Sloane, Kelly would like you to call her. I apologize if you spell your name differently. Thank you.

Pugs and Kelly have new Sprint PCS phones. Kelly likes it cause it has no-slip sides. Pugs agrees that it is a nice feature. They can watch TV on it. Pugs was playing "the important game" with Opie. That is where you compare famous people in your phone. Opie won with Rudi Giuliani. Pugs' girlfriend called him a star banger. However, he only cares about guys that he cares about but other celebrities are nothing to him. He uses Jim Florentine as an example. Kelly isn't sure if she's on board with the new nazi pope and Pugs is sure that he's not Catholic for now. They play a clip of the President talking about Pope Benedict. Brett calls in to say that he saw Pugs and Kelly on Nascar Nation. A guy calls in to say that it sounded like the President was whizzing at the Presidential urinal while talking about the Pope. Kelly finished painting her daughters room last night. Pugs notices that she painted "drama queen and princess". Kelly assures us that there are more in there and Pugs thinks that Kelly is raising a stepford. A guy calls in to welcome Pugs to the world of redneck. He points out that Pugs dips, watches nascar, and breaks up dog fights in his underwear.

*break*

Pugs is back online. He learned that his problem was very easy to fix. myonlinetech.com helped him out. Kelly needs a landscaper to cut her lawn. Pugs has never cut a lawn. Eric is shocked. He explains that he lived in Apartments a lot. He's blown a lot of snow. Kelly giggles. Kelly needs Pugs' ex-wife expertise about landscaping.

It's know time for the Pugs and Kelly institute for Human Growth and Development. This is from Laren. Laren finally agreed to go out with a guy that has been asking her out for a long time. They made their date for Dodgeball at Duke's. She's never seen him outside of the office and when he showed up he was in jean shorts and a wife beater. He was also wearing a chain wallet. She was shocked that a guy that she had so much in common with could have such awful taste in clothes. She wonders if there is a single piece of clothing that could make or break the deal. She wonders if she can eliminate him because he wears jean shorts. Pugs can imagine a bunch of guys driving around calling this girl a bitch but he realizes that you can't have different style of dress in a relationship. Pugs wonders if jean shorts are out because he knows that women wear jean shorts. Kelly doesn't like to wear shorts. Pugs likes his girlfriend in jeans and not shorts. He points out that some women look better with more clothes on. He then realizes that he may have implied that with his comment about his girlfriend and clarifies that she looks good with or without clothes. Kelly thinks that denim shorts on guys are a 'no go". Pugs doesn't want to date a guy in a jester hat. Kelly likes guys that under dress. She kind of like the North Dallas Smoothie outfit but doesn't like it when it goes to trendy. Kelly thinks that the chain wallet is the worse part of the e-mailers complaint. She doesn't understand why you need one unless you're attached to a nuclear device. Pugs wonders if the e-mailer is just being shallow. Kelly asks Pugs if he'd date a mother who wears Mom jeans. Pugs says that he wouldn't. Kelly doesn't understand why those jeans even exist. She points out that girls say that you should give it a shot with the bad dresser because you can change that. Kelly doesn't like he idea of dating somebody with the intent to change them.... says the girl that dates the emotional distant people that feels like she can change them.... Jennifer calls in to say that some people don't have fashion sense and that doesn't make them bad people. She suggest giving them a little guidance or have them watch "What Not to Wear". Kelly thinks that if you use the excuse, "you have to accept me for who I am" then you should be open to change because you know that you're secure in yourself in different attire. Kelly notes that the chain wallets are normally attached to people that look like they have nothing good in their wallet. She doesn't see the point. Pugs doesn't like jewelry and Kelly says that gold chain necklace is a deal breaker for her. It reminds her of her Italian heritage and she can't help but think about bad furniture and vevlet paintings.... Thank god, cause I refuse to wear jewelry. My ex-girlfriend had trash taste in men's jewelry and always tried to put me in cheap ass trinkets. It's stupid.... A few callers call in to say that you should give this guy a break because he went out to dodgeball. Pugs points out that dodgeball is also a huge social scene and people go to meet chicks too. The people don't don't play dress well. They realize that they don't know if he was playing. Kelly notes that you can wear nice athletic clothes. She notes that Target has a fine selection. A guy calls in to ask if guys aren't suppose to wear jean shorts then what kind of shorts are they suppose to wear. Kelly tells him khaki shorts. The caller brags that he wears jean shorts 24 hours a day/7 days a week/ 365 days a year. I suggest that he wash his shorts then. Pugs and Eric agree that they have to let girls help them buy clothes. Pugs can't buy his own clothes because then he'd look like a Polish person.

*break*

We're back with more crappy clothes talk. Kelly says that Chicago Rob looks good in suits but he also has biker clothing. He wore an inappropriate t-shirt in the mall. It was a shirt with a porn reference. Pugs wonders if Rob has a chain wallet. Pugs and Kelly bet that he does. Troy calls in to say that the chain wallet was a biker accessory. He says that they didn't want their wallet to fly out of the pants. Pugs notes that nobody drives the bike around the inside of Duke's. Sheila calls in to say that she dated a guy that she was very comparable with. He then started to tie a bandana around his leg. Pugs wonders if his name was Chachi. He wonders if bad taste or no taste is worse. Kelly thinks that no taste is bad. Pugs admits that he has bad taste. Kelly complains that linen wrinkles too much. Kurt calls in to say that a guy that tied his bandana around his leg claimed that he wore it because he keeps his ladies under there. Pugs wonders what that means and Kurt says that he doesn't know. Pugs thanks him for confounding the Metroplex. A dude calls in to say that he'd rather be pegged as a white trash biker than a gay.

*break*

We got a Pope! They play a live feed from MSNBC. Kelly tells us that he has a deal with viacom and we'll be getting interviews with him first. Pugs regretfully informs Kelly that the new Pope just signed a deal with satellite radio. Pugs hopes that the new pope is the black guy so that he can call his grandmother and break the news. Kelly says that they're all hoping for the black guy and wonders if they hate their grandparents all that much. Pugs thinks that St. Peter's looks as busy as a Nascar race. Pugs wonders if it'll be the German Hitler Youth. THey play more MSNBC. It's some funny talking guy talking all funny about young people. The priests they have on sound all drunk. It's fun. Fun Irish Priest all drunk and stuff.... Pugs thinks that the two black guys running are going to cancel each other out. Kelly is disappointed that they have a new pope all ready. She was hoping for a long drawn out process. She thinks that Catholics are hot right now. It's way chic. Pugs wonders which one is the favorite. Kelly noticed that a NBC crew was at a methodist church by his house. The next day at lunch, Bruce said that the Methodist church top dude was caught touching girls. Kelly thought that was weird because they're not Catholic. She remembers that there was a non-catholic church type in Garland that got busted playing with kids. Pugs got an E-mail from a guy that said that there was a bunch of cops, news crews, and lots of goings on at this house near his home. Nobody found out what happened. He wants to know if they can find out. Kelly wonders "Wha happened?". Pugs thinks that's a fun idea. They think that they'll start to do that. Pugs finds out that today is the 19th. Kelly wonders if Pugs can name all the popes in alphabetical order. Tara calls in to say that she has the name of the new pope. The new pope is Cardinal Jorge something something from Chile. She's upset because she wanted the black dude too. She's black and catholic and she thought it would be funny to see a black guy in robes that look like KKK robes. Pugs thinks that we could use a black pope because they're from Africa. There are a lot of problems in Africa that need some attention. He reminds us how much help Poland got with the Polish Pope. Tara reminds us of Bono. Kelly can't believe that Tara got the information before they did. Kelly thinks that's good because then they can find out what to call people from Chile. They're going back to MSNBC. There are curtains moving or something. Steve calls in to say that the last caller was wrong. He explains that Cardinal Jorge would be making the announcement. Pugs and Kelly are excited because now it can still be a black pope. Pugs thinks that the black pope would be good because then they'll be for birth control. He reminds us that Africa is filled with AIDs. He's hoping that the black pope would bring some radical changes. Bruce-X reminds us that it can't be the black pope because they'd signify that by burning the Vatican. Kelly would say that they'd burn a cross. A guy calls in to say that the drunk priest sounds like Eric. They turn it up. They're shocked and it does sound like Eric. Kelly thinks that's good because now Eric can do an impression of somebody that nobody knows or will ever see again. More from MSNBC. Pugs says that the cool thing about the Vatican is the statues. He thinks they're pretty cool. Kelly thinks that's the only cool Italian architecture. Pugs thinks the Italians are awesome. Kelly thinks that Italian-Americans have awful taste. Pugs believes that naked statues are tacky unless you're actually in Italy. Kelly waxes sentimental about her Italian relatives. Back to MSNBC.... Oh oh oh oh.... They got something. Pugs is wanting to see a black guy. Nothing... Pugs notes that it's like when you're out a concert and a roadie come on stage and everyone goes nuts. Some guy comes out and says "brothers and sisters" in a bunch of different languages. He says some other stuff and Pugs thinks he's saying to stay away from the brown acid. He finally says that they have a new pope. APPLAUSE. Kelly wishes he'd hurry and Pugs points out that he's giving an applause break. He thinks that this Cardinal Jorge guy is a performer. He says domino a bunch. Pugs notices that it's the Hitler Youth guy. Pope Nazi! Kelly reminds us that this is should be a conservative Pope. Pugs wonders if this will be a transitional Pope and Kelly notes that he's an enforcer of the faith. Pugs teaches us that he has always been a strong support of Pope John Paul II. The new Pope has taken the name of Benedict. How unAmerican. Pugs and Kelly was right the papacy hates America. Pugs and Kelly agree that this isn't good for them. Kelly thinks that the upside is that he's 78 and he'll be dead soon. She notes that the mandatory retirement age is 65. Pugs saw the speech he gave yesterday where he was yelling at everyone. Kelly thinks it's uncool that he's an "Enforcer of the Faith". Pugs says that he was screaming about liberals in the church. Pope Benny XVI. What a dumb name. I'd go by Pope-a-cola.

*break*

Pugs notices that they're playing Benny and the Jets and that they now have Pope Benny. He thinks they're crazy DJs. Kelly agrees that they are indeed wacky. I was busy trying to liberate a third world country. I wasn't able to listen to this segment.

*break*

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. The food pyramid is evil.People have steadily become fatter since it's debut in 1992.
Kelly tells us that kids don't care about the food pyramid. Larry calls in to say that the US government gave the Post company the mission of coming up with the food pyramid.

2. Homeless Shelters in LA are so much cooler than the ones in Dallas. They just opened one with a hair salon, professional kitchen, spa, and a bunch of other useless crap.

3. The parents of an 11 year old special needs kid are upset. Well, can't return them dude, you're stuck.

*break*

Pugs is having Internet problems. He says a bunch of things that aren't important as far as the problem goes. Pugs saw that Tall Chris is a computer guy on getamexican.com. He doesn't want to get a stoner computer geek to come over and waste an hour. He wants to get a hold of Chris so that he can fix his stuff. He notes that guys that are good with computers are different than computer guys.

4. In Virginia, a man called 911 because of excessive bleeding. He was trying to give himself a vasectomy.
Kelly reminds us that on Nip Tuck there was a kid that gave himself a circumcision and learned how to do it from the Internet. Pugs thinks they should ban the Internet. Then I guess we should cancel that order for Tall Chris. Kelly thinks Pugs is just reacting to the new pope being a former youth Nazi.

5. A woman who left her home in temporary care of a couple came home to find the remains of a cooked cat in a pot inside of her fridge. Police are mad.

6. Police ant to hire a monkey to work as a part of the Swat team. They want to hire a monkey like Miki, the one that comes out to the sprint store appearances. Police say that they have tiny human like hands and great puzzle solving skills. They'll be used to unlock doors.
Pugs loves those monkeys. Kelly thinks they'll kill her in the middle of the night. Pugs thinks that the down side of owning a monkey is that it could kill you at any time. Kelly says that I say that it's good to use monkeys on all the bad guys that need their hats taken off their head. Wooooo, that's a joke about 3 people would understand. Pugs notes that you can' t rob a bank if you're worried about where your hat went.

7. Chris Tucker got pulled over for speeding in his Bentley.

8. The Oakland A's beat the Texas Rangers. Rangers suck.

9. It's 73 degrees outside.

self-vasectomy is the fake story...

*break*

There is a little something about a little somebody that would normally be something that I get asked to leave out. Just to play it safe... it's out. but I know I can talk about....

Pugs says that his girlfriend likes to get up and get him stuff at home. He notes that she cleans his house while he's at work and that she does her laundry. Kelly wonders why Pugs doesn't do the laundry before she comes so that she doesn't have to do it. Pugs says that he doesn't want to ruin her fun. Kelly thinks there is something weird about guys who wait for the woman to get up so that he can ask her to fetch items. Pugs thinks that Kelly enjoys catering for guest. She admits that she does. She tells us that she called Gavin this morning and asked him if he wanted her to make him an appointment to get his hair done. Pugs thinks that it's a trade off. Women have to do all these things and the guys have to do their things. He admits that he's not Mr. Fix-it so his girlfriend does all that too. Pugs keeps quoting Dee Simmons' bank theory. Chad calls in to say that Pugs' girlfriend is Asian so she's suppose to be submissive and able to make donuts. Pugs thinks that Chad is right. He believes that Asian women embrace the nurturing role. He notes that his girlfriend is only half so she battles her natural instincts. Tammy, Pugs' girlfriend, calls in and Pugs does the stereotypical Oriental voice. Pugs says that she shouldn't fight her heritage. Tammy says that she grew up around Asian women and she doesn't now any that are submissive. Pugs wonders if she is denying that she takes good care of him. He points out that he's in a win/win because she doesn't want to look bad and say "no". Kelly is sure that Pugs has tricked her and Tammy lets us know that she feels backed into a corner. Pugs tells the "dragon lady" to answer. Tammy notices that he used the term "dragon lady". She admits that he does put everyone first but she wonders what that has to do with her heritage. Pugs says that he learned, from his first marriage, that you can't take anybody for granted. He assures the "dragon lady" that he loves what she does for him. I chime in and Kelly reminds people that I'm Filipino. I say that I was raised by Asian women and I know that she's going to poison his rice. Pugs wonders if she actually thinks that he wants to sit there for 45 minutes rubbing her back and feet. Pugs says that he has no problem doing it because he remembers that she goes out of her way to please him. We say goodbye to the dragon lady.

Kelly is on Dallasobserver.com voting for all their friends. She's voting for Burden Brothers, Todd Lewis, Sarah Radle, Headkrack, Taz for best drummer, DJ Merit.... Pugs wonders why Sybil isn't on there for best producer. Kelly brings up how listener Brandy came to her house last Wednesday to pick up boxes. They were in the front breaking them. Her neighbor was outside working on his yard. Kelly was feeling ill. She was trying to maintain because she can't miss dodgeball. Her neighbor was trying to be nice but Kelly was being short with him because she felt like she was going to vomit. Kelly had anti-nausea medicine from Schwartz but it was a suppository. Pugs is shocked and disturbed that Kelly had something up her ass at dodgeball. Kelly is upset because she doesn't want to be the bad neighbor. Pugs and another neighbor are thinking about drafting a letter for another neighbor. Pugs explains that his apartment complex is filled with men that have been kicked out of their homes and money grubbers that are being put up by their rich boyfriends. Pugs sidetracks by bragging that he got three pizzas. He explains that his apartment is the most expensive apartment he's ever lived. There is also rich Plano college kids living together. He complains that somebody has a giant Elvis cut out in their front window. Pugs says that he doesn't want to live in a college dormitory. His neighbors agree that it looks "trailerish". Kelly doesn't think that your home should be designed for "bits". Pugs would like to live in Adult land. He doesn't know how to handle this. He says that aside from this eye sore, they're good neighbors. Kelly saw it and thought that it stood out. Mark calls in to say that Pugs is turning into the crabby old man in the neighborhood. Kelly explains that people don't live at that complex and pay that price so that they can put up with the college kid theme. Pugs thinks he has a right to call people out for being tacky in their neighborhood. Pugs says that he doesn't have the right because he doesn't own the property. He thinks that if he owned the property then he wouldn't complain. He doesn't like Elvis because it reminds him of drug addiction. Kelly recalls that Pugs loves the song "In the Ghetto" by Elvis. Pugs thinks that you could put a cut out of himself in the window and he'd still hate it. Deb calls in to say that people will put garage sale signs in her yard. She knocked on one neighbor's door and told her that she would like her to pick up her trash. A smug chick calls in to ask if he picks up after Blue when he walks her. Pugs says that he is fanatical about that. His complex leaves nice little doggy patrols on every corner that stocks baggies. He likes that they went to that extreme and adheres to the suggestion. Kelly doesn't know where her dog is pooping. Darren E-mails to say that he does that crap in his neighborhood. He had a dead tree in his yard and loved it. His neighbors asked for him to bring it down but he kept it up to spite him. Kids vandalized it with trash and he loved it. He decided to leave it with trash. A truck eventually ran into it. A guy calls in to say that his neighbor has had American Flag curtains up since 9/11. Pugs thinks that's tacky and disrespectful. Joel calls in to say that he had a neighbor that lived above him that were raging meth freaks. They used to hang paper chains out of their window. They would dangle in front of his window. They're would be 50 or so and they'd be 100 feet long. Pugs wonders if it's worse to see the Elvis cut out while driving down his road or his dog taking a dump on the balcony.

*break*

They got food from Twin Peaks. Hey, it's Boston. Boston is blonde again. She's there with Claire. They're winning cleavage boom boom lumberjack outfits. Pugs wonders if they're the top girls there. He asks if there is a drop off in quality. Boston thinks that she is the top chick but assures us that there are no women that are unfortunate looking. Pugs reminds us that they knew Boston from Pom Poms before that unfortunate incident. Boston was dancing for a while but got burned out. She is not into doing porn. Eric has approached Boston with offers from porn moguls for jobs. She's always turned it down. Boston says that she can't do it because she doesn't want her family to feel disappointed. Kelly assures her that the family doesn't have to be there. Pugs thinks that Boston had to be the hottest girl in that particular club. He thinks some of those girls have been doing it too long. Boston says that she'd like to marry a guy for money but love would be good too. Pugs and Eric know that she'll get hooked up with a rich guy. Speaking of which, here's Emil! Emil notices the peaks.

*break*

Emil has joined the show. He's on the new show Shear Dallas. It's on TLC. It's a reality show that showcases a bunch of people in Dallas. Pugs was the only one that made it a point to watch it. Kelly felt uncomfortable watching it because Rob was over and the show talked about weddings a lot. Pugs wonders if these people are real and Emil assures him that they're real. Kelly tells us that Schwartz knows of these people. They've had a lot of plastic surgery. Kelly thinks that the women portrayed what she thought Dallas people looked like before she moved down here.They play a clip of the show and Pugs notices the fiddle music. He thinks that they're portraying everyone as a bunch of hicks. Pugs thinks that everyone on the show was a homo. Emil promises him that he won't come off gay. Pugs bets he'll come off like a fairy. Kelly learned that there are 38,00 millionaires in Dallas. Pugs doesn't think a million is a million anymore. Kelly complains that she was listening to Dr. Schwartz and Bruce were talking about that subject. A girl calls in to say that she Dee Simmons never blinks and wonders when she became a minister. Kelly thinks it's the botox. Emil wonders if you have to study to become a minister and Kelly teaches him that you can send in an ad from the back of the Rolling Stone. She wonders if they went to church with Paco. Paco, former intern and one half of Team Wilco, is a minister. They start accusing somebody of being gay but I have to go to the bank,. Sorry, watch the show. I think TLC reruns all this stuff.

*break*

They talk more about a guy being gay. I'm still in the car and I haven't perfected driving and writing yet. I do remember Emil saying " I don't think he's gay but he can't ride a horse".

*break*

1. No new pope.
Pugs commented on how they got excited because they had white smoke. Then it slowly became black. Kelly gives kudos to MSNBC for not jumping on board with the white smoke. Pugs reveals that Fox News was all ready booking an interview with the new pope.

2. Esquire magazine polled women from across the world if President Bush was sexy.
Kelly thinks that he's a 3 but she thinks that the world gave him a 4. Pugs remembers that they gave Clinton a 7,8,9.
Bush barely had a 2.2.
Kelly doesn't think he's 8 points lower than Clinton. Pugs thinks he's a good looking guy. Sybil thinks he's better than Dick Cheney. Pugs likes Cheney. He thinks that he looks like the monopoly. Pugs would rather do Dick than Bush.. woooooo.

3. A chick is suing an Invetro clinic because they gave her the wrong splooge. They mixed up her donor with a 25 year old black man's. She noticed the mix up when the kids didn't come out white like she ordered. She plans on raising the kids despite the mix-up. This is sort of like Pugs getting three pizzas. Only it's sperm.

4. A German inventor claims to invent the best robot sex partner. He claims that the heart beats faster during intercourse and they breath heavier. They also have internal heaters. It also wiggles it's hip in a seductive manner with a remote.
Pugs wonders what kind of scientist would waste his time with this. Kelly thinks that all genius types are doing this in their basement. Pugs believes that this is the reason why we don't have a cure for cancer.

5. Martha Stewart might be signing on with satellite radio.

6. Paris Hilton is replacing Nicole Ritchie with Kimberly Stewart, Rod Stewart's daughter, for the Simple Life.
Pugs thinks that Nicole Ritchie looks good after her overhaul.

7. Nancy Kerrigan gave birth to a son.
Pugs wonders if he has the same ugly horse face. Kelly announces that the baby is already smarter than the mother. Pugs mocks Nancy's cries after the knee bashing incident. Hey, that bitch had it coming. Don't want to be hit in the knee? Stop being all good. You dumb broad. LIsten to her talk... she's awful.

8. Tara Reid has been seen hanging out with Jessie Metcalf.
Pugs likes watching San Antonio Spurs games because Eva Longoria has been watching her Frenchie boyfriend play. Tony Parker, the frenchie boyfriend, has been kicking ass ever since she started coming out. I watch Spurs games because I hope that I can see Tim Duncan have a career ending injury. If I was Mark Cuban, I'd put a bounty on his head. That Manu guy is dirty and smelly looking too. Man, screw those guys.

9. Weekend Box Office Update
5. Guess Who
4. Sin City
3. Fever Pitch
2. Sahara
1. Amityville Horror.

10. The Damn Texas Ranger lost again. Losers

11. The Mavericks beat the Lakers. Good, go Dirk. Can't wait for the Rockets/Mavs series.

12. There was a little Nascar race...
Pugs went with Jeff Gordon Jeff Gordon might be crossing the finish line right now. Eric went with Kurt/Curt Busch/Bush (don't e-mail me with the correct spelling please), Sybil had Dale Jr. Kelly had Greg Bhiffle. They play a clip of the finish. Man, I don't understand Nascar and I hate it. Greg Bhiffle's wins or something. Good for him. His name is almost as fun as Dick Trickle's. Pugs has a new driver he likes. He has a guy that he can relate too. He has adopted.... Hermie Sadler. This guy was in last place the entire time. He was getting lapped a lot. Gavin noticed that he was really good at getting out of the way of other drivers.

The fake news story was the story about the chick with the black man's hand out splooge.

*break*

They have the Martin Brothers on. I'll recap this in the morning or afternoon. I have to work now. It was a good interview/segment. Course, I don't like motorcycles so, excuse me for not getting it all.