Kelly tells us that Webster's has released it's new word additions. Wedgie has been added. Pugs says that they called it a grundie and then a big one would be a mother grundie. A mother grundie is the equivalent of an atomic wedgie. Pugs bets that Eric got grundied a lot by the black chicks that used to beat him up. Eric says that he was grundied a lot. He sounds pained. Pugs wonders if noogies or pink bellies is in there too. Kelly tells us that botox. Digital Camera also joins them. They think that's stupid. Chad also joins and Kelly thinks that's so 2001. E-commerce, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, paint ball, and identity theft has also joined. Shesh is in there now. Kelly says that she often uses shesh when I tell her about what's going on in my house. "My sister is off her lithium and she held me hostage in the corner with a knife" to which she replies, "shesh". Street Credibility, touch screen, web cast, WIFI, WMD, and blog. Kelly thinks that is important because her dad called her up to ask about blogs. He didn't know what they were. Kelly explained that blogs are diaries that everyone can read. It doesn't have any boundaries. Kelly tells him that they have a blog on their website. Pugs tells Sybil and Eric that he and Kelly used to do their job without the Internet.

Pugs wonders what the hell is wrong with people that c all their parents by their first name. Pugs thinks it's disrespectful. Kelly is sure that her dad would punch her in the face. They wonder if they should call their parents and inform them that they'll be calling them by their first name now. "hey mom, take note of that "mom" because it's the last time I'll ever call you that Mary. On top of that, I am no longer Johnny. Nobody calls me that... you will refer to me as Pugs". Pugs would never be able to do that. He thinks that his mother likes being called Mom. He doesn't think that she wants her punk kid to consider her an equal. Sybil says that she calls her mother "mom" or a nickname like "lunda-loo". Pugs thinks that's just cute so there is nothing wrong with that. Pugs and Kelly call Sybil's mom "mom because Linda doesn't sound right. Pugs gets driven insane by Metro-Aaron. He calls his mother by her first name and his mother is OK with it. Kelly says that she is OK with anything Aaron does. She also says that his whole existence is based on getting an upper hand by cutting somebody to his level. He likes to walk up and hit his friends in the nuts. Pugs tells her that is jockular. Kelly says that his other friends always complain about it. Pugs explains that it's a cultural thing. Kelly thinks that he refuses to give anybody respect. Pugs thinks that he only refuses to respect you when you know him well. Pugs thinks that Aaron isn't the only one that does it in his group of friends. He brings up how Wayne brags about his 450 dollar shirts even though they're ugly as all sin. Pugs thinks that he's probably the greatest defender of this. Metro-Aaron calls in to say that he's not denying any of that. He wants to discuss the mom thing. He says that he calls his mother "mom" when they're alone but not while their in a big group. He's always done that. He points out that when you were younger and you yelled "mom", 20 mothers would turn around. Aaron doesn't think it's disrespectful. He thinks it helps her be one of the peeps. Tom calls in to ask if Aaron is Hispanic. Pugs says that he is Hispanic. Tom says "damn". Kelly didn't know he was Hispanic. Pugs reminds him that he's Cuban. Kelly wonders if that's the same as Hispanic and Pugs tells her that it is the same.

*break*

Pugs declares that this is a crappy day. Chicago Rob came over to Kelly's house last night. He brought her a gift certificate as a thank you for dinner. Pugs wonders what they did and Kelly claims that they watched TV. Kelly tells us that her land lord told her that he was meeting with some possible new tenants. He was having them meet at her house and reminded her that he had a key. Pugs points out that it's his house and Kelly points out that she pays money. She would rather have them meet at the Chili's. She heard them saying things about the house and she couldn't help but think "hey did you see the ants, mold mold mold, RATS!, racoons, possums, broken fire place, dirty pool, all the faucets drip, and it' haunted". Kelly feels bad because she thinks the new tenants should know. She thinks that he should give her a free half month's rent for keeping her mouth shut. They never asked her about anything. Pugs thinks that she should have offered to sit down with some coffee with them after the meeting. She could have gave them a tour of the rat graveyard.

Instant Poll Time...

Should Kelly tell the potential new tenants what is going on in her skank house?

Results: 8-3

Winner: Narc! Tell the poor fools.

Linda calls in and she sounds like my white grandmother. That's fun.

*break*

Pugs brings up how U2 got into the Rock and Roll hall of fame. They agree that it's deserved but Pugs wonders if it's premature. They wonder who else should be in from their generation. Pugs wonders if Sting is in. I inform him that Prince was inducted recently. They say Madonna. Kelly tells us that some people get in but she doesn't know why. Pugs brings up Buddy Guy. He doesn't think he should get in. He grew up in an area where Buddy Guy is a legend but he can only name one song. Keith calls in to say that AC/DC was the first one of his generation to get in. He says that he's 28. hahaha. Pugs and Kelly tell him that they're even before their generation. Pugs figures that their musical generation would be from 80 to 92. A guy calls in to suggest the Cure. They're not in. Pugs thinks that now that U2 is in, all the other bands can be in. He points out that when they were inducting the British invasion guys they had to get the Beatles and the Stones out of the way before they could get to the Kinks. Kelly reads off every single person that has been in the Rock and Roll hall of fame. Here is the list that I gave her. Pugs thinks that 2003 would have been his favorite year to go.

*break*

Pugs brings up crazy deviant doctors again. In Charlotte, North Carolina... Pugs needs a dentist. Eric has a half done root canal... In Charlotte, North Carolina, the former dentist that was accused of squirting semen into the mouths of patients was charged with multiple misdemeanor counts of assault on a female. Kelly is puzzled by the "misdemeanor". Pugs tells dentist that it's ok to shoot semen into patients mouths because it's just a misdemeanor. Kelly is disturbed that it's on par with driving through a stop sign. He'll be in jail for 120 days. Everyone agrees that's unacceptable. Kelly thinks they'll knock it in half for good time. Pugs hopes that they turn him out in prison. Police searched the dentist's office after employees were suspicious of the dentist. DNA test on syringes reveal that they contained his semen. Tommy calls in to say that a dentist never tells you to swallow. Pugs says that he likes to get the gas so he invites the dentist to do whatever he wants. He just hopes they take it off the bill. Candace, who is Crazy Cindy with a fake name, calls in to say that she was in rehab for alcohol. The day before she left he told her that he knew what color panties she was wearing. The next day, she was helping him take stuff out of the storage room. He pulled his weeee out and started manipulating it. He also bit her breast. He got fired that day because she told him he wasn't circumcised. She lets us know that he seemed like a really nice guy. Pugs laughs. That's crazy Cindy.

*break*

Kelly got an e-mail from her dad. He saw pictures of her house. He said that it's pretty DAMN big and told her that she is going to need to get a house keeper. Pugs wonders if Kelly is capable of keeping house and says that her house is clean. It just looks like a house where two kids live.

1. Three men were killed and one was injured when their car was fired upon. They were driving near SMU outside the Mrs. Bairds bread factory. A man with an assault rifle stood out of a jaguar's sun roof and opened fire. The victims then ran into the factory.
Pugs thinks that isn't a good location for the future presidential library if these are the type of shenanigans that take place. Police believe that the shooting might be related to an altercation at Jack's Pub. Pugs thinks that Jack's Pub isn't a gang banger hang out. He associates it with douche bag frat boys.

2. A grand jury in Dallas has brought up charges on a Denver area porn mogul. They claim that he ran a criminal enterprise that distributed obscene materials all over Texas.
Pugs brings up how this was a Rico case. They wonder why they targeted him. He knows there was a few tax things but he knows John Ashcroft 's name was on it. Pugs reads the story and says that they're just targeting him for mainstream porn. It's not bestiality, rape, or children. They think it's a stepped up form the indecency witch hunt.

3. A large brawl broke out at a Chicago high school basketball game.
Kelly thinks that it's probably a south side school. Pugs represents for his south side roots.Sybil reads that it was between Harvey Thornton and Homewood-Flossmoor. Pugs tells us that Harvey is ghetto but Homewood is white super rich kids. He think that it might be race related. Pugs tells us that Homewood is like HIghland Park. It's a really rich neighborhood that's old. All the areas around it went down the crapper.

*break*

4. Brian Nichols, the guy that is accused of shooting up the Atlanta courthouse, has been brought into court again. His arms and legs were shackled.

5. The FCC ruled that there was nothing indecent about the segment with Desperate House Wives' star Nicollete Sheridan and Terrel Owens.
Pugs brings up how TO was dragged through the mud and had to apologize. Now that it's been cleared up, he wonders where the apology to TO is at.

6. The former CEO of World Com has been found guilty. 85 years in prison for being a douchebag.
Pugs wonders if he goes to real prison or club fed. Kelly says that he'll be at club fed.

7. Peter Brian, a British dude, has confessed to murdering and eating victims. When police arrived at one of the victim's apartment they found his brain in a frying pan.
Pugs says that he looks like candy man... candy man... candy man.... Kelly tells Pugs not to say that name three times and everyone freaks out. Pugs apologizes. He shows the picture to Sybil and says Candy Man a lot. Everyone freaks out.

8. In Colorado, a 14 year old girl is being held for man slaughter after officials her dad was shot. She claims that she was helping him commit suicide. They didn't find a suicide note and there was some inconsistencies in her story.
Pugs thinks that euthanasia should cover terminally depressed people.

9. In Canada, a 19 month old was able to push an ottoman off his body. The baby sitter claims that she was out of the room to answer the phone. The ottoman was three times his weight. They found no injuries. The foot of the ottoman was on his trachea.
Pugs wants to have a world's strongest baby competition. He tells us that his favorite thing at NBA games was the baby races.

10. A bowling bowl manufacturer has invented scented bowling balls. They have black liquorice, grape, apple cider, and cherry.
Pugs wonders why they're doing this. He wants to get a scented catcher's mitt. Kelly tells him that studies have shown that bowling has dropped off in popularity over the years. Some might say that this is just life correcting itself. She says that experts decided that people bowl because of the smell. Pugs isn't sure if Kelly is crapping her. Kelly assures Pugs that she's not crapping him.

11. Out of 16,900 men... how many do you think taste their wives' breast milk....
Pugs wonders if Shemp ever tasted Kelly's breast milk. They go get Shemp...

*break*

Sybil finished the story... 74 percent of new dads tasted the breast milk. Shemp joins the show and says that he's never tasted it on purpose. He says that there may have been other occasions where incidents took place in which he may have had some by accident. Pugs wonders if it was because he was drunk, had cotton mouth, and in bed. He figures that since the boob is there anyway... why not? Pugs wonders if it stinks. Shemp says that it smells sour. Pugs points out that its 98 degree milk and gags. He gags some more. Shemp says that he found milk that had been in McKenna's room for a week. He had to pour it out and it flopped out. Pugs gags. The whole thing was so solid that it wouldn't go down the drain. Pugs gags. Kelly points out that Pugs has a milk thing. His grandfather was a milkman. Pugs gags and gags and gags. He says that milk bottles would break in the back of the truck and they'd wait a few months to clean it up. Months old spoiled milk in the summer... Pugs gags. Shemp thinks that it probably sneaks back on you. It dries up and then you have to hose it down. Pugs gags.

12. Martha Stewart was in her chatroom and said that the ankle bracelet is chaffing her.

13. Nascar suspended crew chefs... I lost interest in this story after the first word.

14. It's 48 degrees outside and cloudy. Expect showers.

The fake story was the super baby story

*break*

The talk to Dan from the Dan Band for 20 seconds. Visit his website HERE.

comments? E-mail me at WilL@pugsandkellylive.com

Pugs tells everyone that they're very lucky that he has a very strong sense of his sexuality. Kelly reminds him that so do most of the men out there. Pugs proclaims that he's not gay. Kelly wonders if Thing 1's dad makes movies. They ask Thing 1, Angela, what she said. She said that her dad has a lot of friends that are movie guys and they're not looking for an endless string of meaningless relationship. She says that her dad worked in distribution companies and her uncle is a movie producer. He's in Australia working on a film. Kelly thinks that it's cool that Angela knows famous people. Eric had a good weekend. He went to the museum of modern art in Fort Worth. Everyone snores and Kelly wonders what Pugs did. Eric continues. He also went on a picnic with his girlfriend. They had a bottle of wine and then saw George Carlin at the Bass Hall. Eric tells us that Carlin wasn't good. He was just out of rehab, he was sick, and he read his act on the stage. Carlin apologized but he didn't give anybody their money back. Kelly thinks that why you do smaller clubs. Bass Hall seats bunches. Eric says that his delivery on his long rants had pauses. It was very disappointing for him. Pugs wonders if he did "a place for his stuff" or "7 dirty words". Eric says no and Kelly reminds him that material is 30 years old. Eric tells us that he went into natural disasters and didn't mention tsunamis once. Kelly thinks that Eric's weekend is a herpes commercial. Eric says that he went walking in the park next to people flying kites. Pugs and Kelly are disgusted. He wonders what's wrong with being romantic. Kelly says that picnics suck and she's very much against eating outdoors. Kelly remembers that you can't drink in a public park. Eric says that they didn't care. Pugs points out that they're rebels in love. They had some long conversations. Snore. Then they went to the grape escape for some more wine. They cruised over to Barnes and Noble and looked at books. He says that it was fun being at the book store tanked. Kelly reminds us that Eric is 19. Dana calls in to say that she saw Carlin in Vegas. He was reading out of the script the whole time. He said that he was trying to learn it for his HBO special. Eric says that still sucks. Kelly thinks that's why you have mirrors. Pugs doesn't want to see George Carlin to practice for 35 bucks. Jason calls in to say that Eric is an idiot. He says that Carlin didn't read the whole show. Eric tells him that he did it after every joke. Sybil had a great weekend. She hung out at Humperdinks until 5:30 with Kelly, me, her mother, sister, and her boyfriend. Then they went to Pappas Brothers for dinner. Kelly thanks Norman, Charles, and Rhonda. After dinner, Kelly went to the other Humperdinks because Clo, from the Russ Martin show, was there. Mark calls in to ask if they tried the creme brulee. Kelly thought it was awesome. Kelly wonders when spinach became the side dish of choice for ritzy steak eaters. Pugs tells her that it's always been that way. Pugs went to the Old 97s concert with Francis, Rob, and Brad. He thought it was a great show. Pugs was blown away by the DeathRay Davies. He tells us that they had a guy in a giant afro with a Salvador Dali mustache that played a tambourine. Chad calls in to ask if they got to meet Savannah. Pugs says that he panicked. Sybil didn't go out with her either but somebody told her that Savannah wanted to do a movie with her. Pugs sounds jealous. He spent the rest of the weekend moving his girlfriend. He tells us that he would only help his girlfriend, Kelly, and his mom move. However, he'd hire a moving company for his mom because he wouldn't actually lift anything. Kelly invited Chicago Rob to dinner at her house. Kelly made spaghetti. Five minutes after being there Rob asked for garlic bread. Kelly was reluctant to get him the bread because she got it for her ex-boyfriend. She didn't know if it was appropriate to give him that bread. He really wanted it so she gave it to him. She told him that it wasn't any good and Declan said that it was because she bought it for the giant ex-boyfriend. He then explained that it's been a long time since then. Pugs thinks that Declan is just nervous. Then McKenna... Pugs says that McKenna would do it on purpose because she's manipulative. Kelly explains that McKenna heard that a guy was coming over so she wanted to dress up, put on make up, and straighten her hair. Kelly wishes that McKenna would stop trying to take her guys. Pugs tells Kelly that it'll really heat up in about ten years. McKenna whispered in his ear, "you and my mommy have gone on dates". He said "that's right". McKenna followed that up with "I think you're her new boyfriend". Kelly thinks that's so weird and uncomfortable. She reminds us that they're not dating exclusively.

*break*

They bring up the Ashley Smith and Brian Nichols story. You can read it HERE. Recapping that whole story would take up too much effort and I'm on ambien. So eat it, bitches. Kelly wonders if Ashley Smith regrets that eye brow pluck job. Pugs thinks that this is an amazing woman. She knew turned herself into a human being instead of a hostage. They also talked about the bible and she showed her family pictures. The next morning Nichols was shocked when he found her making pancakes with real butter. She believed that she came to his apartment for a reason. Nichols couldn't believe that he was the one that everyone was looking for. Pugs brings up how this guy was a catholic school guy and was a stand up guy. Then his girlfriend broke up with her and now he's on trial for rape. He just snapped. Kelly reminds him that he tied her up for three days and raped her repeatedly. Pugs tells her that he doesn't feel sorry for him but he just wants to point out that he's not just some gang banger. Kelly thinks that snapping is doing something stupid in a very short amount of time. They play audio of Ashley Smith. Pugs thinks that she handled herself like a genius.

*break*

Fredo sends an E-mail saying that he thinks that she slept with him. Pugs and Kelly don't think she slept with him. Kelly thinks that she grew to like him but not sexually. Kelly brings up a friend of Pugs that has a saviour problem. They go off the air to discuss the identity of this person. They're back and Kelly says that Smith was the girl version of this. During the break, Pugs and Eric realized that Kelly was correct in her observation on her eye brows. Michelle calls in to say that she thinks that Smith just wanted her 15 minutes of fame. MIchelle sounds like she's been enjoying a cock tail or two. Pugs tells Michelle that Nichols picked her. He picked her as a hostage. Pugs and Kelly think that she just wanted to see her daughter again. They play more clips of Smith. Pugs thinks that if he would have put his feet on the coffee table then she would have told him to take them off. They play some more clips.

*break*

Kelly remembers that they need those costumes for St. Patricks day like they had last year. Pugs calls them Lepresluts. Then he says slut 7 times. Slutrecauns? Whorecauns? Skankrecauns? Pugs thinks that his girlfriend was a little surprised at how hard he worked during the move. He brags that he moved the washer and dryer by himself. Pugs explains that it was him, Francis, and Andrew... who Pugs says is the husband of his WIVE'S friend.... Lori e0mails to say that Smith's eyebrows were DAMN. Christi calls in to point out that Pugs called his girlfriend his wife. Nobody heard that but Kelly believes Christi more than anyone else because nobody listens to each other. Good ol' Will the Blogger went back and relistened to this segment during the break. Good ol' Will the Blogger can confirm this. Good ol' Will the Blogger also speaks in third person.

1. A Wisconsin man entered his church and opened fired. He killed 7 people and then himself. Police haven't found a motive.
Pugs blames the NHL because that's hockey country.

2. James Parker, former intern, can't run for City Council. On Friday, they announced that 5 of the candidates forgot to get enough voter signatures on their petition. James was one of the 5.
Eric says that everyone calls James smart. He doesn't think he's smart. He explains that constantly screwing up at jobs, getting fired left and right, and forgetting a basic rule for running is not smart. Pugs finds out that James was five short.

3. In Lubbock, Texas, the city health department is notifying the students and parents of the Lubbock school district that one of the students has been infected with HIV. She also had unprotected sex with lots of people. The 14 year old girl knew that she had the virus.
Kelly teaches us that it's harder for girls to give HIV. James joins the show to say that you can get AIDs from smelling farts. Pugs points out that Eric called him stupid. James admits that he was pissed but then he heard Eric's reasons. He thinks that Eric is right. He explains that he had to get 36 signatures of unique signatures of people in his district. He turned in 61 signatures. Only 36 counted. James says that they said that he could be a write in candidate but he wonders who the hell wants to do that. He wants to win and write in guys never win. He explains that he was getting voters registration and signatures at the same time. He thinks that he sent them in too close together so some of the signatures probably didn't get processed. James thought they verified his petition before they invited him to councilman orientation last week. He says that it was hilarious. They were all looking at him. They stuck TV cameras on him and he wished they get off him. Pugs thinks that he should want the cameras on him and James says that he would but not as a joke.

*break*

lost the 5th segment, I assume I lost it while I went back to listen to the wife slip. Oops.

*break*

Instant poll time

Ass or Cash?
Which would rather have? Sex once a week or a $50,000 raise with sex once a month?

Results: 11-1

Winners: Hold that honey... I need the money ( I can't believe I wrote that.. shoot me)


*break*

They wonder if George Lucas is just the ultimate dork or gay. They wondered this after seeing him on 60 minutes. It turns out that Mr. Star Wars can't get himself laid. Pugs thinks that it's because he set his standards too high. He created Princess Leia and Queen Amidalla. He reminds us that normal women aren't royalty. Kelly doesn't think the problem is the dork issue because billionaire dorks become chic. She thinks that it's just hard for him to meet civilians because he's George Lucas. Pugs doesn't think that he's into the Hollywood scene. They play clips from George saying he can't get laid. They play clips of Francis Ford Coppola saying that George can't get laid. I think it's because girls don't want to get Jar Jar stink all over them.

comments? E-mail me at will@pugsandkellylive.com