Pugs informs the audience that everything in the tease should be disregarded. Kelly is getting her cabinets refinished. That's not some sort of sexual code. She's also having walls built because she doesn't want to look at her children's toys. Chad calls in to ask about the night out in Fort Worth. Pugs says that they were well behaved. He was pleasantly surprised to find that the drive to Fort Worth is a lot quicker now. They connected the bush and the toll way. That's good for me. I hate driving an hour to get to north Dallas. Eric says that it's the perfect pipeline to get to his girlfriend. It only takes him 20 minutes to get from Arlington to Plano. Pugs is happy because now he can date a girl in Fort Worth. Pugs says that he got home around 2 AM. He thought it was weird that Eric didn't take his girlfriend home. Eric thought it was weird because they were like friends. They didn't even sit at the same table.

*break*

Kelly texted Pugs at 3 am on Saturday night. Kelly got into a fight with some dude at a bar. She tells us that he had to go to China for some very important work. He also said that he watches porn but he doesn't buy it. He doesn't buy it because he doesn't support the industry. The conversation came to an end because Kelly doesn't like any self-righteous douche bags that don't support the porn industry. He also asked to meet Kelly and her friends at the "private club", Candleroom. Pugs thinks that she should have gone with him and then have him kicked out. Kelly ran into a former Cowboy, Ryan Young, and somebody else related to the Cowboys that will be nameless. Then some guy walked up to say that he was celebrating his graduation from SMU, baby. He said baby. Kelly thought he looked like Spalding from Caddyshack. He had the nerve to mock Kelly in a childish manner. Kelly told him to get the F*** out of here. The guy also walked up to Ryan Young's nameless friend, said something to him, and the friend got irritated. Pugs adds that we've seen this guy get irritated several times this year. He thanked him for losing the game to the Eagles. Pugs is shocked that Kelly was partying with the Eagles. The guy then accused Kelly of thinking that too. Kelly said no but admitted that she thought it was funny when Larry Allen yelled at him. She also wondered why he always yells at the holder. He says that he knows that he made a mistake. Ryan and Jose were going to a party of an actual name guy. Her friend Joy went to the party with them. Joy had just met them. Kelly wonders if she should have stopped them from going into their car. Pugs says that girls always go into stranger's cars so that they can go to parties. A girl that gets into a car at 2 am to go to a party that's an hour and a half away should know what to expect. Ryan Young calls in. He says that it wasn't Jose Cortez. Kelly tells him to not reveal the real identity. Ryan tries to explain what happened without saying too many names. Pugs clears it up by saying that he thinks that the guys threw out a name that would make any girl say, "hey, I want to party over there" but there was no party. Pugs wonders if Ryan Young is black or white. Kelly says that he's black. Pugs thinks that it's funny that the name Ryan Young sounds like a white name and Kelly's ex, Tyson Walter, sounds like a black name.

*break*

Pugs is excited about the Carolina Panthers Lesbian sex and fighting story. I posted pictures of the girls on the front page and a link to the story.

*break*

It's now time for the Pugs and Kelly Institute of Human Growth and Development. Erica writes in to say that she met a guy at a club. They talked a lot over the course of a few days and she found out that he just got out of a semi-long term relationship. He's from out of town. He came in town over a weekend to spend time with her. He is planning on coming this weekend too. When she mentions a girlfriend, he never denies having one. He frequently refers to his "ex' as his girlfriend. She wonders if she should be weary of this. She really likes him. He's hot and super polite. Kelly thinks that this guy is totally playing. Pugs refers to his ex-wife as his "wife" all the time. He even does it on dates. Kelly calls all her exes, exes. Pugs reminds us that men that are from out of town have women in different towns. All of the lady callers think that he's playing her. All of the men callers think that he's just mind farting. Erica, the e-mailer, calls in. She met him at a Goth club called The Church. Sounds like he's a 14 year old boy that hates his dad. Only 14 year old boys that hate their dad listen to Goth music. She tries to brag by saying that if she's being played, she can play right back. That's such a chick saying. If she could play right back, she wouldn't be e-mailing a radio show with her problem. She says that while they were at dinner, she got a phone number. Erica immediately loses al the guys with that one. Pugs and Eric call her a bitch. I called her a "C" but nobody can hear me. What kind of person gets a phone number from somebody else while at dinner with a guy that drove all the way from Oklahoma to see you? A bitch, that's who.

Pugs starts the show mid-sentence. Apparently, he was discussing Bruce Willis' singing name. Kelly had a great weekend. Her father was in town. Pugs felt bad that he didn't see her dad but then he figured that he comes into town to see his grand kids and not him. Chad calls in to ask if they saw this week's episode of Breaking Bonaduche. He thinks it's the greatest reality TV show ever. Danny drove drunk and on painkillers. He went to rehab and got a tattoo. The kids cry while he goes to rehab. Danny then tried to talk his way out of rehab. Kelly brags that he never went to rehab while he was under her watch. When she watches the show, she gets angry at times. She didn't know she had that kind of resentment. Declan, Kelly's son, got straight As. Pugs calls him a nerd. Sybil went to a going away party for her friend's boobs. She's having a breast reduction. Pugs pissed off so many nice people on Saturday. He got so drunk on the party bus that he started inviting friends onto the bus but didn't call them back. Pugs liked being in a limo that you can walk around in. Eric thinks that bus limo guys rock hard. They wing manned some chicks at Duke's for them. They got them into the bus. The first thing the girls did on the bus was flash. Pugs had so much fun but claims that he's never doing it again. He partied way too hard. Eric left at 3:30 and he left early.

*break*

They come back and Pugs reminds everyone that he had the greatest weekend of his life. Sybil lost her voice over the weekend. Sort of lost it... it's slightly missing. Pugs is excited that his White Sox are going to the world series. He's going. He wonders if he should bring a girl or a buddy. It's now time for the Pugs and Kelly institute of Human Grown and Development. Tina was going through her husband's phone while he was in the shower. One of the messages was to a girl about a party they went to and how they hope to do it again. The other message was to a girl that said, "tell your mom that when I'm through with you, she'll be a grandmother". She met that girl. She confronted him about the messages and he's been acting completely different. He doesn't really talk to her but he's been helping around the house. She thinks that he might feel guilty about something. This is the first time that she caught him doing something wrong. Pugs thinks that the big issue is text flirting. He thinks telling a girl that he's going to make her mother a grandmother is over the line. He thinks that he's cheating on his wife. It's emotional cheating and it might be physical cheating. Kelly also thinks that it's weird that he's going to parties without her and she doesn't know about it. Pugs thinks that he's untrustworthy and not that bright. You can delete text messages. He either doesn't care or takes her for granted. Pugs thinks that guys sometimes think that they have more hand then they actually had. Kelly thinks it's obvious that her husband is cheating on her. Kelly has never gone through anybody's phone. Pugs and Eric had but they hated doing it. Pugs says that girls always fall asleep before he does. Kelly doesn't want to know anything because she doesn't want to give them the opportunity to lie to her. A genius calls in to say that he's cheated and been cheated on. He suggest keeping the names of girls in your phone as guy names. Then you're just talking or texting with "Steve" a lot. Pugs thinks that she would just think you're gay and end up on Oprah next month. Another guy calls in to say that you can lock your text messages. Pugs and Kelly agree that there should be a "shady" setting on your phone. Text messages? It's more like sex messages..... hhahahahahahahahaha, Jesus... that's why Pugs and Kelly think that I'm one of the best young comedy writers around. I'm awesome.

*break*

Tony Casillas joins the show to talk cowboys. It was a great game. Tony says that he did Jose Cuervo shots to toast Jose Cortez. He's happy that the cowboys are number one in the NFC east. Pugs thinks that this is a fun team to watch. They're able to both lose and win against anybody. All the games are epic. Tony thinks that anytime you're able to shut down a high powered offense like the Giants, you should give props.

*break*

SYBILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!

1. In Wisconsin, 5 people died after a bus crash.

2. David Horowitz's, legal pundit, wife was found dead. He found her body in their mobile home. It's being investigated as a homicide. The bigger news is that they have a mobile home. It was on the property of their dream house construction site. As a criminal defense lawyer, he's been afraid.
Kelly thinks that he's legal analyst so he'd know better than that. Pugs is distracted by post baby milky juggs Brittany Spears. He thinks she looks great. They're all disgusted by Kevin Federline and Pugs reminds him that he's white and needs to lose the braids.

3. Some high school band had to remove "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" from their playlist after complaints came in. They said that the song was anti-Christian. The complaint was issued by a family that home schools their children.
Kelly says that she needs to get her children to some bible study classes. Her daughter asked her why Jesus is stuck on the cross. Pugs explains that he was shooting hoops and the ball got stuck between the hoop and the backboard and he had to climb it down. Paco chimes in with "This is why I don't trust Christians. In 2000 years nobody has said, 'hey, maybe we should cut Jesus down". Pugs adds that you can send your e-mails to Paco@teamwilco.com.

4. A man solicited a prostitute for his 16 year old foster son. The hooker turned out to be an undercover police officer.
Pugs says that there are a lot of kids that need homes but most good people don't want troubled kids coming into their home.

5. Mattell is going to be developing a Barbie line of clothing. They want to make the brand hard to get so it's special. Barbie is shaped at 44,17,40.
Pugs says that it's unfortunate that Barbie's measurements aren't realistic.

*break*

6. There will be a 6th Rocky Movie. He's a retired and his wife is dead.

7. Scotty from Star Trek's last wish was that he would be beamed up. His remains are being sent into space.

8. Charles Rocket committed suicide. He slit his own throat.
Pugs remembers him as the guy that said the F word on SNL.

9. The Simpsons are now in the middle east. They're the Samshoons. Beer is now coke. Hotdogs are now Egyptian beef hot dogs. All pork products have been taken out of the program.

10. Bowling For Soup is coming out with a new album. It's songs they did for movies and TV shows.

11. Weekend Box Office Update.
5. In Her Shoes.
Pugs says that he watched a chick flick last night, Closer. he almost says something gay about Jude Law again.
4. Flight plan.
3. Elizabethtown.
2. Wallace and Grommet.
1. The Fog

*break*

Eric ran/swam/biked his triathlon this weekend. He thanks everyone that helped him with his triathlon. It's a long list and Pugs and Kelly get tired of his shameless plugging. He forgot to thank his own bad ass for being bad ass. That's what I'd do. Eric also went to a high school reunion pre-party drink off on Friday. His ex-girlfriend punched him and told him to stop being weird. He thought it was odd to hang out with people that he didn't really know. Kelly says that the ten year reunion isn't a good indicator of loserdom yet. She also tells us that the jocks get together and they still think they're popular even they're just losers. Eric complains that his girlfriend was protesting sex unless he talked to Wheelchair Timmy. Pugs wonders if Eric asked him what happened to him and Eric said no. Pugs assures us that people liked to be asked what's wrong with them. He explains that it's the greatest story in their life and they like telling it. Kelly says that when she's limping she likes people to ask her what happened. Pugs tells her that it's not close to being the same.

*break*

Pugs and Kelly are at the American Airlines Center broadcasting from a WWE event. They aren't allowed to watch the preparation in the ring. They had curtains put up around their suite but one fell. Kelly says that Cosmo magazine is for rich girls so she doesn't read it. She tells us that if you look at the titles of the articles, you learn that women just care about sex and their great ass. Odd, I didn't think that women thought like me. Kelly is going to tell us how Cosmo tells us to please a man better. That's what I need, tips on how to please a dude... They suspend this to talk to John Cena. John Cena is the current WWE champ. He explains that tonight is going to be the WWE return to the USA network. They're going to be having a 3 hour special event tonight. Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Hulk Hogan, Vince McMahon, Jimmy Snuka, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, the Iron Sheik, and the Fabulous Moolah will be there tonight. Pugs and Kelly play John Cena's theme song and Pugs wonders what's up with the dual careers. John explains that he's just doing what he loves and he loves hip hop. He has also done a movie that is about to be released by the WWE called "The Marine". Pugs is excited when he finds out that Kelly Carlson from Nip Tuck is in the movie. Kelly is distracted by John's watch and John explains that when you're the champ, you have to represent the bling. Pugs wonders where John is from and John tells him Boston. Pugs then asks him if he's single and John tells him that he is in fact single. It sounds like Pugs is hitting on him. Pugs says that a young, famous, good looking guy with a championship and a record contract... actually he doesn't finish his thought because they all get distracted with their cheap plugs. John says that it's a curse that you don't have time for relationships. John explains that it seems great at first because you get to "know" a person for 24 hours and then move on to "know" another person but after a while it's like eating the same cookie night after night. Pugs advises him to try an oatmeal cookie then. I know what John is talking about, I eat cookies all the time and all I got was diabetes to show for it. Tonight, John has a match against the general manager of Raw, Eric Bischoff. Kelly thinks he should do a dive because it's his boss but John tells her that he can't do that because it's not his style. John explains that he was the first round draft pick of Raw and Eric Bischoff told him that he should play the political game. John told him that he's not particularly into politics and they didn't quite see eye to eye. Now they have to kick each other's ass on cable TV.