Pugs is suffering with what Kelly was dying from last week. Kelly sent an ambien rambling letter to an ice cream joint. Pugs took some air born. Gavin is in Kelly's head. She needs something. Kelly brings up her TV negotiate story. She's needed a TV for a long time. She's had the same one since she was in college. She asked the salesman for a deal and they told her that they didn't do that. She started to flirt with him. Kelly complains that Rob, the big negotiator, didn't jump in. The salesman said that he can knock 20 dollars off. Kelly had to take her daughter to the rest room. Kevin, Kelly's brother, and Rob started to tag team the guy. Kevin called Best Buy in front of the guy and they managed to get it bunked down even more. Pugs explains that negotiations are just prick waving contest. Kelly explains that they got the delivery dropped but she felt guilty. She told them that she would pay for delivery. Pugs bets that Shemp would be really good at that. Rob doesn't know what to pay Tammy for the redecorating job and asked Kelly to figure it out. Kelly doesn't want to do it because she's awful at that. Kelly also needs Francis to build a few walls and doesn't know how to approach him about it. A few things get said that can't be repeated. I put my fingers in my ears and scream very loudly. Pugs would rather not use friends. They think it would be hard to crap all over somebody's work. Pugs says that Aaron is always getting jerked around for stuff. Everyone wants to use him to pick up family members and friends from the airport. He never asks for money and then he gets upset later. Tony, all pro foundation repair, calls in to say that everyone wants a deal on foundation from him. He either does it for free or at retail. He prefers this because people start ordering them around if he doesn't. Chris calls in to say that he's a mover and his buddies are always asking him for boxes. Kelly tells Chris that she has some extra boxes that he can have. Pugs says that his grandfather ran his business into the ground because he did too many favors. Tim calls in to say that he's a contractor and he does a lot of work for his friends. He drops 15 percent off and they're fine with that. Tim wonders how much he should he charge the mother in law and Pugs advises him to do it for free. He'll never ever hear the end of it. Tim says that we'll see. Pugs and Kelly agree that it's huge tactical mistake.

*break*

Sybil can't get a hold of their guest. Kelly teaches us that stand-ups are flaky. Kelly loves Dave Little and wonder who doesn't love him. Pugs says Gavin. Pugs reminds us that there was a fight between Paul Varghese and Shawn Halpin. It was decided on Friday that there was to be a comedy battle. Pugs and Doug Stanhope were judging. Pugs thought that Shawn had better jokes but enjoyed Paul's set more. Kelly thinks that Paul is funnier than Shawn. Pugs isn't sure who is funnier but thinks that Paul is a better stand-up comic today. They agree that Shawn is a diamond in a rough. Pugs reminds us that a lot of the local comics think that Paul is getting a big head. Paul is becoming more successful and like comics do, they're pissing all over him. Pugs thinks that DJs are comics without the talent. Paul heard that Shawn was talking crap about him and sent him an e-mail that explained why every single joke in Shawn's act is hack. Shawn responded by smacking him at a bar. Paul didn't press charges. Kelly reminds us that Shawn is a very large former marine scary bouncer guy. She explains that if she was in a car with a Shawn and a homeless person walked up, she'd feel safe. If it was Paul in the car, they're driving off. Pugs is unsure who would be screaming like a girl more. Doug Stanhope decided that they should duke it out comedicaly at the end of his Sunday show. Pugs thinks that this is a good idea because Sunday improv shows never sell tickets. Eric says that they had a good crowd on Sunday. They had a ton of local comedians come out too. Pugs wants to play their acts and then take an instant poll. Doug also had them make up one joke on the fly at the beginning. Pugs and Eric had a great time. There was blood in the air and they loved it. Pugs thinks they should have these all the time. I"m not recapping their acts. Go to the improv and support the local comedy scene... you jerks.... They play Doug Stanhope talking about Shawn's act. Wow. Pugs thinks that if Shawn would write more then he'd be great. I've heard Shawn's act and this wasn't his strongest. They play Paul's act. Doug told Paul that he didn't hear any Indian jokes. He explains that when you present yourself as a lesser race then you should address it. Doug is funny. Pugs wants to know what people think. Paul wins the instant poll in a land slide. The official winner the night of the battle was Shawn.

*break*

Kelly's favorite channel is TLC. She loves "What not to wear". She says a bunch of stuff about the shows on there and she's talking really fast. There is a new show coming to that channel called "Sheer Dallas''. It's a reality show about people from this town. Pugs is interested in how Hollywood is going to portray Dallas people. He has some inside information that they're making fun of Dallas people. Kelly says that they may not really be making fun of it. Pugs is tired of this state being portrayed as a bunch of inbred buck toothed red necks... hey, leave Cody out of this... He goes on his rant about people that tell him to move back to the north if he isn't into Larry the Cable guy and Texas comedy. He lists a bunch of great Texas comics. He's also tired of Dallas being portrayed as a bunch of shallow money-grubbing bitches. Kelly thinks that it's true. Pugs wonders if it's to the extent that it's being portrayed. He has a lot of friends that are life long Texans that are not those people. He points to Eric and Sybil. Hey hey, don't forget good ol' Will. Kelly doesn't realize how much she has assimilated to this environment until she talks to people from Chicago. Kelly hasn't seen a city with so much plastic surgery and laser eye surgeons. Pugs adds credit repair to that list. Pugs can't think of another major city that has the same stereotypes as Dallas. Emil, host of the New You show, joins the show. He's affiliated with the show. He can't reveal if the producers have an agenda. Emil thinks there is some truth to the stereotypes of Dallas. Kelly says that when she was in Chicago she didn't dress up like they do here. Pugs reads the synopsis from the The Learning Channel's website.

Pugs need hot tea. His voice is leaving him. Kelly lost her voice on Friday. Pugs and somebody were discussing the death trilogy over the weekend. Kelly doesn't think that Terry Shiavo can't be a part of a trilogy because she's only famous for dying. Pugs brings up the Mitch Hedberg, Johnny Cochran, and Shiavo trilogy possibility. He now thinks there is a new one with the Pope and Prince Rainier. Pugs is looking for a head of state and urges us to not lump Mitch into this one. He notices that it' 11:11:11. A caller calls in to remind us that Strom Thurmond died a year ago and suggests that he is the completion. Pugs doesn't think the caller understands the death trilogy idea. Tim calls in to say that Grace Kelly's husband just died. Pugs thanks Tim for the information and points out that we're now back at 2 people. The callers today seem extra-stupid. Shawn/Sean/Shaun calls in to say that Billy Graham has been hanging on a thread. Pugs calls Billy Graham the American pope and thinks that if Graham would kick it then they would get rid of Rainier. Shelly. Peter calls in to say that Jerry Falwell is near death too. Pugs thinks that we have to be worried about the apocalypse since all the top church dudes are dropping. He thinks that they're all going upstairs to get settled before the big crowd arrives. Kelly thinks that God is being really hard on the Asian community right now. Pugs wonders why God would pick the Asians to go up first. Lacey calls in to bring up Yasser Arafat. Pugs tells her that Arafat died months ago. Lacey apologizes and tells us that she has no grasp of time.

Kelly found out that everyone thought that her old house was a dump. She tells us that Chicago Rob asked her to help decorate his place and she's discovered that they have completely opposite taste. Pugs thinks that men have no appreciate for the finer things. He points out that he'd have black leather couches with brass trim, glass coffee tables, and top notch electronic equipment. He teaches us that men design everything to match the big screen. Pugs heard that his place looks like European Gypsies lived at her boyfriend's place. Kelly doesn't know how to approach his crappy taste. Pugs assures her that she should be honest because guys have no idea how to decorate. Kelly wonders if it's ok to ask about his budget because she feels weird when discussing money. Pugs notes that Kelly is very communist when it comes to her relationships. He tells her that she should know since she's helping him and reminds her that he's willing to flop out how much he spent for a house. Scott calls in to say that Pugs called Rob Kelly's boyfriend and she didn't correct him. Kelly noticed too and corrected it in her head. He did sleep over though.... find out about what happened after this!

*break*

Kelly complains that the bank shut her phone off because she's been using her card a lot. She calls them nosey and explains that she's been moving. Pugs thinks that they should drop it when somebody reports it missing. He remembers when he was humiliated when he had his card shut off after a Christmas shopping spree. He was trying to buy food. He wonders why it's so easy to shut things down but it's so hard to turn it back on. Kelly was trying to get them to hurry because she was talking to them during the commercial break. Pugs wonders what's up with the places that have the automated voice doohickey giving info in Spanish first. Kelly hates that. She explains that she's as liberal as the next resident of New York but it bothers her that they don't assume she speaks English. Pugs is too old to learn Spanish. Kelly complains about information people not paying attention. She asks for the address and they connect her to the phone number. Eric called 411 to get an escort. Pugs wonders when Eric could afford an escort. Eric explains that he couldn't but he convinced himself that he could pull it off. He was drunk. It was a bad time in his life. Mark calls in to say that he thinks that people in America should speak American. Pugs kind of agrees and Kelly points out that it's a business. Businesses are in it to make money. They think that they could make more money if they offer Spanish. Business is never about making a political statement. Kelly wonders why certain laundry places have their signs upside down. Eric tells us that it's a marketing tool to draw attention to the sign. Pugs wonders if that's why Ambulances have it backward.

Back to Kelly's slumber party situation. Chicago Rob keeps accusing Kelly of having numerous boyfriends. Kelly doesn't think she could get away with lots of partners because of the show. Kelly told him that he was going to see her in the morning and she wakes up early to work out. He told her to shut up. Kelly tells us that she likes to give all the negatives. Pugs thinks that she might be the only one that views them as negative. Kelly says that he called at 1:30 am and asked if he could stay over. She had just popped an ambien and explained that nothing was going to happen. Pugs thinks it's fine to not give it up after you take an ambien. He had ambien sex and fell asleep. He noticed that she fell asleep and used her thigh as a pillow. Dawn calls in to say that Rob is wanting a commitment but doing it in a passive way. She believes that is the reason that he keeps bringing up other guys. He wants her to deny deny deny. Kelly reveals that Rob told her that he doesn't believe anything anybody ever tells him. Pugs thinks that's a fine quality for Kelly's manfriend to have. Pugs doesn't understand why beautiful women are so insecure. He thinks that may be the reason why they try so hard. Kelly felt better to know that he was blind as a bat so she wouldn't have to worry about the morning face. Rob went to bed first so he picked which side he slept on. A day later he thanked Kelly for sleeping on the right side because that's where he has to sleep. Pugs has to sleep on that side too but is forced to sleep on the left side at his girlfriend's house. Tammy refuses to let Pugs have his way. He spends a lot of time watching TV in bed. He normally has something to drink. He is right handed so he prefers to have it on the right end table. At Tammy's house, he has to go to his left. He warns that there is a chance that his forced placement might result in spilled soda pop. Kelly guy-temperaturized her place. That means that she made it colder. Rob prefers to sleep in complete darkness and silence. Kelly likes to leave the TV on. They slept in the cold with the TV off. Kelly would have slept on the side that he slept on. Pugs thinks that she was a gracious host then. He thinks that it's very unlike her. He notes that the guy is normally the one that bends over backwards so that he can bend her over forward. Kelly was also worried about her night sweats. Pugs wonders about snoring and Kelly says that he didn't snore. She doesn't know if she snores but she doesn't think so. Pugs complains that his girlfriend snores loudly and he'll occasionally elbow the small of her back. He wonders about the cuddle situation. Kelly says that they did but then moved away. She explains that he was the one doing the cuddling and she didn't want to tell him to leave her alone. Pugs notes that Kelly is a "full time leave me alone". Pugs will lay there and pretend to sleep so that his girlfriend will fall asleep. After she's asleep, he escapes. It pisses his girlfriend off.

*break*

Sybil begs people to come intern.

Kelly tried really hard to wake up first so that she can go put her face on. Rob forgot to bring a tooth brush and she wonders what you should do. Pugs advises to never ever let somebody use your toothbrush. He also says that a girl should never have a pile of new toothbrushes. Kelly doesn't want to kiss him again unless he brushes their teeth. She also has a problem about people on TV who wake up and kiss. Pugs wonders how she has morning sex. Kelly tries to brush her teeth first. Pugs just brushes his teeth the night before. Sybil is disgusted. Pugs says that his girlfriend doesn't brush her teeth before morning sex either. They're also going number 2 in front of each other. Everyone is grossed out. Kelly would never feel comfortable enough to do that. PUgs thinks that Kelly is uptight about being human. Linda, Sybil's mom and official show mom, calls in to say that everyone should have an ample supply of toothbrushes laying around. This would be good for people that visit and you should change out your personal brush every three months. She always have a lot so her girls can brush when they stay over. Pugs thinks it's bad for a 23 year old girl to have a bag of them under the sink. Linda thinks it would be great for Kelly if she had some extras for people who may have had too much to drink after a night at the bars. Kelly thinks that sounds like something Krysta, Sybil's sister, would need. Pugs yells at Eric for distracting them. Ken calls in to say that he has a box of tampons for ladies. He says that it helps them stay if they suddenly have their monthly visit. Kelly wouldn't use some other person's tampons and wouldn't like somebody to kill her excuse for leaving. Chad calls in to say that having a bag of toothbrushes is like having a big bag of condoms. Chad suggest just saying that you have e extra condom. Pugs thinks you should use the "I was just at a bachelorette party and they gave these out as gags" excuse. Had a situation.... had to stop taking notes for the rest of this segment. I hit the strong points though, I think

*break*

Sybilization as we know it!

Pugs wonders if today is "national stand off with police" day.

1. In New Jersey, the father of a girl shot her grandfather. Almooda Saunders kidnapped his daughter Jada and some other weird named mother. That's the stand off on MSNBC that doesn't have luggage. Amber alert was issued.
Pugs wonders when everyone started to sway away from the biblical names. Pugs wants to name is first child Ichabod because nobody names their kids that. He thinks that Archie and Gladys need to come back. Pugs notices that police nationwide have released a "hey look for this dude" alert for a man named Stephen Stanko. He thinks that's a crappy name. Sybil thinks its' awful too. She couldn't imagine that. Pugs couldn't imagine going through life like that. Sybil would feel bad for somebody that would have to go through life with that last name. She wonders what you'd call him for short and Pugs says "Drago".

2. A man that was acting shady in front of Capital Hill was tackled and dragged away. The man was refusing to respond and had two bags standing next to him. The evacuated a part of the building.


3. 8 people were hospitalized after a gunmen exchanged fire at a night club in south east Dallas.
Kelly notices that it's always a south east Dallas club. Crystal calls in to suggest Mortimer as an old name. Kelly's grandmother's name is Edith. Pugs had Bernie. Kelly thinks that Edith and Bernie would have hung out.

4. A Florida man was accused of wounding several members of his family. IT was reported that he had a long standing feud with the family. He was infuriated to find out that his daughter had started a relationship with the bastards. He shot 6 people.
very Romeo and Juliet-esque. John calls in to say that aslgsgtsoirtglsdtlrj bad cel outside

5. A woman is suing a hospital alleging that while she was all doped up and awaiting for surgery, a hospital worker took pictures of her naked.
Kelly claims that's why she only trusts Schwartz. That's silly. He has a whole website with naked pictures on it. Pugs is sure that happens all the time and expresses his lack of faith concerning the orderly people. Sybil worries about cameras in tanning salons and Pugs assures us that is the reason why he doesn't go. Chelsea calls in to say that her grandmother's maiden name was Stankovich. Pugs wonders how Sybil feels about that and Sybil notes that it would suck. Pugs hopes people are picking up on the joke.

5. Nina Hartley is releasing a guide to bondage. She claims that kids who tie up their barbies are more likely to become interested in bondage.
Pugs doesn't think that is correct at all. He reminds us that you're into bondage because your dad left. Most of the barbies I see are naked and headless, what does that say about little girls?

6. This chick in Wisconsin went down to the deep freezer to retrieve pork roast. While she was letting it thaw she discovered human body parts in it. Her husband was arrested after police discovered that the remains belonged to his ex-wife.
Kelly thinks that if she was to stumble upon body parts of an ex-girlfriend in a boyfriend's freezer then she would have to call it quits. That's somebody that isn't in it for the long run. Rick calls in to suggest Maude and Rhoda. Pugs notes that he's just naming TV shows.

*break*

6. Mother of the year award nominee: A central Florida school bus driver has been reassigned after being arrested for illegally drag racing with her children and their friends. She was in a cavalier
Kelly doesn't think that sounds like something that be against the law in Florida. She thinks that family drag racing with cavaliers is just something you have to put up with when you move to central Florida.

7. That douche bag on the Apprentice that chews tobacco and is always mad was arrested after making a big scene at a bar. He was throwing a fit about having to pay a 20 dollar cover charge.
Pugs notes that this is a 22 year old millionaire. He wonders why the wealthiest people are the cheapest. He tells us that rich people never tipped him when he was delivering pizzas.

8. Weekend Box Office Update
5. Beauty Shop
4. Guess Who
Kelly learned that Ashton Kutcher was surprised to learn that there was still racism in America. That's why he decided to do this movie. What a political statement.
3. Fever Pitch
Pugs doesn't want to see Drew Barrymore's mongoloid face. Sybil say the Barry Gibb talk show skit on SNL. Pugs says that the new one was awful. He thinks they wrote it 3 hours before their aired. He complains about how crappy SNL was this week. He liked the bit when Jimmy Fallon picked up his son during Weekend Update.
2. Sin City
1. Sahara

The fake story was the body parts in the freezer.

*break*

They turn the sound up on MSNBC. It's audio about the shady guy being shady at Capital Hill. They're about to blow up their suitcases. BOOM! Now they're blown up. That was fun.