Pugs welcomes people to call in and play the "is it going to be Sybil, Thing 1, or Thing 2" contest. To play, you guess which one will answer the phone. Kelly brings up how she and Rob are having a competition about who will buy their house first. They both close on the 31st and Kelly tells us that she will be there at 12 am to beat him. Kelly is insane about competition. Pugs is the same way but he admits that he only engages in competition when he knows he can win. Kelly points out that they both belittle people that scare them out of competition. Kelly heard that Russ was making out with Josh Cooperman at the Candleroom. Kelly reminds us that it wasn't Josh Cooperman, it wasn't the Candleroom, and Cooperman is married. She tells us that if she was going to make out with a married person, it wouldn't be Cooperman. Pugs reminds us that Josh Cooperman is the guy that runs commercials to try to get people to come work for him at the station. Pugs informs us that he'll fire you in three weeks. Kelly tells us that her brother is trying to work here. That scares Pugs. He loves her brother and he loved to have him down here. He thinks it would be somebody to have down here that could drive around with him looking beef sandwiches and hot dogs. He says that radio sales is tough. People have to be born to do it. It's not as easy as people think it'd be. Pugs tells us that Gavin will yell at you for interacting with the show. Apparently, you can't socialize with them but you can make out with them at clubs. Tom calls in to say that Russ didn't say it a caller said it. Another calls in to say that Clo cleared it up and Russ said that he wanted to have sex with the guy that Kelly made out with. Kelly has never seen her brother sell but he knows a lot about radio. He also has a great personality. Pugs thinks he'd be better on mic. I'd listen to the Kevin show.

*break*

Pugs hasn't had a Texas driver's license since he moved here. Pugs tells us that he's a good and safe driver. He has to take the rod test like some 16 year old. He can't get his new car from Auto Flex until he handles all this crap. He complains that every time he puts out a fire, a new fire starts. Kelly hates that. Pugs complains about the bureaucrats. He doesn't know what the hell is wrong with DPS. He says that people in Illinois are crazy and mean. His girlfriend says that California people are equally as mean. Kelly teaches us that once you create a bureaucracy, it becomes hard to get rid of it. The government is reluctant to eliminate it. That's why it's hard to get rid of the unicard because it creates jobs. The system is flawed. Pugs wonders if they can just blow up the system. Bud says that he's been to the DPS 5 times and he still doesn't have his license. It's been a lot of really ticky tack crap that doesn't matter. Pugs tells us that he brought a pass port, birth certificate, lease agreement, TXU bill, check book, and thirty credit cards. Since he doesn't have his original social security card, he's SOL. Now he has to go to the social security office. Kelly doesn't understand why you need a social security card. She reminds us that Dr. Schwartz is a Canadian and managed to get his driver's license. Pugs has lots of friends that are foreigners that have Texas driver's licenses. He wants to know why the people have to be such ball busters. He points out that it's obvious that he's an United States Citizen. He has a birth certificate, a pass port, and numerous picture IDs. He wouldn't be this pissed off about it if it wasn't for the fact that the woman wasn't so mean. Kelly thinks the problem with the zero tolerance rules is that it allows people to not think. Pugs doesn't want to hear the "we live in a post 9/11 society blah blah" because it's always been like this. Kelly wonders how much they get paid and Pugs thinks they shouldn't be paid nothing at all. Eric reminds them that they have to deal with jerks all day. Pugs points out that it's not like he came in with a phony work ID, a block buster card, a turban, and a flack jacket. Sybil has her social security card. Pugs thinks that Sybil probably has her report cards still. He thinks that we should just tattoo barcodes on people that has all our information. Les, expert on everything, calls in to say that the DPS is as bad as the INS. His wife is from another country. Pugs and Kelly point out that Les is from another country. Les tells us that he's an American citizen and his wife is from Russia. Pugs wonders if it's a mail order and Les says that most of the problems they have are because so many Russian women are considered mail order brides. Pugs and Kelly bring up how Wayne and Schwartz are going nuts with the INS. Pugs is fine with that though. He's Yankee Doodle Pugs so, why do the bureaucrats always break his balls. Les wonders why it's such a hassle. He reminds us that both sides want this piece of paper stamped and gone. He has no idea why they have to be such bitches about it. Les complains that there is no reasoning with them. A lady calls in to say that her husband scanned a social security card. He then changed the name and number on the card and printed it. The idiot accepted it. Pugs wants to do that today. Kendra calls in to say that government jobs are made for people with no ambition. She says that if you don't want to do anything with your life then the can put you in ugly gray shorts. Congratulations, you're the mail man. Pugs and Kelly agree that Mail men are cool. They think it's a good job. Kendra says that no kid wants to be a mail man growing up.... no kid wants to be a Certified Public Accountant either, but it doesn't mean it's a crap job.... Pugs wonders if one of the interns want to try to pull off some fraud. Kelly says that Cody would do it and points out that Cody already told her that the printer on the sales floor would be the best one to use. Pugs invited Cody down to do it. Sybil tells Pugs that the "hatchet" wants you to know that you can get mandatory jail time if you're busted. Pugs says that's fine. Gavin joins the show to say that Pugs can get off the premise and pull his scam. Gavin brings up a former show that he had. The host said that somebody should just drop a bomb on the capital building. Pugs thinks that this is no where near the same. Pugs wonders if Gavin has his social security card and Gavin says no. Pugs wants to know how Gavin got his driver's license and Gavin tells him that he never let his expire. Pugs assures Gavin that he will not attempt to recreate a social security card on station grounds, using equipment or employees of Infinity. Kelly points out that if I want to make a few extra dollars... Pugs is outraged that the bureaucracy is forcing him to be a criminal. Gavin and Kelly don't think that the social security card is even required. Pugs doesn't know why they're so mean to him. He points out that he's so nice to clerks. Kelly says that's how they get bumped up in Airplanes. Gavin just doesn't want a sting operation right now. Pugs tells Gavin that secret service showing up would be great publicity. Pugs and Kelly brag that they had secret service showed up at the last station they were at. Gavin tells them that when that happens, the program director has to sit down at a 5 hour long meeting. It happened to him last time. Gavin says that at another station... back in 99 during the government shut down, a guy suggested that we just drop a bomb on the capital building and start over. Everyone laughed and thought nothing of it. A few hours later ATF guys showed up in Gavin's office. Kelly thinks that they were just fans of the show. Wes calls in to say that if Pugs WAS interested in committing this crime then the paper he would need is called astro brights. Mark calls in to say that it's illegal to use the social security number as ID because of the privacy act. Pugs needs to talk to a lawyer then. He would love be able to stand at the DPS and yell, "I'm a member of the freakin' media and you better adhere to the privacy act of 1960 or I swear to god I'll shut the whole place down!!!!". Eric thinks it's crazy that they'll accept college transcripts but they won't accept your pass port. Kelly thinks the lesson is, "bureaucrats don't trust other bureaucrats".

*break*

Bobby, former producer, sent them an e-mail. Pugs reminds us that Bobby stood them up and didn't bother to call. Bobby thanks them for having them in the studio. He's happy they put the paste behind them. Pugs thinks that the break up must have been harder on Bobby. Bobby also says that it was difficult to listen to himself on those tapes. He also apologizes for not showing up to the basketball game on time. He woke up right around the time to see Illinois' perfect season come to a close. He doesn't think that Pugs was in a very friendly mood. He also doesn't have a vehicle right now and doesn't like to inconvenience others. He hopes that they forgive him again for standing them up. A repeat performance of what got him fired. THey play a clip of Bobby's expertise of the Church's menu.

They have a story with the headline, Judge adds Years after Man Throws File. This is out of Idaho Falls, Idaho.... Pugs wonders where that is located and if it's big. Kelly knows Des Moines. Pugs reminds her that is in Iowa. He wants to know if it's bigger than Fort Worth... Little known fact about my home town, it's the 20th largest city (population) in Texas. Eat it Boston and Seattle. Cleveland ain't got nothin' this.... Pugs like potatoes. He thinks that's one of those states that Why? After receiving 5-15 years, the defendant lost his temper and threw a file across the court room that hit a clerk. The judge gave him the maximum 15 year sentence after that incident. Kelly thinks he's a dumb ass. Pugs could see himself doing that. He tells us a story about... he wonders when "master of puppets" came out. He figures it was 87. Pugs was dating a girl... Kelly wonders if that's the one that turned lesbian. Pugs tells her that she's a well known collegiate softball coach. The girl gave him the CD and broke up with him. He went to a party and broke the CD. He then went to his car and kicked out his tail lights. He realized that he was a big A-hole. Kelly tells us that when she was in High school, her boyfriend broke her window with a bat because she locked her keys inside. He was pissed because they were going to be late for a movie. Eric says that he kicked in the side of his girlfriend's car. He then trashed his first apartment. It was his first week there. Kelly doesn't know why guys do that. Sean/Shawn/Shaun calls in to say that he was in Deep Ellum on a Saturday night. He scraped his car door on a guard rail. He then punched in his trunk. Pugs reminds us that the feeling is good for a bit but then you realize that you're driving a beater. Pugs and Kelly reveal that they got into it yesterday. Kelly dropped F-bombs on him. Eric had to sit there and pretend like he wasn't in the room. Sybil walked in and saw the fight. She managed to disappear. Pugs tried to drag Gavin into the fight. Kelly thinks they say really mean things to each other. Pugs tells us that the fight was over Kelly thinking that he hogged the interview with Kato yesterday. As soon as the mics went off, they just started screaming in front of poor Kato. Pugs thinks it's funny that he'll remember them as the show that had a melt down in front of him. Kato said that there is probably be no chance that he could get a picture with them. Pugs told him that they kind of had a fight and apologized. Kelly storms off and yells "F YOU!.. you know F YOU!". A minute later Kelly came back to do the Frenkel and Frenkel spot. They did it without the tension because they're professionals. When the mics went off, Kelly left again. Kelly tells us that they had to come back and record the Humperdink's spot. Pugs thinks that you can probably hear the hatred in it. Pugs says that when he was a kid. His muffler was draggin and it was making him so mad. He pulled over to grab the muffler and his hand melted to it. He regretted it instantly. James calls in to say that he could hear the evil tone in Kelly's voice. He thought Pugs was so screwed. Eric tells them that when they were recording the Humperdinks, Kelly stepped on one of Pugs' lines and he didn't want to do it again. She told him in a very jerky way, "what, aren't you going to redo that line?... I stepped on ya...". Michael calls in to say that he lived with a girl and she threw her remote at him. He got mad and told her if she wants to throw something, then throw something worth throwing. He grabbed her TV and threw it off the balcony. Kelly thinks that there is nothing worse than having to clean up the mess you made while being mad. Matt calls in to say that Kato must have been freaking out because the last time he heard fights like that, he was subpoenaed for the trial of the century.

*break*

Pugs reminds us that their former intern/producer/all around producer, James is running for City Council. He points out that James has plenty of time to run for City Council because he lost his job. James joins the show to say that he's officially on the ballot. He tells us that it was a butt-load of paper work. Kelly says that James has the best name out of the candidates. James shows his concern for Daniel Harrison because his name is pretty good too. Pugs reads that he's running against Daniel C. Harrison and Linda L. Koop. Kelly thinks it's a nice touch to add the M. middle initial to James Parker. Kelly wonders if James has any signs and James says that he wants to do an awareness concert. Pugs and Kelly urge him to not do that. James tells them that he's running as a moderate. Pugs and Kelly thought that James was going to be the first mepublican but they all agree that the term "mepublican" wouldn't be taken seriously. James suggest "party-x" because it's like racer-x from Speed Racer. James says that the last concert he had a few people got stabbed. Pugs brings up how James lost his job. He was working at the same AM station that Dan Lewis is at. James says that they told him that he had some non work related software on the production computer. He was working on some graphics for his dad's website while he was working the satellite feed. He had nothing to do for 15 minutes. Pugs wonders if it was pornographic and James says "god, no". He says he's not stupid enough to that at work. Pugs adds "again" at the end of his sentence. He reminds James the F word can be considered pornographic. James found out that another employee from the same station told him that management got a hold of some of his songs and let him go because of that. Pugs reminds us that James is a hip hop artist with some anti-establishment messages. James says that wasn't very becoming of a conservative talk radio station employee. Pugs and Kelly remind us that Texas is a right to work state which means that they have a right to fire you for whatever reason they deem fit. Pugs would love to have a debate on the show. James is pretty sure that his opponents make better money than him. He tells them that the pay cut wouldn't be worth it. He offers them the chance to drop out and let him take the job. He'll do whatever it is they want and take the lousy pay. Pugs wonders if you have to give up your job when you're a city council member and James says that he's sure it will effect it. Pugs points out that James doesn't even know. Pugs tells James that he'll have to hire an assistant. James says that he'll probably hire Del. Eric says that he shouldn't hire him. Kelly urges James to get some signs made... Signs like these official Team Wilco 2008 presidential run signs?



James challenges Koop and Harrison to a debate.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. Tonight is Dan Rather's final newscast. It's 24 years to the day from when he started.
Kelly points out that like Bobby Garza, Rather gave an 8 weeks notice. They play "What's the Frequency Kenneth" by REM. Kelly teaches us that Dan Rather is from Texas. Walter Cronkite is also\grew up in Texas. Pugs tells us that all the real news people are from Texas. He reminds us that JD Ryan is from Texas. Kelly wonders about that Tracy Rowlett guy. Pugs tells her that he's so Texas that they named a town after him. Kelly is amazed.

*break*

2. An update of the guy and daughter whom police have been looking for. They've found him in the parking lot of North Park Mall. The guy claimed that he ran out of gas. No charges have been filed.
Pugs wonders why they had him in handcuffs and remind us that the guy was the girls father. He's allowed to be with his daughter.

3. Mt. St. Helen's might be blowing.
Kelly thinks that's a good stripper name. "she's gonna blow ladies and gentlemen". Pugs heard about this story during countdown. He hates it when news breaks during countdown because it screws up the countdown. Pugs and Kelly love the puppet theatre reenactment of the Michael Jackson trial. Pugs thought the shot of the mountain was so pretty. Kelly thinks that it sucks that 56 people died when it blew back in the 80s. She figured that the could outrun it like in Lost in Space.

4. A fire at an elementary school. Nobody was hurt.

5. In Richmond, Texas, four men are accused of having sex with the same underage girl. An Orthodontist, a photographer/part time sports anchor for the Houston WB affiliate, and two other douchebags. They all met her online.
Pugs thinks that's a career breaker for the sports guy. Pugs and Kelly bring up how a Chicago sports guy pulled the same thing. Kelly doesn't think it's that big a deal because it's the WB. Nobody watches the WB for the newscast. Pugs remembers that WB is across the street. Kelly suggests that they just get strippers read the news. They couldn't lose credibility because it's the WB. Kelly hopes they don't listen.

6. In Maryland, a 42 year old man was hospitalized after biting off part of his tongue. He was on PCP.
Kelly wonders if you put it on something when you smoke it. Pugs tells her that you can put it on bread and mix it with jelly for a PCP and J. Eric and Pugs have never even seen PCP. Pugs and Kelly saw that after school special where Helen Hunt jumped out a window so they stay away from that stuff.

7. Tokyo police are questioning elderly siblings after they found that they have been living with the corpse of their father for almost 10 years. His body was found on a futon bed in the family home. The siblings are in their 70s. They claim that they thought their father was still alive.
Pugs thinks that the smell probably just blended in with the other strange smells in an Asian house.
One of the family members discussed the possibility that he might be dead with one of the siblings and they sent police over.
Pugs and Kelly are probably sure that he was dead and suggest that they were probably taking his social security money. Then they realize that they don't know if they have social security checks in Japan.

8. A 2 year old boy in Houston was able to stay alive for two days after his care taker died. The relatives of his care taker finally got worried and went to the apartment. They knocked on the door and the boy knocked back.
Kelly and Sybil think that's so sad.
They found onions and syrups on the floor. He had been able survive off that. She had been taking care of him for about year. His mother went to jail.

9. The bus driver that dumped 800 lbs of Dave Matthew's poop into the Chicago River, has pleaded guilty.

10. 50 cent and the Game have called a truce.
Sybil points out that it was so nice that they could call it off right before their CD release.

11. Russell Crowe says that Osama Bin Laden wanted to kid nap him as part of a cultural destabilization plot.
Pugs points out that Russell and the FBI claim that this is true. Pugs tells us that this was pre-9/11. It was March of 2001. Pugs and Kelly recall this story back when it originally came out.

12. Ozzy Osbourne admits to having face lift and a new nose.
Kelly wouldn't put that in her portfolio if she was a doctor.

13. Mark McGwire has respectfully declined to testify at a congressional hearing concerning steroid use in base ball.
Pugs tells us that they invited a bunch of top notch players to come to the hearing but they didn't hear anything back. Congress finally said, "man screw you guys... you cry baby baseball players better come.. we're congress.. subpoena time, bitches". Pugs thinks this is good.

14. Minnesota Vikings head coach, Mike Tice, is being investigated for scalping super bowl tickets.
Pugs runs down why Mike Tice is being fired. The owner doesn't like him and he lost Randy Moss.If Tice didn't win the first round of the playoffs he would have been gone. Now with this scandal, bye bye Tice. Pugs likes Mike Tice. He then realizes that he hates the Vikings. Kelly likes them because of the purple.

15. Its fair and windy right now.

The fake story is the PCP tongue story.

*break*

Project Green Light contest using Bottle Rocket... so there.

*break*

Pugs plugs the Team Wilco blog. He doesn't know the address off the top of his head and wonders why I haven't chimed in yet. Kelly tells him that I have a folder by my name so that means I'm gone. Paco tells them the wrong address I think. for the record.. it's teamwilco.blogspot.com (and I was away running business errands... yes I do other things besides write down what people say all day))Kelly says that the new Kelly plans ahead. She was inspired by this problem. She tried to sign onto the Internet last night and she noticed that she wasn't online. After trying everything that she knew to test didn't pan out, she called the cable company. She was on hold for a while. Pugs wonders if she thought about paying Cody 20 bucks to sit on hold and Kelly admits that she considered it. The customer service dude had her do a lot of crap. Her call was eventually disconnected. She reveals that when they think they're too busy, they hang up on you. Kelly called back and the new guy told her it was her windsock. Pugs doesn't know what that is and Kelly informs him that it's inside folder 32. She reveals that it's a hidden folder. I was recording all this and it appears that my signal started to act up. I'll try my best to figure out what's going on through the white noise. Kelly then called Scott to figure out the problem. Smart Scott told her that they're full of crap and had her call back Comcast. She told them everything that Scott told her. It turned out that the tech support guys were based in Canada. Kelly told them that she has a friend from Canada and asked them if they knew Rob. They didn't know Rob. The Canadians are very disappointed that there is no hockey season. Pugs reveals that his girlfriend was talking to TXU and they were in the Philippines. Kelly would rather talk to Canadians. Pugs would rather talk to prisoners. Kelly is proud that she handled everything on her own. She brags that she might even start changing her light bulbs but she realizes that she shouldn't rush into things. She believes that it's part of her complete transformation. It all started with her getting her own house. She also does her own lawn work, on occasion, and take out her garbage. Her problem is that she's afraid that she might turn into Barbara Walters. Kelly points out that she's really old and hasn't been married for a long time. She points out how Walters is fine with being single. Pugs reminds her that she's stinking rich. Kelly doesn't think she'd trade in a chance of being married for millions of dollars. Kelly doesn't want to get used to being super independent. Pugs thinks that Kelly is psycho and over thinks things too much. He reminds her that she doesn't need a man. Kelly tells him that she wants one.

*break*

I'm so confused on how I'm suppose to recap these next two segments....

Pugs points out that they're desperately trying to attract the 40 plus listeners with this Beatles rejoin. The static is getting really bad. Again, I'll try to mush through. Kelly starts singing the Texas Lotto "Jack Pot" song. Then she sings the new 50 cent song. She complains that her kids love it because it talks about candy. Tracy calls in to say that her daughter learned about the Beatles in pre-k. Pugs thinks that kids will still know who the Beatles are in 1000 years. He wonders if kids about yellow submarines and Kelly admits that she doesn't even know. Pugs tells her it's a yellow pill that they use to take back in the 60s. Kelly says that she doesn't take pills. She realizes that she does and Pugs calls her a little Liza Minelli. She says that she hopes the pills give her enough pills to go out and find a guy. Pugs tells her that he has to be very careful about how he plays each boy she brings in. He explains that she's not just some other chick. To Pugs, Kelly is his business partner and a sister figure. He's also a guy and he knows how other guys think. Kelly reveals that she got lectured by her ex-husband because he complimented her. She said "whatever" and he told her that she needs to start saying "thank you". He reminded her that she's been working hard and looking great. Pugs thinks it's silly that Kelly is upset that she was upset that somebody told her that she looked great. Kelly tells him that because of Pugs and callers, every time a guy gives her a compliment, she believes that he wants more. static bad.... Pugs thinks that it's good that Kelly hasn't ran around like a big whore. He thanks her for not embarrassing them and reminds her that it's his job to embarrass the show. Pugs brings up Chicago Rob. They run down the details... you know all this stuff.... Pugs instantly knew that it wasn't going to work out. He says that it's because he likes him too much. Pugs thinks that Chicago Rob has a lot of the same qualities that Kelly hates about Pugs. Pugs tells her that he received an E-mail from him concerning Kelly. He started reading it and felt conflicted. Chicago Rob is complaining about the coup in the show blog. (though I don't fail to see how omitting a few details from the show is like a coup d'etat) His problem is that things are being intentionally omitted to keep him in the dark. He thinks it's an attempt on Kelly's part to have her cake and eat it too. Pugs reveals that he wasn't happy about betraying a guy but he had Kelly read it. Pugs points out that while he believes that you should never sell a guy's trust out, you can't expect him to take sides over his business partner. Pugs' official stance is that he doesn't want to get involved. Kelly tells us that one night she was talking to Rob on the phone. I sent her an IM that told her that I was leaving things about him and other guys from the blog. Kelly, who was on ambien, said it out loud and Rob thought it was unfair. He doesn't think it's right that. Pugs would agree with Rob but he knows that he's had me leave stuff out. He tells us that one of the good things about not broadcasting in their hometown is that they can be open without fear of family hearing it. Pugs respects Kelly's right, as Kelly of the Pugs and Kelly show, to edit things from the blog.... I'd like to remind everyone that the blog has started problems before. Anyone remember a little incident about a year ago involving the blog, Pugs' mother, Pugs mentioning his childhood molestation, and Pugs' mother discovering this childhood molesting from the blog? ... Kelly doesn't think that Rob should be allowed to know everything until he starts to have a blog that retells everything he says everyday. Static bad. Rob's e-mail also says that she has the upper hand. She knows that everything that he knows about her, he reads on the blog. Pugs points out that there aren't too many girls that you can date that have it that easy. You can learn so much about Kelly by listening to the show and reading the blog. Pugs can't bleed for him. He suggests that he get a friend to listen to the show and report back to him. Pugs thinks that she can clean up the mess a bit for people that are out of town. Kelly wonders if he has a right to know what's being said about him. Pugs doesn't think so. He thinks it's a bonus to just have the chance to know what's said about him. Pugs points out that he has no way of knowing what his girlfriend says about him to her friends but she can always just tune into the show. Pugs reads the rest of the rest of the e-mail and reveals that he's very Nick DePalo-esque. Pugs likes that about him and Kelly claims that she likes that too. Pugs doesn't think she really does.... Do I need to remind everyone that Kelly and Nick DePalo always get into it?... Kelly says that she's fine as long as he doesn't break wind in front of her. Pugs thinks that Rob would fart around her. Eric and Pugs agree that toots are funny. Pugs wonders what Kelly is going to do with this guy. He reminds us that Rob is the first guy that she started dating after her break up. He lives in Chicago and she started seeing other people. He thinks that's normal and Kelly says that she's sure that he sees other people too. Kelly says that another problem is that Rob told her that he's not sure if he's going to buy a place here. He told her that his boss told him that there is a chance that he'd be moving across the country in less than a year. She isn't sure if she wants to start a relationship with a guy that will be gone. Pugs points out that Kelly has only had one relationship that has lasted over a year.. I'm assuming that he means other than her marriage... He wonders why Kelly is putting that much pressure on it and tells her to just enjoy it. Kelly reminds him that she can't enjoy her meal unless the dishes are all clean. She doesn't know how she could date a guy that could be gone in a year. Pugs points out that they get told by corporate types that they're going to move all the time. Eric wonders how Kelly knows that she's going to be attached and Kelly introduces herself to Eric. Kelly wants to know what happens if she falls in love with him. Pugs thinks that she moves to New York then. Kelly points out that their job is in Dallas. Eric suggest that Kelly could do the show from the phone. It'd be like Johnny Bowden. Kelly reminds us that they've taken the official stance on the show that long distance relationships don't work. Pugs points out that only Kelly believes that. He thinks that a long distance relationship is the only way to insure a long-lasting relationship. Kelly can't go back on her words again. She reminds us that she went on record as saying, "I'll never get divorced"... and "people who date pro athletes are idiots"... Pugs still says that people who date pro-athletes are idiots... he throws in one of his own "people who get botox and laser hair removal are fags".... Kelly: "only really stupid and insecure women get implants".

*break*

The static is getting horrible now. If this repeats tomorrow, I'm going back to writing the show out by hand live again.

Sheila calls in to say that Kelly is selling herself short. She says that his husband is in the military and he's been in Iraq and Korea forever. She thinks that you have to take chances in life.... whoa whoa whoa, since when do you have to take chances in life? Whatever happened to the good old fashioned status quo?... Pugs points out that Sheila is making the best of a bad situation. He reminds her that Kelly isn't even in a situation yet. Sheila thinks that he might be the love of her life and reminds us that we might all die in a car accident tomorrow.... Sheila finally said something I can get behind. Yeah, we might all die tomorrow. Knowing that little tidbit, what's the F*ing point of anything? Why try hard at anything? Why put so much stress and work into relationships? We might be dead tomorrow. That'd be an incredible waste of time.... Pugs thinks that Kelly sees the all-dude buffet that's been laid out for her and she's sampling all she sees. Kelly brings up Aaron's dinner. She wasn't sure if she should invite Rob or somebody else. She remembered that she had to meet up with some friends afterward and didn't invite anybody. Pugs wants to know what was up with making out with the sales guy then. Kelly forgot that part. Pugs doesn't have a problem with Kelly enjoying life. He reminds us that Kelly was divorced and t hen got into a long term relationship. Now she's single, fake breasted, completely trim, she has a name, doors open for her, people see her as a trophy and she's kicking ass. He thinks that Kelly should stop worrying about it and have fun. Don wants to know how Kelly even knows that she's going to be there. Kelly says that they've signed contracts so they'll be there for two years. Kelly really likes that Rob is driven by his job. Pugs wants to bring the sales guy that Kelly was making out with into the studio. Pugs thinks that this guy is in second place to Rob's first place position. Kelly tells him that she doesn't have places. Pugs thinks that's a shot to Rob. Kelly would place Rob in first if he wasn't moving. Steve calls in to say that Kelly shouldn't believe him when he says he might move out. He reveals that he does it as an out to girls. Pugs also brings up the e-mail relationship that kelly is having with Gene Simmons.

*break*

They do the project green light casting couch contest. Today they do a scene from Chasing Amy.... is there really a good way I can recap that?

Sybil bites her tongue but says that she doesn't really like George Carlin. Kelly says that she's never revealed that she doesn't liked Richard Pryor. She thinks he's over-rated. She's also never saw Godfather 2. Pugs tells us that Kelly thinks Braveheart is a movie about Native Americans.

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. President Clinton will undergo surgery this week to remove scar tissue and fluid from his lungs.
Pugs and Kelly bring up how Clinton probably got the fluid by sleeping on the floor. George Bush Sr and Clinton were flying in a plane that only had one bed. Clinton gave the bed to the older former president and crashed on the floor. Pugs thinks that you should give the bed to the person that just had major heart surgery. Sybil would give the bed to her grandpa. Pugs would offer the bed but he would expect Bush to decline. Kelly doesn't understand why one of them didn't lay in a chair. Pugs wonders if sleeping on the floor would cause you to roll around. Kelly thinks it'd be gay for them to share the bed. Pugs doesn't think there is anything gay about two presidents sharing a bed. He thinks it's bi-partisanship of the highest order. He doesn't even know why tey didn't bring a cot. Kelly thinks the budding bush and Clinton friendship is like a SNL bit. Pugs and Kelly think it's cool that these two bright presidents are buddies. Pugs compares being a former president to being a Beatles.

2. Fort Worth Police are looking for a man and his 3 year old daughter. The man told the mother of the child that he was taking the child with him to the store and he hasn't been back since. That was Saturday night. They haven't released an Amber alert because of details of the story. The only concern is that there hasn't been any contact with the father. He's driving a green Isuzu rodeo and the plate number is P51TPX.
Kelly thinks that they're just too lazy to type it on the signs.


3. In St. Louis, researchers have developed a new form of fuel that uses horse manure. They started research after the rise in gas prices.
Kelly reminds us that she has a fear of farms.

*break*
4. In South Carolina, a man was arrested for taking pictures of other men in a public restroom of an outlet men. He got caught trying to take a picture of a 16 year old who noticed him trying to stick his camera phone from under the stall.
Pugs likes his phone but thinks it's too tempting to do something seedy. He admits that he took a video of a sleeping girl once but then deleted it. Pugs and Kelly agree that it's not sexy to record guys taking a deuce.

5. Shannon Elizabeth and her husband are getting divorced. They almost made it to the 3 year mark.
Pugs thought the husband was cool and reminds us that they watched basketball together in Iceland. Kelly tells us that Shannon Elizabeth and Mickey got into an argument about who was paying for pizza. She said that she made more than him. Pugs wonders what Shannon Elizabeth has been in and thinks that's pretty bitchy to assume that with a stranger.Pugs brings up how he thought Andy Summers was awful but Kelly loved him. This upset him because he loves the Police. Kelly was surprised that he remembered her name two hours later. She reminds Pugs that he told them inside info about a police reunion and wonders how he couldn't love that. Pugs tells her that he had images of him and Andy running along the beach together while holding hands. Kelly thinks that if she would have asked, he would have went with her. She would have brought Pugs. Pugs wouldn't want to go with Kelly. He wants it to be just him and Andy. They'd discuss Synchronicity.

6. Nick Carter got busted for drunk driving. His publicist says that he was unaware of the side effects of his medication.
Sybil wonders if he just doesn't know the reaction it would have with alcohol because he was still drinking and driving. Eric is sure that he knows how it would interact with drinking. Kelly tells us that they turned him down for an interview in LA and Pugs says that he probably would have stole something from them.

7. Brittany Spears is posing nude for Allure magazine. She will wear a necklace that her husband gave her.
Pugs thinks she probably bought the necklace.

8. Seymour Butts has announced that a new Paris Hilton sex tape is coming to an adult store near you. It's the one where she's doing it with a playboy playmate.

9. Lindsay Lohan is mad that everyone is saying she's anorexic.

10. Sylvester Stallone's mom will be in a reality TV show.

11. Joan Londen has another set of twins now.

12. The Mavs beat the Raptors

13. The high together is going to be 63 degrees and there will be a little rain tonight.

The fake story is the horse manure fuel testing.

*break*

boisterous

It's now time for the Pugs and Kelly Institute for Human Growth and Development. A guy named Josh sends an e-mail with the subject line "my sister does porn". When he was 20, his sister found a pound of pot in his bedroom and called the cops. Everyone agrees that's a lot of weed. Last month, he was porn surfing and found a site with videos. He found his sister in one with an ex-boyfriend of his. He called his sister before he called his friends. The one thing she didn't want him to do was tell their mom and dad. He thinks that's funny because the one thing he didn't want to do was spend two years in jail. Kelly says that he two biggest fears are having to live on a farm and going to jail. Pugs thinks that you never rat out a family member. They agree that she was out of line because it was only weed. Their parents still think she's virgin even though the whore is 24. She has her dad working 2-3 jobs just to keep her at TCU. He thinks that she was the cause of his stroke. He wants to tell her family about her but he just recently healed a bad relationship with them. He wants to know how he can inform them without knowing it was from them. He adds that she listens to the station but claims it's to monitor the content. Well, let me the first to welcome Miss Suck-a-lot to the listening audience. Hello you self-important stupid bitch. I probably made a bootleg DVD of your sex caper, you whore. It makes me laugh that your life is dependent on your brother's mercy. I bet you wish you weren't such a C*nt to him. Pugs has a low threshold for hypocrisy. Kelly thinks you're suppose to be hypocritical to your parents. Pugs wouldn't call her sister after she sent him to jail. Kelly would be pissed at McKenna if she called the cops on Declan for weed. Pugs thinks that Paco is a genius because he says that he would burn 10,000 copies of the video band hand them out on the TCU campus. Pugs says that they could put him in touch with Bruce to get the box cover together real quick. Kelly wonders if he actually watched the porn of the sister having sex. Pugs wouldn't watch a porn of his Aunt Maggie. Kelly thinks that they need a division of igiveup@pugsandkellylive.com where they break bad news to someone. James calls in to say that you narc on the bitch. Scott calls in to say that you burn the bitch. Pugs points out that this is just a humiliation. It's not two years of your life inside a prison. Everyone agrees that you don't watch the porn but you let everyone else in the world watch it. Jeff calls in to say that he would make her a slave for life if he didn't kill her. I tell them that as an expert on Sibling rivalry that goes too far... Pugs points out that my sister is a circus act... It's his duty to ruin his life. If there is a way that he can insure that she gets caught with coke and a gun, then you do that too. More callers call in to agree that you just burn her. Some guy suggest that you send an anonymous picture. Pugs thinks you can have a still turned into a Christmas card.

*break*

yeah the static is getting really bad... this clip isn't even listenable.. sorry, Kato just hawks "Eye for an Eye". Eric filmed an episode with him about dwarf tossing.

e-mail me at wilL@pugandkellylive.com
Donate to the Team Wilco Pay Pal (we're trying to fund a real website.. we'll put boobs on it if you want)

Pugs heard a story that Robin did on Howard and wants to read it. It's a the story about the chimp mauling the guy and biting his junk. He thinks that it's BS because he can't find it. I send it to him in 5 seconds cause I'm super quick like that. Pugs thinks that Cody and me have dorky screen names.

Jeff Burkett, the imperial 5 star general of marketing and promotioning, joins the show. Pugs wonders what the hell Jeff does and Jeff tells him marketing and promotions. He says that every time you see Live 105.3 in the newspaper or TV, that's him. Kelly wasn't aware that they've ever been on TV. Jeff says that they will be on TV when they're tied in with the St. Patrick's day parade. Pugs wonders why they aren't invited and reminds us that both he and Kelly are Irish. Kelly and Jeff point out that nobody really gets invited. They just announce it and people show up. Pugs and Kelly want to be on a float and throw tootsie rolls. Jeff tells her that you can't throw things anymore because you'll get sued for poking somebody's eye out. Pugs wonders who's bigger than Jeff and Jeff points to Gavin. Pugs tries to figure out the importance tree but it's hard to follow. He points out that all the crazy ass promotions are dreamed up by Jeff. Kelly points out that MLK had dreams of little black kids and little white kids playing together and Jeff has dreams of sending people to Vegas to lose all their money. Jeff announces that today they're starting to the Pugs and Kelly Project Greenlight Casting Couch. Pugs reminds us that Project Greenlight was started by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Kelly explains that they wanted to greenlight projects that would normally never get made. Pugs describes it as a battle of the bands but for filmmakers. They turn it into a reality show and now it's on Bravo. It used to be on HBO. Callers will have to do a scene with Pugs and Kelly. Kelly wonders they do if they suck and Jeff tells her that you just move onto the next caller. Kelly points out that another station was doing a casting couch last week and Jeff complains that they ripped him off. Kelly says that they got it on the air first so they didn't really rip him off. Pugs thinks Jeff ripped them off. The dialogue is from Bottle Rocket, Clerks, and Chasing Amy. Kelly wonders if they have the actual scene to play and they all look at Eric. Eric tells them that he just heard about this contest now. They're going to send thing 1, Angela, or thing 2, Melissa, to block buster to pick up the movies. This is so that they can play the actual clip of the movie after they act it out. Pugs and Kelly say that is how they did it when they did this bit on previous shows they were on. The winners will be qualified to win a trip to LA to be on the set of the next project greenlight movie.

*break*

Kelly had a bizarre weekend. She says that everything was weird and it didn't end in sex. She thinks that's a waste of a bizarre weekend. She enjoyed it though. Sybil had an awesome weekend. She got her test score from her history test. Pugs tells us that Sybil is a coed again. Sybil tells him that it's all online and Pugs doesn't think that's real school. Sybil reminds him that he couldn't answer her history review. Pugs knew the Boston Tea Party thing. He thinks that nobody cares about anything but the stamp act. Sybil got a 96 on the test. Kelly attributes her good weekend to her chain letter. She annoyed all her friends by sending them all online chain letters. She needed a good rub because she's trying to get a different house. She had to think for 20-30 minutes to figure out the E-mail addresses of 10 friends. Pugs doesn't understand why she just didn't use listeners' E-mails. He reminds her that she can't outrun the Kharmic gods. Kelly complains that Schwartz is still mad. He told her that the only rule to internet chain letter is that you don't send it to him. Kelly brings up how I told her that I was going to test the waters. I told her over the weekend that since I got the chain letter, one of my turtles almost died, I had to deal with a violent incident concerning my sister and her ex-boyfriend (she beat him down... don't worry folks), I fell in love with my ex-girlfriend again, and a can of peaches fell on my foot. Pugs thinks I'm a drama queen. I believe that would be the pot calling the kettle black. Her friend Sherry called her and thanked her for the letter. She told her that her girlfriend got into a car accident and now she's in the hospital. Kelly doesn't know what can of bad luck Schwartz could be and guesses that his hair is probably out of place. Eric tells her that he has writer's block. Pugs points out that Eric isn't a writer. Kelly tells him that he writes for them and Pugs wants to know what. They tell him that he writes rejoins. Eric says that he's just been duh. Pugs has been smooth sailing since he got the E-mail. Eric also ran out of the gas. Kelly reminds Pugs that he had a fight and Pugs tells her it had nothing to do with the chain letter. They point out that it would be Kharmic and not an actual fight about the chain letter. Jeff calls in to and he's a smug jerk. He brings up how Kelly has alienated God. He tells her that if she was to read the bible then she would realize that this is voodoo. Kelly reminds Jeff that she's Catholic and that Catholics don't read the bible. They have a priest explain it to them. Pugs tells him that it's for the priest to interpret. Jeff says that's the definition of a cult and it's not a real religion. Pugs and Kelly agree that all churches are cultish. He quotes the bible a lot and Kelly reminds him that he's acting like the bible is the actual word of god. She reminds him that some people may look at him and say that is cultish beliefs. Jeff compares the pope to Jim Jones. Kelly says that if the pope gives her something to drink then she's going to drink it. Kelly has always wanted to be one of those people that read the gospel during a service. Pugs and Eric brag that they did it. Another douche bag calls in and is just as smug as Jeff. He explains that there is no good kharma.. blah blah blah... his smart ass yet boring attitude makes me not listen to him. Now more and more smug idiots call in blah blah blah.... Pugs points out that they were talking about chain letters not religion. Kelly reads some of the chain letter. It's your standard letter with examples. It also has a bad poem. Pugs isn't sure if he hates poetry or chain letters more. JB calls in to say that the previous kharma expert wasn't an expert. He explains the different types of kharma. Pugs wonders if you experience all the types... would you be a........ .. ... Kharma Chameleon? weeeeeeeeee! David calls in to say that it's all superstition. He says that we're either superstitious or you're not. Well, that was a great comment that taught us a lot. Kelly says she's superstitious. She doesn't walk under ladders, she never steps on a crack, and she always picks up pennies. She even holds up cars in parking lots so that she can get pennies. Pugs brags about how walks under ladders without thinking. He also crashed through a house and broke lots of mirrors. Kelly reminds him that it's been more than 7 years and Pugs wonders if the years are added up when you break more than one. Kelly thinks that it's concurrent. Pugs believes in vibes but not kharma. Kelly got bad vibes from the first house that she saw. They had crosses all over the place (real crosses not gothic style crosses) and pictures of the family looking churchy. They also had bibles and on the fridge was a picture of the first family with cross magnets. She decided that she couldn't live there because it would shock the gods too much. They couldn't handle the transition between super Christian to shock jock. Every time that she has had good things happen to her, she's done something good for somebody else before. Pugs thinks that people who have bad things happen to them never look back and see what bad things they did. Kelly got the house she wanted and thanks the chain letter. Les calls in to share his tale of Kharmic woe. He received an chain letter e-mail one day and deleted it. Two years and three months after, his grandmother died. One bad thing did happen to Kelly. Daphne, her dog, ran away again. What up with that bitch? A guy calls in to say that he met Corey Hart in an Italian resturant in Amarillo. Pugs and Kelly are shocked that they have Italian resturants in Amarillo. The caller says that he asked Corey Hart where his sunglasses were because it was night. Corey Hart beat his ass in the bathroom.

*break*

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. In Toronto, a man threw his child into oncoming traffic and then threw himself. The little girl survived but the dad was killed.
Kelly thinks that is the way it should be but she doesn't see why you'd take the child with you.
Sybil reads that the man was trying to get back at the mom. The little girl was in a pink snow suit and was clutching his leg...
Pugs and Kelly want Sybil to stop. Pugs doesn't know why she'd even do that story and Sybil points out that she's going to be all right.. eh? Sybil reminds him that they did the baby arms cutting off story. Kelly brings up how her daughter calls everyone humans. She doesn't call them people or identifies them by race or sex. She calls them humans. Pugs brings up how his lady friend's daughter called him up yesterday and asked him to come over. Pugs told her that she doesn't want him over but the daughter told her that he can come over whenever he likes now that her mother doesn't have a job.

2. There is a book out by a face reader named Rose Rosetree. She claims that you can tell stuff about a person by the acne on their face. A zit on your forehead means you're obsessing about something that made you upset. A black head on your nose means you're having money issues. If you have acne on your chins then you're conflicted about ethics or courage. A pimple on your ear then you're having an unconscious reaction to someone annoying. A pimple on your right cheek is a career problem and on your left cheek is relationship problem.
Everyone is checking but then Pugs points out that nobody in the room has acne. Pugs feels a little off today and Kelly tells him that's it's because he didn't send the chain letter.

3. There is a new book being made by a San Francisco artist. The book is called Members Only He's photographing wieners. It's going to be in different colors and different stages.
Pugs thinks that they men should be wearing members only jackets only. He thinks he might have a birthday present idea for Eric. Kelly wonders how many different colors there could be.

4. In Amarillo, Texas, a guy got beat up by Corey Hart after asking him about the location of his sunglasses. This is because it was at night. Corey Hart beat the man up in the bathroom of the Italian Restaurant he was at. The guy ignored a chain letter.
Pugs brings up how Bobby didn't call anyone all weekend like he said he was going to. He was going to meet them for brunch too.

5. A book about every single person named George Bush in the US. One lived in poverty. One was a gun collector and killed a man. There was one that was a Mexican and there was one that was a dog.

*break*

6. Sybil has a weird story... A Polish guy went tot he hospital for a headache...
Pugs thinks that is weird because nobody goes to the hospital for a headache...
The Polish guy went to the hospital and they found a 5 inch blade in his head. He fell off a stool and had a blade lodged in his skull.
Kelly is grossed out by the picture.

7. Encarta has put out a list of the ten most powerful women in America.
Pugs wonders if it's in a particular order and Sybil says no. He has Sybil puts them in particular order.

10. Condoleezza Rice
9. Karen Hughes
8. Nancy Pelosi
7. Sandra Day O'Connor
6. Hillary Rodham Clinton
5. Margaret "Meg" Whitman
4. Ruth Bader Ginsburg
3. Anne Sweeney
2. Oprah Winfrey
1. Martha Stewart

Pugs is mad that Martha Stewart is above Oprah and Sybil reminds him that she just ranked it as she read it off. Pugs remembers that he's an idiot.

8. The Dallas Mavericks lost to the Houston Rockets.
Kelly points out that Dirk guy hurt himself and that Finley guy too.

9. Reggie Jackson suffered minor injuries when he got hit in his SUV by another SUV.
Kelly teaches us that Reggie Jackson was one of the ten that she sent the chain letter to. If Pugs was Reggie Jackson, he'd never do anything without wearing the yankee uniform. Kelly brings up the Reggie Bar and Pugs tells us that it was a good candy bar. He tells us that it was a gigantic turtle. He loved those thing. He teaches us that it stuck around for a few years so it wasn't a fad.

10. Ed McMahon fell down. He had a concussion and had to get stitches on his head.
Everyone agrees that old people fall a lot. Kelly remembers the time she fell on her wedding day. It happened at the reception but she wasn't drunk. Pugs doesn't think it counts if you're drunk. Kelly actually slipped on a banana peel back in college. She thought it was really cliche. Pugs wonders if cartoon birds started flying around her head. Eric fell in front of 3000 people at the Brahma's game. He was working the crowd doing the "everyone on this side get loud" schtick and he busted his ass. Pugs and Kelly can't do that kind of job because they'd think about everyone making fun of them. Eric says he needs the money and the kids like it. Sybil was yelling at Cody one time and then she fell hard out of her chair.

11. Star Magazine came out with a list of the top 5 sexiest men and women in Hollywood.
Women
5. Jennifer Lopez
Pugs thinks she needs implants but she looks good.
4. Uma Thurman
PUgs likes her. Kelly wonders what's up with the meth head teeth. Sybil thinks she has sex appeal but she isn't traditionally sexy. Pugs thinks she's exotic but admits she has a weird eye and nose thing. He also approves of her breast.
3. Charlize Theron
2. Halle Berry
Kelly thinks that it was amazing that she wasn't wearing make up last night and looked great. She also was covered in filth.
1. Angelina Jolie

Men
5. Collin Ferrel
4.Matthew Mcconaughey
3.Jude Law
Pugs thinks that Jude Law is pretty hot. He says that when he came out on Saturday Night Live he said "wow". He thinks that it's not so much his face but the way he carries himself around.
2. Johnny Depp
Kelly thinks that Johnny Depp is hot. She thinks his personality is hot when he's not Sean Penning it up.
1. Brad Pitt

12. Paris Hilton and her new love.. Paris, were in the Caribbean. They pissed everyone in the hotel off because they were up all night having loud sex.

13. Fat Actress is premiering on Showtime tonight.

14. Box Office Update
5. Million Dollar Baby
4. Diary of a Mad Black Woman
3. Hitch
2. Be Cool
1. The Pacifier.. starring Vin Diesel
Pugs says that it's not a Vin Diesel movie. It's a kids movie that he's starring in. Sybil points out that Diesel is getting top billing and Pugs tells her to shut up. He points out that Vin Diesel is starring in the next Sidney Lumet movie, Find Me Guilty. Pugs thinks that's good because it's in time for the Oscar releases. Kelly thinks it's so awesome that Pugs is committed to Vin Diesel. She thinks it's like when he had to continue to wear the Duran Duran shirts even though it was revealed that it was the gay band. Pugs tells her that it's not a sprint, it's a marathon. He tells her that there are a lot of articles online that are saying that you wouldn't believe the acting chops on Vin Diesel in this upcoming project. Pugs reminds us that Sidney Lumet brought us Harvey Kietel and Al Pacino. Paco reminds Pugs Diesel's upcoming movie Hannibal. Pugs calls it the next Braveheart.

*break*

They do the project green light contest thing and act out a scene from Clerks.

*break*

Chicago Rob sent Pugs and E-mail about how he's upset that Kelly is having me "Nixon Watergate" the blog. They will discuss this tomorrow. Hey... if Chicago Rob wants to start throw some money at me, I'll talk.

comments? E-mail me at will@pugsandkellylive.com