Kelly burps during the intro and she's happy nothing else came up with it. Today is James Hamrick day. Kelly explains that James "Napoleon" Hamrick, of dodgeball superstardom fame, is getting shipped off to Iraq. Kelly isn't sure what branch he is in. Kelly sings a jingle and Pugs points out that the coast guard never gets any play. Kelly thinks that the marines have the best uniforms and the navy is less fashionable. The army has a very basic uniform and Kelly describes it as Bill Murray-esque. She names famous army types like... Private Benjamin, Harold Raimus, and Bill Murray. Pugs remembers that Tom Cruise was a navy guy and Kelly says that is because t hey don't let army guys fly. Kelly wonders why it can't all be one big branch. Pugs doesn't know. Pugs notes that they have admirals in the navy. Kelly doesn't know why we need an air force if we already have planes in the navy. Pugs and Kelly don't understand why we have battle ships. Joe calls in to say that the marines are the president's 911 and don't require congressional approval. He explains that they're a branch of the navy and Pugs brags that he's heard that they're called the fist of the navy. Pugs asks Joe what branch James Hamrick is in and Joe doesn't know. Thank you Joe.... Byron calls in to say that the marine core and the air force have generals and the navy has admirals. Pugs thinks that he would rather be an admiral. Kelly thinks that an admiral probably dresses flamboyantly and sparkly. A guy calls in to say that in World War II we used a ton of artillery on the beaches of Normandy. Kelly teaches us that they used stones during the Grecian wars. Pugs asks the caller if he foresees a time when we would have to get into another high seas, ship on ship, battle. The caller says that he doesn't know but suggests that China is up to no good. Pugs and Kelly agree that China is shady. Kelly thinks they should change their slogan to "We're more than just bobble head dolls, you know". Kelly doesn't even know how James is going because he was already out of the army. She thinks they probably just decided that they can't continue without Napoleon. Kelly wonders how long you can call them back. Pugs wonders what his age is and Kelly says that he has a brother. Sybil thinks he's 24-25-26ish. Sybil also tells us that the Pugs and Kelly show is playing the Martin Brothers. Pugs can't play tonight. He's still suffering from the sick. Kelly will play and Eric wonders if they can just grab some ringers. Pugs says that they can't because it's a showcase team. Sybil says that they have the team at Pugs, Kelly, Brad, Smith, Eric, and James Hamrick. Pugs thinks that there will be a bunch of cool bikes up at Duke's tonight. Slater calls in to say that some sluts should give it up for James tonight. Kelly notes that James is a good looking guy. Pugs confesses that he's out of his skull on codeine cough syrup. Eric tells Pugs that those crazy kids sip on syrup... or syzurp.

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Pugs brings up t he story about the guy that was sky diving but hit the tail of the plane. HIs legs were ripped off. Pugs giggles because his last name was "Wing". Kelly thinks that happens a lot. Chris calls in to say that the diver as able to maneuver his parachute and was only off by a few feet... *RIMSHOT*... He then died. Chris thinks that probably sucked. Kelly points out that most pilots don't worry about pedestrians. Kelly points out that people always die according to their last name. It's a proven fact.... She's right , my Grandmother's maiden name is De La Cruz and my great uncle was crucified.... She is worried about Al Gore's fate. She also tells us that some people think that life isn't worth living unless you're living it on the edge. Kelly thinks that's silly and believes that strep throat was edgy enough. A caller says that the plane hit him after he cleared it so it was the pilot's fault.

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Pugs got an E-mail from a gay listener that is disturbed. He tells us that there were some fat chicks in his office that were bragging that they could laid whenever they wanted by hunks. This bothers Pugs because he believes that a woman can get laid whenever but dude.. fat chicks.... Pugs thinks these girls are crazy. She says that unattractive women can get laid whenever they want but they can't be choosy. They can't get any guy they wanted. Kelly also thinks that there are other factors. She thinks that the missing variables are level of drunkness, time of night, and public awareness. Pugs thinks these women are just trying to boost their self-image because they're fatties. Eric says that he wouldn't slump-bust with just any fugly chick. Pugs points out that our plumbing requires us to be aroused. Dominique calls in to say that guys say that ugly-fat girls have better sex because they have to over-compensate for looking awful.... please, that's just what people that can't get any woman that doesn't require a sea world attendant say to feel better about their options... Pugs wonders who would want to sleep with an ugly chick despite the slamming sex. Kelly wonders, on a scale of one to ten, would a hot guy stoop. She adds that it's 1 am at a bar and the guy is a 10. Pugs thinks that 7 is the lowest for the 10. Eric says a 6 but it depends on the level of inebriation. Pugs reminds us that hot guys' cell phones explode at 2 am on a bar night. That guy gets to pick and choose. Pugs reminds us that there are different types of ugly too. There is the Cleveland brown AKA the Butta Face. There is also pretty face and bad body. Pugs thinks it's better to go after the butta face for a one night stand. A guy calls in to say that he has a friend that like to go after fat chicks. Pugs wonders if he's a stud and the caller assures us that he's not a good looking man. Pugs thinks that the friend just knows what league he's in. Pugs also adds that you can be mean to ugly chicks and tell her to leave afterward. A caller says that there was a group of guys that go out "hoggin'". Pugs has heard about this and has only heard it from people that have no choice but to go "hoggin'". He adds that back home they called it "dog fights". Shawn calls in to say that he's a big guy and he'll take home a fat chick or an ugly chick. However, he wouldn't take home a fat ugly chick. Pugs thinks that the fat people must stay home in this city because he's always the fattest one at Duke's. A caller asks what Pugs rates himself and lady friend on the scale of 1-10. Pugs gives Lady Friend a 9 and himself a 5. The caller agrees with the 9 but he isn't sure about the 5. Pugs says that he's a charming son of a bitch. Kelly thinks that Pugs' personality is a 10. So, In conclusion... you uglys should know your place.

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