been looking for the clip of Al Michael's big call of the game "do you believe in miracles". It use to be all over the net. Shemp enters the studio to let them know he has it. Pugs heard that WFAA, channel 8 in Dallas, ran a scroll of the final score during the airing of the game. They all agree that it was a good time to have that kind of victory. We had hostages in Iran, the next Olympics was boiling up to be a boycott cluster-f, Russia was in Afghanistan, and we were aiding the Afghanis. Kelly brings up how they were raised to believe that the Russians were motherless and superior to us in every way. Pugs teaches us that post 9/11 isn't the first time this government participated in fear-mongering.

*break*

Pugs watched a little wrestling last night. Kelly wonders what the hell happened to Pugs. He's eating tofu, watching nascar, watching wrestling, and he's working out. Pugs lets Kelly know that nascar is very cool. He didn't mean to like it but the drama of the race sucked him in. They play a clip from the Daytona 500 to prove the excitement. Pugs explains that it was the final lap and there were still 6 cars that could win it. Kelly doesn't think having a guy that sounds like Cooter calling the race is going to help nascar lose the white trash aura. Pugs goes back to wrestling. He wonders what the difference between WWE Raw and WWE Smackdown. Somebody explains that they're two different shows on two different days with two different casts. Pugs watched the tail end of Raw so that he can get to his new favorite reality TV show, Ultimate Fighter. It's like Big Brother only everyone is an Ultimate Fighter. They get into fights all the time. Bruce-x calls in to tell Pugs that he's dangerously close to having sex with his first cousin. Kelly agrees. Pugs wanted to deny Nascar but couldn't help it. I point out that Pugs also dug the southern rock tribute at the grammys.

*break*

Pugs doesn't put anything past Carl Rove and doesn't like to associate Carl Rove and George Bush. He points out that Carl Rove is the scape goat. Kelly thinks he's like a secret service agent but he catches media heat instead. Doug Wead recorded the private thoughts of George W. Bush back in 1998. Doug Wead is releasing a book soon. Pugs hates when somebody releases a tape right before they have a book ready to come out. Pugs thinks that Bush knew he was being taped because he comes off way too well. He thinks that if these would have came out in October then he might of had a problem with the Christian right. He doesn't have to dance for them anymore because he's already in his second term. They play a tape of the president saying that he doesn't want to answer the marijuana question because he doesn't want a kid trying what he's tried. He doesn't want some kid to be able to say, "well daddy, President Bush tried it". Kelly thinks it sounds like he's performing. Pugs thinks that marijuana is so 1990 because nobody cares anymore. He points out that most of the people in office now grew up in the 60s and 70s tried weed. If they didn't then they're probably dorks and nobody wants a dork in office. Pugs believes that the president probably did a lot of cocaine in the 70s because he was a big money oil guy. They agree that these tapes are really good for his image.

*break*

Kelly just got an invitation to her HIgh School Reunion and points out that she graduated in 87. She wonders if they're having an 18 year anniversary.

Jay Gormley from KTVT CBS 11 joins the show. Pugs calls him the blood and gore reporter. HE explains that JAy normally stands in front of a dead body and then says "Jay Gormley... CBS 11 news". Jay's friend John is in the studio. Pugs wonders if they're a couple and they say no. They're film making partners. Jay was reporting from ground zero the day after 9/11. He explains that they drove there in 23 hours and there weren't any cops on the road. Pugs lets him know that it's OK if there were cops because they're media. Jay teaches us that the Media uses their flashing media lights and sirens whenever they're driving to a job. After that, he had to cover a few plane crashes and the rest of the gloom. Last week, he had to cover the 8 year old getting shot. Pugs brings up the $30,000 millionaire phenomenon. Pugs brings up how he just bought his first nice car ever, an Infinity, and he saw a high school kid get out of one. John tells him that it's almost as if it's a competition between the parents. Pugs doesn't' think you can trust a 16 year old with a $40,000 car. Kelly's first car smelt like old man. Jay says that he got his first job in his field 15 years ago. He was working for a NBC affiliate in Palm Springs. He was barely making $15,000 a year and was driving a Hyundai Excel. His dates used to look at him like he was crazy for picking him up in that. He also had to deal with Frank Sinatra driving around in his Gold Royce. Pugs brings up there $30,000 millionaire phenomenon. Jay says that he directs and John stars in their movies. Their new movie, $30,000, is about those guys that live the life without living the life. They bring up how cheap it is to live in Dallas. You can make $35,000 a year, get an apartment uptown, lease your BMW, and dress like a douche bag. Pugs calls them North Dallas Smoothies. John says that it's just like the movie "Swingers" but they're not as cool. Jay says that the tag line for their movie is "It's not what you make, it's what you fake". They remind us that if you make 35 grand in any other city then you can't pull this scam off. They start naming places where these douche bags hang out. Jay points out that you can actually notice people posing in unison at these places. Kelly notices that people do the meet and greet circle. Pugs says that he's a fat guy that goes to these places on occasion. Everyone treats him like crap until somebody leaks that he's on the radio and then it's a whole different world. He thinks that it screams volumes for these horrible people. John explains that they have the script for the movie they just need to get the ball moving. Pugs shares his theory on why these people exist. He points out that growing up, everyone knew "rich people' but in Dallas, it's "oil rich". You're competiting against the grand children of Ross Perot and other trust fund brats. In order to get women they have to go for the flash. You need the coin to compete but if you don't then you have to fake it. Kelly brings up how some girls will actually ask a guy what he drives. A guy calls in to say that his friend is a 30,000 millionaire. He lives at home but drive a 7 series. He works for a tailor so he always has great suits and he looks like Julio Iglesias. He only has enough money for the cover and one drink.

*break*

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. The pregnant woman and her son that were missing from Fort Worth have been found. Their bodies were found and now her boyfriend has been arrested.

2. A former Virginia High school graduate has been arrested in Saudi Arabia for plotting to assassinate President Bush. He's also been plotting with Al Queda. He's 23.
Kelly thinks that you soul be allowed to cheer for the home team. Pugs thinks that you shouldn't trust high profile political assassination to a kid in his 20s.

3. A Russian woman gave birth to a girl with one big blue eye. She died almost instantly.

4. Police in Philadelphia chased a naked man through the streets. The police responded to a crazy man screaming in the streets. THe man bit an officer, stole their car, crashed it, then took off on foot.
Pugs thinks this sounds like something off of Reno 911.

5. In Florida, a man chewed off his arm after getting it trapped under a fridge. He was stuck under it for 4 days.
Kelly wonders if he was part hamster. Pugs wonders how you could chew through your own arm and Sybil thinks that you'd have to break it in half eventually. Eric reminds us of the hiker that cut his own arm with his pocket knife.

*break*

6. CareerBuilder.com did an online poll asking people to compare their bosses to movie character bosses. The choices are... Gordon Gekko from Wall Street, Bill Lumbergh from Office Space, Andrew Shepherd from The American President, Bernie Lomax from Weekend at Bernie's and Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars. Most people said their boss is most like Andrew Sheppard.
Pugs thinks that most people must respect their boss then. Kelly thinks Gavin is a mix between the Office Space guy and Andrew Sheppard. She feels that Gavin speaks in the cadence of the Office Space guy. Pugs says that he convinces them to do all the lame things they don't want to do. Eric says that one time Gavin asked if he was doing anything one night. He thought he was about to ask if he wanted to hang out so Eric said his night was clear. Gavin then asked him to do a bunch of work. Sybil says that it happened to her too. He asked her to work an event that Val couldn't work. Kelly's father used to do that to her so she doesn't fall for it with Gavin. Pugs and Kelly always ask Gavin "why" whenever he asks any question. Gavin gets really defensive and says that he just wants to hang out with his mid day team. Gavin comes into the studio to say that he denies using those tactics. Then he says that he probably did it but didn't mean for it to be a slap in a face. He also points out that he has taken out every single member of the show out. Gavin thinks he's most like Obi-Wan Kenobi. He thinks he's a good leader and willing to take one for the team.

7. Quentin Tarintino will be directing an upcoming episode of CSI

8. Brigitte Nielsen stopped breathing and Flava Flav saved her life.

A few people call in and guess incorrectly about the fake story. A lady finally gets it correct with the man that chewed through his own arm.

*break*

Kelly has a "rattic" update. She has Norwegian Roof Rats but Pest Works is dealing with them. Kelly feels so secure to know that here is bait above her head that will cause the death of those creatures. She does her reenactment of what she hears now. *scratch scratch.. eeeeeeeeeeeeeee DROP*.

Down Under Wayne joins the show to discuss his smoking. It's been 27 hours since he had a smoke. He wants one but he's stayed strong. He didn't really sleep well though.

BYE BYE