It's Friday so they go through the weekend line up. Auto flex followed by Plastic Surgery Super Hour, followed by the New You Show, followed by the Sybil show. Pugs wonders if Everett minds that they call it the Sybil show and Kelly says that Everett doesn't even listen. She also reminds us that Sybil is better looking but that's setting the bar low. Pugs wonders if Kelly is calling Everett ugly. Kelly says that Everett Newton isn't a male model and thinks it would be unfair if he was a rocker, a lawyer, a radio host, and cute. Pugs thinks that Kelly just insulted a very nice person. Kelly brings up how all her friends aren't into guys. One of her friends, Jenn the lesbian... Kelly lets us know that "the lesbian" isn't her last name and Pugs thinks it would be a funny coincidence if that was the case.... Kelly is already suppose to go out with another lesbian friend and she doesn't want to seem like she's fixing them up. Jenny calls in to say that Pugs is better looking than Everett. She says that she's seen both of them in public and finds Pugs much more attractive. Pugs reminds her that he's fat and bald. Kelly thinks that Pugs doesn't give himself credit and tells him that he has dancing eyes. Pugs knows that from no one else calling in that it's crap. He tells us that his grandfather said that if everyone had the same thing then the world would be chasing his grandmother. Joey calls in to say that he'd do Pugs and he's straight. Pugs thinks it's good to know that Joey is around in case he needs to queer off. John calls in to wonder if Pugs needs a hug because he can come give him one. Kelly needs one because she's in a horny phase. Pugs thinks that lesbians don't have fun at lesbian bars. He thinks that they probably just eat peanuts, throw them on the floor, watch sports, and compare watch bands. Amy calls in to say that she doesn't tell her friends that she's bi-sexual because she doesn't want them to think that she wants to sleep with them. She doesn't want to do that. Amy tells us that she's engaged to a man right now but he knows that she's bi-sexual. They wonder if Amy would rather be stranded on a desert island with a man or a woman and she chooses a woman. Kelly thinks that she should take a guy to go chop wood. Pugs is surprised by that answer. Amy says that she would rather have sex with a female. She also says that she would never bring a girl home to her fiance. Pugs thinks that's good because that means she's not a faker. Kelly thinks that dating a bi-sexual is setting yourself up for a world of hurt. James calls in to say that Kelly isn't getting any younger. He tells her that she should take her Ferrari out for a spin. He also wonders what she's doing with Cody. He wonders if she's so naive that she really believes that Cody doesn't want to sleep with her. Pugs tells him that Cody would sleep with her in a heart beat. Kelly tells him that she pays Cody and he doesn't do it out of the kindness of his heart. Everyone agrees that Cody would sleep with Kelly if he got the opportunity and Pugs says that he's sure that Cody would sleep with him if he could. Eric thinks Cody just needs to get off.

*break*

We're welcomed back with "Drugs and a Gun man". It truly felt good to hear that again. It's like finding an old ball cap in your closet, it's a good time. Kelly wonders if they're the only ones that think that's funny. Bobby Garza, former producer of the Pugs and Kelly show, joins the show. Kelly gives Bobby a present of Church's Chicken. Pugs explains that they have a whole lot of Bobby stuff to play. Kelly reminds us that there are a whole new set of listeners that are unfamiliar to Bobby. They play a clip of Bobby showing off his knowledge of Church's Chicken. Bobby says that it was the roughest 8 months of his life after the dust up with Pugs and Kelly. He is embarrassed of how things ended but admits that it had to happen. He explains that he needed a kick in the ass so that he would change his lifestyle. He did radio in Fort Worth, the ranch. He was promised a production manager job but they changed management. He decided to move to Vegas. Pugs heard that things are going very well for him. Bobby brags that he's been off drugs for 8 months. He tells them to look at his eyes for proof and everyone tells him that he looks stoned. He says that he had to because everything in Vegas requires a drug test. Bobby has no plans on going back to drugs because of somebody that's in his life right now. Pugs thinks that's great and tells Bobby that he had the same exact situation happen to him with his former show. He was fired so that he wouldn't be a loser. The guy that fired him became their agent. Bobby says that there has never been any hard feelings. Pugs thinks they did it right. They spent time apart and buried the hard times. They teach us that at the time of the break up, the station was in turmoil. There were a lot of ugly things happening behind the scenes and there were a lot of things changing. It was back in September of 2003 when all this happened. He thinks that Pugs and Kelly gave him the best years of his radio career. Kelly feels bad. Bobby tells her that he may not stay in radio. He just got a full time job dealing in a casino. Hope, Bobby's daughter, is 11 and is doing great. She's talking to boys now. He heard that Pugs had a lifestyle change. Kelly lets him know that Pugs is in fact out of the closet. Bobby says that he heard that Pugs is about to get married and about to adopt some kids. They tell him he has a bad source. Pugs remembers that he said that he wanted a tsunami baby on the air and tells Bobby that he has a great girlfriend with a couple of kids. Pugs tells Bobby that he's always welcome here. Patty calls in to wonder about the donkey and what Becky is up to. Bobby says that he talked to Becky recently and she looks great. They play a clip of "Bobby logic". It's a clip of Bobby saying that the death of John Ritter made him appreciate his parents more. They play another clip of Bobby and his logic. He was going to start his first session with the infinity provided psych. Pugs told us that it coincides with Bobby's 8 week notice. Bobby told us that he's depressed and has been sleeping a lot. Pugs reminded him that is either a sign of depression or AIDs. Bobby told him that it can't be AIDs because he got a note from a doctor that said the results from the blood work was negative. He then told Pugs that he never had any blood work done with that doctor. Sybil reminds us that Bobby figured out he was 1/8th Mexican because his parents had been in America for a long time. Despite the fact that his parents are both full-blooded Mexican.

from now on, I'll put the flash back clips in italics

*break*

Jimmy calls in to say hello. Bobby opens the champagne and says hello to Jimmy, his former poker buddy. June bug calls in to say hello... again a former poker buddy.... Pugs reminds us that Bobby was the former resident degenerate gambler. Kelly wonders if it's safe for him to be dealing in Vegas. Bobby tells her that he plays a lot less these days. He says that it's a lot harder to get on the other side of the table. He'd also rather spend money on the girl that he's seeing. Lispy Lynn/ Cleft Palette calls in to say hello to Bobby. He tells him that he has a hot girlfriend. Nobody can understand him though. Then he says something that even I can't understand and I speak Lyspynese. Bobby pours everyone champagne. He says that he can't listen to the audio from the big fight. Pugs explains to everyone that people in Bobby or Eric's position tend to burn out. Kelly and Bobby got into it because of the lack of perceived respect from him to her. Pugs complains about his champagne being warm. Bobby tells us that he didn't disrespect or hate Kelly but he was having hard times. He isn't sure but he thinks he may have been taking things out on her. They play a clip that Eric calls a "stock fight" between Kelly and Bobby. Bobby sounds uncomfortable but they play it anyway.

Kelly sounds mad. Bobby sounds mad. Kelly screams. Bobby sounds smug. Bobby yells. Kelly says that Bobby doesn't care about anything but weed. Bobby says that he does care about her (their referencing the person that the fight is about). Kelly tells him that he actually said that he doesn't care why she's crying. Bobby yells BS and tells Kelly that he'll bet her that he didn't say that. Kelly informs Bobby that she's not a degenerative gambler like him. Bobby mocks her and calls her Ms. Personality. Bobby calls her a spin doctor and she can't do anything herself. She can't push play and she's probably on the rag. He also says "frickin'" a lot.

They're back live and Pugs reminds him that she was his boss. Bobby screams and says that it's painful. He prefers to listen to Rock star Bobby and STD Thursday. They continue the clip. Kelly says that maybe if they do something right then they wouldn't have a problem. Pugs informs us that Bobby is in an Elvis pose and doing a wax on/wax off. Pugs wonders if he's going to quit and Kelly says no because he knows that Eric could easily take his place. They're back live. Pugs tells us that while they were trying to be funny for the sake of radio, they were being very real about it. They truly were very angry at each other. This was not a bit. They continue the clip.

Bobby endorses Eric to take over. Pugs wonders about Sybil and Kelly says that Bobby doesn't want Sybil to succeed.

They're back live and Bobby screams. Pugs forgot how they use to pit Bobby and Sybil against each other. They were trying to create tension behind the scenes. Jeff calls in to wonder if Bobby brought a game. He reminds us that they could kill 40 minutes listening to him explain the rules. Pugs explains that Bobby use to create the most complicated games to play on the radio but, he's a really good production guy. It would be a really simple question that was stretched out and over dramatic. Pugs does his impression of it. "bmm bmm bmm, it's now time to play Pugs and Kelly's who's the first president of the United States. BOOM click click click click weeeeee... call now 214-787-1053 if you know.. click click BOOM!". They play another clip from the day before Bobby let a few F bombs on the air. Bobby explains that he's excited because he wants to have a good show. He says that it's no secret that he's actively looking for a new job but he's enjoyed these last 4 weeks with the show.

He wants to make every last minute with the show count. He points out that he's been sticking around the office longer than usual. Kelly tells him that she's noticed that he's been hanging out for two minutes. This is 2 minutes longer than what he used to do. Pugs says that he stays until 3:07 now.

They play another clip. It's of them confronting him for not showing up for meetings.

Bobby wonders if Kent has a cell phone because he sent him for lunch. Pugs explains that they sent Kent for coffee and Bobby wanted lunch. Pugs knew that lunch was coming from Sherlock's and didn't tell Bobby. He tells Bobby that he doesn't hang out with the staff and this is why he never knows anything. Bobby has Kent going to Church's and thinks that chicken isn't good for his bad stomach. Kelly tells Bobby that it bothers them that Bobby doesn't spend time in the office. She tells him that Eric knows more about what's going on because Bobby is always in the studio eating with Christie eating chicken. Bobby says that there is no room in that office. Kelly tells him that they'd rather have the producer in there to bounce ideas around during meetings. Bobby wonders why they have to be in there and suggest a bigger room. They remind him that they don't have a bigger room. They're back live. Pugs tells us that is another piece of Bobby logic. The amount you work coincides with the size of your office. Back to the clip..... Bobby says that he'll stand in there tomorrow. Kelly thinks that's good but reminds him that it's tomorrow.

They're back live and Pugs tells us that they're not making eye contact. Kelly thinks that Bobby liked all aspects of the show except the part where Pugs and Kelly talked. Pugs explains to Bobby what BG (before Gavin) stands for. Bobby says that he's listened to the show before he left and he can tell how much impact Gavin has had. He points out that everything is more topic oriented. Pugs tells him that things are now topic oriented and not Bobby oriented. He explains that they use to sit back, ask Bobby what was up with his life, say "go", and they'd have a segment. Nate calls in to say that the first time he heard the show was the day that Bobby had the meltdown. Eric explains that the next clip is the next segment from the same day. Bobby freaked out during a commercial break and got sent home.

Pugs tells Bobby that he sounds like a crazy man. Bobby tells them that they never have meeting. Pugs complains that Bobby doesn't even realize that they have meetings and he's an executive producer. He thinks that he sounds like a jack ass for thinking that they never have meetings. Bobby wonders why Pugs never calls him for anything and Pugs tells him that it's because he's not the "go to guy". Bobby wonders why Pugs is upset then and Pugs informs him that it's his job to be the "go to guy". He reminds him that he's the executive producer. Pugs tells us that during the break he told Bobby that he doesn't want him on the air in this state because last time, he said the F word. Bobby then freaked out and started breaking mail boxes. Bobby tells Pugs that he was hurt that he told him that he contributes nothing and that he means nothing.

They're back live. They all think that this is awkward.

Bobby says that he's been trying. He really has. Pugs tells him that he doesn't want to talk to him right now. They wonder if they want him fire. Pugs tells him that they like him and they don't want him to leave. He wonders if Bobby is going to resign and Bobby says no. Pugs tells him that they'll watch football at the Pub and Grub tomorrow morning.

They're back live. Pugs wants more champagne. They're out. Kelly thinks they have some in the office. Pugs wants booze. Kelly tells Bobby that during meetings with Bob McNeil, program director at the time, Bob would ask if they want Bobby fired. Kelly would say yes and Pugs would say no. On some days Pugs would say yes and Kelly would say no. Pugs explains that the invitation for football was a way to tell Bobby that they need to get together to fix all this. Kelly got a sitter and showed up to the Pub and Grub too. Eric reminds Pugs that he got really wasted. Pugs says that he was bummed because he never fired anybody. Norm, from Condoms to Go, calls in to say that this is like Al Brooks' "Defending Your Life". Pugs explains the premise of "Defending Your Life". Pugs explains that Bobby never showed up to the Pub and Grub. Bobby then wrote them an e-mail explaining why he didn't show up to his job saving meeting. Play the cliff...

Bobby's e-mail explains that he never went home. He stayed up all night playing cards. His cell phone died so he couldn't even call. He needed a shower. He guess he could have drove up to the pub. He looked awful and smelled like butt. He thanks Pugs for the invite. Pugs thinks that's very insulting. Kelly says that she just wants to bang your head on the wall. She thinks that drinking and playing cards all night isn't a good excuse for missing a meeting. She would have made something else up at least. Pugs thinks that if that is a justifiable excuse then what is the point of saving the job?

They're back live. Chris calls in to wonder if they still have the clip of Bobby drinking his own urine. Pugs thinks they need to play that. He explains that Bobby was so broke one time that he paid him to drink his own urine. Bobby reminds him that they started discussing the price as 200 but then got it down to 20.

*break*

They play the Sybil Giggle theme. It's available in the Audio Archive
of the website if you'd like to download it.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

Pugs reads an E-mail and stops because Bobby is doing something weird. Bobby complains that he's sweating and has to put on deodorant. Pugs points out that he's still using a coconut briefcase. Sybil notices that he has two different types of deodorant.

1. In West Virginia, a middle school teacher is in custody after confessing sexual misconduct with 5 of her students. She admitted to having sexual intercourse with 3 women and preformed oral on two.
Sybil shows a picture of the teacher to Bobby and he says, "no". Pugs thinks she looks like a bugga-bear and he doesn't know what that is. Bobby thinks that's what the average Hispanic woman looks like at 50.

2. In San Antonio, a teacher has been fired for x-rated show and tell. Students saw pictures of a substitute teacher having sex on her cell phone. Officials are unsure if she passed the phone around or if the students took it from her.
Pugs thinks they need to find out because last he checked, having sex was legal. Kelly reminds us that even video taping is legal unless you don't know about it.

3. A 22 year old camp intern has been fired after telling 60 12 year old girls about her lesbian experiences.
Pugs thinks that the moral is that you can't be honest with kids. Kelly thinks that there is no reason to discuss sex with 12 year olds. She thinks that they should tell them to talk to their parents.

*break*

4. Police officers arrested a man for marijuana possession. When they took him to the station, he started choking. The police gave him the Heimlich maneuver and a bag of cocaine popped out of him. It was a plastic baggy with 11 ounces of cocaine.

5. In Colorado, a 40 year old woman who was a transient.
Pugs says he's hot for trannys. Bobby tells him to come to Vegas.
The woman is accused of jumping a fence to wrestle a dog. She stripped off her clothes to do it. Officers say that the woman was having sex with the dog.
Kelly says that she's getting desperate but not that desperate. Bobby tells us that in Vegas all the girls are either escorts or from out of town. He was considering trannys at one point. He says that they're all over the place and that Pugs would love it there.

6. Carnitine improves sperm mobility.
Pugs doesn't even think his sperm swim. He thinks they just ride the current. He explains that there is the initial shot but after that they just chill. Kelly wonders if Pugs expects to see the liquid actually move. Pugs complains that he's never been close to getting anybody pregnant so he's had concerns about his guys. He's going to take more carnitine. Sybil has never had a pregnancy scare and she wonders if she can actually get knocked up when she's trying. Kelly informs us that she's had two pregnancy scares and they've turned out to be positive.

7. In Evergreen, Colorado, a man went hiking with his buddies and got caught under an avalanche. The man was able to survive for 8 days by eating his own excrement.
Bobby claps and gives a "YEAH!". Pugs wonders why because it's just a suburb of Denver. He'd rather die.

8. Katie Holmes and Chris Klein called off their engagement.
Bobby claps. Pugs points out that you can tell Bobby was never here while Gavin was here because he's doing everything that Gavin hates. He's drinking, clapping, and having conversations off mic. Pugs tells him that Gavin demands some semblance of professionalism. Bobby tells him that he doesn't get high anymore so he had to have a few drinks. Pugs wonders if he's drunk and Bobby says that he's getting there. Bobby thinks that it's hard to step into their lair.

9. Will Ferrel and New Line Cinema are in negotiations for Elf 2.
Kelly loves that movie. Pugs didn't care much for it. Bobby says that Elf and Pepsi both suck. Then he says that he actually likes Pepsi now. He explains that there isn't any coke or Dr. Pepper in Vegas so now he's used to Pepsi.

10. Dick Clark is ready to die.
Kelly points out that he's only 75 and that isn't really that old. Bobby tells us that he's always said that 75 is a good ag to die because it's 2/4 of a century. Eric reminds him that it's 3/4 of a century.

It's time to guess the fake story. Bobby is whispering something that's incoherent. Pugs wants to shut his mic off. Bobby says "YEAH!" a lot and claps. The poop eating in an avalanche story was fake. Bobby appears to be clapping along to Eminem.

*break*

Pugs says happy birthday to Metro-Aaron. Bobby calls him Limo boy. He says he has nothing against the guy but he thinks that he can do better. He tells Pugs to move it along. Pugs reminds him that he doesn't run the show. Kelly wonders if they're going to bring it up. Bobby just whispers "manipulative ex". Pugs tells Bobby that Paco is wondering if he's as lit as he sounds. Bobby tells Paco that he doesn't get high anymore... damn it! Kelly informs us that he told Gavin that he has to drink because he doesn't get high anymore. Bobby doesn't remember saying that but Kelly assures him that he did. Then he asked Gavin if he dated a stripper. Pugs explains that during the break Gavin walked in the studio. Bobby still doesn't haven't a voice in his head that tells him to not say what he's about to say. Bobby throws a piece of paper at Kelly. Pugs explains that Bobby told Gavin that he'd thought he'd look more professional. Then he said, "hey didn't you date this stripper in Vegas?". Pugs tells us that he was saying all this in front of former employees of Gavin, his former morning show from Vegas. Pugs thinks that Bobby is one of those former drug addicts that has to tell everyone that they were a drug addict. Bobby tells Kelly to put her shoes back on... damn it. He thinks that those are sexy shoes. Bobby is glad to meet Gavin. Pugs is sure that Gavin was pleased to meet him. Bobby grabs a Killer's CD and wonders if they can close with them. They're from Vegas. Scott calls in to wonder if Pugs and Bobby are going to take a walk after the show. They say no. Pugs reminds us that Bobby used to think that just because a person was famous, they must have been drug addicts. Pugs reenacts Bobby meeting Conde Rice. "Hey, far out lady.. hey you want to go take a walk? get high?" Pugs tells us that he freaked out Dime bag from Pantera once. Bobby thinks that he died before he got high with him. Christy calls in to say that having Bobby on the show makes her appreciate Eric. Bobby says that all the yelling and stuff came from the audio. They tell him that he was doing it live too. Bobby simply says "Kelly". Then tells her that he was going to propose to her proposed off the air but she's saying that he's frickin' yelling at her. Everyone tells him that he's yelling. Pugs points out that he's also talking off mic and rummaging through plastic bags. They apologize for not being able to play the urine drinking segment because it's post-Janet Jackson boob showing. If you have a problem with it then write your congressman. A guy calls in to say that Pugs and Kelly are going straight to hell. he thinks that Bobby is heading back to rehab. He points out that he's drinking and he believes that he's going to get high after the show. Bobby thinks that he'll be fine as long as he doesn't hang out with Eric or Pugs. Pugs and Kelly want Bobby to promise that he won't do any drugs. Bobby looks them in the eyes... which must be tough because they have four and he has two... and says that he's been sober for 8 months. Pugs points out that he's drunk right now. Kelly thinks Bobby means clean. Bobby says that he has clarity and goals. He thinks that in 6 months to a year, everything will be better. Pugs wonders what the hell Bobby is talking about. Bobby says that the girl he's dating is different from any girl he's ever been with. She's not clingy or possessive. Pugs wonders if she's a whore. Bobby says no and that he's not used to that. She goes to happy hour with her roommate and then she invites him to dinner. He explains that he doesn't want to call it love but it opened a door to pseudo-love. He says that they've been together for 2 months but he's known her for 7 months and... Pugs thinks that Bobby should stop. Chad, criminal pirate Chad, calls in to ask Bobby to give us a Becky story. Bobby tells us that Becky is a good person and that he's going to have lunch with her. Pugs wonders if he's going to try to bang her. Bobby says that he hasn't seen a picture of Becky aside from a picture from the pub crawl. Pugs reminds us that Becky is the girl that Bobby dated and everyone thinks it's because she looked exactly like him. She looked like she could be his sister. They have to give out a gift certificate to home depot right now. Sybil reads the details. Bobby claps and cheers for home depot off mic. Bobby tells Kelly that he loves her and offers her marriage. A guy calls in to say that he still has the sack that he owes Bobby and wonders when he can drop it off. Bobby says that he doesn't get high anymore but thanks the caller for the compliment. Pugs says that he asked Bobby how he stopped smoking weed and wondered if it was difficult. Bobby told him that it was easy because he just didn't know anybody with it. Kelly wonders what drugs Bobby has done. Bobby says the's done everything. He's done ecstasy, he's barely tasted G, coke, pot, acid, mushrooms, and crank... it sounds like he could have listed more but they cut him off.... Pugs wonders what about G and Eric tells him that it's GHB. Bobby tells Eric that he doesn't know anything about it and he just had a lick. Kelly tells us that she doesn't even have an appetizer when she doesn't know what's in it. Bobby says that the point is that his life has changed. He's 32 now and he has goals. He had goals when he was with the show but those goals were clouded with images of drugs. He thinks that he had the best years of his radio career on this show. He still has the first e-mail that Eric ever sent him about how he was impressed with the production of the show. He then started as an intern and look at him now. He tells Kelly that she has beautiful shoes and he's glad that she's single. He also tells her that he thinks the problem was that he was in love with her the whole time. He talked to Sybil the other day and he thought it was great to hear her voice. He says that he has nothing against Sybil. He walked in the office today and saw a picture of him and his dad. He then yells "My Bald Dad!". He says that it means so much to him that he's been off the show for a year and a half and it's still there. He then brings up Kelly's ex.

holy crap, that was fun to listen to but god damn was that hard to recap.

comments? E-mail me at will@pugsandkellylive.com

Viva Coconut Bobby!

Kelly has some breaking news. It's something about golf. She explains that she always gets e-mail from the golf channel but she doesn't know who signed her up for that. Kelly normally gets two smoothies. She keeps one for herself and gives the other to Eric. However, Eric doesn't know that Kelly always offers the smoothie to Pugs first. Today she wants both smoothies. She felt guilty so she got Eric a protein bar instead. She also needs to make cookies for Greg Hill and Cody. While she was at the Smoothie Factory a guy came in and told her that she lost weight. He was wondering if it was the smoothies that was helping her out. She didn't know the guy. He eventually explained that he sees her at Ballys and that she probably doesn't recognize him out of street clothes. Kelly says that there is a girl that works at Starbucks that she thinks works out at Ballys but she's not sure. She reminds us that she thinks that all white people look the same. She can tell black people out more easily but reminds us that most of the black people she knows play football. She list the black people off... I seem to remember them doing this last year around this time... Ty, Smith, Greg Hill, Marcellus Rivers. Kelly brags that she might be moving to a house with an African American family living next door. She hopes to meet more black people in the future. She then remembers James and Big Al Mack. Eric brags that he knows a lot of people because the high school that he went to was 35 percent black. Kelly reminds Eric that the black girls used to beat him up. Pugs thinks that they might need a black night similar to their gay night. Kevin calls in to wonder if they're that sheltered. Kelly tells him that they don't try to avoid black people, they just don't find themselves meeting a lot. Kelly reminds us that she knows a lot of Asians and Mexicans. Eric has a Jewish and Muslim friend. Pugs knows a lot of Jewish people. Don calls in to say that they can get to meet him and his cousin Phil. Kelly tells us that she met an African-American couple at HMS. Kelly likes it when she meets people that listen who are outside the demo. Pugs teaches us that the demo is 25-54 year old white males. Pugs wonders if they make distinctions on race. He then tells us that he thinks it's OK for black people to listen. Kelly then remembers Headkrack. Jennifer calls in to say that she made friends with a black guy through a swinger connection. Courtney calls in to say that he and his wife, Marsha, listen. He says that they discuss the show at the end of the day. Kelly wonders how many times they think they're being stupid and naive. Courtney says most of the time. Kelly tells us that some older lady asked the African-American couple if they knew where the nearest fried chicken place is at. Pugs is shocked and thinks that's awful. He thinks that the woman was predisposed to believe that an African-American would know where the good chicken was at. Kelly says that the man just laughed and said no. Kelly wonders what Pugs would do if he really wanted fried chicken but there were nothing but black people in the room. Pugs explains that you just go hungry. Kelly doesn't know which is more racist, asking or not asking. Pugs that you have to be tuned into these racial sensitivities. Kelly thinks they need an instant poll. The results are in the instant poll section of the website. Kelly thinks that the woman may just not have known.

*break*

Pugs wants to talk about the guys from Utah. They went missing in Texas and everyone was freaking out. They're now back in Utah. They just got lost and didn't have cell phones. They wonder who the hell goes that far without a cellphone. Kelly refuses to go from Plano to Mockingbird without a cell phone.

Pugs brings up how the Mayor of Las Vegas endorsed Gin to 4th graders. He talking to 4th graders and he said that if he was on a deserted island, the one item he'd want with him is a bottle of gin. When asked what some of his hobbies are, the mayor listed "drinking" as one of them.

Kelly has to see the doctor. Pugs wonders what's wrong with doctors in the metroplex because they've gone wild. He saw a story on Dr. Blessing, the doctor that had the standoff with the cops over in Highland Park. Pugs hopes that he doesn't practice any doctoring again. He also brings up the Plano family doctor who led cops on a high speed chase. When they finally caught him they found that he was smoking crack. Kelly reminds us of the singing dentist who was arrested in San Diego while he was on his way to Mexico to sleep with little boys. Pugs tells us that there was the other doctor on the news last night that would diddle his patients while they were out. Kelly thinks that there has to be something a little off in doctors since they don't have a problem with cutting people open. Pugs thinks that doctors just have ego problems and they start buying into their BS. Pugs and Kelly point out that DJs have huge egos. Kelly teaches us that people in music radio never like anybody that they play unless they're coming to town. Pugs tells everyone to go to the Team Wilco Blog to catch coverage Michael trial. Pugs reads Paco's take on the E! Entertainment reenactment of the trial. Pugs can't take his eyes off the Michael Jackson impersonator. Eric thinks the black dude that acts as the host is boring. Pugs explains that they have people that look freakishly like the lawyers. Kelly wonders when Michael is going to act like a complete drama queen from his chair. Pugs thinks that Michael is going to walk. He thinks that the show is a little shotty but it has potential.

*break*

Kelly was wondering if she could be a lesbian. She wonders if Pugs could ever be gay and Pugs says that he really likes girl. Pugs realizes that he has a lot of porn and that it's all straight. Kelly thinks that it's hard to find somebody to talk to, hold hands with, and have sex with and she wonders if she's limiting herself to a whole gender. She says that she could have sex with a woman but she doesn't want to date a woman. She thinks it would be fun to pleasure a woman sexually and Pugs tells us that he doesn't want to pleasure a man. Pugs is so creeped out by men that he doesn't go into the locker room at Bally's anymore. He went in one day and saw an old guy's crank. He decided that it wasn't for him. Pugs is fine with women getting it on but he would prefer that they don't wear comfy shoes, wide watch bands, and fem-mullets. They have an E-mail from Clark. He thinks that his wife might be a lesbian. He's been married to his wife for 12 years and have known her since the 9th grade. She has a friend that she's very close to. They go on vacations together, the spend the night at each other's home, and when she sleeps over at their house, they make him sleep in the guest room. They also kiss each other and hold hands. It's more than a little peck. She claims that all girls do that and it separates them from men. When the girls go on vacation together they go to Venice or Greece. When he and his wife go on vacation, they go to Disney World. He's getting a post nuptial to help prevent her from taking his money and running off with the girl. Pugs thinks that the marriage is over because of his inability to trust her. Kelly thinks that this problem might be solved with one conversation. Pugs would rather have his wife leave him for another woman because it's something that he could never possible deal with. He doesn't have a vagina. Kelly agrees and shares her wish that he ex-boyfriend would have left her for a man. Pugs isn't comfortable with the idea of his girlfriend kissing another girl because it's a little low brow. He doesn't want the mother of his children to participate in that behavior. He thinks it's hot when some chick in a bar does it though. Kelly points out that the difference is that the E-mailer's wife is more secretive. Everyone agrees that they're not going to sleep in a different room just because his wife wants to talk with her friend. Lisa calls in to say that this guy's marriage is long gone. Pugs suggests that the guy get a trophy wife. He's sure that they love each other but he reminds us that there is a difference between passion and love. The passion is gone. Paul calls in to say that his wife wants to bring another man into the bedroom. Pugs wonders if Paul could pleasure another man and Paul says that he's not sure. He probably won't be able to though. Pugs points out that he and Kelly have to be a little more open-minded when it comes to other people's sexuality because it's so wacky here. They tell us that this is suppose to be the conservative south but sexuality is off the chain here. He tells us that even though they're from the liberal north, they're way more sexually repressed. He admits that some of it turns him on but he's too neurotic. Kelly says that she always freaks out when she gets opportunity. Pugs had a threesome once and he had to be on drugs to do it. He thinks that it wasn't that great. Tom calls in to say that the E-mailer's wife is getting her mack, her swerve, and her freak on. He suggests just giving her half the money and finding a college girl. Pugs brings up the ten year marriage renewal contract idea. They all agree that it's a great idea. Pugs isn't sure how God feels about it but, oh well. Jeff calls in to say that he had a buddy that brought his best friend into his relationship and it ruined it. He explains that the plan was going to be that they tried a guy and then a girl but he got screwed out of the girl thing. Pugs points out that his friend had sex with a guy. Jeff says no. Kelly reminds Jeff that it's possible and Pugs tells Jeff that there are probably something that happened in the heat of passion that he hasn't told anybody. Jeff tells us that he's going to meet him right now and he'll find out. Pugs wants Jeff to call back later to tell them.

*break*

Pugs is giving a "hidey-ho" to somebody. Metro-Aaron's 30th birthday is coming up and he and Wayne are going to Daytona for bike week. Wayne is having a kick ass bike built and the guys at the shop listen. Pugs is giving a "hey hey" to Mike, Danny, and Lando. Kelly would like to say hi to Kat and Jeremy at the Smoothie Factory in Plano. Pugs thinks that they should have a list of businesses that have them on. Kelly informs us that my parents listen at Kennedale Collision (I screwed up the name when I gave it to her and she pronounced it wrong... guess that's why my sister is the favorite). Debbie says that she had her first girl experience last weekend. It was with a married couple. The husbands joined in and did the swap. Debbie said it was because of shooting pool, drinking beer, and taking ecstasy. Debbie suggest that Kelly drink a lot and take ecstasy. Pugs and Kelly wonder what the guys do when the girls are dyking off. Pugs thinks it would be awkward and thinks they probably watched Sports Center. Kelly thinks that Debbie is too old to be doing ecstasy and Debbie assures Kelly that it's fun. Ronnie calls in to say that Eatin' ain't cheatin'. Kelly wonders if Calvin or Hobbes said that. A guy suggests that the guy just get a hidden camera into the bedroom so that he's sure. There is no sense throwing it all away on a hunch.

*break*

Kelly says hello to Kendra and David Bollard construction for listening. Tim calls in to say that he owns a stereo shop in Dallas and all the stereos are tuned into the show. Kelly hangs up on him before he gives his plug. Pugs gives her a hard time for doing that. Tim calls in to say that the name of his company is Audio Wave.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. In India, people are mixing cow dung and cow urine for a cure-it-all. It cures anything from diabetes to "lady diseases".
Pugs wonders if that means bitchiness. Kelly reminds us that there are a lot of Indian doctors.

2. A Belgian veterinarian has created a CD that is suppose to get pigs horny. They're having trouble artificially inseminating their pigs and are using this to get them to want it more.
They play the clip and it's an instrumental of "Love to Love You" with weird pig noises. It's quite disturbing.

3. This 28 year old chick was marrying some other dude. They cat that was the broad's high school sweet heart shot at them with a pistol when the groom reached in to kiss his new bride.
Pugs thinks that the high school sweet heart should get over it because it was more than a decade ago.

4. Drive-in brothels are being set up all over Germany. They have "performance boxes". They even have containers on the side for people without cars.
Pugs does his German accent and say "You Vill get in ZE CONTAINER vith ze whore!". It's very funny and reading it doesn't do it justice. Everyone is laughing and yucking it up and then Pugs quickly takes a break. Kelly points out that Pugs is so abrupt to end everyone's good time.

*break*

5. A man who was accused of stealing salad from a Chuck E. Cheese was hit wit a stun gun.
Pugs takes over because he loves this story, Officers were called to the scene with a report of larceny in progress. Pugs thinks that this is very Chief Wiggum. Police talked to the Chuck E. Cheese manager. Pugs thinks that this guy probably had a chip on his shoulder because his job sucked. Sybil tells us that her manager at Fun Time Pizza, a joint similar to Chuck E. Cheese, used to tell her 16 year old ass that he was a "pro-vert" not a pervert because he was good at it. Pugs thinks that the manager overreacted. He says that everyone has gone to these places and grabbed a dirty plate... Kelly and Sybil say they've never done that. Pugs says he wasn't finished. Everyone goes to these places, grabs a dirty plate, and then asks the person for a clean plate. Kelly and Sybil say they've never done that. Pugs tells them that it's just a guy thing and Eric says he's never done it. The guy that got roughed up by the cops was there with his kids, age 3 and 7. According to police, the suspect was asked to step outside and refused. According to patrons, when the suspect started to deny he stole lettuce, the officers started poking him in the chest. The suspect told officers that they never had to do that. They then tasered him. Patrons also say that he never put his hands on the cops. They beat this man in front of the kids. His own children were screaming and crying while they tasered him twice. The cops pulled him outside, leaving his kids inside. Kelly reminds us that they teach children that they can trust the police. According to witness reports, the officers are claiming that the suspect was shoving. Pugs hopes that this guy sues the establishment and the police officers because he was just trying to have pizza with his kids.

6. It's believed that the person who is behind the shooting of one of 50 cent's entourage is his protege, The Game.
Kelly has a problem with people who put "the" in front of their name. Pugs wants to be called "the Pugs" but Kelly doesn't let him. He reminds her that it's "THE Pugs and Kelly show". He begs Kelly to let people refer to him as "the Pugs". Pugs reveals that he has to start weeding out the "Pugs" thing because nobody will take a 40 year old man named Pugs seriously. Kelly wonders if he's going to do the John Cougar thing.

7. Rodney Dangerfield and his wife met up with some cloning experts before he died. Now his wife is trying to get him cloned by the same people that cloned Dolly the sheep. She saved some DNA from his trademark handkerchief that she put in the freezer.
Kelly hopes that she marked that.

8. Bill Gates received an honorary knighthood by the Queen of England.
Pugs explains that Americans aren't allowed to call themselves "Sir".

9. Lisa Ling just got engaged.
Kelly wonders if that's TV Chinawoman or movie Chinawoman and Sybil tells her that it's TV.

10. Prince Charles was greeted to Australia by a some Aboriginal topless dancers.

11. Mel Gibson is making a new movie about Hannibal.
Pugs is excited because Vin Diesel is starring in it. (Pugs honestly believes that Vin Diesel is the greatest actor of our generation).

12. Coldplay is finally going to release their 3rd album.

The fake story was the guy that took a shot at the wedding.

*break*

It's now time for the Pugs and Kelly Institute for Human Growth and Development. Jordan e-mails and says that he's 21. He's been dating a girl who's 23 for 5 years. He brags that he lied about his age to get her in bed. He knocked her up. They've been planning on getting married but because of the bun in the oven he's looking to get hitched quicker. He calls the baby the impending arrival or doom. Kelly thinks that you can never call your child that. Pugs points out that this is the problem with 21 year olds having kids. He calls his girlfriend "knocked up" and the baby as doom. She doesn't want to look fat in her dress though and they have money issues. They scraped their ideas. Without her knowledge, he's been looking for ways to get married on the cheap side without having a white trash ceremony at the court house. Pugs wonders what leads them believe that he's not already white trash. He thinks he's stumbled upon an idea that could be intimate, romantic, and cheap. He came across the Dallas Maverick's 25th anniversary quickly wedding program. Kelly is pretty sure it eliminates quaint and romantic. They have the chance to be wed during half time of a Mavs' game. She's less than enthusiastic about the idea. He wants to know if there are any women that think that's a good idea. Pugs points out that his wedding would be reduced to a exploited goof. He thinks that you'd look like a big stooge.

*break*

Pugs reads the details of the quickly Mav's wedding. It's in association with Dallas Morning News' Quick section and they'll have 25 couples. Pugs points out that this is nothing quaint or romantic about 50 people getting married at half time. Sarah calls in to say that she's from Quick. Pugs tells her that it's an awful idea and wonders if this is how she'd like to get married. Sarah says that she would prefer not to but they had lots of girls that want to get married that way. They have 30 entries right now. Pugs and Kelly point out that the 20,000 people at the game aren't going to be respectful. Sarah tells us that the 76ers do it every year with 76 couples. Pugs thinks that just means that there is a lot of trash in Philadelphia. Sarah says that they're going to hold a reception in the platinum area and Pugs mocks the plastic cups of beer. Pugs thinks that Quick is news for idiots but admits that they are idiots so they need it quick. Kelly thinks Quick is too quick. Pugs thinks it's fantastic in the bathroom. Larry calls in to say that Jordan is a douche. Pugs thinks he's a lovable douche. Kelly thinks it's cute that he thinks this idea is OK. A lady calls in to remind us that hot dogs and beer aren't romantic. Brandon calls in to call Jordan an ass hat. Kelly says that I say that I don't think a wedding could be romantic if you have 7 foot tall freaks of nature shooting jumpers while "Welcome to the Jungle" plays.

comments? E-mail me at will@pugsandkellylive.com
Don't forget to visit the blog site that Paco and I are running. Team Wilco.

For a reason I'm sure I'm not suppose to comment on... Pugs and Kelly wonder if girls should call people by their last name. Pugs thinks it's a guy thing. Kelly doesn't feel comfortable calling somebody that. Patrick calls in to say that he only uses the last name when there are two guys with the same first name. Pugs tells us that he wants to call everyone by their last name if he was a star in Hollywood. He realizes that he calls all his friends by their last name except for Schwartz. They agree that there are too many Robs in their group. Pugs thinks that Gavin probably had people calling him Spittle growing up because it's a good name.

*break*

Pugs has been reading researching the BTK (bind, torture, kill) killer a lot. Kelly's official stance on the BTK killer is that he's weird. Pugs thinks that the sheriff that held onto all the evidence for 30 years should be applauded. Kelly thinks that the sheriff must drive his wife crazy because he must stock pile everything. They play MSNBC because they're talking about it right now. Pugs and Kelly bring up how BTK killer contacted the media a lot. Kelly reminds us that criminals can contact them at igiveup@pugsandkellylive.com. Pugs offers the criminals a live 105.3 t-shirt. Kelly invites them to tell their side on the show. JD calls in to say that he was actually at the BTK killer's wedding. He was a family friend of the wife. Kelly thinks it's weird to give a champagne toast to a guy that's a serial killer. JD says that he seemed like a nice guy and Pugs tells him that his neighbors hated him because he's a narc. Pugs teaches us that John Wayne Gacy's neighbors loved him but Jeffery Dahmer wasn't liked that much. Pugs wonders about everyone's favorite serial killer. Pugs and Kelly agree that Gacy is the Babe Ruth of serial killers. He thinks that Dahmer was interesting because he ate people and had the great ending. Pugs also tells us that he went to the Gacy execution to interview people. Eric's favorite serial killer was Dahmer because he was gay and eating people. Pugs and Eric also like BTK. Pugs thinks he's interesting but he won't break his top three. His top three is Gacy, Dahmer, and Richard Ramirez. Kelly can't believe that they're having this conversation. Pugs says that it's a part of pop culture and blames the media for glamorizing these people. He invites everyone to call in with their favorite serial killer. Josh calls in to say Ted Bundy. Kelly thinks that's good because he steps outside the serial killer box. Adam says Jack the Ripper. Kelly thinks that's very European of him and Pugs thinks it's the serial killer equivalent of somebody saying that they're favorite ball player is Ty Cobb. Jennifer calls in to say Bundy. Pugs thinks that everyone is unoriginal and wonders where all the Son of Sam backers are at. He reminds us that the Son of Sam had conversations with his dog. SYbil says that her favorite is Leonard Lake and Charles Ng. She explains that they were survivalist that built a torture chamber and made snuff films. A guy calls in to say Charles Manson. Kelly tells him that he's not a serial killer because he had other people doing it. Pugs thinks that they have to do a whole other segment on crazy cult leaders. Another guy votes for Bundy and another. One guy votes for Ed Kemper. Another guy votes for Bundy. Jeanie calls in to say the Green River Killer from Washington. Pugs always gets him confused with the Zodiac Killer. He thinks that the 70s was the golden age of serial killing. Another guy calls in to say Henry Lee Lucas. Pugs thinks that Henry Lee Lucas loses points because he might be claiming more murders than he really did. Another caller votes for Ed Gein. Kelly has a book on him. Pugs says that Ed Gein was making a female skin suit and his furniture was covered in human hide. Kelly teaches us that once you get a taste for blood, it's hard to stay away from it. Diana called in to bring up the dude that was a baker in Alaska. He would pick up strippers and whores. He would then fly them to his remote cabin, rape them repeatedly, drop them off into the woods naked, then hunt them down with his rifle. A caller finally suggests the Son of Sam and Pugs thinks that he was a master of his craft. Kelly wonders if Man's Best Friend could teach her dog how to speak to her as God. Victor calls in to say Jack the Ripper because this was the first guy that taunted the police and media. He tells us that this is the dude that would send half a kidney and then tell them that he ate the other half. Victor also suggest the Boston strangler. Mike calls in to bring up Wayne Williams. Pugs is excited that Mike brought up the Atlanta child killer. Kelly gives Mike the Mike and the Mechanics CD. Les, the expert on everything, calls in to bring up that Russian fellow, Citizen X. He tells us that he killed the most people. (Les is wrong there are Columbian killers that have confirmed numbers in the 300s). Pugs looks it up and finds out that Citizen X is Andrei Chikatilo and he killed 52 women and children. Steve is going to say the Zodiac killer because they never caught him. Sam calls in to support the local serial killer Ricky Lee Green. He tells us that Green would pick up women and murder them with his wife. They had sex in their blood. Philip calls in to say Albert Fish. This is a guy that sent letters to the parent of one of his victims describing what he did to their little girl. Jay calls in to say that they make him want to take the speakers out of his car and wash them with soap and water. He thinks the show jumped the shark. He wonders if their in desperate need of ratings. Pugs reminds him that this is the major news story of the day. They're talking about the glorification of serial killers. Pugs points out that Jay has waited on hold for 30s minutes and suggests that he just wants to be on the radio. Jay wonders if Gavin is out of town and Kelly lets him know that Gavin is in the office. Pugs invites other callers to talk to Jay. Jay calls every caller idiot and retard before they can say anything. Jason suggest that Jay jump off a cliff. Jay reminds him that he wouldn't be a killer if he jumped a cliff and calls him a retard. Shaun calls in.. Jay calls him a retard... Shaun wonders if we should just pretend like the BTK stuff isn't happening. Jay thinks that they must have human flesh in their ears. Kelly points out that people will surely go out and become serial killers because they heard it on the Pugs and Kelly show. Paul calls in and Jay calls him a retard. Paul just breaths on the phone hard. Kelly is offended by Jay calling their listeners retards. Pugs wonders if Jay cares about the mothers of retarded children that he's offending right now. Kelly informs us that I'm offended by Jay's lack of talent at hurling insults. Pugs agrees that Jay isn't good at that. Kelly also shares that I said, "Ricky Lee Green didn't kill women. He killed men that he had sex with. I swear people in Texas are so homophobic that they claim their gay serial killers are straight".

*break*

SYBILiZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. A doctor in Highland park assaulted his wife over the weekend. When the cops went to arrest him it turned into a 6 hour stand off with police. He had an AK.
Pugs laughs at the loser rich guy who's life is now over.
Sybil reads that he's out on bail.
Pugs wonders how you can shoot at cops and get out on bail. You shouldn't even be allowed to get bonded out. Kelly reminds us that you don't take shots at cops with an AK-47 and expect to get home in time for dinner.

2. Kobe Bryant and the woman that accused him of rape have reached a settlement.

3. This guy had a pet skunk and the skunk bit his junk. He claims he was just roughhousing (Me thinks somebody was trying to do the peanut butter trick)
Pugs thinks poorly of people that own exotic pets except for monkey owners. He approves of monkeys. Eric had a snake when he was 16. Pugs had rats in a cage. Kelly has rats in her attic.

4. A new animal has been discovered on the outskirts of the Costa Rica. It's a fur covered eel type thing.

5. A psychic wrote a book about being able to smell the spirits of loved ones. He also says that if you smell flowers then it's a spirit to say that they're giving you well wishes. A smell of perfume is a sign of good news. A scent of must is a sign that you're in the presence of an earth bound soul. Rotten eggs mean something horrible is going to happen.

6. The Mavs beat the Hornets.... woooo shocker.
Pugs misses Dirk's old hair and Sybil loves the new haircut.

7. One of 50 cent's posse got shot at Hot 97 in New York.
Pugs reminds us that Hot 97 always has shootings. He suggest that it's a publicity stunt. Kelly wonders if they can get Eric shot on the air.

8. Tanya Harding is wrestling a tranny.
Pugs and Kelly hate that bitch.

9. Antonio Banderas is going to be in a spin-off of Shrek that features his assassin kitten character.

10. John Stamos was asked by a magazine "what's the worse thing you've ever done to screw someone over". He said that in the mid 80s, he was in a band. They were in Finland and there was this girl that was really into him. He wasn't digging her so he brought her to his hotel room and shut off the lights. He then brings his friend in so that she can bang her.
Kelly is pretty sure that is illegal.

*break*

I got a few things to do so I have to cut it off now. You have one more segment of news.

*break*

A slut sends a question in for a Human Growth and Development segment. She been slutting it up with this guy for a while and she went through his phone. She was offended to find that he labeled her as a slut. Pugs and Kelly talk about how guys label girls in their cell phone.

*break*

Everyone talks about the how the E-mailer is a slut. They tell her to accept her slutty ways. One girl, who is obviously a snoopy slut too, gives the slut advice on how to reveal her knowledge of his label without incriminating herself.

That's it... I'll make this more detailed tomorrow.

Pugs brings up how Paco and I are doing a blog site. Pugs wants to link it from pugsandkellylive.com but wonders if it's safe to post it. He points out that they can't really trust us to keep it clean. Kelly thinks there should be a disclaimer but warns that they might have us take down our link later. However, since I haven't been told to take it down yet... TEAM WILCO BIATCH!...

Eric is mentally screwed right now. He noticed that he's psychotic. He's having uncontrollable mood swings. Kelly needs a garbage can because it's possible that she might puke. She has the sick. Pugs points out that Kelly is in her bath robe. Kelly brings up a girl they know that is completely delusional. She's a life coach, she's getting into real estate, she was married, she's going to buy a hospital, she's a stripper, and she thinks that everyone is buying into her BS. Kelly wonders if she actually went on a real estate tour to buy a hospital. Pugs doesn't think you can go in between shifts at the lodge to go buy a hospital. Don calls in and he has narcolepsy. He has medication so that he can control it. Kelly assures us that Don is on coke. Don explains narcolepsy. Pugs wonders how he discovered he had that ailment and Don tells him that he kept falling asleep in class. The doctor told him that he had it. Don says that he doesn't have the severe form and he even has trouble sleeping at night. Pugs asks if he can drive and Don says that he's driving right now. Kelly thinks that's scary. Don also tells us that he can't remember a time where he was able to sleep well at night and Kelly feels his pain. Then she remembers that she took a combination of xanex and ambien and slept very well. Pugs calls his partner Judy Garland. Dave calls in to bring up his narcolepsy. He discovered it in 9th grade Algebra. Kelly remembers when she fell asleep last year driving home from the studio and got into a car accident. Dave says that he ended up doing that. Kelly starts to crash around 3:30. Pugs wonders which would be better, narcolepsy or turrets syndrome. Eric thinks that it would be better to have narcolepsy if you're in radio because you would get fined a lot if you had turrets. Pugs explains that you don't always swear when you have turrets. He does his turrets impression. Pugs and Kelly agree that this was a bad topic to start off the show.

*break*

Kelly was looking forward to the Oscars. Pugs points out that everyone gets excited but they're always let down. Kelly thought that Chris Rock could have been funnier but it could have been worse. She tells us that she brought her son into the room to watch Chris Rock because she wanted him to see the first time an African-American hosted the Oscars. Kelly points out that her son prefers to call them African-Americans and Pugs thinks that's better than Kelly's insistence of the term "coloreds". Pugs loves Chris Rock and calls him the genius of this era. He thinks that he couldn't be the real Chris Rock because he's too buddy buddy with these people now. Pugs and Kelly teach us that some of the Oscar people pulled some of his jokes because they're too cutting. They know because certain comic friends told them. Pugs thinks that the old Chris Rock wouldn't have let them cut his material. Kelly thinks that Rock was just trying to make sacrifices so that he can keep that gig for many years. They play a clip of his monologue. They point out the softball shots he's giving. Pugs thinks it's a little hacky.... I know I prefer this over the crap fest sing-a-longs that Billy Crystal always does... THey play a clip of Sean Penn being a complete douche bag over Chris Rock's comments on Jude Law. Pugs hates this because he likes Sean Penn's acting ability. He doesn't think he takes himself too seriously. This douche bag comes out 2 hours after the joke and tells Chris Rock 'who Jude Law is...". Pugs thinks he's a humorless jag bag. A guy calls in to discuss Salma Hayek. Pugs thought Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek are super hot. Kelly thought that Penelope was good looking but when standing next to Salma, she looks like nothing. Pugs thought the same thing. Penelope's hotness was outshined by Salma's hotness. Pugs wonders how much it would cost to get those two chicks to do a threeway with him.

*break*

Pugs thinks that Halle Berry is the most unbelievably hot. Pugs puts her in Audrey Hepburn's league. A guy calls in to say that according to the Mexican National Enquire, Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz are lesbian lovers. Pugs thinks it's hot that somebody would even say that. A guy calls in to bring up Charlize Theron and Pugs starts describing her hotness. You can actually hear his erection growing from here. Dave calls in to say that he had an Oscar party with some girls. Pugs wonders if he's gay and Dave says no. The girls he was with all agreed that Halle Berry wasn't good looking and Dave explained to them that on a scale of 1-10, she's a 36. Pugs doesn't think that Hilary Swank isn't attractive. Kelly thought he dress was stupid. (I have a compile evaluation of Hilary at the Team Wilco Blog) Pugs says that he'd do her because she has two Oscars but she's not that hot. Kelly thinks she has a nice body and Pugs reminds her that she has a horse face. Some guy calls in to say that he finds Hilary Swank super hot. I'm sure he has some sort of equidae fetish, freak.

*break*

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. A 5 year old boy in Fort Worth grabbed a hand gun and accidentally shot his mother in the back.
Pugs is disturbed that the kid was able to get to the gun. Sybil says that people say that guns are for their protection and people have to get to them quickly. Pugs can understand that and says that it's just "oh well" if the kid is able to get into it. Pugs thinks it's good that the kid didn't hurt himself or another kid.

2. Saddam Hussein is expected to be in a box, a la Hannibal Lector, for his trial.
Pugs and Kelly don't believe this story cause it's from the Sun. Kelly doesn't think that Saddam is capable of escaping so that he can call Clarice from a beach.

3. A 63 year old man in Wisconsin is being charged with sexual gratification with an animal after confessing to having sex with baby cows.
Kelly didn't know that was illegal in Wisconsin and Pugs teaches her that it's illegal until they reach 18 in cow years. Pugs and Kelly tell us that Wisconsin cow sex stories are huge in Chicago.
SYbil continues to tell the story... the man never slept with cows for over 30 years but never screwed one while involved in a human relationship.

4. In India, a 22 year old man cut off his penis and buried it to get rid of the root caused for his unfulfilled sexual desires. His sister-in-law dug it up and they rushed him to doctors to try to reattach it.

5. Iris Rivera is going to court claiming that she was pressured to flash a gorilla. She was told that exposing her nipples was a way to bond with the female ape.

*break*

6. After the Oscars, Annette Benning got super drunk. She was crying, swearing, and being out of control.
Pugs thinks we should cut her some slack since she lost to Hilary Swank twice. Kelly and Sybil don't find her that attractive. Pugs thought she looked awesome in the Grifters. Kelly thinks she'd be the prettiest mom in a mom group.

7. Halle Berry showed up to accept her Razzy award.
Pugs thinks that she is cool for being able to do that. She must have a sense of humor.

8. Martha Stewart is being released next weekend. She has 5 more months of being home.

10. BOX OFFICE UPDATE
5. Man of the House
4. Cursed
3. Constantine
2. Hitched
1. Diary of a Mad Black Woman

Everyone guesses every story until they finally get somebody that knows that the Annette Benning story was fake.

*break*

Sarah Dodd of CBS 11 joins the show to discuss her story. She explains that it's the last night of sweeps so they have her stripping. She then tells us that it's not really stripping, she's doing stripperobics. This is the exercise program that Teri Hatcher and Carmen Electra swear by. This makes more sense then the spots that CBS is running. I can't see Sarah Dodd face down in a pool of her own vomit induced after a confused GHB-Coke-vodka binge while her loser drummer boyfriend takes money out of her purse.

comments? E-mail me at will@pugsandkellylive.com